3 Tiny French Secrets that Changed My Self-Image

Introduction to the French Secrets

Imagine if three tiny French secrets that are simple and practical and surprisingly powerful could shift the way you see yourself. Well, today I’m sharing three lessons from France that changed my life and actually became the roots of the work I do now. So let’s dive in.

Welcome to the School of Self-Image, where our motto is simple, elevate your self-image, elevate your life. I’m Tonya Leigh, your hostess, and I’ll guide you to become the woman who doesn’t just dream bigger. She lives bigger. Let’s dive in.

Hello, friends, and welcome to this week’s episode. Many of you already know this, but for those of you who are newer to my world, France has been a big part of my journey. I went there for the first time in my late 20s, and it was there that I literally had a spiritual awakening. And France became a backdrop to my life, as I would go at least once a year to tap into the energy that had changed me. It was there that I discovered the kind of woman I wanted to be, how I wanted to live my life, what I deeply valued, and what I wanted my every day to feel like.

Those years ultimately became the inspiration for French Kiss Life, my previous company. And even though I have evolved into the School of Self-Image, those lessons, well, they’re still in my bones. They’re in my DNA. They’re part of everything I create. They’re still a huge part of how I design and live my life. And one woman in particular played a big role in that transformation. Her name was Madame Clement. She was 69 when I met her. She was this spirited and stylish and elegant woman that invited me to her home in the South of France to have dinner with her family. And I remember her opening the door and she was wearing this simple black wrap dress.

She had a scarf around her neck and her silver hair was pulled back in a bun. And her home had the same vibe as her. There was nothing excessive. I didn’t see clutter. It just felt like everything I saw had a purpose and had been chosen intentionally. And so we sat down and what unfolded that night has stuck with me for years. At one point during the dinner, I asked all of them what they believed made for a well-lived life. And that’s when Madame Clement shared three tiny pieces of wisdom that landed so deep and ended up becoming identity-shifting truths for me. And I’m very honored that I get to share those with you today, and more importantly, talk about how each of these can upgrade your self-image. So here is French secret number one.

French Secret #1: Choose Quality

When I asked them about living well, this was the very first thing that she said. Choose quality. Yeah, I know. We hear this one a lot, but I think we sometimes get it wrong. We often think that it means to choose the designer handbag over 10 regular ones or buy the more expensive candle or upgrade your skincare. But what I discovered is that Madame Clement’s idea of quality was much deeper actually. It was more about being intentional, being selective, and letting your choices reflect your values and the way you want to see yourself as a woman. And the most important place to apply this is actually your thoughts. Because listen, if you feed your mind low-quality thoughts, you will live a low-quality life. No matter how many nice things you own, choosing quality thoughts is the foundation of an elevated self-image.

Thoughts like, “I deserve better than this. I am becoming a woman who values herself. I can handle this. I’m proud of myself. This matters to me. I love who I am.” Those kinds of thoughts create this internal quality, and internal quality shapes external quality. Now, of course, this doesn’t stop with our thoughts. Choosing quality changes how you shop, how you dress, how you eat, how you decorate, who you spend your time with, what you say yes to and what you say no to. It makes you pause and ask questions like, “Does this support who I’m becoming? Does this elevate me? Does this align with my values? Do I even like this? Is this worth my energy, my money, or time?”

These aren’t lifestyle questions, they’re actually identity questions, because every time you choose quality over quantity, whether it’s a thought or a meal or purchase or even a boundary, your self-image expands. You begin to expect more for yourself. You start carrying yourself differently. You naturally stop tolerating the things that drain you. And the truth is, when your life is filled with higher quality yeses, you automatically eliminate a lot of low quality stress. So here is your question for this week. Where in your life are you ready to choose quality? Especially when it comes to your thoughts. Your answer will show you exactly where your next self-image upgrade wants to happen. 

French Secret #2: Cultivate Your Own Garden

Now, let’s talk about French secret number two. This is a good one, because later in the dinner, we started talking about modern life, the stress and the comparison, exhaustion, social pressure, all the things. And I asked Madame Clement how she stayed so centered in such a noisy world. And this is when she gave me the second secret. She said, “You must cultivate your own garden.” It’s such a simple phrase, but a hard one to actually practice.

Think about it. Most of our issues stem from us looking over the fence into other people’s gardens. I know this because for so many years, I lived everywhere else except in my own garden. I was watching what everybody else was doing, what I thought they thought, what they said, how they reacted, what they might think of me. I was in everyone’s business but my own. And every time I did that, my self-image took a hit, because the moment your worth depends on what someone else thinks, you lose connection with yourself. A woman with a strong self-image, she leads herself. She minds her own garden. She pulls her weeds, she plants what she wants more of, she waters her priorities, she protects her peace, and she stops wasting energy trying to manage someone else’s. You cannot build a powerful inner world when you’re constantly looking for outward validation, permission, or feedback.

