[Summer Series] Shop My Thought Closet

Welcome to the Summer Series. In this episode, we are going shopping but not for clothes, for thoughts. Just like you have a wardrobe hanging in your closet, you also have a wardrobe hanging in your mind full of the thoughts that you wear most often. And the question is, do these thoughts look good on you? That's what we're talking about in this episode. So let's dive in.

Welcome to the School of Self-Image, where personal development meets style. Here's your hostess, Master Life Coach, Tonya Leigh.

Hello, hello friends, and welcome back to the Summer Series where in this episode I am bringing back one of my favorite concepts that I actually teach within the School of Self-Image membership. It's part of the Self-Image Method, and it's the idea that you have a thought wardrobe, just like you walk into your closet and you have your clothes hanging in your closet. If you were to walk into the closet of your mind, there would be staple thoughts that you reach for and put on every single day. Now you need to ask yourself, do I like how these clothes feel and how they look on me?

Because as I often tell members within the School of Self-Image when I'm coaching them, I'll be like, "Girl, that thought looks terrible on you. It doesn't fit the life you're telling me you want. It doesn't fit your values and it doesn't fit who I know yourself to be." And yet we walk into our thought closets and just keep putting on the same thoughts day after day, much like how we probably walk into our regular closets and just reach for the same familiar clothes and outfits that we wear all of the time. Here's what I want you to know. You get to shop at the most beautiful stores for your thoughts, and when you first put them on, they are going to feel awkward.

And listen, I may even mention all of this in the episode, but you're going to hear it twice. Repetition is key. But what happens is when you try on a new thought, especially if it's a thought unlike anything that you've been thinking before, it's going to immediately create that cognitive dissonance where your brain is like, "Nope, this is not who you are." It's just like if you were someone who's used to wearing jeans and leather and then you go put on a beautiful floral dress, your brain's going to be like, "What are you doing?" Now, imagine if you actually want to wear the beautiful floral dress. Maybe that's the vision you have of yourself, but you've been wearing jeans and leather jackets most of your life. There's going to be some cognitive dissonance at first. You immediately are going to go to, "No, this is not who you are."

But what happens is if day after day you keep putting on that dress and you start to get more familiar with it, more comfortable with it, before you know it, your closet's full of floral dresses and you are loving it because it's what you want deep down inside. Now, if you don't want to wear floral dresses, you will continue to rebel against it. Just like if you don't want to believe something and you like your reason for not wanting to believe it, your soul's going to be like, "What are you doing? Why are you trying to wear this thought that does not fit your soul? It doesn't fit who you are." But I'm talking about the kinds of thoughts that you actually want to believe about yourself. Thoughts like, I am capable, thoughts like, I just keep getting better. My best years are ahead of me.

I'm so excited about my life. I'm excited about who I'm becoming. I'm excited about what I'm creating. I have everything I need to create the life that I want. Those are the kinds of thoughts that I'm talking about, and they are available to you, but you're going to have to shop in different places. I talk about goodwill thoughts, the thoughts that are just handed down. A lot of what we're thinking today are simply thoughts that were passed on to us and we never question them. We just took them as truth and we've been wearing them ever since. And a lot of times, my friends, they don't look good on you. They don't. So why do you keep wearing them? And it's because they are familiar and you've probably collected so much evidence over the years to confirm them to be true. But that doesn't mean you can't go and shop for different thoughts.

What you want to do is to start shopping for different thoughts and collecting new evidence. Now, there are some thoughts that I've been wearing for years that I absolutely love, one of them being there is no hurry. It's one of my favorite thoughts ever. I had a member tell me the other day that she actually had that tattooed on her, I think her arm, it's a reminder to slow down. And what's crazy about that one thought is that I get so much more done in such a relaxed manner. Also, one of the last things that my dad said to his pastor when I think it was the final week of his life is he said, "Bring it on." And there's something about that thought that just excites me. When I hear the thought, "Bring it on," it tells me that I'm not scared of life.

I mean, it's coming anyway. It's coming. Whatever's about to happen is going to happen. And so instead of resisting and being so afraid of it, I want to be more like my dad who's like, "Bring it on, bring it on. I have everything within me to handle this." This year in particular, I have shopping for new thoughts around my health and also my business. Now around my health, the one thought that I keep coming back to is I am in the best shape of my life. Now where I am currently, I don't feel like that is true yet. But first of all, I am, two most powerful words you will ever speak. It is you stating to yourself who you are choosing to be. And I have been on this journey for several months now, and every day I am collecting evidence of this being true.

