The Self-Image of Excellence: What Separates the Best from the Rest

Have you ever looked around at your life and thought, “I know I'm capable of more”? And yet, you're unsure of how to close the gap between where you are and where you want to be? Well, that is where excellence resides.

Hey friends, it's Tonya Leigh here. I am so thrilled to be with you today. This is actually my very first podcast video, meaning it's now on YouTube, and you can actually see me. And I have to tell you, this feels so awkward. I am used to just sitting in my office and recording via me and my microphone. And putting myself in this situation is an area that I am able to practice excellence. It's a way for me to say, “You know what? I want to show up and give this my very best,” which is what excellence is.

Now, in case we haven't met, I am Tonya Leigh. I'm the founder of the School of Self-Image, and I have coached thousands of women on how to change how they see themselves. 

This was the part that was missing for me for many years. I remember being overweight. I remember struggling with money, struggling in relationships, and I couldn't figure out why – what was going on. And I would take a lot of action, but nothing ever seemed to stick. 

And it all boiled down to my self-image – my thoughts about myself. And that determines everything. It determines the goals you set for yourself. It determines how much money you allow into your life. It determines the quality of your relationships, the careers that you say “yes” to. It really does influence everything, which is why I love this work so much.

Excellence vs. Perfection

And, one of the things that I know to be true is that excellence is the secret to elevating your self-image. Now hear me out, because I'm not talking about perfection. Perfection comes from a place of fear. It comes from a place of not thinking you're not good enough. So you need to strive to appear perfect so that others see you that way.

Excellence is very different. Excellence is you seeing yourself as good enough and knowing that you matter – and what you touch matters – and you want to bring your very best to everything that you choose is important to you.

Now, when it comes to excellence, one thing I know that I used to think about it was that it was what other people saw. And it was something that was developed over years – five, ten, 15, 20 years of practice, then you could be excellent at something. But what I’m about to share with you is going to change everything. 

Because that’s not what I am talking about. 

Excellence as Self-Respect in Motion

The excellence that I'm speaking about is self-respect in motion. It's you showing up in this moment of your life with your very best. Now, what that looks like for you and for me is all different, but it's you saying, “What I touch matters, who I am matters, and it matters so much it deserves my A-game.”

When it comes to excellence, I don't know about you, but I don't want to be excellent in everything because I know what it requires. It requires so much attention, intention, focus, and energy. 

And there are certain things that, quite honestly, don't really matter that much to me. For example, cooking. I used to think I should be excellent at that, but the reality is it didn't light me up. It wasn't exciting. I'd much rather go out to eat or have someone cook for me, or just cook a mediocre meal that is nourishing but won't win a three-star Michelin rating, I can promise you that. It's not that important to me. So, in that area of my life, I've just accepted I'm going to be bare minimum. I'm not going to put all of my time and focus into cooking. And that's why you need to decide what's important to you.

But if you're showing up and giving your bare minimum to the areas of your life that do matter, you feel that. And it chips away at your self-image, because everything you do is a vote for how you want to see yourself.

The Impact on Self-Image

So let's say, for example, what's really important to you is building wealth. But you haven't been looking at your numbers. Maybe you've been overspending. Maybe you've just avoided your finances. You can see how you have split energy. You're not being excellent in that area of your life. 

And you feel that – you know it. It's not how you want to see yourself. You want to see yourself as someone who is financially responsible, who really keeps an eye on her numbers, who spends with intention, who spends in a way that feels really good to her.

So when you don't show up excellently (Is that a word? We’re going to make it one.) in the areas that matter to you, it really does chip away at your self-image. So, there are areas where you're going to want to be bare minimum, but it will never be the areas that matter the most to you.

But also, you don't want to be a perfectionist because perfectionism is just fear in disguise. It's fear dressed up as excellence. You're wanting people to look at you as if you're not flawed. And that's not excellence. 

Excellence is the willingness to appear flawed because you know that you are showing up and giving your very best. You know that you're going to grow. You know that you’re going to learn. But you can guarantee yourself, “I'm going to show up and give this moment all that I've got.” That is excellence.

My Personal Journey with Excellence

When I was first starting my business, I was a perfectionist. I was so afraid of being seen as not a good enough coach, as imperfect, and so I let perfectionism slow me down. And in that case, doing the bare minimum was a way to get my momentum going. I was like, “Girl, if you can just get out that newsletter, if you just show up and deliver,” at least I was saying, “I'm a woman who's going to show up. I'm a woman who's going to follow through on what I say I'm going to do.” And that had a positive impact on my self-image.

But then there was a time in my business where I knew I needed to demand more of myself. I didn't want to do a half-hearted job. I wanted to go in and give the best experience, provide the best content, provide the best coaching. And I'm still on that journey. 

Am I the very best? I don't know. I know one thing for sure: I show up and I give it my all. And to me, that's what excellence is. It is an inside job. It has nothing to do with anyone outside of you. It's what you know you're capable of, and are you showing up and honoring that?

Defining Your Areas of Excellence

So, you have to decide: where do you want to be excellent in your life? Because if everything's important to you, then is anything really important to you? You have to define “what is most important to me.”