So let me ask you. Where have you been tending to someone else’s garden instead of your own? And let’s get a bit more specific here. Where have you been maybe holding back because of how someone else might feel? Where have you been comparing yourself to someone else’s pace or progress or their personal path? Where have you been taking responsibility for reactions that don’t belong to you? Where have you been trying to manage someone else’s opinion instead of managing your own? Where have you been playing hero and trying to save everyone while you can barely breathe? Where have you been over functioning so others don’t have to? Where have you been waiting for approval instead of giving yourself permission? Your answer will show you exactly where your boundaries and your focus or your self-trust may need some strengthening. And when you shift that, everything else shifts as a result, because here’s what happens when you finally come back to your garden.

You stop wasting your emotional energy trying to predict, manage or control other people. You stop abandoning your own priorities to solve problems that were never yours in the first place. You stop comparing yourself to what someone else is doing or achieving or posting or becoming. And suddenly you realize how much space you’ve been giving away, space that you could use to create your life, to rest, to grow, to make decisions that actually move your life forward.

Here’s what I’ve noticed. When you focus on your own garden, you feel much more grounded. You are much more at peace. You are more clear. You are more in control of your inner world, more like the woman who leads her life instead of reacting to everyone else’s. And this matters for your self-image because every time you bring your attention back to your own path, your own desires, your own responsibilities, what you’re doing is reinforcing a powerful message. The message of, I trust myself, I lead myself, I am responsible for my energy and my life. And that identity, a woman who leads herself, is magnetic. It is calming to yourself, and it’s the exact opposite of being scattered, overwhelmed, and reacting to the life around you. So if you notice that you’ve been wandering into other people’s gardens lately, well, first of all, you’re not alone. We all do it. But that’s not a failure. It’s simply a sign that it’s time to come home back to your garden, to your priorities, to your values, to your desires.

French Secret #3: Love What You Already Have

Now, let’s talk about French secret number three, because as the night wrapped up, someone at the table brought up happiness, real happiness, the kind that isn’t tied to achievements or the next shiny thing, but more about savoring life. And this is when Madame Clement shared the secret that honestly made my whole soul just exhale. She said, “Learn to love what you already have.”

So let me ask you, are you actively loving what you already have? Because if you look around, you’re probably going to notice that you are currently sitting in things that you once dreamt of. Your home, your partner, your kids, your job, that cute jacket that you finally bought yourself. It’s around us all the time. But what I’ve noticed is in a world that is constantly telling us to go harder and faster and to get more, we often forget to slow down and savor what’s already here. What Madame Clement was talking about was a different kind of abundance. To me, it’s the real kind. It’s the kind that’s built through appreciation, not accumulation.

Now, let me be clear here. There is nothing wrong with wanting more. In fact, I am your biggest advocate of you getting what you want in life. Whether it’s the house, the beautiful closet, the car, the amazing business, the money, whatever it is. But here’s what I know to be true. Wanting more isn’t the problem. Believing that more will finally make you feel like enough, that’s the trap. More feels good when it’s coming from a place of abundance, not lack. Desire is powerful, but the energy behind your desire determines everything. When you want from a place of abundance, you expand. When you want from a place of lack, you shrink. When more is coming from a place of, “I don’t feel enough yet, so maybe the next thing will fix it,” that is scarcity and scarcity will trick you into thinking that your happiness is always just one step away in the next purchase, the next body, the next milestone, maybe the next relationship, the next success. It keeps you in a constant search for something that feels out there. When the truth is, it’s usually right here in this moment.

When you love what you already have, you shift from craving to contentment. You shift from feeling a sense of scarcity to feeling sufficient. You shift from not enough to, “I’m already enough.” Your brain stops scanning for what’s missing and starts looking for what’s good, and that shift completely transforms your self-image because a woman who loves what she has, well, she sees herself as someone who already has enough. She sees herself as fortunate and capable, probably resourceful, grounded, and she carries herself with more confidence and less urgency. And from that place, her decisions are usually made from clarity instead of insecurity. And because of that, she attracts more without chasing it. The most magnetic woman isn’t the one who has the most. She is the one who loves what she already has while creating what it is that she wants.

And from that state, even in a challenging financial moment, more becomes an opportunity, not a source of her self-worth. Your worth is already intact. Your circumstances are just catching up. So here’s my challenge to you. I want you to ask yourself, what is one thing in your life that you’re ready to start actively loving again? Is it your home, your body, your mornings, your relationship, your finances? Maybe it’s your wardrobe. Maybe it’s the current season that you’re in. Whatever you choose, loving it on purpose will instantly elevate your identity and your entire experience, because appreciation is one of the quickest, most elegant ways to shift your self-image.

Your Self-Image Is Built in Repetition, Not Big Moments

These three French secrets aren’t just charming ideas, they are actually self-image frameworks. When you choose quality, you build the identity of a woman who knows her worth. When you cultivate your own garden, you build the identity of a woman who leads herself.

When you love what you have, you build the identity of a woman who lives in abundance. Those three identities, worthiness, leadership, and abundance, create a self-image that changes everything. So this week, choose just one of these French secrets to practice. It might be, “I am a woman who chooses quality,” or, “I’m a woman who cultivates her own garden,” or, “I’m a woman who loves what she already has.” Pick the one that speaks to you right now, and then practice her, show up as her, make decisions like her, because your self-image doesn’t shift through one big moment. It shifts through repeated evidence that says, “This is who I am now.” Have a beautiful week, my friends, and I will see you in next week’s episode. Cheers.