I am in the best shape of my life. I've been going to the gym. I am walking more than ever. I'm stretching every day. I am feeling better today than I was six months ago. So I know it's working and it comes from this thought. The actions are born from the thought, "I am in the best shape of my life." I also love wearing the thought, "I just keep getting better." And also, "Life just keeps getting better." Those are choices that we get to have every day as to how we think about ourselves and our lives. Now, most people are looking at the past for their thoughts. I'm looking into the future. I'm looking to the thoughts that are going to guide me to who I want to be a year from now, two years from now, 10 years from now. So those are two thoughts that I am loving as it relates to my health. And also just to me and my spirit, my essence, my life.

As it relates to business, I've really been working on visibility. Now within the membership, I am fully visible. I have been showing up in that membership for five years now. I feel like my members know me way more than maybe you all who aren't in the membership. And I was telling them recently that I realized that I'd been hiding. I know it's crazy. Most of you'll look at me and be like, "What? We see you all the time," but not in my fullest self. It's like still playing it safe, still trying to be perfect, still trying to please people. And this year I just decided I'm so done with that. First of all, I do think the best parts of me are the most imperfect parts. I think it's the parts of me that mess up when I'm speaking. It's the parts of me that it's funny and maybe sometimes a little awkward and weird.

Those are the best parts of me, and I feel like I've been hiding that. And so if you're on Instagram, you've probably noticed that I've been way more active and visible over there. I had hired someone to do my social media and it just didn't work out. And I realized it's because it wasn't me. It wasn't my essence. I would read things that they post and I'm like, "Ugh, this is not it." And I was like, "You know what? You need to take over your social media and just have fun with it." So some of the thoughts that I've been practicing and wearing is the more fun I have in my business, the better my business becomes. And it's true. I can look back now and I have so much evidence that that's true and yet I haven't fully trusted that.

And maybe it's because I was raised that you get to play after you work. Work isn't supposed to be fun, work is supposed to be really hard. And then you do the fun stuff later. And now I'm starting to really believe that's not true. Work can be fun, and it's all in your attitude. It's in your creativity. It's in you letting go of so much control and just relaxing and being led and following your intuition and doing things that excite you and light you up. And so that's one thought. And the other one is around being visible. And the thought that I keep coming back to is my visibility creates a beautiful butterfly effect in the world. And there's one more. And that is I let myself be fully seen knowing that my truth, my essence, will attract the right people and repel the ones that aren't a fit.

Listen you all, I'm at a point in my life, and maybe it's with age, maybe it's just with frustration, I don't know what it is, but I'm grateful for it. But I'm just at a point where I don't want to attract people into my life that I have to perform around. And that's what happens when you don't show up as your true self. You'll attract people. But the moment you let yourself be seen for who you are, they may not like it. So I'd rather just show up and just be who I am. And if it's not a fit, that's okay. Knowing that I'm going to attract the people who are a fit for my values, for how I coach, for what I enjoy, what I love, and it's such a more pleasant experience. And even outside of work, with friends, I want to attract people who were vibing at similar levels. We value similar things. We roll through life in similar ways, and you don't get there if you are not being true to yourself.

And so yes, these days I am shopping at the business store and the visibility store for my thoughts, knowing at the end of the day, you all, it is safe to be seen. It doesn't mean you're not going to get criticism. It doesn't mean that people won't like you. That's just the world we live in. You probably don't like every person you meet. You're not instantly drawn to them. You probably are critical of certain people. It doesn't make them wrong and you right, it just means it's not a match, just the way the world works. And yet we walk around being so afraid of other people. And at the end of the day, I feel like that fear is because we don't feel safe with ourselves.

When the relationship you have with yourself is solid, then you stop caring so much about what everybody else thinks because you know have your own back. You know that you've got you. It's like, bring it. I was made for this. So those are the thoughts that I am wearing these days, and I really encourage you to shop for your thoughts intentionally. Just because you've been wearing a thought for decades doesn't mean you have to keep wearing it. You can pack that baby up, take her to the goodwill store and go find you some new thoughts, thoughts that look fabulous on you, thoughts that fit into your future, thoughts that align with the most expansive, beautiful, life-loving, joyful version of you. So enjoy this episode on shopping the thought store.

