You’re Not Tired. You’re Tired of Performing. [Poolside Confessions]

You’re Not Tired. You’re Tired of Performing. [Poolside Confessions]

Last year, I experienced this very particular kind of tiredness. It wasn’t a physical tired, it was more of an emotional fatigue paired with this type of restlessness. I began to wonder, is it my hormones? Is it the time of year? What I discovered is that it was neither of those two things. It was something else entirely different. And that’s what we’re talking about on today’s episode, which is called Poolside Confessions, but obviously I’m not by my pool. I’m in my new studio. I tried to record this by my pool, but there is construction going on beside my house, and every time I hit the record button, someone cranked up a chainsaw. And so I just decided that the universe had different plans and into the house I came to record this for you.

Welcome to the School of Self Image where our motto is simple, elevate your self-image, elevate your life. I’m Tonya Leigh, your hostess, and I’ll guide you to become the woman who doesn’t just dream bigger, she lives bigger. Let’s dive in.

The Fatigue Wasn’t What It Seemed

Last year, as I was saying, I was feeling this fatigue and I was very curious as to what was going on and I just kept asking myself, am I tired? What’s happening? What I realized is that I was actually tired of performing. Now, I’m not someone who sees myself as a performer at all. I feel like I live true to myself. I feel like I know who I am. And every day, I am trying to stay as close to my values as possible, and even still, I realized I had been performing.

When Success Strategies Stop Serving You

Let me explain to you what I mean. In the membership, I teach this concept called Success Strategies. Success Strategies are the ways of thinking and being and doing that has allowed us to create probably a lot of success in our lives. And for some people, their success strategy might be to be a people-pleaser. Now, we may look at that and think, “Well, that’s not going to get them to where they want to go,” but the reason why people people-please is that they get something from it. It’s probably kept them safe. It’s created a sense of belonging. For other people, it might be their tenacity to get things done on their own. Now, that seems like such a great trait until you’re exhausted and you realize, “Hey, I need support here.” For other people, their success strategy may be charm, but they realize maybe that they haven’t created deep, deep connections. It’s all surface level. So it’s not about a success strategy being right or wrong. It’s knowing when you have outgrown it, knowing when it’s time to change and shake things up. 

Outgrowing What Once Worked

And so that’s what happened to me last year. I realized that some of the things that I had been doing, some of the ways of my beingness needed to change. I had outgrown them. I could see very clearly they are not going to get me to where I ultimately want to be, and where I always ultimately want to be is a feeling state.

In fact, at the beginning of the year, I chose a word of the year. This is a practice that I’ve been doing for probably 15 years now. And when this word came to me, it became so clear that this was the energy that I wanted to embody. The word is Vivante, which in French means to be alive. And for me, it means to be fully alive, fully alive in my relationships, in my health and wellness, in my business.

So I started to look at where in my life am I compromising? Where in my life am I not feeling fully alive? What came up for me is that there are certain things that I’ve been doing for years, for years that have worked so well and I’ve outgrown them. I’ve truly outgrown them and I’m ready to move on, and yet, it’s scary. It is extremely scary to let go of things, especially when the things are working so well. That’s when it’s the hardest.

Letting Go of the Good to Access the Great

Who was it that said, “You have to be willing to let go of the good to access the great”? And it’s so true. It’s easy to let go of things when things aren’t working because I’ve been there too. That’s easy. But when things are working really well and yet you still feel this restlessness and like you’re ready to take your life to the next level and it’s going to require that maybe you let things go that have created so much success for you, it’s extremely uncomfortable, and yet I’ve done it time and time again. And every time I’ve done it, I’ve been so proud of myself, but also, I’ve liked the results so much better.

The way I like to think about it is like this, and this is a really interesting thing that I want you to think about. What if your Success Strategies have gotten you to a 3? Now, you may feel like it’s a 10, but it’s just a 3 and there are 7 more levels to experience, but you’re going to have to create seven different ways of being to get through those different levels. And that’s how I’m feeling about my life right now. I’m like, “Okay, this has gotten me to a 3.” Even though other people may think I’m at a 10, when I think about my possibility and what I know I’m capable of, I’m like, “Maybe I’m just at a three.” So I have to be willing to break up with ways of being that have gotten me to a 3 to get to the 4, 5 and beyond.

So I want you to think about how you are performing in your life because that’s what happens with Success Strategies. They become a performance and they’re so easy. We don’t even have to think about them. We just know how to be certain ways. It’s our default way of showing up and thinking and doing. But in order to stop performing, you have to be willing to look at these Success Strategies.

Taking an Honest Inventory of Your Life

I think this is what’s really cool. This is about you and us taking an honest inventory of our lives because I think we can just get into default ways of doing and being that we don’t stop and say, “Hey, something feels off.” Even though we can feel it, we don’t stop and take inventory. We don’t ask ourselves, “Would I choose this again today? Would I choose this home? Would I choose this relationship? Would I choose this business? Would I choose this way of doing business? Would I choose this friendship? Would I choose to live in this city?” And sometimes I think people are afraid to do that because they think, “Well, if I’m honest with myself, then I’m going to be required to change it.” The reality is you don’t, but by ignoring it, by ignoring those signs, the fatigue, the frustration, the sleepless nights, you’re never going to be fully awake in your life. You’re never going to be able to see the little patterns that are keeping you out of alignment with what is possible for you and who you truly are.

And so, yeah, this year when I chose Vivante as my word of the year, I started to take an honest inventory of my life, and what do I need to let go of to get into that fully alive feeling? What do I need to step into? Where do I need to stop performing and doing what everybody expects me to do? Where am I not being true to myself? Because that, if you pay attention is probably causing way more fatigue in your life than any lack of supplement. It is the heaviness of us not being true to ourselves.

Breaking Up With the Familiar

So yeah, this has been a big year for me and I’m really excited. And if you relate to anything that I’m saying right now, you’re going to want to follow along. So make sure you hit that subscribe button down below because next week, I am making a big announcement. It’s a very big milestone for me next week and I’m going to be sharing with you what’s coming up next. And some people may be disappointed, some people may love it, some people will understand, but I’m tired of performing and you have to be willing, you have to be willing to break up with the familiar, with the way you’ve always done things in order to step into the unknown. And everything you want and don’t yet have is in that space of the unknown. Are we brave enough to step into it? And I believe we are.

So with that said, I cannot wait to see you in next week’s episode and I would love to hear from you down below. Is there a success strategy that you know you’re ready to break up with? Are you tired of performing? Have a beautiful week, my friends, and I will see you in the next one, maybe or maybe not by my pool we shall see, but I will see you. Cheers.