Dressing As A High-Value Woman

I am a big believer in that you need to dress the way you want to be addressed. So if you want to be treated like the high value woman that you are, then you need to dress like her, and that is what we're talking about in today's episode, so let's dive in.

Welcome to the School of Self-Image, where personal development meets style. Here's your hostess, master life coach Tonya Leigh.

Hello, gorgeous friends. I wish you all could see me right now, I am grinning so big. So much is happening over here, and I cannot wait to reveal it to you over time, but in the last few weeks I've made some really big personal life decisions. I personally love making big decisions, even though they're super scary, even though you can have moments of just sheer terror when you're doing it, I just know that those decisions grow you the most, and when you're intentional about these decisions and you follow what lights you up, and you follow your north star, then you are getting closer and closer to the life that you dream for yourself.

And so I just made one of those decisions, and I'll be sharing this with you all within the membership, especially those of you who are VIP, we have our virtual cocktail parties every month where I just share all the things, so stay tuned because you all will be the first to know what's going on. But I'm going to be bringing you all on this journey with me, because I find it's so important to share our processes, to share our limiting beliefs, to share what's really happening behind the scenes, and how we're dealing with it, that's how we all learn and grow together. So buckle up y'all, because it's about to be a ride around here.

One of the words that has been coming up for me a lot lately is the word luxury. Now if you all have been around me for any amount of time you know that I have talked about luxury in the past a lot, and it's something I haven't talked about more recently, and yet it's one of those words that is constantly calling me. It's an essence that basically runs throughout my life, it's always in the background of my life. If you were to come into my home, you would probably sense a luxurious feeling. If you were to hang out with me for a week, you would notice that the places that I like to go to have an elevated experience, and that is on purpose.

Everything in our lives carries an energy, and luxury is one of those energies that if you're willing to step into, it will change your life, it will change how you see yourself, it will change your beliefs around what you are allowed to have and to enjoy, and it will require that you let go of so many limiting beliefs about what is possible for you and for your life. For this reason I am devoting the entire month of November within the School of Self-Image to enjoying luxury. We are going to be peeling back the layers of what it means to live a luxurious life, to have a luxurious mindset, and the barriers that keep us from enjoying luxury. And it just so happens that the doors are open to the membership right now.

Here is my guarantee, if you join this membership, and you do this work, you will be unrecognizable one year from now. In fact, I just had a member reach out to me last week, and she was telling me that she's been in the membership for a year, and she said, "I am afraid to know what would happen had I not said yes to this a year ago." She said, "Everything in my life has changed because I've changed how I see myself," which is what we do within this membership, it's all about transforming your self-image, because when you change how you see yourself you expand what is possible for you.

You see, we all have this internal thermostat that is running our lives, it's telling our brain what to let in and what to let go of to keep us within harmony of how we see ourselves, which is why it's so hard for a lot of people to create results, because they never change this thermostat. So they may try to have really amazing relationships, but their thermostat says, you're terrible at relationships, that's not possible for you. And so they're always creating a result subconsciously to prove themselves true.

I've seen this happen with weight, health, I've seen it happen a lot with money, with our businesses, which is why I love this work so much. When you change that internal thermostat, you instantly change what is possible for you. So if you want to do this work with us, and next month we're focused on luxury, but when you join, you get access to all of the classes that I've taught within there, you get access to the orientation, and most importantly, you get access to this amazing community. Seriously. You all know that you are in the best community of women on the interwebs. So come join us, go to schoolofselfimage.com/join and I will see you inside.

Now it's time to talk about today's topic, which I am super thrilled to be addressing. Other than luxury, style is one of those tools that I have used to manifest my dreams. I've used it to change my self-image. It is a very underrated tool within the personal development world, and that's why I want to talk about it more and more. We all know how we feel when we put in an effort to look our best, we feel better, and when we feel better we show up in a bigger way. Style is one of those things that we do every single day, that, sleep, eat, and maybe you work, but those are the constants of our lives.

Once we're beyond a certain age we learn to dress ourselves. I want us to be women who know how to do that well, and I want to talk about dressing like a high value woman because I want each of you to see yourself as high value. What does it mean to see yourself as high value? Well, to me it's very simple, it's seeing yourself as a woman who has value, who has something to offer, who is worthy, who has nothing to prove and everything to give, to me that is what it means to be high value, and it is an energy that people sense when you know that about yourself. And one of the ways that people can sense that in you is by how you appear. Now you may be thinking, but Tanya, I know women, or maybe even you're one of them who thinks, hey listen, I have a lot of value, I believe in myself, I have a good heart. But we can't see that across a room, what we see is how you present yourself, and that send a message to the world.