I am so excited about today's episode because I'm inviting you to come and shop my thought closet. Yes, we're going on a shopping spree. If you've been following me for any length of time, you know that style is one of the core pillars of the School of Self-Image. I have used style to completely transform how I see myself. Now, oftentimes when I talk about style, people can assume that I'm talking about expensive clothing, designer handbags and stilettos and lots of makeup and coiffed hair. Listen, when I talk about style, I am talking about being intentional with who you want to be, how you want to see yourself, and how you want to show up in the world. And that is going to look different for all of us.

I love within the School of Self-image membership, seeing all of the different translations of this work. I see women finally owning their love of blue jeans and t-shirts and that rock-and-roll vibe. I love seeing women own that they actually do love dresses and pearls and heels. I love watching women own the fact that they want to express athleticism and they're rocking their up-level yoga pants and athleisure wear. What's important is that you are intentional that you are choosing on purpose.

Now, I want to take the same idea and apply it to your thoughts. For those of you in the membership, you know I use a lot of closet analogies. It's where the Self-Image method was born in my closet. And I love thinking about thought stores like where you shop for your thoughts and the thought wardrobe that you create for yourself. This is about you intentionally choosing thoughts that fit you, that look beautiful on you, that help you express your values, your dreams, your desires that help you go to the places that you want to go. Because in reality, you all, we're just experiencing our thinking of our lives. We think it's our jobs, we think it's our partner's behavior or how our kids are doing in school. We think it's our bodies.

But the reality is what we are experiencing is our thoughts about all of those things. So in this moment, you probably can't change some of the things that you think are making you upset or making you feel negatively. You can't change your partner's behavior that's on him or her. You can't change your job in this moment. I mean, I guess you could walk out and quit, but most of you won't do that. And so the quickest way to begin to elevate the quality of your life is to elevate the quality of your thoughts. And so I want to talk about choosing our thoughts intentionally, and I want to use the analogy of shopping for thoughts. And then I'm going to invite you into my thought closet and see if there are any thoughts that maybe you want to borrow from me.

So when it comes to thoughts, I like to think of them this way. You can have your goodwill thoughts. These are thoughts that you get from the goodwill. These are the thoughts you've inherited, like hand-me-downs and some you may find are fantastic. For example, I inherited the belief that I can do anything I set my mind to. My mom gave me that thought. It's a beautiful thought. I love it. I also inherited the belief that I'm a hard worker. I love this belief. I love the results that it's created in my life. I love how I embrace hard work. I love my work ethic. I love this goodwill thought. A thought that was passed down to me has served me really well. Another thought that I realized as I was preparing for this episode that was passed down to me that I just thought was the way the world was.

But Fonz often reminds me, not everybody thinks this way. In fact, a lot of people don't. But I grew up believing that there are a lot of good people in the world. And whenever I'm with people, I tend to look for the good in them. I can see beyond maybe their anger. I can see beyond their hurt. I can see the good in people because I grew up with that thought. My parents were like that. They were always looking for the good in people. And this is one of those thoughts that has served me well. But sometimes I've ignored some of the bad behaviors of people because I'm so devout of this belief that there's good in there and I still believe that. But when I've sacrificed myself in search of their good, that's where that goodwill thought can cause me problems. But all in all, I'm very grateful for that.

But listen, y'all, just like the goodwill there can also be some really outdated or ill-fitting pieces when you go to the goodwill. Maybe you've inherited a belief about your abilities, a negative self-image that someone else has planted in your mind years ago. And I consider these to be junk thoughts that just don't serve you and they hold you back. So an example that comes to mind is I grew up thinking that I wasn't that smart. Now, it's a crazy thought when you consider that I was in the beta club. I made all A's, I even graduated top of my class in nursing school and later on at Boston University. But because I had such a deep southern accent, it wasn't even southern. It was country. I had a country accent. And I remember people making fun of me when I would travel outside of my little 30-mile radius and I would speak.

And the way I translated that was I'm not that smart. And then it became, I'm not good enough. I'm not sophisticated or worldly or well-traveled. I had all of these beliefs about myself that I basically picked up the goodwill. And there was a moment in my journey where I realized this is just a thought that has been passed down to me. And even though I had evidence against it it was still so deeply ingrained in me and it was a thought that I decided to return and I upgraded for a better thought. So I want you to think about the thoughts that you think every day. And the question I love to ask is if I could choose my thoughts on purpose, would I ever choose this one of all of the thoughts that I can go and shop for? Number one, do I want to be going to the Goodwill to shop for my thoughts? Maybe, right?

