The Dinner Party Rule That Makes Everyone More Magnetic

The Power of a Single Practice

Do you want to be the kind of woman that people love being around? The kind of woman who lifts the energy of a room just by walking into it? Well, there is one tiny practice that I learned at a dinner party in the south of France, and once I started using it, I noticed something fascinating. People smiled more. You could feel the energy expand and lighten. And they’d ask, “When are we going to get together again?” And in a few cases, I noticed that lives had huge shifts because of it. And today I’m going to show you exactly how to use it.

Welcome to the School of Self-Image, where our motto is simple: elevate your self-image, elevate your life. I’m Tonya Leigh, your hostess, and I’ll guide you to become the woman who doesn’t just dream bigger. She lives bigger. Let’s dive in.

Hello friends, and welcome back to my channel. This episode is all about one simple rule I’ve been using for years that influences how I host, how I lead, how I parent, and how I connect with other people. And it’s actually incredibly easy and it’s very powerful. And once you understand it, you won’t be able to not use it. So let me take you back to where it all started. Many years ago, I was invited to a dinner party in the south of France, and it was one of those magical nights that is forever etched in my memory. Now, this night wasn’t extravagant. In fact, we arrived at 8:00 p.m. I thought we were going to have dinner, and instead we were handed aprons to actually help cook the meal, which was a first for me. But when we finally sat down around 10:00 p.m., the conversation started, and my soul was so delighted.

Everyone around that table just felt alive and fully present. People were laughing. There were a few passionate debates. One I remember was about who had better cuisine, the French or the Italians, since those were the majority of the people at the table. People were talking about books they loved, projects they were working on. It was just an exciting, enlivening evening. And here’s what I wasn’t hearing: complaining, gossiping, or spiraling into doom and gloom. I thought about the dinner parties that I had attended back home where oftentimes, unfortunately, people were complaining about the real estate market or the state of the world, the weather. And then the women would often get together in the ladies’ room and be complaining about their husbands or sometimes gossiping about someone who was sitting at the table. I’d often leave those parties and gatherings feeling so heavy. And sometimes I would even think to myself, I never want to do that again.

But this was before I had discovered the world of personal development, so I didn’t understand what was happening. But I’ve always been someone who’s been sensitive to energy, and so I just knew I felt heavy. But that dinner party in the south of France was like a breath of fresh air, and the kind of air I wanted to create in the rooms that I entered. So what was different about it? Well, it’s actually simple. It was our attention. Everyone at that table was placing their attention on something that felt good, something that made them feel expanded rather than contracted. We weren’t ignoring the hard things in life. We were just choosing to focus on what was working, what was inspiring, what was meaningful, what we were passionate about. And that collective attention created this collective elevation.

It wasn’t about the food, although the food was amazing. It wasn’t even about the setting. It was about the conversation. It was where we were focused, the direction of our energy. And as soon as I realized that, I made a decision. I get to set the tone in the rooms I walk into. Not to control them, but to influence them, which is what a leader does.

The Dinner Party Rule: Celebrate Something

So I created a personal rule I now call the Dinner Party Rule. And the rule is actually very simple. Everyone must celebrate something. That’s it. At my dinner parties, at family gatherings, at team meetings, even when I’m just hanging out with friends, I ask one question, “What are you celebrating?” And here’s the part that usually surprises people. Nobody gets to say nothing, because that simply isn’t true. I find it so ironic when you walk into a restaurant and the server asks, are you celebrating anything tonight? And so many people, without even thinking, say, “No, nothing.”

I’m like, nothing, really? We’re not celebrating the fact that you’re alive? That you made it through another day? That maybe you’re sitting across the table from someone you love? That maybe you’re building something, maybe you’re healing something? That you actually have enough money to go out to eat? There is always, always something to celebrate. The problem is that most people haven’t trained their minds to look for it.

Celebration as Brain Science and Strategy

So you may be thinking, okay, Tonya, this is all so cute and sounds very sweet, but why celebrate in the first place? Well, here’s why. The woman who celebrates life is communicating three things: thank you, I appreciate this, and I’m ready for more. Think about it. Do you enjoy giving to someone who is ungrateful? Probably not. But that person who is lit up, who’s appreciative, who notices the good, that’s the person you want to pour into. We’re naturally drawn to people who honor what they already have.

