Last week, I was at a dinner party and watched a woman do the thing.
You know the thing.
She had her jacket half on, one arm in, and she was backing toward the door while still talking.
“This was so fun, we have to do this again. I’m so sorry to run. No – don’t get up, I’ll let myself out. Sorry, sorry.”
Apologizing, somehow, for an evening she’d been invited to.
And it wasn’t because she wanted to leave. Wanting to leave is fine. Stay an hour or stay till midnight, that’s nobody’s business but hers.
It was the “sorry”. The way she groveled her way to the door, as if leaving required an apology on the way out.
I know the thing because I did the thing. For years.
Not just at parties – everywhere.
The apology playing quietly underneath everything.
Sorry to bother you. Sorry to take up your time. Sorry I’m like this. Thank you so much for having me.
There’s a fine line between being gracious and shrinking.
And standing there watching her, I thought about how many of us move through the world this way.
Forever slightly apologetic for taking up space. For having needs, opinions, a body, an evening, a presence. We don’t just leave the room – we apologize for having been in it.
Here’s what I’ve come to believe: the woman who is fully alive isn’t the one who stays longest or leaves last. She’s the one who does either without the running apology.
She arrives without justification, and she leaves without overexplaining or apologizing. She takes up her full square footage – at the table, in the conversation, in her own life.
That’s not rudeness. It’s ownership.
So practice dropping the apology. Catch the “sorry” before it leaves your mouth when there’s nothing to be sorry for. Let yourself simply be somewhere, and simply leave when you’re ready.
I can’t help but wonder: where in your life are you still apologizing for taking up space
And what would change if you just… stopped?
With love,
P.S. The dinner was worth staying for – and so was the wine.
If you want a bottle that makes people linger at the table on a summer night, open a bottle of Montrachet. Light enough for a warm night, interesting enough that nobody reaches for their jacket.
Find me on Instagram @tonyaleigh and tell me what’s in your glass this week (and I’ll show you the bottle that was served).
I take up space without apologizing for it.
My presence doesn’t require justification. My needs don’t require an apology. My opinions don’t require softening before they leave my mouth.
MacKenzie-Childs Rosy Check Wine Glass
Beauty is one of my core values, so buying pretty things is something I never apologize for. It’s no surprise I was smitten with the MacKenzie-Childs Rosy Check Wine Glass from the first moment I saw it.
The hand-painted rosy check pattern is cheerful without being precious, and it’s set off beautifully by the goldtone trim. Whether I’m serving wine or water, it makes even a Monday night feel like an occasion worth lingering over.
What Are You Apologizing For? [From the Archives]
This podcast episode from the vault feels particularly timely this week. We say “sorry” so automatically, so constantly, that we barely notice we’re doing it anymore.
This episode will make you catch yourself… in the best possible way.
// TheEDIT
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