Let me share an interesting story that just happened this past weekend. I went to Charlotte for several days, Charlotte, North Carolina, and total side note, shout out to all of my Charlotte people. I grew up in North Carolina, but I never spent a lot of time in Charlotte, I was on the coast, and so the Charlotte that I remember going to as a kid is not the Charlotte that I went to this past weekend. It has grown so much, and the people are so lovely. It is such a gorgeous city. I was riding around, I'm like, what is happening with all these trees? Plus it's the fall, and you all know that fall in North Carolina is beautiful. Anyway, I digress, let me get back to my story.

We were at the airport, and the lady at TSA, Fonz and I were waiting to walk up to her, and she was like, "Well, hello Hollywood." And we were just laughing and we were like, "What do you mean?" She was like, "I have not seen anyone dress like you in a long time." And I was a little taken back because to me, Charlotte is a very stylish city compared to Denver. But what she was sensing is a very, I guess, unique style. We were both well presented, and it wasn't fancy, I had on a pair of white slacks and a white top, so it was a monochromatic look, I had on a pair of sandals that were super cute, and I had on a hat, and I had on a bag, a really nice bag, but it was a simple outfit. And Fonz was looking very handsome, we just look like we are people who care about how we present ourselves, and she noticed.

And I get this a lot, especially in Colorado, people automatically assume that I'm just visiting. I'm usually dressed outside of the typical dress code here in Colorado, and I don't do this for other people, I do it for myself, and I notice how I get treated differently. 

And I've even tested this on myself, I've tested dressing down and going out, and that's not a bad thing, especially if you don't want to get a lot of attention, you can do that, but you get overlooked, you don't get noticed, you get shoved to the back of the line, you get treated like you have no value, verses when you dress up as a high value woman, whatever that looks like for you, because it's going to be different for all of us, it's an energy that people sense, like hey, I need to treat this person differently because of how they see themselves.

Now, this isn't 100% guaranteed all of the time. I will say there have been occasions where I was dressed up and I did not get great service. But I'm just saying for the most part in general in my life, when I am dressed a certain way, I do get treated in a more elevated way. And I've been talking to my friends about this too, my fancy friends who like to dress up, and they all concur that this happens to them too and they've noticed a difference between when they're dressed up and when they're not. I was talking to Fonz and he agreed, he was like, "You know what? When I put on a nice suit, or I have on a really nice pant and jacket, I get treated with a level of respect that I don't get treated with when I'm in my sweatpants." So it all boils down to this one statement, dress the way you want to be addressed. Think about how you want people to treat you, to see you, and then it's up to you to present yourself in such a way that you attract that into your life.

So I want to give you some tips on how you can dress like a high value woman. The first thing I want you to do is, I want you to think about in your mind what a high value woman looks like to you, and notice what the first image is that comes to mind. Chances are whatever that image is for you as a reflection of what that version of being high value will look like for you, because we are all attracted to certain things. I don't think dressing like a high value woman means that we're all dressing alike, I think it's about honoring what that looks like for you.

So when I think about a high value woman, that image, the first person that comes to mind, is Amal Clooney, George Clooney's wife. She is an attorney, she is stunning, and I love her style. It's usually very tailored, it's very fitting to her body type, many of the pieces that she wears probably wouldn't look great on me because we have very different body types, however I can look at the essence of what I'm seeing and figure out how to bring that into my style. For example, one of the things that she often has is a very structured bag, so when I look at my own bag collection, most of them are very structured. That is a representation of what I consider to be my style, and also it matches what I consider to be high value. So find your high value style muse to guide you to figuring out what that looks like for you.

The other thing that I can say about a high value woman and how she dresses is that she knows her style. A high value woman knows who she is, she knows what she loves, she knows what looks good on her, and that takes time. I remember when I first immersed myself in the world of style, I was determined to become really good at the one thing that we do every single day, which is getting dressed. 

I wasn't born into a stylish family, I actually was born into a family where style was not one of our strong suits. In fact, growing up in a Pentecostal Holiness Church, the women basically wore long dresses, long skirts, and no makeup and their hair up in a bun. That was the style that I was immersed in, that was my environment, and it didn't match the kind of stylish woman I wanted to be.

So I had to learn about style. And I will tell you all, going on that journey was about so much more than what you wear, it was a journey of self-discovery, it was a journey of personal development because it required that I get to know myself on such a deep level, which has helped me become high value. And so that's something you all have to understand, learning your style will help you get to know who you really are, it will give you more confidence, it will help you see the value that you already have, and then it's about showing up in your presentation with that knowledge and expressing who you are deep down inside.