And one of the best ways to do that is to determine what you value. This is one of the first things that I have our members do: decide what your core values are that you want to build your life upon. And then once you define what those values are, you want to look at “how can I be excellent in those – in the different areas of my life.”

For example, my core values are Beauty, Connection, and Inspiration. So I can think about how I can be excellent in honoring my value of beauty in my business. That comes down to how our workbooks are designed, our membership site. It comes down to the little details that we pay attention to that create a beautiful experience for our members.

I think about Inspiration: How can I be inspired? But as it relates to excellence, how can I be inspiring? How can I be an example of what's possible? How can I share that with the world? And one of the ways that I can do it is through video. 

So this is actually me practicing excellence in real time, because I know I'm not as good to the outside world as I can possibly be when it relates to doing video. I'm going to stumble, I'm going to get it wrong, I'm probably going to say some “ums” and some “ahs,” I'm going to lose my train of thought – I'm very human in that way. But I still want to strive for excellence.

So what does that look like? Well, it looks like being prepared, putting in the time, putting my notes together, really thinking it through. Practicing, getting it wrong, doing another cut, doing it again until I'm like, “Okay, that's the best that I've got for today.” And then feeling good about that. Not beating myself up because it's not as good as it could be, but knowing – from who I am today and what I know today, this is what I've got, and I gave it my all. That's what excellence feels like.

And as it relates to Connection, I think about honoring that value and being excellent in my relationships: setting boundaries, being truthful, taking the time to carve out moments with friends, planning special things for them. That's how I get to be excellent as it relates to my value of Connection.

So think about what is important to you. What are your core values? Because if you're not striving for excellence in your core values, chances are you know you are not living up to your potential. It doesn't feel good when we are half-assing in our lives, especially when we're half-assing about our values.

Practical Tips for Practicing Excellence

So, once you define “This is where I want to be excellent. This is where I want to give my all,” how do you actually do it? Well, I want to give you some practical tips that have really supported me.

Number One: Surround Yourself with Excellence

What you surround yourself with is shaping you. Your environment is impacting how you see yourself. And what I know to be true is that when you start surrounding yourself with people who embody excellence in that area that you want to be excellent at, you're going to start to see different opportunities. It's going to elevate how you think about things, and it's going to rub off on you. It's going to inspire you to want to be better because you put yourself in a better environment.

Number Two: Hire a Coach or Mentor

Hire someone who you think is excellent, or they're striving for excellence in that area that you want to be excellent in. There's a reason why people who are successful in their field – the majority of them have a coach. Coaches have been there. They understand what holds you back. They understand the obstacles and the hurdles because they've most likely overcome them themselves. And so they're already ahead. They can help you slipstream and get to where you want to go so much faster.

Number Three: The 1% Rule

The other thing that I like to think about is the 1% rule. Give one percent more than you usually would. Give one percent more than the rest of people are. It's going to make you stand apart. 

A great example is I had a friend who came and stayed with me a couple of weeks ago. And when he was leaving for the airport, I went into my office to get to work, and he had left me a thank-you note. He went an extra 1%. He could just as easily have texted me “Thank you, had a great weekend,” but he wrote the most thoughtful and beautiful thank-you note. Like, who does that these days? He does. And it set him apart. It made him excellent. He turned the ordinary into extraordinary, which to me is what excellence is. And it just took an extra 1% to do that.

So, think about in your life where you can pour a little bit more effort into. Give it that extra 1%, because I promise you, that is going to set you apart from the rest, and you get to walk away knowing, “I went above and beyond what I normally would.” And think about what that does to your self-image – it causes you to see yourself in such a different way.

Number Four: Raise Your Standards

The final tip I want to give you is I want you to elevate your standard in your area of excellence – that thing you want to be the best at. And the way I like to think about this is: “I am a woman who…” Fill in that statement.

And be careful where you look for that answer. Most people look at what has been, who they have been in that area. And when you look to the past, guess what you create? You create more of the past. I encourage you to look into the future – who you're becoming, who you want to be. Who is she? How does she show up?

“I am a woman who prepares for her video podcast, who shows up and gives value, who practices, who gives her best.” I started practicing that a week ago, before I got in front of the camera. And now that I'm here and I'm getting a little bit more relaxed, I'm living into that. Again, I know I'm just going to get better and better at this. But I decided on purpose, ahead of time: this is who I want to be, this is how I want to show up.

So for you, raise your standard because you don't get what you want in life – you get what you expect of yourself. 

And maybe you've been expecting yourself to not do a good job, to do mediocre work, to get the C because that's what you've done in the past. Let's forget that. You get to rewrite your story. Look into your future and set your standards from there.

And I promise you, it will change your life. Why? Because it's going to change your self-image, which is what this work is all about.

Closing

I want you to see yourself as the incredible, capable, and excellent woman that you are. And that is determined by how you show up this moment, and then the next one, and the next one. All of those moments add up, and every single one of those moments, you are casting a vote for who you want to be. Choose to be excellent in the areas that really matter to you.

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you like this video, please like, please subscribe, please leave me a comment down below. And I will be back next week for another one. 

Have a beautiful week. Take care. Cheers.