Want More Out of Life? Start Doing Less

The Real Block: Misaligned Energy

You know that feeling when you’re doing all the things, you’re trying to be organized, you’re showing up, you’re checking off the boxes, and yet somehow it still feels like you’re just running in place. I’ve been there doing the work, putting in the hours, doing everything right, and still something feels like it isn’t clicking. Well, what if it’s not what you’re doing? That’s the problem, but the energy that you’re doing it from that question changed everything for me. Welcome to the School of Self-Image where our motto is simple. Elevate your self-image, elevate your life. I’m Tonya Leigh, your hostess, and I’ll guide you to become the woman who doesn’t just dream bigger. She lives bigger. Let’s dive in.

Hey my friend, I’m Tonya Leigh, and if there’s one thing that I’ve learned after coaching thousands of women, it’s this. We are not short on effort. We’ve got our planners, our post-it notes, our morning routines. We are tracking our macros. We got 12 tabs open. We’re reading mindset books. We are busy with action, and yet some of us still feel stuck. And it’s not because we’re lazy, it’s not because we’re not doing enough. It’s because you cannot outwork misaligned energy. You cannot outperform your self-image. I’ve tried, and let me tell you, it’s exhausting. I do not recommend it. When I finally stopped obsessing over doing more and I started to pay attention to how I was being meaning the energy behind my actions, that’s when everything began to shift. Things that used to feel so hard, started to feel lighter. Opportunities started to show up without all of the struggle, and I realized something big.

And this one’s really hard For those of us who have been taught that life has to be hard, it has to be a struggle, but it’s this things get to be easier. So that’s what today’s episode is all about. I want to talk about what energy is beyond the buzzword and why it determines your results more than your to-do list ever could. And finally, how shifting it, how shifting your energy actually helps you to achieve more by doing less. Because this isn’t about lowering your standards or sitting around manifesting while you’re on a velvet cushion. It’s about alignment, that sweet spot where action meets flow. So before we dive in, I want you to think about one thing that you do often. Maybe it’s marketing your business, maybe it’s having tough conversations at work or making decisions about your health. And just think about what is the energy that you’re usually in when you’re doing those things. Are you tired, anxious, worried, fearful? Because that awareness is where this work begins.

What Is Energy—Really?

So what is energy really? Because when most of us hear the word energy, we think of how much coffee we’ve had or how many hours of sleep we got the night before. But that’s not the kind of energy that I’m talking about. I’m talking about that invisible frequency that you’re operating on, the emotional, mental, and physical vibe that determines how you show up in the world. It’s the difference between walking into a room thinking “I belong here” versus, “Oh no. Can they tell I have no idea what I’m doing?” You’ve felt it before. You meet someone who hasn’t said a word, but their presence really fills the room. Or you walk into a space after an argument and you can practically taste the tension in the air. That’s the kind of energy I’m talking about.

Now, here’s where self-image comes in, because your energy always matches the identity you believe about yourself. If your self-image says, I’m the woman who has to work twice as hard, you will naturally operate in that tight efforting energy. But if your self-image says, I’m competent and creative, your nervous system relaxes. Your energy expands to match that belief. You see, your brain is wired to keep your outer world consistent with your inner identity. So no matter how many affirmations you say or strategies that you try, if your self-image hasn’t upgraded, your energy won’t either. You’ll keep trying to take actions but from a self-image that hasn’t caught up and your body will always call bluff.

That’s why the work of changing your energy starts with changing your self-image. So the question isn’t just what are you doing, but who are you being when you’re doing it? Because the woman you believe yourself to be is the one setting the tone for your energy. Everything, your thoughts, your emotions, your words, they all carry a vibration. And that vibration determines what you notice, what you attract, how others experience you, and ultimately what you create. So again, the question isn’t what are you doing, but who are you being when you’re doing it?

The Energy Behind Your Results

So I want to give you a very personal, real life example of what this looks like when your energy and your self-image aren’t quite in sync with what you want. So years ago I was launching one of my programs. Now keep in mind, up until this point, I was one of those weird people that loved launching to me, it always felt like this big, fun, exciting party. I got to connect with the new women. I got to share what I was so passionate about, and at the end of the day, I got to invite them into a beautiful experience.