So a high value woman, she knows her style, she also dresses to impress herself, not other people. This is a big one. When I get dressed, I could care less what other people are thinking, and that is God's honest truth. This is something that stops so many of us, looking around and caring what other people think, not just with our style, but how we're living our lives. And as you all know, and I've talked about it on this podcast, everybody is going to have an opinion about what you should do with your life, who you should date, where you should live, how you should behave, and what you should wear.

So if you're trying to impress everybody else with your style, first of all, your style is going to be a hot mess, because again, everybody's going to have a different idea about how you should dress. You're probably going to end up wasting a lot of money, because you're not going to be dressing in a way that feels really good to you, and you're not going to walk through this world as an authentic expression of you, it's so much easier just to impress yourself.

And here's something that I want you all to understand, because when I talk about dressing like a high value woman, a lot of you may also think that that means you need to spend a lot of money on clothes and buy designer clothes, and that is not what it means. When you think of yourself as high value, just notice how that version of you dresses, because here's what happens, a lot of people are dressing in a way to impress other people and they're going into debt over it. And the crazy thing is that that pattern produces more evidence for the opposite of what you want to feel. When you're trying to impress other people and you're spending money, and you are acting in such a way to please other people, you're creating more evidence that you're not enough, that you're not high value, and so you need to depend on all of these things to prove to other people. And at the end of the day this work is all about energy, and that's what people are sensing. People can sense when you're just trying to be something versus when you just are.

Now, I don't see anything wrong with trying. Let me just say that. In fact, when I think about my style journey, it was a journey of becoming, which means in that process it was me trying a lot, and I'm sure people sense that, and that is okay. But what's not okay is for you to go into debt, spend a lot of money on clothes because you don't feel like you're enough. I want you to know that you're enough, to know that you are high value, to know that you're worthy, and then choose your clothes accordingly to express that, and what you might find is that that version of you might look a little different than the other version of you who's trying to impress everybody else. Maybe it's more simple, maybe it's more refined. Maybe it's not as showy and blitzy. Or maybe it is, we don't know.

Everything comes down to what is the energy driving your decisions. A high value woman makes her decisions out of confidence, out of worthiness, out of enoughness, including what she wears. Now sometimes that may mean a designer handbag. She's doing it because she loves it, she likes her reason, she enjoys that world of fashion, and she's not doing it to impress everybody else. Can you all see, it's not about what it is, it's about what is driving it.

I unapologetically enjoy designer handbags, I really appreciate them, I've had some for decades. Well, I say decades, it's been over a decade, not quite two decades yet. But the point is I bought those for me, I didn't buy them to impress other people, and in purchasing them, they did change me. However, there have been times, all transparency here, that I have bought things because I'm like, oh, people will think I'm bougie if I have these Lou Vuitton shoes, and I hated them, they felt awful on my feet. I was like, why did I do that? And I thought, Oh, this is what people do when they're trying to be stylish.

So don't judge yourself on this journey. I want to put that out there. This is becoming a longer episode than I had anticipated, but I love this topic. Don't judge yourself in what you're doing, just stay fascinated, stay aware, and know that this journey of style is a journey of self-discovery. So high value women dress to impress themselves, not other people. That might be a designer handbag, it might not, but you will know it because of what is fueling your decision.

Okay, next thing high value women do is they dress on purpose. And I'm going to talk about this in a little different way, they dress for their future, they dress for their dreams, they dress for the desired feeling. It's a very intentional way of living your life in general, but especially when you're choosing what to wear high value. Women don't wake up in a funky mood and throw on some sweatpants and go to the grocery store, they value themselves enough not to do that, because they know that moods love to be fed, and if you're feeling in a funky mood, that funky mood is going to tell you to do funky things to make you feel more funky, and high value women, they know how to manage themselves emotionally, and one of the ways that they do that is by dressing for how they want to feel, who they want to be, how they want to see themselves.

And so they wake up in the morning and they're very intentional. If they're going to work, they're choosing clothes to embody how they want to see themselves and how they want to feel at work. The same goes that they're going to their kids' function, the same goes if they're going to the gym, it's all very deliberate and intentional. Now listen, I want you all to hear this. Notice I just gave you different scenarios, work, children's activities, let's see, going to dinner with friends, going to the gym, they have different lifestyles, which means they're not always going to be dressed to the nines, but what is different is they're very intentional. Even when I go to the gym I'm like, I don't want to be wearing tattered T-shirts and holey leggings, I want to choose nice things even when I'm going to the gym because I value myself enough to do so.