You can find some good things at thrift stores and vintage stores and the Goodwill, but you have to search really hard to find them. Or do I want to go shop elsewhere for my thoughts? And so that leads me to the second type of thought, and I call these Target thoughts. These are the mainstream thoughts, the sort of everyone wears this kind of ideas and there's nothing inherently wrong with these kind of thoughts until they don't serve you or they're not the perfect fit for who you want to be and the life you want to live. And they might be comfortable, but they're not exactly inspiring. Within the membership, I teach the thought ladder and halfway up the ladder we hit what I consider to be neutral thoughts. And these would be your Target thoughts. These are thoughts that aren't particularly exciting, but they're not particularly demotivating either.

So for example, maybe it's like I have a body, it's just a general thought, doesn't harm you, doesn't exactly excite you. Maybe if you are experiencing a challenging situation, a Target thought could be, I've done hard things before, right? It's not getting you up and ready to pick up the sword and run into battle, but it's also not keeping you stuck in the past. So again, Target thoughts are just neutral thoughts. They're thoughts that are not exceptionally high quality, but they're not low quality either. You can go into Target and find some really good things that look great in your home, that look great on your body, but they're not high quality. They're just neutral. But then we move into what I call Neiman Marcus thoughts, and these are higher quality. If we think about this in terms of the thought ladder, these are moving you towards you embodying and believing the things that you want to believe about yourself and about your life and your abilities.

And so Target thoughts would be taken a neutral thought and just getting a higher quality thought from that. So instead of I have a body, it might be I have a body that serves me well, that helps me to enjoy my life. Then we move up to I have a body that I love taking care of. My body is beautiful. You can see how those are higher quality thoughts in terms of your abilities. It goes from I've done hard things to I can do hard things and I'm excited to learn and grow from this opportunity. I'm excited to see what I'm made of. I can handle whatever comes my way, bring it. I was made for this. Neiman Marcus thoughts are the thoughts where you're really starting to embody who you want to be and who I think you truly are. This is where those powerful I am statements come in.

I am beautiful, I am smart, I am capable, I am abundant. I am able to create whatever it is that my heart really, really desires. This is where you're thinking thoughts as if you are living in your after story. And as I was preparing for this, I was thinking about why is it so hard for us just to go straight to Neiman's and start shopping? But think of it this way, if your entire life, you've been shopping at the Goodwill, and now someone's told you, "Hey, wait, you can go to Neiman's. You know that. And there's a whole variety of things in there that will look amazing on you." A lot of people will have a lot of thoughts about that. They'll start telling themselves, "But I don't deserve it. It's too expensive. Who am I to go and shop at Neiman Marcus? What are they going to think of me?"

And it's the same when we start changing our thoughts, people around you may think, "Who do you think you are thinking you are all that?" Right? Or you may have a belief it's too expensive. And the expense of shopping at Neiman's is truly the intention and the effort that is required when you begin to change these deep neural pathways. You have to really be mindful of your own mind. You have to understand the thoughts that you're thinking that's causing you to feel the way you're feeling. And a lot of people don't want to put in that work. It's too expensive. So they stay in their comfort zone, they stay shopping at the stores that they've shopped their whole lives because it's what they know. It's what's familiar and that's what they think they deserve. But I'm here to tell you Neiman's is open for business. And if we really want to crank it up, we're going to go to Natalia and get your thoughts custom-made.

These are called couture thoughts. And the way I like to think of these thoughts is that they're custom-made for you and your life. These are the thoughts that reflect what you value, what your dreams are, what's important to you. So let's say for example, your dream is to write a novel, a couture thought might be, "My imagination is boundless. I have so much creativity and I have the discipline to turn my into a captivating story." When I think about my couture thoughts, it's a lot around the work that I do. And so I am constantly thinking self-image is the most important work you will ever do. And I really believe that. I have thoughts like this work matters. I'm building a company that cares for people. I'm creating a culture that people love to work in. I'm creating a company that helps women create after stories.

And so those are examples of my own couture thoughts that I've custom created for my life, my work, my dreams. And so when you think about you and what it is that you want to create and the life that you want to live and the values that you have, what are the couture thoughts that will support the uniqueness of you? So as promised, I want to bring you into my thought closet so that you can shop it. I love the idea of borrowing beliefs because sometimes there are things out there that we can think and believe that we don't even know is possible because we've never heard it. We've never been around someone who thinks it. So if nothing else, maybe this will expand your possibility. And if something resonates with you, take it. It's yours. We can always shop for another one. So I thought about how to divide this up, and I'm going to tell you some thoughts that I have around certain areas of life that I found that a lot of people struggle in.