And it’s no surprise that my launches were successful because people felt my energy. But this one particular launch, my energy was so off. It was the first time I’d ever run paid ads, and I was convinced that this one had to work. There was more on the line. I told myself, I have to make this work. I cannot fail. Now here’s what I want you to notice. Everything I just said were all just thoughts. They weren’t true, but they felt true. And every time I thought them, I could feel the fear, the anxiety and the worry just fill up every cell of my body. So what did I do? I worked hard. I spent hours writing emails, perfecting the webinar, analyzing every headline, overthinking everything, but underneath it all my self-talk was basically, what if no one buys? What if this flops? What if I just wasted $5,000?

And at the time, that was such a big amount of money for me. It felt huge, like high stakes. I have to make this work. Heart bracing kind of huge. So I white knuckled it. So I white knuckled my way through that entire launch trying to control every outcome with pure willpower. I was refreshing my inbox like a crazy person, all from the energy of fear. And you can guess what happened. That launch absolutely bombed not because of the strategy, but because of my energy, the way I showed up, the words that I use, the subtle desperation that people could feel even through the screen. You see, my self-image at the time still believed I have to prove myself. So my energy was tense and very performative, like I needed to earn my success instead of just embodying it. Now you compare those earlier launches where I was excited and devoted, but so detached, I knew I’d be okay no matter what.

Those were the ones where I felt like I was in such flow. And that’s the secret. People feel your energy. Our nervous systems are brilliant. They mirrored the emotional tone of whoever we’re with. So while I was trying to sound confident, what my energy was really broadcasting was, please like me, please buy my program so that I can finally relax. And that’s not an invitation, that’s actually a red flag. When your energy is rooted in fear and scarcity, people subconsciously pull back. Have you ever been around someone you can feel they’re so desperate for your attention, for your time, you can feel your body saying, this isn’t safe. Get away. That’s because energy is always working. Energy is everything, and you can apply this to anything. Dating, job, interviews, client calls, whatever you’re trying to attract into your life. So ask yourself, does this thing or that person feel safe with me?

So let’s talk about what actually happens in those moments when your energy doesn’t feel safe even though you want it to. When you are in fear and scarcity, your brain flips into survival mode. Your amygdala, that little almond shaped alarm system starts flashing like Vegas lights. And when that happens, your body releases cortisol and adrenaline. Those stress hormones that are amazing if you’re running from a bear, but they’re not so amazing when you’re running a business or going on a date or trying to negotiate a salary, when your nervous system thinks that you’re in danger, it does what it’s beautifully designed to do, protect you. Your heart rate speeds up, your breathing gets shallow. Blood flow actually moves away from the part of your brain that handles creativity, intuition, problem solving. It’s called the prefrontal cortex. In other words, you stop seeing possibilities and start scanning for problems, and you’re always going to find what you’re looking for.

So if you’re looking for problems, you’re going to find them everywhere. But the moment you relax and you start looking for possibility, you’re going to find them as well. But when you’re in this fear state, you second guess yourself. You overanalyze every word. You say less on that date or on that zoom call. You hold back, you tighten up. You energetically are saying to the results that you want, don’t come closer. And here’s the thing, humans are emotional mirrors. We have these things called mirror neurons that subconsciously pick up on the emotional state of others. So when your nervous system says it’s not safe, the other person’s body, whether it’s a client or a friend or a potential partner, they feel that too. That’s why I always tell my clients, safety is magnetic. And safety is something you have to learn to create within yourself because when you feel safe in your own body, safe to be seen, to be heard, safe to succeed, you create that safety for others and people lean in opportunities open because your energy is saying, Hey, it’s okay here. You can relax with me. And that’s when real connection happens. That’s when attraction happens. 

Three Core Energy States

Now that you understand how energy works, I want to share with you the three main energy states that I see over and over again in my clients, in my community, and most certainly in myself. Because once you can identify which one you’re operating from with that awareness, you can begin to shift it. You can stop spinning your wheels and start steering your results. So let’s take a look at the three most common energy types. First, we have scattered energy, then we have resistant energy, and then we have aligned energy. And each one feels totally different. Each one produces completely different results. So let’s start with the first one, scattered energy. You probably know this one. It’s when your brain has 50 tabs open at once and your body’s trying to keep up.

