What’s Your Soul Style?

Have you ever stood in front of your closet surrounded by clothes, and yet you feel like you have nothing to wear? Or maybe you've bought an outfit that looked great on the mannequin but just doesn't feel like you when you put it on.

These moments of style confusion are often a sign that you're not fully in touch with your soul style, that unique expression of your inner self through how you show up in the world.

Today we're going to explore what soul style really means and why it's crucial to understand yours and how to start aligning your wardrobe with your deepest and truest self. So let's dive in.

Welcome to the School of Self-Image, where personal development meets style. Here's your hostess, master life coach, Tonya Leigh.

Hello my friends. Welcome to the podcast. My life right now is anything but normal. I am currently in an Airbnb because we had to leave our town home. We had extended our lease as long as they would let us, and our house isn't ready. So not only am I in an Airbnb, but I'm also working on a Saturday, which is very rare for me, but I'm actually loving it.

It's a very kind of relaxed day. People are out and about, the sun is out, and I'm just so grateful. I really am. I never complain about my work because I have such gratitude for what I get to do and I'm working ahead and batching things because next week it's on. We're moving into our house, which I'm super excited about.

Part of packing up and moving is really reflecting on your life. You're looking at the things that you have chosen and you're asking yourself, did these things really fit? Do they really fit with who I am?

And if you think about our journey, through our lives, we're trying to figure out who we are? What's this all about? Why are we here? What do we love? What are our dreams? What do we really value? And as we grow, those things change.

And when I was going through my things, I was looking at clothes. I was looking at art. I was looking at even our plates and bowls, and I was asking, "Does this fit? Does this really fit who I am?" Because I feel like the me now is the truest me I've ever been.

I mean, this is what this work does. It's more about shedding layers to reveal the truth of who you are, the truth of your essence, the truth of your soul. And there's something powerful in letting things go that no longer fit. And that really aligns with what I want to talk to you about in today's episode, which is all about your soul style.

I want you to ask yourself, what is the style of my soul? Because so often we go out and we purchase things because they're trendy, because they're on sale, because we need to fill a space in our closet or our home, and yet it doesn't quite feel right. It may look amazing if we're talking about an outfit, it may look amazing on another person. You're looking at them and being like, "God, that looks so good." And you go and you might buy the exact same thing and you put it on you and you're like, "Huh. It doesn't quite feel right." Has ever happened to you? You put something on and it might even look good. You might have people all around you saying, "Oh my God, that looks so good on you." And you're like, "No, it doesn't feel good. It might look good, but it doesn't really feel like me."

I've had that happen to me so many times. In fact, when we were moving, Fons was on the bed and I was trying on different things, and I came out in this one dress. And it is a beautiful dress. It's a silk dress. And he could not stop talking about this dress. He was like, "Oh my God, that looks so good on you." And I'm like, "But it doesn't feel good on me." There's a difference.

And it's not one of those, it doesn't feel good on me because I'm pushing my style edge or I'm not used to this yet. It's like I just know that this doesn't feel true to me. It may look good to you, but it's a no for me. And I got rid of that dress. Actually, I'm getting ready to take it to consignment tomorrow. And that's why it's so important you all that we know our soul style, because when you know the style of your soul, the essence of who you are, everything else becomes so much easier.

Your soul style isn't just about the clothes you wear. It's about the essence of who you are. It's this unique cocktail that I have drilled down to four things. It's a cocktail of your values, your personality, your passions and your dreams. And they make you, well, you.

I think about a woman named Vivian. She was at one of my events years ago, and she always dressed in muted colors and loose fitting clothes. And she told me. She was like, "I always feel so invisible and uninspired." And her clothes represented that. Her clothes, literally, she was dressing in a way to make her invisible and uninspired. And we talked about her style for quite a bit, and we drilled down that her true self was so vibrant and bold and creative. In fact, when you talk to her, it was a little bit jarring because the way she presented with her clothing was so different than our conversation.