The next thing that high value women do when it comes to their style is that they choose quality where it matters. Okay, here's why I said where it matters, because when we think of high quality, inevitably high quality things will most likely cost more, and we're all working within our style budgets, and we all have different ways that we want to invest and spend our money. And so it's up to you to decide, what are the high quality pieces in my wardrobe that I want to invest in? For me it will always be good shoes and a good handbag, and then my basic pieces like a great black dress, a great trouser, things that are timeless that I will wear over the next five, six years maybe. I have things in my closet that I've had for over 10 years, because they're quality and they're timeless, they'll never go out of style.

A high value woman knows that it's worth investing in those pieces, and she knows that she is worth it, but that doesn't mean she goes out and spends a lot of money on all designer clothes and everything has to be super high quality. She also knows that great style is understanding how to mix high and low, and this is one of the things that I learned from immersing myself in the world of style and watching women, especially in Europe, how they are able to pair high quality pieces with low quality pieces.

For example, finding a great fall, let's say sweater dress, from Zara, something that you like, it fits you well, but you're not interested in it lasting you for five years. You know it might be a seasonal piece, or maybe you might get two seasons out of it. But you take that piece from Zara and then you accessorize it with a great belt and some really beautiful shoes and a handbag, all of a sudden you show up and you look like a high value woman because of how you've styled that outfit, and that is something that you can all learn to do.

Now even when I am shopping at places like Zara, I'm always looking at what are the best pieces that they have? You need to look at the material, you need to look at the stitching and the seams, because there are some pieces that you probably shouldn't be buying just because they don't look quality, but you can find some pieces that look quality. 

And then there's also little tricks that you can do to take pieces that you have and make them look higher quality, like by getting them tailored, maybe switching out the buttons, these are all little hacks. But at the end of the day, high value women know where to invest their money, and they do invest in quality pieces where it matters. The pieces that they want to have for a long time, they are willing to put more money into, and then they play around with all of the other pieces.

This is so much fun for me, I have so many other ideas about how to dress like a high value woman, but I can't fit it all into this episode. But here is the last thing that I want to say, and this is a part that sometimes is overlooked, because style is about how you do your life, style is about how you express yourself, style is about how you show up. And yes, clothes are the biggest part of that equation, however, another important part of style that high value women recognize and pay attention to is their grooming.

If you look at a high value woman, her nails are groomed, she has manicures. She may do them herself, but she makes sure that she's not walking around with her nails chipped and looking a mess. Same goes for her feet. You can look at her skin and tell, this woman puts effort and attention into taking care of her physical self. It even comes down to eating and drinking enough water, all of these things contribute to how you look, and high value women prioritize their own grooming, from their hair and their nails, to their skin, to their makeup, they know that these little things matter.

There's something about seeing a woman, even in the most simple outfit, can be a little black dress, cute little shoes, but when she has her nails done, and you can tell she's put in some effort in her hair, and she's got a little bit of makeup on, it appears like this is a woman who respects herself, who takes care of herself. She carries a high vibe energy because she treats herself like a high value woman. Dressing like a high value woman, again, I have to say this over and over, it is not about wearing head to tow Chanel and being over the top. It's about care, it's about intention, it's about respecting yourself, and it's about impressing yourself. That is what it's about, that is what it means to show up and dress like a high value woman.

So here's what I want you to do this week. I want you to imagine that version of you who knows that she's enough, who knows that she's high value, who is confident and respects herself, and who is excited about her life and her future. I want you to imagine that version of you, and from that visual, from that energy, I want you to decide on purpose how you're going to dress this week. Every single morning go through this, and just notice what you are inspired to choose to wear, notice how it makes you feel, notice how the world begins to respond. Notice what it is like and what it feels like to walk through this world as the high value woman that you are.

One last thing, a high value woman knows that she is her greatest asset, she invests in herself unapologetically, and so I want to invite you once again to come and join us within the School of Self-Image membership. This membership will blow your mind, there is so much in there, so much support, so many tools available to you, and the most incredible community that you could ever be a part of. 

So head over to schoolofselfimage.com/join, and I will see you inside. Have a great week, everyone, cheers.

Hey, have you grabbed your free copy of the School of Self-Image Manifesto? If not, what in the world? Head over to schoolofselfimage.com/manifesto and get a copy that teaches you how to think and show up in the areas of mindset, style, and surroundings so that you can transform your self-image.