It’s when you have 10 goals and you feel overwhelmed. 24 7, you’re spinning, planning, multitasking, and somehow you still feel like you’re standing in the exact same spot. I like to think of it like this. Imagine a jet trying to get off the runway, but it has 50 different destinations plugged into the GPS. It’s just sitting there on the runway. Engines are roaring. It’s burning fuel, but not going anywhere. That’s what scattered energy does. Your nervous system was built for focus, not fragmentation. Neuroscience even has a term for this. It’s called attention residue. Every time you switch from one task to another or from one decision to another, part of your attention stays behind. It’s why research shows that multitasking can cut productivity by up to 40%. Your brain literally can’t give full power to a new idea when the last one is still echoing in your head.

So the best way to overcome split energy is simple, but it’s going to be hard for some of you all. And that is to decide. Decide where you want to focus your energy right now in this season of your life, not in 10 different directions, but one, because once you choose a single destination, all of that mental noise starts to quiet down. Your nervous system relaxes and you start to move forward again. But this is where so many women get stuck, not because we don’t know what we want, but because we’re afraid to choose. We’re afraid of making the wrong decision. We’re afraid we’re going to miss out on something better. So we end up trying to do it all at once or making no decision at all, which gives us subpar or zero results. And ironically, that’s what makes us miss out on our own potential.

I see this all of the time with members of the School of Self-Image. When they come in, I ask them, choose one signature goal, and all of their drama comes up. I don’t know what I want. I’m afraid of choosing the wrong thing. But what I see time and time again, once they get clear and they choose that one focus, all kinds of momentum starts to happen in their lives and who they’re becoming in this area starts to spill into all of the other areas. So if this sounds familiar, and let’s be honest, we’ve all been there, I want to challenge you to decide to choose one area of your life that you want to give your focus this season. Because when you focus your energy, you can focus your power, and that’s when your confidence builds, your brain relaxes and your body feels safe enough to actually follow through.

And if you’re not sure where to start, I’ve actually created something to help you figure that out. It’s called The Next Era quiz in less than 90 seconds, it helps you uncover which identity is asking for your attention right now, the one that wants to expand next. Because when you know your focus, everything else starts to organize itself around it. So before you open another tab or set another goal or start another project, pause and go to schoolofselfimage.com/quiz and choose your next destination. Let’s get that jet off the runway. Now let’s talk about the second energy state, and that is resistant energy. This one’s actually sneaky because it often looks productive. You’re doing all the things, you’re showing up, you’re posting, you’re sending the emails, you’re following the plan, but it feels like you’re wa through mud and you’re exhausted, you’re frustrated, and you’re wondering, why isn’t this working?

Here’s what’s really going on. Your self image hasn’t caught up to your goal. You’re trying to create a new result with the same energy that created your current one. Do you know what it’s like? It’s like trying to bake a brand new recipe, but using all the same old ingredients, the same fear, the same doubt, the same, prove my worth energy, and expecting it to taste different. Part of you says, I want this. While the other part of you says, but this isn’t who I am yet. And that inner tug of war confuses your nervous system because your brain’s number one job isn’t success, it’s safety, and nothing feels less safe than change. So your body does what bodies do best. It protects you, it distracts you with scrolling, organizing, perfecting, tweaking. It’ll even convince you that you’re being productive while quietly keeping you in the same place.

And then if you do, what most of us do, you judge yourself, you judge yourself for procrastinating, for being a perfectionist, and that only makes the resistance greater. Here’s what’s happening scientifically. Your brain craves consistency. It wants your outer reality to match your inner identity. So when you’re trying to behave like a woman who already has what she wants, but deep down you still see yourself as the woman who doesn’t, your brain literally hits the brakes and that friction, that’s what resistance feels like. So the solution isn’t to push harder, it’s actually to do the opposite. It’s to stop and realign your energy to start seeing yourself visualizing yourself and feeling yourself as the woman who already lives in that reality.

Because the moment your self-image upgrades, your nervous system relaxes and the resistance melts and the energy that used to feel so heavy starts to flow again. So if you’ve been grinding and forcing and wondering, why isn’t this working? Just ask yourself, does my self image match the result that I’m trying to create? Because when who you believe yourself to be and what you’re trying to do finally agree with each other, that’s when everything clicks.