So the first thing that I want to point out is our morning thoughts. What are your first thoughts of the day? Just notice. And do they set you up to have an incredible day? I'm very intentional with my morning thoughts, which is why I love to do our daily five journal practice within the membership. It just helps me think on purpose. But the thing is, once you start doing this, you'll find that number one, life begins to reflect it back to you and it becomes easier and easier to think these thoughts. But when you're in a dark place, when you feel like your back is up against the wall, these thoughts may be hard to access. So that's where you would go to a Target thought and you would find a thought that just feels a little bit better. But here's some of my typical morning thoughts.

I cannot wait to find the magic in today. I love my life. I'm so grateful for ... And I will just go on an appreciation rampage. I am so grateful for my home, I'm so grateful for my family, and I'll get very specific. I'm so grateful for my business and the women that I get to work with. And sometimes I'll think about one particular person that I just read their post in Facebook and I'm like, I'll think about them and I'll just express gratitude. I also love, it's going to be a good day. Think about that. I'm telling my brain what to create. If you tell your brain to create a good day, whatever's handed to you, your brain's going to be like, "Wait, we're supposed to be creating a good day. Let me take this and turn it around. Let me take this and find the good in it. Let me take this and offer solutions and possibilities."

So be mindful of your morning thoughts. Also, thoughts about myself. Now this is interesting because it may seem like I'm bragging, but I don't go around saying these things out loud. These are things that I think to myself and I want to offer them to you. So one of the things that I think, and I've been especially focused on it this year since my word is royal for the year. I love thinking about myself, I'm a queen. I am a queen. It totally shifts my energy, how I carry myself, how I treat myself, how I talk to myself, how I interact with other people, what I allow and what I don't tolerate. So that's a very powerful thought. That's in my thought closet. Also, I'm smart and capable. I love this one. When I'm facing a challenge, I just remind myself, "Listen, I'm smart and I'm capable."

And that always leads to the next one, which is I'll figure this out. I always do. I love thinking I am fun. No matter where I go, I am fun. I bring the fun. The fun is within me. And then also not everyone is going to like me. And that's actually a good thing because if someone doesn't like you, it means you're not being truly you. And listen, I have spoken openly on this podcast about how I have tried to be liked and my fear of people not liking me and people pleasing, and I've shifted out of that and it's the most freeing thing. Now, is it completely a hundred percent gone? No, but it certainly isn't showing up like it used to. And it's the best feeling. There are going to be people that don't like you, but if you like you and you're being true to yourself, that's what matters.

And so that is one of my favorite thoughts in my thought closet these days is like not everybody's going to like me, and that's a good thing. It means that I'm being true to myself and that I'm going to attract the right people into my life. The other one is thoughts about business and work. One of my favorite thoughts is my work is an expression of my unique gifts, strengths and what I love. I often say, "You are what you love." And it's so true. That's sort of what makes you, it defines you. What do you love? Tell so much about a person. And I think in this industry and in the online world, we start looking at everybody else and there is nothing new, y'all, nothing new. The concepts that I teach have been around for eons, but the way you teach it should be from you.

You should intertwine what you love and what makes you unique. When I think about my love of style, my love of beauty, my love of travel and luxury, I bring that into my work and it turns some people off. They tell me I'm superficial, that I'm vain, that all I care about are looks. And nothing could be further from the truth, but that's okay. I'm not going to deny that part of me to please a few. But it attracts the people who have similar values and who are attracted to the things that I love. Chances are it's something that they love or they want to begin loving. They haven't given themselves permission to fully own that. Yeah, I want to cultivate more of that in my life. And so I just know that my work is an expression of my unique gifts and strengths and what I love. And no one can do it like I do and the way that I do it.

Just like no one can do it like you do and the way that you do it. And when you really start to tap into what makes you you and you really stay in that lane, you are going to attract the right people and you'll repel the ones who aren't a great fit. Nothing wrong with them, nothing wrong with you. But I see it all of the time, you'll look and you'll see someone who's really successful and you'll think, "Oh, I need to be more like them in order to be successful." And so you start sacrificing you trying to be them. But what's making them so successful isn't necessarily how they're doing it. I think it's because they are being who they are. They're owning themselves. They know who they are, they really capitalized off of their unique strengths, and it attracts the right people for them.

