Gather around, y’all, because I have a confession.
After almost 20 years in the personal development world, I no longer want to be the best version of myself.
I know, I know… but hear me out.
For most of my life, I chased that woman like a bone.
The more disciplined Tonya. The Tonya who spoke eloquently.
The one with tighter abs, a bigger business, better habits, and fewer flaws.
And I don’t regret any of it. I believe that we all have seasons in our lives. And these were the stages I had to go through to land me where I am now.
But today?
I can see things so much more clearly, and what’s clear to me is this:
When you stop chasing better and start enjoying who you are and what you have today, you actually become the best version of you.
I know! It’s a mindbender.
My word for this year is Vivante.
It means alive. And, to me, it also means someone who knows how to live well.
And that version of me isn’t chasing being better. She’s inviting something completely different.
And the question I’ve been asking myself all year is:
What would make me feel more alive?
It’s a very different question from “How can I be better?”
Sometimes the answer is pursuing an idea that scares me. Sometimes it’s getting dressed up, taking a long lunch, booking the trip, or changing my mind about something I thought I wanted.
What I’m discovering is that I don’t want to spend my life constantly trying to graduate into a better version of myself.
I want to enjoy being the woman I am now, while still being wildly curious about who I’m becoming.
I still want to grow. I still have big dreams. You know me.
But I’m no longer convinced growth has to begin with the belief that something needs to be better.
Maybe it can begin with desire, curiosity, and the simple question:
What would make me feel more alive?
That’s the question I’m asking these days.
Will it lead to better? Most likely, but that’s not the point.
The point is to fall madly in love with your life.To being fully alive,
I’m done chasing a better version of myself.
The woman I am right now deserves to be enjoyed, not constantly improved upon.
Alexis Bittar Asterales Petite Bubble Earrings
Beauty is one of my core values, and sculptural jewelry is one of my favorite ways to live it out loud.
These Alexis Bittar Asterales Petite Bubble Earrings do exactly that – cubic zirconia crystals within molten gold bezels that feel considered and alive without being over-the-top.
Vivante Energy: How to Become a Fully Alive Woman in 2026 [From the Archives]
When was the last time you felt truly alive? Not productive, not busy, not fine – but alive, like every cell in your body was awake and you were completely inside your own life instead of rushing through it.
This episode from earlier this year is about exactly that. Six shifts. None of them are what you’d expect.
// TheEDIT
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