The #1 Reason You’re Stuck – And How to Fix it Fast

Recognizing the Rut

Do you ever feel like life is just on repeat? Meaning you wake up and do the same things, think the same thoughts, feel the same emotions, and before you know it, another week has gone by and not a lot’s really changed. You know, you want something different, something that’s more exciting. You want more direction, you want more aliveness, but you just can’t seem to move and you tell yourself things like you’re confused or I just need clarity. But what if you’re not confused? What if you’re simply just stuck in a mental rut, one that your brain is creating to keep you safe? Welcome to the School of Self-Image where our motto is simple. Elevate your self-image, elevate your life. I’m Tonya Leigh, your hostess, and I’ll guide you to become the woman who doesn’t just dream bigger. She lives bigger. Let’s dive in.

Hello friends, and welcome to today’s episode. I am so happy to have you here, and I want to start this episode out by painting a picture. I grew up in the deep south on a dirt road, and as a child, I remember vividly driving down that muddy dirt road after it had been raining for days and the tires had carved deep grooves into the mud, and sometimes they’d be so deep that you could literally take your hands off the wheel and the car would just stay in the rut. Every time you’d turn onto that dirt road, the car would just drop right into the grooves. Well, that’s what it feels like to be stuck in life, and I want you to think of it like this. The car is your brain. It’s, mechanical, efficient, and built for repetition. It loves patterns and it’s not trying to hurt you, it’s just trying to keep you safe by repeating what’s familiar.

Understanding How You Got Stuck

Now, the ruts, you can think of those as your neural pathways. The deeply practiced thoughts, emotions, and habits that your brain has traveled so many times that it just automatically slips back into them without any effort. And then there’s you, the driver, and you’re the one actually holding the keys. But here’s where it gets really interesting. There are actually two versions of you. There is the contracted self, that’s the smaller, fearful version of you who’s gripping the steering wheel, terrified of what’s around the corner. She’s cautious. She’s worried about getting it wrong, and her main goal is to avoid pain. When she’s in charge, she lets the car do all the driving. She says things like, “Let’s just stay here. We know this road is very familiar.” But then there’s your higher self, the expanded, brave, intuitive part of you. Who knows you were made for more.

She sees the road beyond the mud. She’s not afraid of effort. She’s excited by possibility. So the real question here is who’s driving? Because when the contracted version of you is behind the wheel, your brain runs the show. It just slips into those well-worn and keeps repeating the past over and over. But the moment you wake up and say, “hold on, I’m ready for something new,” your higher self takes over. She grabs the wheel, she applies a little tension, and she starts steering you toward a new road, toward a new path. But you need to understand that your brain is afraid of new roads. It only cares about safety. And to the brain, safe equals familiar. So every time you think about changing, starting something new, speaking up, maybe setting a boundary or reinventing your style, whatever it may be, your brain says, “Wait, we’ve never been down this road before. What if it’s dangerous? Let’s just stay in this rut.”

But it says this in clever ways because sometimes it uses confusion. How many of you have found yourself saying things like, “I don’t know what I want,” or “I’m just confused?” Other times it’ll use fear. You’ll hear yourself thinking things like “This probably won’t work. What if I fail?” And that’s how we end up circling the same road year after year until you wake up and you decide it is time for your higher self to take the wheel, and you trust that she knows the way.

Step One: Stop Spinning Your Wheels

So step one is you’ve got to first stop spinning your wheels. When we feel stuck, what we often do is we double down on what we’ve been doing. We instinctively press harder on the gas. We think we overplan, we overanalyze, and then we talk about how stuck we are. But just like spinning your tires in the mud only digs the grooves deeper. Every time you say, “I’m stuck,” or “I don’t know what to do”, or you double down on what you’ve been doing that hasn’t worked, you’re just reaffirming to yourself, “See, I’m stuck.” When you engage with the same actions over and over and you keep creating the same results, what happens is the groove just deepens. So before you can move forward, you have to stop spinning, take your foot off the gas, take a breath and notice what is happening. Notice your patterns, the patterns of thinking, feeling and behaviors that keep you in the stuck state.

That awareness, that pause is actually you, the driver taking the wheel again. And I want to encourage you to stop saying things like, I’m stuck, or I don’t know, or I’m confused. I want you to understand that every time you repeat these sentences, you are giving directions to your brain. And so your brain hears that and it’s like, oh, we’re stuck. Let’s stay in these grooves. Let’s stay in these ruts. Let’s not do anything that feels unfamiliar or unsafe. Plus those types of sentences don’t belong in the life of the woman who is living with momentum, who’s creating results. And so be very careful about what you say to yourself because your words can either cause you to move forward or keep you exactly where you are.

Step Two: How the Mind Keeps You Stuck

Now, step two is you have to decide where you want to go. And this part can feel very hard, especially when you’re scared or you’re overwhelmed. Your brain will tell you, “If I don’t decide, I can’t get it wrong.” And so you stay in decision, you stay in limbo, but clarity doesn’t come first, decision does. And if deciding for your whole future feels too big, I get it. Here’s what I want to encourage you to do. Just decide for today, ask yourself, “How do I want to feel today? What do I want to experience today? What’s one thing I would love to accomplish before the day ends?” When you decide something, even if it’s small, and you give your brain that direction, it stops spinning in uncertainty and starts finding ways to support your focus. And you don’t need to know the final destination. In fact, none of us actually really do. But what you do need to do is just pick your next direction that feels better than where you currently are. Clarity will come as you start moving in a different direction. So you don’t have to map out the whole journey, you just have to pick the next turn. Remember, decision creates direction and direction creates relief.