And this is why formulas don't work and why a lot of the things that they're teaching in the business world just doesn't work because people are trying to teach you to do it like them versus helping you figure out how to do it like you. And so I just know every time I've gone deeper into myself and I've revealed more of myself in my business, my business just keeps getting better because it's an expression of my unique gifts, strengths and my loves. And the more I am open about that, the more I attract the right people. I also believe deeply that my work matters. My work matters. And I remember practicing this thought when I was working as a nurse and I was really burnt out and I just felt stuck. And I remember just deciding one day I'm going to bloom where I'm planted. I'm going to really show up in this position, in this role, and I'm going to give it my all because it matters.

And it completely shifted everything. It shifted my energy, it shifted my attitude, and then things started happening. I had patients requesting me to be their nurse. I got a promotion, I got a raise. And it's almost like the thought, "My work matters." It started to show evidence for it because that's the way thoughts work. We're telling our brains what to go out there and create. And so I ended up having such a sense of fulfillment and joy simply by changing my attitude and really focusing on my work matters. For the School of Self-Image, I deeply believe that there is an extraordinary after story in all of us. So think about whatever it is that you do. What is the belief that you want to have around your particular niche, your particular job? What is the possibility that you want to see in the work that you do?

I also love believing, and it's true. I love giving value. I love serving and I love providing value. I also love to think I'm creating a culture of acceptance, love and growth. I love believing that I am an exceptional businesswoman and no one does business quite like I do, and it's true. Just like with my work and my brand, I want to get rid of all of the shoulds of business, how you should be as a CEO and what everybody else is doing and really think about the culture that I want to create. The way I'm thinking about growing my company is I'm thinking about what is the kind of company I would've loved to work for? And that's what I'm creating. We're doing some really fun things. Like at my event I gave everyone who attended a clothing budget to go shop for the event.

We have benefits now. It's like I'm creating this culture and doing business in a unique way that really is a reflection of my own values and it's a business that I would want to work in because business is so dependent on the people in it. And not only are we serving clients, but I also see myself as the CEO as I'm serving my employees. I want them to look back at their time at SOSI and say, "Those are some of the best years of growth for me." And so those two thoughts that I am an exceptional business woman and no one does business quite like I do. It's serving that mission. Let's talk about money, thoughts about money and the thoughts that I have in my thought closet because when I looked in my closet years ago, I realized that when it came to the money section, we can call it like the pants section, I realized that all of those pieces I had gotten at the goodwill and they did not fit and they did not look good.

This has been one of the hardest areas for me in terms of elevating to Neiman and couture status because the beliefs were so ingrained around money, how it works, the stigma attached to it, right? It's like anyone with money I put on this pedestal, they're so amazing, but at the same time, they're so evil. It was like the thoughts that we have towards money are really fascinating. And because we are experiencing our thinking, if you're struggling with money, just look at your thinking. I was just having a conversation today with someone and I was like, money is fun, which is in my thought closet. And money doesn't solve the problems that people are trying to use money to solve the problem for. A lot of people are trying to solve their security and their happiness with money and it doesn't work. Do you know how many people I've had conversations with who have lots of money, who feel so insecure or full of worry, who aren't happy?

So if money were the answer, those people would just be living their best lives, but they're not. Now money does solve other problems. It gives you options, it allows for experiences, it allows you to do certain things. It's a tool, but we have so many thoughts about money, and so I have definitely upgraded my thoughts about money and now my experience of money is so different. So some of my just, you could say these are Neiman Marcus thoughts like the contemporary section, but I love taking care of my money. I used to believe that I wasn't good at doing that, and I realized I was so good at proving that true. And so I just swapped that thought. I traded it in, I returned it, and I bought the thought of I love taking care of my money. And as a result, my money situation is completely different.

I also love to believe it's safe to earn, spend and save money because I find that one of those three, we feel a lot of lack of safety around. Some of you may feel it's not safe to earn. Some of you may feel it's not safe to spend. Some of you may feel it's not safe to save. You're like, "But wait, I may not have it tomorrow, so let me spend it today." So even saving doesn't feel safe. I think all of it is safe. I also love thinking I don't have to make money, I just have to open myself up to receiving it because we don't make money. Money is just out there. It's already been made, it's already been printed. It's just out there flowing around between people and businesses, into banks, into real estate. It's just flowing. And so many of us have just blocked ourselves off from allowing it to flow to and through us.

And so I love the idea. I don't have to make it. I just have to open myself up to receiving it. I also love thinking people love paying me for the value we offer. People love paying for the value that we offer. That's a hard one for some of you all. You have a lot of thoughts about receiving money, and I really encourage you to look at where did that come from? You got it at the Goodwill, I'm pretty sure because when I hang around people who are wealthy in terms of finances, they don't have this thought. They really do believe, wow, people love paying me. They love paying me for what I have to offer. And so they have so much evidence for it. And guess what? You can choose to believe that too.