And what she discovered is that she'd been dressing to blend in when deep down she longed to stand uniquely in who she was. And so once she started aligning her outward appearance with her inner self, not only did her style transform, that was just the beginning. Her whole life began to shift. She switched careers. She got into a relationship that was more aligned. She moved to a new city and she was feeling more alive than ever. And that's the power of understanding and embracing your soul style.

So let's talk about these four components. First, we have your values. And I have a whole other podcast on figuring out what your values are. But your values are the principles that guide your life, and I always recommend that you drill it down to three. If you value everything, then do you really value anything? What if you could only live your life based on three guiding principles that when you have decisions to make, when you're trying to figure out what to buy, when you're trying to figure out where to live, when you're trying to figure out the career for you, when you're trying to figure out what art to purchase or not purchase, these are the principles that guide your life. They're the non-negotiables, the hills that you will die on. Maybe it's authenticity, growth or compassion.

For me, one of my core values is beauty. I love beauty. Now, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I love beautiful things, art, people, places. I love taking care of my beauty, and I have been ridiculed for that. And that's okay. It's something that guides me. From ever since I was a little girl, I have loved and appreciated beautiful things. I feel my best when I take care of my home. I feel my best when I take care of myself. I feel my best when I tend to the details of my life. Those little things that do for me make life so beautiful. And so that is a core principle for me.

Connection is another one. I have to feel connected to myself, and I love feeling connected to the people that I love. It is huge. And so having these core values that guide me are crucial because if not, we are going to be thrown here and there in life. And it also comes down to your style, like how you're showing up. So for me, since one of my core values is beauty, it requires that I get very clear on what is beautiful to me. Not what the magazines tell me should be beautiful. Not what other people consider beautiful. But what is beautiful for me.

And this is why a style journey is so powerful, you all. It's about so much more than the clothes. It requires that you have a level of introspection. It requires that you know who you are. But knowing that beauty is so important to me when I'm buying clothes, I'm very mindful. Does this look beautiful to my eye? Do I like how it looks on me?

I was shopping with a friend recently and she pulled this dress out and she was like, "Oh my God, this is so beautiful." And my immediate reaction was, "No, it's not, for me." Now, it looked like her. It was beautiful for her. But before I knew this and before I got in touch with this part of myself, I would have probably put that dress on and bought it because I didn't know any better. She told me it was beautiful. It must be beautiful because she's very stylish, by the way.

But this is why you need to know your core values. Maybe you value simplicity. Well, that is going to affect your style choices. Maybe one of your core values is freedom. And this may show up through flowy fabrics and unconstructed jackets and shoes that you can easily slip on and off. But you're going to have to be able to translate your values. What does that really look like in clothing form?

Let's say your value is creativity. Now, I want you to imagine that you cannot tell someone your value. You have to show them through an outfit. What would that outfit look like? How would you represent creativity? Such a fun question. So what are your core values and how might they be expressing themselves in your style choices?

Next, we have your personality. This is about understanding your unique traits and tendencies and ways of expressing yourself. Are you an introvert who recharges in solitude? Or you're an extrovert who comes alive in a crowd? Are you more analytical or more intuitive?

For me, I am more of an ambivert, meaning I have a little bit of both. Although as I get older, I'm leaning more towards being an introvert. But I do enjoy those moments where I get to be around people. It gives me energy up to a certain point. And I also have a strong intuitive streak. So in my style, I was thinking about this question, it shows up through a mix of structured and fluid pieces. And I'm also drawn to unique, one of a kind like statement pieces that speak to me on an intuitive level. I don't even have to know why. I'm just like, "Yep, that's it." I trust my intuition.

Now, an analytical person, their style will be based on logic and strategy and what makes sense. And that's a beautiful thing too. It's going to feel very aligned, and they probably have spreadsheets and they know exactly what's hanging in their closet, which I always recommend, but they approach their style from a very analytical point of view. Now, for me to do that, it wouldn't feel good because that's not part of my personality. But for the analytical mind, that is a perfect way to approach their wardrobe.

