The Well-Dressed Mind: Trying On New Thoughts

Your Thoughts Don’t Fit Anymore

You know that feeling when you’re wearing something that doesn’t quite fit anymore? Not wrong, but just not you. Well, that’s exactly what most of your thoughts are doing right now. We are so careful about what we put into our bodies. We edit our closets. We know when something doesn’t fit, but our minds, we’re still wearing beliefs we inherited from childhood, thoughts we picked up from people who aren’t even in our lives anymore; stories that made sense maybe 20 years ago, but has nothing to do with who we’re becoming. Here’s the truth: you can’t step into the next version of your life wearing old thoughts. It doesn’t work that way.

Welcome to the School of Self-Image, where our motto is simple: elevate your self-image, elevate your life. I’m Tonya Leigh, your hostess, and I’ll guide you to become the woman who doesn’t just dream bigger. She lives bigger. Let’s dive in.

What Is a Well-Dressed Mind?

So today, I want to introduce you to a concept that changes everything, the idea of a well-dressed mind. This is where psychology meets personal style, where you stop letting your thoughts dress you and you start curating them instead. Because the most powerful thing you can change isn’t what’s in your closet; it’s what you’re wearing on the inside. Think about your closet for a second. When you open it, you make choices. You think about the fit, the feeling, the occasion. You know what makes you feel confident and what makes you feel invisible. You know that some pieces, no matter how beautiful, just don’t work for you. But when it comes to our thoughts, most of us never ask these questions. A well-dressed mind is one where your thoughts fit you, your vision and your values. Not your mother, not your teacher, not the boss who maybe made you feel small that one time. It’s a mind where you’ve taken inventory and asked, “Is this thought serving me? Does it reflect who I want to be and the life I want to live?”

Your Thoughts Are Choices, Not Facts

We tend to treat thoughts like facts, as if they’re happening to us. We tell ourselves things like, “I’m not good at this,” or “This will take too long,” or “I’ll never figure this out.” But psychology and neuroscience shows us that thoughts are optional. They’re not facts, they’re choices. They are garments that we try on and decide whether to keep wearing them. A well-dressed mind means you are conscious of what you’re wearing. You stop walking around in thoughts that are outdated, restrictive, or someone else’s. And just like a beautifully dressed woman moves through a room differently, a woman with a well-dressed mind moves through life differently. She moves with more confidence, more grounding, and definitely more self-trust.

Think about what makes a woman well-dressed. She’s intentional about what she’s wearing. She doesn’t grab whatever’s closest or easiest. She considers where she’s going and who she wants to be in that moment. She’s wearing colors and fits in a style that flatter her. Not what looked good on the model, not what her friend said she should wear, what actually works for her and her life. She’s being true to her signature style. She knows herself. She’s not chasing trends that don’t fit who she is. Now, let’s apply that to your mind. Are you being intentional with what you’re thinking, or are you just accepting whatever thoughts show up; the worry, the doubt, the old story without questioning whether it’s actually worth wearing today? Are you thinking thoughts that flatter you, thoughts that fit with what you desire to create in your life, thoughts that feel empowering and expansive; or are you walking around in thoughts that make you feel small, incapable, or maybe even stuck? Are you being true to yourself, or are you wearing thoughts that belong to someone else’s idea of who you should be? Maybe it’s your parents’ fears or the limitation of others or society’s expectations about what’s possible for a woman in this season of your life.

Old Thoughts Are Just Comfortable

Because here’s what stops most women. It’s not that better thoughts don’t exist, it’s that the old ones are just so darn comfortable. Let’s talk about comfort. You know that old college sweatshirt or maybe your favorite yoga pants or that thing that you reach for because it’s comfortable and familiar? That’s exactly what most of our thoughts are. “I’m not good with money,” or “I’m bad with tech,” or “I’m just not that creative.” These are just old, worn out thoughts, but they’re comfortable. The biggest obstacle to a well-dressed mind isn’t that better thoughts don’t exist, it’s that our current thoughts are just comfortable. We don’t have to try to think them. It’s almost like they think themselves. They’re our default setting. You’ve worn certain thoughts for so long that they feel like your truth. They’re broken in. They don’t ask anything of you.