Now, you may have to work at it. You may have to put some effort into that one as I did. But that's why these thoughts are more expensive because they take more effort, but they're available to you. They're hanging on the rack in Neiman Marcus. You just got to walk in, have the courage to purchase it and then wear that thought. Wear it until it's just who you are and what you do. And that goes for any of these thoughts. I also love thinking money is just always flowing, sort of what I said earlier, it's just always flowing. It's not something that is scarce. There is so much money that's being printed as we speak. So it's flowing around. It's going somewhere. You just have to be open to receiving it.

Now let's talk about time because you all have some thoughts about it. And from what I've seen, and many of you that I've coached, your thoughts are coming straight from the goodwill. Thoughts like, I don't have enough of it. I'm running out of it. I don't know how to manage it. And so this is the one area of my life that I feel like my thought wardrobe is on point. My relationship with time is probably the most beautiful relationship I have. And I can say for the most part, my whole life I was thinking about this. I never have struggled that much with time. I've just always believed I have as much as I need.

One of my favorite thoughts is there is no hurry. And some of you may be thinking, "But wait, Tonya, have you looked at my calendar? Have you looked at my schedule? Do you see all that's due?" I get it. My life right now, you may translate into being very hectic and would be very overwhelming for you. I have a lot of business projects. My team's about to fly in for a retreat. I have another mastermind that I'm going to. I'm in the process of moving into the house. So there's a lot of stuff that goes along with that. There's a lot going on. But the question I have for you is is that a useful thought to say, I don't have enough time? Does that change your relationship with time in a positive way, or does it just keep you in this anxious panicked mode as it relates to time?

I just choose to believe there is no hurry. I like the way that feels. And the irony is when I think that I'm more focused, I get more done, and I keep proving to myself there is no hurry when I do feel a little pressure and I'm human. So sometimes I do. I'm like, "Ah, there's quite a few tasks that are due today." I just love to say, "My life is full right now. My day is full. My life is full." It's a way better thought than, "I have so much to do. I'm so overwhelmed" and you just react. I'm like, "Oh, no. At least I'm not bored. My life is full right now. My day is full." When I really need to focus and get things done, I love the thought right here, right now because what often happens is we set a big goal and we're like, "God, so much has to happen."

I think about doing events. I'm going on tour this year, and so there's a lot of things that need to happen, but I'm always just like right here, right now. And sometimes right here, right now is just like, okay, decide the dates. Decide the locations. Right here, right now may mean, okay, now it's time for you to look for the venue. Now we need to write the copy. But right here, right now is where life is unfolding. It's where you take action. It's where the magic is. And so if you find yourself future tripping, tripping over the future and feeling a lot of anxiety around it, just be like right here, right now. What needs to be done? What can I do right now to take action on that future that I'm so overwhelmed about? And then this brings me to my final thought, which is very similar.

This moment is where it's at. This moment it's where it's at. I can't be yesterday, I can't be tomorrow, I can only be right here, right now. Let's think about my thoughts about life. I don't know why this thought brings me so much joy and peace, but I love to think that life is just a game and I'm just here playing the best I can. I think we take life so serious, but what if we just saw it as a game? And when you have an obstacle, it's just like the game of life. Literally, the game of life. You figure out how to get over that hump. You collect your children, you buy the house. It's just a game. And when you begin to see it as a game, when you encounter a challenge and an obstacle, you just know, oh, this is the part of the game where I get better at playing.

This isn't the part where I quit. It's not the part where I fall apart. This is just the part where I learn something new about myself. I learn a new skill. Whatever you need to learn to help you overcome that obstacle and challenge. I love believing that failure is what dreams are built upon. This thought allows me to not be afraid of failure, but to embrace it, to walk towards the potential of it. Because if you're afraid to fail, you will never, ever succeed. I also love the thought plan for tomorrow, but enjoy today because sometimes I feel like we get caught between the two. We either think we have to be all in the future, always planning, and then we neglect our days. Or we're like, "Well, we're not promised tomorrow, so we might as well enjoy today."