So, celebrating isn’t fluff. It’s not good vibes only, and it’s definitely not pretending that everything is perfect. Celebration is brain science. It’s emotional leadership, and it’s identity work at the highest level. When you ask someone what they’re celebrating, it completely shifts their brain’s filter. Your Reticular Activating System, the RAS, starts scanning for wins, for progress, for possibility. And here’s the best part that people don’t even realize. What your brain scans for determines the results that you create. When your RAS is tuned into what’s working, you behave differently. You make different decisions. You take bolder actions. You see solutions that you would’ve missed before. You notice opportunities instead of obstacles. A woman who is looking for progress will always create more progress. What you focus on grows. A woman who is looking for possibility is always going to find a path forward. A woman who is celebrating what’s working naturally moves toward what she wants because her brain is already rehearsing success.

This is why celebration is such a powerful results strategy. It’s not passive, it’s not fluffy, it’s not a cute feel-good moment. Celebration is what tells your brain, “Let’s do more of this.” And your brain listens. It starts building momentum. You begin stacking wins instead of stacking doubts. You create a pattern of forward movement and that pattern becomes your new normal. So when you train your mind to look for what’s working, your results accelerate, not because you’re trying harder, but because you’re thinking like the woman who already succeeds.

Connection Through Celebration

Celebration also deepens connection in a positive way. The sad reality is that most people feel safest connecting over their struggles. It’s familiar. It’s socially acceptable. And yes, the old saying is true. Misery loves company. But bonding through struggle only takes you so far. It keeps the relationships stuck in what’s wrong instead of what’s possible. My friend Luke once said something really profound, and he told me the test of a friendship for him isn’t who he calls when things are hard, but who he calls when things are really, really good. Those are the people who aren’t competing with you, the people who are genuinely happy when you win.

Because the sad reality is that people, even sometimes the ones that we call friends, are secretly envious when we win and they feel a tinge of joy when we’re losing. So I don’t know about you, but I want the people around me, my family, my friends, my team, my community, to feel safe in celebrating. I want them to feel seen and supported when they are winning, not just when they’re struggling. I want them to see me and instantly think, “Oh, I need to look for what’s working because Tonya is going to ask me.” I want them to know I can hold their success just as powerfully as I can hold their struggle. That is the kind of connection that celebration creates.

Reinforcing Identity Through Wins

And finally, I believe this is one of the most important pieces, celebration reinforces identity. Every time you acknowledge a win, big or small, you are strengthening your self-image of a woman who creates wins. This is how identity actually changes, not through willpower, not through constant self-criticism, not through forcing yourself into a new routine. Identity changes through repeated evidence. When you celebrate yourself, even for something tiny, you’re telling your brain, this is who I am now. I’m a woman who makes progress. I’m a woman who honors her evolution. I am a woman who is becoming. And your nervous system learns it. Your mind starts looking for what is going well and right. It’s looking for more evidence of things to celebrate, and you begin to automatically make choices that align with that upgraded self-image. Celebration is not the cherry on top. It is the rewiring. It is the moment where you can claim the version of you that you’re growing into. And the more often you celebrate, the faster your self-image expands to match the life you want.

So let’s talk about the nitty-gritty of how I use this rule in my life. I use it at home. I start team meetings this way. I’m always asking my members, what’s working well? And I use it with myself. And of course you can expect it at any dinner party I’m attending. The question is simple, and it’s this. I ask, “What are you celebrating today?” But there are so many variations of this question. You could ask, “What was the highlight of your day?” “What’s something good that has happened to you recently?” “What’s working really well for you right now?” I love this one. When we’re out for a nice dinner, “What are we toasting to? “You could ask, “What’s something that you’re grateful for that you don’t usually mention?”

And one of my most favorite variations is this. In fact, I want you to answer this question in the comment section below. The question is this, “It’s one year from now and we are raising our flutes to you. What are we celebrating? What did you experience, achieve, become?” Tell me down below, because celebrating ahead of time is training your brain and your body for what’s to come. It’s getting into the energy of it already being done, and that’s when you can attract things to you with ease.

So here’s my challenge for you this week. Ask one person a day some version of that question, “What are you celebrating today?” Ask your partner, ask your kids, ask a friend, and most definitely, ask yourself, and watch what happens. Watch how people shift. Watch how the conversations evolve. And watch how your own energy begins to rise. Because the woman who celebrates, the woman who elevates, the woman who sets the tone, that woman is magnetic. As I always say, the woman who celebrates life will find that life celebrates her in return.

Now, if you love this conversation, I want to invite you to come experience this energy live at our upcoming School of Self-Image Holiday Party. We’re ending this year in the highest vibe possible, celebrating where we’ve been, who we are, and everything that we are calling in. You’re going to walk away with so many nuggets and perhaps, like some of my dinner party guests, life-changing shifts. You can join us at schoolofselfimage.com/party. Let’s end this year in state of pure celebration.

All right, my friends. Thank you so much for tuning into this episode. And now, just go out there and celebrate something. Cheers.