But here’s a question: just because a thought is comfortable, does that mean that it fits you now? We would never show up to an important meeting wearing something from 1995, well, unless maybe a vintage bag, but anyway. Yet, we show up to our lives wearing thoughts from way back then. Old, familiar, comfortable thoughts. And you know what those do? They describe who you were. Some of them you’ll want to keep, but they fit where you’re going, but most of them just keep you tethered to the past.

Now, here’s why this is so important. To create something you’ve never had, you’re going to have to become someone you have never been. And to become someone you’ve never been, you’re going to have to think thoughts that you’ve never thought. The woman you’re becoming needs to style her mind with thoughts that fit her future, not wear worn out thoughts from her past. So if our old thoughts are comfortable but not serving us, the solution seems so easy, right? Just try on a new thought. Just think better; thoughts that actually fit who I’m becoming, except here’s where psychology throws us a little bit of a curve ball. And this is the part that not a lot of people talk about in the personal development world, but it’s absolutely crucial to understand.

New Thoughts Feel Uncomfortable

New thoughts, even amazing thoughts that look so good on you, are going to feel uncomfortable at first. This is called cognitive dissonance. It’s that mental friction that you feel when you’re trying to hold two conflicting beliefs at the same time. It’s that weird, awkward, “This doesn’t feel like me” sensation when you try on a thought that doesn’t match your current identity.

So an example is if you’ve always thought something like, “I don’t ask for what I want,” and you have a lot of evidence for it. Then trying on the thought, “I clearly communicate my needs” will feel so fake at first. Your brain has years of evidence for the old thought, so it resists the new one. This is normal. Think about the first time you wore something bold that was out of your comfort zone. It might have been a dramatic silhouette or a bold color. It probably felt awkward before it felt like you, but with repetition, it became part of your identity. Well, thoughts work the exact same way. It may feel fake before it feels true, but if you keep wearing the thought, your brain starts collecting new evidence. That’s how identity shifts.

Now, here’s where I want to get really practical, because I think this is where a lot of people abandon the process. They try to go from thoughts rooted in the past to what I call couture thoughts, thoughts that are so custom for you, that fit your future, and they try to do that overnight. And the cognitive dissonance is so intense, they just give up. Well, you wouldn’t completely overhaul your entire wardrobe in one day, right? You’d ease into it. You’d start with one piece, maybe a great blazer that elevates everything else, or an amazing pair of shoes that make you walk differently. I remember when I bought my first fitted dress after years of hiding my body in oversized and baggy clothes. I brought it home and it just hung there for weeks, and then I started to wear it around the house, but it felt so exposing, too exposing to wear out into the real world until I finally mustered up the courage to wear it to a dinner with some close friends.

After that, it started to feel a little bit more comfortable, and eventually I wore it to a party. And the next thing you know, it was just what I wore and I started to buy more things that resembled that new kind of dress, that new fit. Your thoughts work the exact same way. So if you’ve been thinking for years, “I’m terrible with money,” you probably just can’t jump straight into, “I’m a wealthy woman who attracts abundance and ease effortlessly.” Your brain will reject it immediately. The gap between your past and your future is just way too big. But what if you tried on, “I’m learning how to have a better relationship with money.” That might feel more believable. It acknowledges where you are while pointing you in the direction that you want to go. I call this a bridge thought, connecting your past to your future. And then once that starts to feel more comfortable, you can try on, “I’m becoming someone who makes smart financial decisions.” Feels a little better, right? And all along, you’re collecting evidence for these new thoughts. So then you move from that one to maybe, “I trust myself with money,” and eventually you’ll end up with, “I am financially secure and abundant.”

Restyle Your Mind One Thought at a Time

This is what I call incremental styling your mind so that you’re not constantly fighting yourself. You’re not trying to become unrecognizable overnight. You’re updating your mental wardrobe one thought at a time in a way that feels like an evolution, not a revolution. The key is to choose thoughts that stretch you just enough to feel uncomfortable, but not so much you can’t believe them at all. We want that edge of discomfort because that’s where growth actually happens. That’s where you know you’re actually changing, not just rearranging.