Stepping Into Alignment

Now it’s time to talk about my favorite energy of all, and that is aligned energy. This is what I call the sweet spot. It’s where your mind and your emotions and your actions are in harmony with what you want. You’re not overthinking, you’re not forcing, you’re not hustling. You are simply aligned. Aligned energy to me just feels like flow. It feels like you’re grounded but open. You’re focused, but have this sense of freedom. You’re not trying to prove anything, you’re just expressing what already feels deeply true to you. Here’s the simple way to picture it.

Imagine trying to drive a car with the wheels being out of alignment. You can press the gas all you want, but it’s going to be a bumpy ride. You’re going to feel friction the entire time. But when you finally take the time to align the wheels, the same effort moves you so much farther and the ride feels effortless. That’s what happens when your energy and your self image align. Suddenly, you’re not pushing. You are gliding. Science causes coherence. It’s when your heart and your brain are literally in sync. Your nervous system is calm, your thoughts are clear. Your intuition leads instead of your fear. It’s that state where one inspired action can open 10 doors. It’s where the right people start to show up. It’s where opportunities start to meet you halfway. And I actually have the perfect story for this. So years ago, I was a part of a mastermind, and on one of our very first meetings, we were all given this assignment, and the assignment was, you’re going to receive a matchstick and you’re going to go out and trade it up for something bigger.

We had five hours to do it, and whoever ended up with the biggest best prize would win. So everyone grabbed their matchsticks and ran off like they were contestants in the amazing race. But me, I thought to myself, I do not want to spend the next five hours wandering through Chinatown trying to convince strangers to trade me a paperclip for a matchstick, and then that paperclip for a key chain, and then for a snow club. I didn’t want to do that. So I thought, what would feel fun and good right now? And quite honestly, I was hungry and I was wanting a beautiful lunch. And so I remember just slipping into this state of play and curiosity and really looking at this whole experiment as just something to play with my energy. So my energy wasn’t frantic, it was expansive and curious and totally relaxed.

And where did I go? Well, the Ritz Carlton and San Francisco, obviously, and here’s where alignment comes in. I wasn’t afraid of rejection. I was simply experimenting, having fun, and I was certain no matter what, I was going to enjoy myself. I knew that even if I didn’t win, it was no big deal. So I asked to speak to the manager as soon as I got to the Ritz, and I told him about my assignment, and I said to him, I gave him a pitch. I said, listen, I’m in a room full of very successful entrepreneurs, and I would love to be your marketing ambassador for the day. I want to pitch why every single person in that room should always consider staying at the Ritz whenever they’re traveling. Well, next thing you know, I’m being treated to lunch. I am sipping champagne on the house, and I was handed two free nights at the Ritz, all for a matchstick showing I achieved more by doing less. All those other people were out there sweating in the streets trying to get a better prize. When I just got clear on how I wanted to feel, how I wanted to show up, what I was going to attempt, and I was completely detached from the results.

My energy was in pure alignment, and that’s what a aligned energy feels like. It’s the difference between chasing and attracting. It’s the difference between trying to make something happen versus allowing it to unfold. When your energy is aligned, you become magnetic and the world can’t help but to respond and kind. So before we close, I want you to take a breath and ask yourself the simple but powerful question, and you need to do this with no judgment. Just be curious because with awareness, you can begin to shift everything. Ask yourself, what energy am I mostly operating from these days? Is it scattered where you’re doing everything but feeling stuck? Is it resistant where you’re pushing and forcing and second guessing yourself? Or is it aligned where things feel light and clear and almost effortless? I’d love if you’d share it with me in the comments down below. And remember, awareness is where transformation begins. There is no shame in whatever energy you’re experiencing because I can promise you this. We’ve all been there.

But if you’re ready to step into aligned energy to stop spinning and start flowing, take The Next Era quiz. It’s quick, it’s insightful, and it will show you exactly which identity is calling for your attention right now, and most importantly, the energy that you’re being called to step into. You can find it at schoolofselfimage.com/quiz, and let this be the moment you align your energy, your self-image, and your next era. Because when your energy is aligned, everything else rises to meet you there. Have a beautiful week, my friend and I will see you in next week’s episode. Cheers.