Next, we have your passions as part of your style cocktail. What lights you up? What could you talk about for hours? What are those things, those topics that you get lost in? You lose track of time. You forget to eat. Your passions are a wellspring of inspiration for your soul style.

If you're a nature lover, you might be drawn to organic textures and earthy tones. If you're a tech enthusiast, you might gravitate towards sleek, modern designs and innovative materials. So your passions also are a part of your soul style.

And then finally, we have your dreams. Your style isn't just about who you are. It's also about who you're becoming. What do you aspire to? What's the vision that you have for your future self? Your dream should be reflected in your style choices too.

When I first started my business over 15 years ago, you all, it's crazy to me. Time has really gone by fast, and yet sometimes it feels like it's gone by so slow. But I realized early on this concept, because I had been showing up and working on being my future self before I started my business. And I knew if you want to have a successful business, you need to show up in a successful way.

And that's going to look different for all of us. It doesn't necessarily mean power suits, but it means you showing up in a way that truly represents your personal brand. And remember, this is when I didn't have a team. I often tell the story. I started out with two email subscribers, my mom and my dad, and they had no idea what I was doing. But I began to show up with not only the thoughts, but also in my style, like I thought the most successful version of me would be showing up. I would get up in the morning, I would get dressed in something that felt really, really good, and I would go into my office and I would get to work. And this was before I had lots of people listening. I didn't even have a podcast then. This was before I had a lot of clients. But I showed up as my future self.

And what that did for me is it affected my own self-image. And it reflected back to me how I wanted to think about myself and see myself. And that energy is magnetic. I would be out and about and I would strike up conversations and I would tell people, "I am a coach." And they would be like, "Oh, tell me more." And I do believe my presentation had something to do with that.

Now people can poo-poo that all they want, but we cannot dismiss that we live in a very visual world. We are drawn to art, to design. So therefore wouldn't style matter too? It does.

And what's most important for me is not that you all look a certain way. That's not what we're going for here. Let's be clear. This is why it's called your soul style. What I want for you all is that you are showing up in a way that truly represents who you are at your deepest level, at your core.

That may be rocking a Metallica T-shirt with some ripped jeans. And this is a shout-out to my friend Robin. I stayed with her in Denver a couple months ago, and we were in her closet and we were going through things and I realized this was a part of her style, part of her soul style that I didn't get to see that often. Because typically we go out to dinner, and while she always has a little bit of an edge to her style, I hadn't seen the edginess of who she truly is. And all I could think about is how can we showcase that more? She's wanting to elevate her style, but never to the point of leaving behind this essential part of herself.

So remember, your soul style is a combination of your values, your personality, your passions, and your dreams. But here's where it gets really interesting. These four components blend together to create what I call your style cocktail. Just like that master mixologist combines different spirits and flavors to create the perfect drink for you, your soul style is a unique blend of different elements.

Now, if you are curious what your primary style archetype might be, I have created a soul style quiz. You can take it at schoolofselfimage.com/stylequizz. But I want you to remember this. You're not just one thing. You're a beautiful complex mix. And so when you get your main type, just know that's rarely is it just one thing. I like to think of that as the main ingredient. So when you're shopping, you know you need these pieces, but you're going to be a blend of different things.

For example, my own style cocktail is primarily classic. I really love those timeless pieces, those clean lines. But I also have a splash of dramatic, which shows up with bold statement pieces. I love big, wide belts. I like very striking silhouettes. But I also have a little splash of romantic, and you'll see that in softer fabrics. I love lace. I love ruffles. And so you put that all together and it creates my own style cocktail that feels like me.

Now, let's talk about these archetypes for a moment. I use eight. And they each have own flavor. We have the romantic, the classic, the dramatic, the edgy, the sporty, the bohemian, the minimalist, and the preppy. But here's the thing, you're not just one type. You're a mix. You might be a classic with an edgy streak or a bohemian with a touch of romantic. The possibilities are endless, and that's what makes you you.