Step Three: Put Tension on the Wheel

Step three is you must put tension on the wheel. And I want to differentiate the difference between this and step one, which was to stop spinning. When I talk about stopping the spin, it means stopping the same thoughts, the same feelings, and the same actions that keep you in the rut. Step three is about putting tension on the wheel. And what that means is, well, if you’ve ever tried to pull your car out of a rut, you know that you just can’t ease it out. You have to apply some tension. And that tension is the effort of change. New thoughts, new emotions, new ideas, new environments, even a new style. And here’s the thing, your brain won’t like it. It’s going to say things like, “This feels too much. This feels wrong. This doesn’t feel like who I am. Let’s just stay right here where it’s easy.” Now, what’s really happening is you’re being tempted to stay in a very familiar self-image, probably a version of you that you’ve practiced for so long that it just feels like who you are.

But that resistance that you feel when you start putting tension on the wheel, that’s not a stop sign. That’s actually a signal that something new is happening because your brain dislikes effort or the unknown, it would rather stay in the rut because it’s predictable there. So what do you do? Well, I want to give you my secret to getting out of a rut fast. I do this on days where I am in a mood that I want to shift. I do it during those seasons of my life where I feel like I’m just in this sort of low energy. And I’m telling you, it works every single time, and it’s actually very simple. And that is do the opposite of what your brain is telling you to do. That’s it. That’s the shortcut. That is the secret, because if your brain wants to keep you in the familiar, it’s going to tell you to do things like don’t post that.

Skip the workout. You can start tomorrow. And if you listen to that, guess what’s going to happen? You’re going to stay stuck. Every opposite action just lifts your tires a little higher out of the mud, and you’re teaching your brain discomfort isn’t dangerous, it’s just different. And the more you do it, the stronger your confidence becomes. Now to put tension on the wheel, there are different things that you can do. Of course, doing the opposite of what your brain says. But also think about changing up your environment because what surrounds you is shaping you. So if you are constantly in the same environments, it’s going to trigger the same thoughts, the same emotions, and your same probably habitual responses, which keeps you in the rut. So shake it up, try a new restaurant, take a walk, go somewhere you’ve never been before. Listen to new podcasts that move something within you.

Even move your furniture around. Book a solo day at a museum or a park, your surroundings. Cue your nervous system. If everything looks and feels the same, your body assumes nothing’s changed. Every small shift will literally whisper to your brain. We’re safe to move forward. That’s how you build momentum, one experience at a time. Also, I want you to think about changing up your style. That’s another great way to put tension on the wheel, to get you out of that rut because your style isn’t superficial. It’s actually official, is actually symbolic. And I think it’s one of the quickest ways to send your subconscious a message. We’re evolving, we’re growing. We’re not staying here. When you wear that bold color or try that new haircut or put something on that makes you feel alive, you’re telling your brain, this is who we’re becoming. When you see yourself differently, you start behaving differently.

It’s visual proof that change can look and feel beautiful. Now, I know for me, when I’m in a funk, my brain tries to convince me to stay in my PJs or my robe all day, and it just fuels that state that I don’t want to be in. And so the moment I put an outfit on that just makes me feel a little bit better. It’s telling my brain, listen, we’re not staying here. I literally get to dress my future. I literally get to dress in a way that creates new energy, new states of being. So don’t underestimate the power of your style. And these things will help you put tension on the wheel, doing the opposite of what your brain’s telling you to do, changing up your environment and also changing up your style.

Step Four: Decide Your Direction

Now it’s time for step four, and that is actually just to keep driving until you create new ruts. Once your tires start moving, don’t stop halfway because you’re going to slide right back in. Repetition is what creates new ruts, new neural pathways. So every time you practice a new thought, take a new action or show up differently. You’re carving a new track in your brain, and at first it’s bumpy and it’s awkward, but over time it becomes smoother. Until one day you’ll realize you’re not fighting the wheel anymore. You’re literally driving in a new direction. That’s when you know you have changed. It’s not so hard, you just look in the mirror one day and you’re like, oh, this is just who we are now.

Step Five: Enjoy the Ride

And then finally, step five is to enjoy the ride. Getting unstuck isn’t clean or perfect. It’s muddy, it’s messy. And sometimes it can feel absolutely ridiculous, but it’s movement and movement is everything. So the next time you feel resistance, remind yourself, this is just my brain. Try to pull me back into what’s familiar, smile, add a little tension, and keep driving because the reality is you’re not stuck. You’re just a woman who’s ready for a new road. And all you need to do is trust that your higher self already knows the way. So let me ask you, where in your life are you still letting your brain drive you down the same muddy dirt road? And what’s one small turn you can make today to start creating a new one to put you on the path that you actually want to be on? All it takes is one new thought, one shift in feeling, and one new action to start creating momentum in a different direction.

Now, if you’re feeling like you’re stuck right now, one of the first things that you can do is head to schoolofselfimage.com/quiz and take the Next Era Quiz. It will help you identify what part of you is ready to take the lead in your life right now, so that you stop circling the familiar and start creating your life on purpose. And remember, you are not stuck. You are just one thought, one feeling, and one action away from a completely different experience. Thank you so much for tuning in this week, and I’ll see you on next week’s episode. Cheers.