So here’s what I want you to do. I want you to try on this practice, this idea of a well-dressed mind with three simple questions, the same questions you probably ask yourself in a fitting room. Question number one: “Does this thought look good on me?” Not, “Is this thought true,” but does it look good on you? Does the thought that “I’m too old to start over” when you’re looking at facing the next chapter of your life, does that look good on you? Does, “I have to do everything perfectly” allow you to move through your life with a sense of flow that feels good? Does the thought, “I’m not good enough” actually help you get what you want? Those thoughts look terrible on you. We want you to find thoughts that look a little bit better.

Question number two is, “Am I wearing this because it fits or because it’s familiar?” This is the distinction that changes everything, because most of us just keep wearing thoughts simply because we’ve always worn them, not because they’re taking us anywhere. And then question number three is, “What should I try on instead?” This is where you ask your mind to reach for that next thought. It’s probably not going to be that couture thought from your future that feels impossible. Most likely it’s going to be a bridge thought, one that your mind can wrap itself around. It might be one shade from what you’re currently thinking or one size from what you’re currently thinking. For example, if you’ve been walking around saying, “I’m terrible at this,” and you know it doesn’t fit you anymore, what should you try on instead? Maybe it’s, “I’m learning.” If the thought, “I always fail” feels restrictive, try on, “I’m building resilience.”

You’re not looking for perfection here, you’re looking for the next thing that might fit a little bit better than what you’re currently wearing and will help you create the life that you want. Because once you start asking these three questions, you can’t un-know what you now know. You can’t go back to unconsciously wearing thoughts that don’t serve you. And just like when you clean out your physical closet, when you clean out your mental closet, you create space for thoughts that support the life you’re building; thoughts from your future, not your past, thoughts that make you feel powerful, confident, and alive; thoughts that are worthy of the woman that you’re becoming. A well-dressed mind isn’t about comfort, it’s about fit. And yes, at first, the best thoughts will feel too bold, too big, too much.

Now, you might be wondering, “How do I actually do this? How do I go from wearing the same mental outfit that I’ve had on for decades to a thought wardrobe that actually fits my future?” I get it. Many of us feel like our entire thought closet is filled with outdated thoughts, decades of beliefs that don’t fit us anymore. And it can feel overwhelming. You don’t even know what to keep or even where to start. Well, you know what I did when I wanted to figure out my personal style? I hired a stylist, someone who knew what she was doing. I had a closet full of clothes, but couldn’t see what worked for me or how to put it all together. I needed someone who could see what I couldn’t; who could tell me what to keep, what to let go of and what was possible for me. She didn’t just reorganize my closet, she taught me how to see myself differently. Well, the same is true when you want to restyle your mind.

Curating a Mental Style That Fits You

Well, that’s exactly what we do inside the School of Self-image membership. We support you in going from walking around in an outdated mental wardrobe, thoughts that are worn out, ill-fitting, or someone else’s hand-me-downs, to having a beautifully curated collection of thoughts that make you feel powerful, alive, and completely yourself. We show you how to identify what to keep, what to donate and what to try on next. We teach you the foundations, the classic pieces every well-dressed mind needs, and we help you develop your signature mental style, the thoughts that are uniquely and authentically yours. And one of our members, Anika, is the perfect example of this type of reinvention. Before joining the membership, she shared how she was stuck and more of the same. She would set what she would call a comfortable goal, a goal that’s only 5% bigger than the previous year. She was running the same company she’d had for 11 years wearing the same thoughts, living the same life.

But after joining, everything changed for her. She chose the word “bold” as her word of the year. It’s one of our practices that we do inside the membership, and she started becoming that woman. By April, she’d ended her 11-year company and started a completely new label. And somewhere in the process of becoming her future self, she even lost 11 kilos, something that was never even part of her plan. In her words, “At some point, I was simply done with my old version.” Now, she describes herself as bold, relaxed, and alive. That’s what happens when you change what you’re wearing on the inside. So if you’re ready to stop wearing thoughts from your past and start dressing from your future, come and join us. You can find all of the details at schoolofselfimage.com/join. I’ll be waiting for you on the inside, and I hope you have a beautiful week.

I’ll see you soon. Cheers.