I'm reminded of the quote by Oscar Wilde where he says, "Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken." Your soul style is your way of being yourself and expressing your inner world to the outer world on purpose.

I think about one of my clients, Emma. She had always admired the clean simplicity style, which we call minimalist, but she always felt like something was missing. She was like never felt quite right in just a purely minimalist outfit. And upon working with her and coaching and really drilling down, we discovered that she also has this romantic splash in her style cocktail that she had never really honored. And so she started to incorporate those elements with softer fabrics. She got some vintage inspired pieces, some very delicate jewelry, and suddenly she was like, "This feels like me. It feels complete."

Your soul style journey is about discovering all parts of yourself and learning how to express them on purpose, unapologetically, authentically. It's about creating a personal style that feels like home.

Now, you might be wondering, "Why is it so important to know my soul style?" Well, I'll tell you why it's been important for me. Number one, it simplifies your life. When you know your soul style, decision-making becomes so much easier. Shopping becomes more focused. Getting dressed in the morning becomes a joy rather than a chore. You save money and you build a wardrobe of pieces that you love and that work together seamlessly. It also aligns your inner and your outer world.

Do you ever feel like you don't feel like your outside is representing who you're on the inside? When these are in alignment, you feel more confident, you feel more authentic, you feel more at peace with yourself.

And then finally, it becomes your legacy. Your style is part of the story of how people will remember you, is part of the mark that you leave on the world. Think about certain people. Let's say Dita Von Teese. You picture her and you immediately think of her style. Think about Iris Apfel. I don't even have to paint a picture for you. You already know. Before you think about who she was, you probably see a picture of her style.

And your style reflects your soul. You create a lasting impression that's uniquely and beautifully you. So how do you start embracing your unique style cocktail? Well, first of all, go and take the quiz. Go to schoolofselfimage.com/stylequiz. It's a great starting point to understand your primary style archetype.

And then reflect on the four components that we discussed, your values, your personality, your passions, your dreams. Put some words to it. See what shows up for you. And then ask yourself, how are these showing up or not showing up in my current style? And then experiment. Try incorporating different elements from different archetypes and see what resonates with you. And then finally, pay attention to how you feel in different outfits.

Your soul style should make you feel confident, comfortable and like you. It should feel like freedom. And remember, your style cocktail will evolve over time. As you grow and change, your style will most likely shift as well. It's all a journey. Just embrace it, have fun. Style shouldn't be so serious. And yet, when you know what your style is, life really does become more simplified and more fun.

So I want to remind you of something really important. Your soul style is about so much more than clothes. It's about showing up in the world as your true self. It's about aligning your outer expression with your inner essence. When you do that, you will radiate so much confidence and joy. As Ralph Lauren once said, "Style is very personal. It has nothing to do with fashion. Fashion is over very quickly. Style is forever."

Your soul style is timeless because it's uniquely and beautifully you. So go take the soul style quiz, schoolofselfimage.com/stylequiz, and embrace your unique signature style cocktail because when you do, you don't just transform your style, you transform your life. Have a beautiful and stylish week, my friends. I will see you on next week's episode. Cheers.

Before we part ways, I have an exciting invitation for you. If you have been desiring to elevate your style, but find yourself stuck, unsure, or overwhelmed, I've created something very special just for you. Join me for a private 12-week podcast series called Why Don't You, where we're going to dive deep into personal style, confidence, and self-expression. It is an intimate journey designed for the discerning woman who knows she's capable of more, but needs that extra guidance and inspiration. And just so you know, this isn't about fleeting trends or rules. It's about discovering and embracing your unique style story.

So to access this private series, all you need to do is go to schoolofselfimage.com/why and secure your spot. And remember, true style is timeless and it starts with you. Why don't you join us and unveil the most stylish version of yourself?