I believe in the hybrid. I believe, yes, plan for tomorrow and then enjoy today and showing up for the plans that you've made. Figure out how to enjoy it. Stop and smell the roses. Appreciate what's around you right now because what's around you right now, you probably dreamt of some of it before. And if you're not careful, you're just always running to the next thing and never really enjoying today. And then that brings me to my final thought about life. Actually, I have two more. One is over there can only be as good as here. I've seen this so many times in my own life and in other people's lives, we fantasize about how great life will be over there when, and then we make ourselves miserable. And even if we get to that place, wherever you go, there you are. And so you'll find that it didn't hold all of the promises that you thought it was going to hold.

And that's why I believe in the journey to the dream should be as beautiful as the dream itself. Figure out how to love the life you have right now because what you focus on expands. So as you look at aspects of your life that you do enjoy, you do love, you're going to see more of that and you're going to experience more of it. And you don't have to wait until one day to do that. In fact, waiting until one day just makes it so much harder. Okay, here's my last thought about life. I have many, but these are some that I think can be really useful for you. So in the world of personal development and law of attraction, there is this idea that if you feel negative emotion, you're going to attract negative things. And so because we're all human and we all have negative emotions because we have these brains that sometimes can go to scary places. We begin to fear the negative thoughts and the negative feelings. Are you with me?

So a thought that I have is that feeling bad cannot stop the magic. It's like my little hack. I just know that I can show up and do incredible things and attract incredible things even when I'm feeling bad and it just releases resistance. So when I'm feeling bad, it doesn't feel as bad because I'm not feeling bad about feeling bad. Are you with me? I'm not freaking out and thinking, "Oh my God, I'm going to attract bad things because I'm a human and I'm having some bad feelings right now." I believe that the magic is accessible even when I'm feeling bad. All right, thoughts about body and self-care? I believe self-care is a gift that I give to myself and the world. I believe the better I take care of myself, the better I show up, the more I have to give.

And so it just takes that layer of guilt that I used to have around taking care of myself. It's okay to make me a priority because it's a gift that not only do I give myself, but it's a gift to my family, to my employees, to my clients, to my friends. It's a gift to everyone. I also love believing the body wants to heal. I love thinking this when I'm sick. I loved this thought when my daughter was really sick. I just kept reminding myself, it was a thought that I wore every single day, the body wants to heal. It brought me peace, some peace, as much peace as I could access then. And it just allowed me to focus on how can I help her heal? How can I help me heal?

I also love believing that my body is my friend. We get to hang out every day. So I want to listen to her. I want to get to know her. I want to be good to her. And I love thinking, I love taking care of my body. I love taking care of my body. Thoughts about love and relationships. I love loving him. I love loving him. Of course, I'm talking about Fonz, but I love loving him. All he has to do is sit there and I get to love him. I get to appreciate him. I get to have fun with him. He can be doing whatever. It's something that I get to do, and he's the recipient of it because the love is within me. I just get to put it all on him.

I also love believing that I'm so fun to love. Think about this thought. If you walk into a room and you're like, "I am so fun to love." Think about how you show up because a lot of you are wearing that terrible Goodwill outfit that says, "I'm unlovable." You inherited it. You would've never gone into a store and bought that. But you've inherited it and you've worn it for so long, and it's the lens in which you see the world. So you have probably evidence for it. You've probably pushed love away, attractive people that didn't appreciate you, and it looks terrible on you. It's not your color. It's not your fit. And it is so maybe 1970s, wherever you pick that thought up.

And I want you to consider that you are so fun to love. You are so fun to love. What if you allowed people to enjoy loving you and knowing that you will attract the right people who appreciate the uniqueness of you, and you will repel the people that don't know how to love someone as fun as you are to love. And then lastly, I love believing that love is always the answer. What would love do right now? It's a great question. Love is always the answer. And sometimes out of fear, out of hurt, we can go in and out of it. But that one thought always brings me back. Love is always the answer.

So listen, please borrow any of these thoughts. You can have them. I'll go buy more. But put them on. Wear them around. They may feel a little awkward at first. They may not feel like your style only because you haven't worn them ever maybe. But in time, if these thoughts are useful and they serve you and you wear them long enough, they'll begin to feel like a beautiful, perfect fit. So I hope you all had fun shopping my thought closet. I hope you have a beautiful week, and I will see you in next week's episode.

Hey, before you go, I want to let you know that if you've loved this episode and you want more support in curating your self-image, I've created something just for you. It's a free podcast guide to help you find the episodes that meet you exactly where you are, whether you're craving for elegant success, vibrant well-being, magnetic presence, or stylish living. Or maybe you just want to deepen your understanding of the core concepts of self-image work, it's all in the guide. You can go to schoolofselfimage.com/guide and grab your copy now. Your next breakthrough might just be one episode away.