The Power of Self-Image and Why It Shapes Everything

The Picture You Carry of Yourself

Right now, there is a picture of yourself that you carry around in your mind. And here's the kicker. You don't rise above it. You live into it every single day. That picture, the way you see yourself sets the limit for what feels possible, for what feels safe and what feels like you. And no matter how much you hustle or how many wins you collect, you will always, always return to the woman that you believe yourself to be. Welcome to the School of Self-Image where our motto is simple. Elevate your self-image, elevate your life. I'm Tonya Leigh, your hostess, and I'll guide you to become the woman who doesn't just dream bigger. She lives bigger. Let's dive in.

Hey friends. Welcome back to the channel. Today we are talking about the power of your self image. Your self image is that picture that you have about yourself. It's what you think about yourself. And if you've been struggling to reach your goals, if you feel like you always come back to a certain state of being, this is the missing piece. This is the secret to change that not a lot of people talk about. I discovered this many, many years ago. In fact, my self-image journey started at 2:00 AM in a hospital. At the time, I was working as a critical care nurse, and I also had a little daughter. I was extremely overwhelmed. I was extremely overworked and just over it, I was in a place in my life where I was like, oh my God, there has to be more. But I didn't know what that was for me.

But I'll never forget a doctor turning to me. He was a visiting doctor who was working the night shift, and he said to me, Tonya, who do you want to be? And I found that such an interesting question because my entire life, it was always, what do you want to do? What do you want to do when you grow up? But who I wanted to be, I didn't know how to answer the question. So I said to him, well, I know I want to be a good wife, a good mom, and a good nurse. He said, no, I'm not talking about the roles you play in life. Who do you want to be as a woman? Your essence? And I could not get that question out of my mind. I couldn't answer it at the time, but it was replaying in the back of my mind through that entire shift.

And so the next morning at 7:00 AM I'm driving home thinking, who do I want to be? I mean, is it an option? Do I really get to decide? And the more I entertained that question, finally the answer came and it shocked me because it was so antithetical. Is that a word? Is that word antithetical? We might just go with that. I know it is a word. I don't know if it means, well, give us one second. I am consulting with my podcast director directly opposed or contrasting? Directly opposed or contrasting. I think we should keep this. Let's just keep rolling. It was antithetical to who I saw myself as because you have to understand, I grew up in a very religious home. I grew up very strict conditions, couldn't wear makeup, didn't travel. My life was very, very simple. And so the word was I wanted to be worldly.

I know it was everything I was told I should not be, but it was such a part of my soul my whole life. I'd always been interested in the arts. I'd always been interested in travel, beautiful places, adventure. It was deep within me, but I thought it wasn't for a girl like me. Turns out I was very wrong. This was a self-image problem, and it's one that I went on a journey to solve, literally becoming a completely new person through the work of self-image.

The Self-Image Blueprint

So I want to talk about what is self-image and why is it so important? This is the missing piece that a lot of people don't realize is running their entire lives. And so they struggle to reach goals, they limit themselves and they end up feeling very dissatisfied with their own lives. Even though they're taking a lot of action, they're trying to make it happen.

They always come back to a certain state of being, and that is because of self-image. Self-image is the picture that you have of yourself. It's your thoughts about you and it determines what goals you set. It determines what you allow into your life, what you reject from your life, because subconsciously you're always working to prove your self-image. True. I like to think of self-image as this internal thermostat. So if you think about in your house, you have a thermostat that controls the temperature of your rooms. So let's say your thermostat is set at 70 and someone leaves the door open and a bunch of hot air comes in. Well, what happens? The AC gets triggered. It turns on, it brings in some cold air to bring the temperature back down to 70 degrees. That is what your self image does. It is always going to bring you back to a certain setting.

That setting that you have around money, relationships, the setting that you have around your wellbeing, it is always, always working.

The Self-Image Cycle

The way self-image works is through what I call the self-image cycle. So basically you have a thought about yourself. Let's just say that thought is I'm not good with money, and you have a lot of evidence for it, so you really believe it to be true, but you think that about yourself and then you feel a certain way. Maybe you feel frustrated, maybe you feel shame. Maybe you feel anxiety. And so when you are in those feeling states, how do you show up with your money? Do you take care of it? Do you spend intentionally? Chances are not. Maybe you avoid it. Maybe you overspend and ultimately you create more evidence for that statement. I'm not good with money. That is how self-image works.

Your self-image really does depict your behavior. Again, it's that internal thermostat. You may not even know what's happening, but it's kicking on and it's telling you, don't do this, do that. And it's great when it's working for you. But what happens when it works against you? All of the action in the world, it might create a temporary change, but it's not going to create long-term change because ultimately you're going to come back to your setting. This is what you may think of as self-sabotage and you may not understand. Why do I keep sabotaging myself? I say I want one thing, but now I'm doing another and I can't figure it out. It is self-image work. I think about all of the years where I said, I really want to work out, I really want to be someone who works out consistently, but my self-image was I'm not someone who shows up consistently because I had a lot of evidence for it.

And so I would create these great plans. I would join the gym. I would go for a couple of days, and then inevitably, because I didn't change my self image, I would let myself down. I would disappoint myself, and then I would have weeks of proving to myself, see, Tonya, I told you, you don't show up consistently. I think about my man. He has the self-image of an athlete. He's had it basically his entire adult life. So every day he goes to the gym, he plays basketball. He's very active because that's his identity. That is how he sees himself. And so he will make sure no matter what he gets to the gym because that's what his self-image dictates. This is why action alone isn't enough. You have to change that internal setting that is always run in the show. And this is why I always encourage people take action not to get the result, but take action so that you can confirm a new identity.

Take action so that you can prove to yourself, I'm showing myself that I'm good with money. I'm showing myself that I can be a great CEO. I'm showing myself that I can be organized. The results will come. That's just going to happen if you do those things over consistently. But even more delicious is that you're changing that mental picture of yourself, which means you're going to be able to create long-term results, not just temporary ones.

The Mirror Effect: RAS and Belief Confirmation

Here's the really cool thing about self-image is that it's really a mirror effect. The world is always reflecting back to you who you believe yourself to be. And I want to tell you scientifically why this happens. Within each of our brains, we have this thing called the reticular activating system. It is the part of our brain that sifts through the billions of pieces of data that's coming in at every moment and delivers to us what we believe to be true.

Now, there are so many options out there, but we will zero in on what confirms our beliefs. It's why maybe, I don't know if you've ever had this happen, but you can get a hundred compliments, but that one bad review comes in and you focus on it because deep down, there's something within you that maybe you think I'm not good enough. And so even though a hundred people have said, oh my God, I love what you do, you're amazing. You zero in on that one. That confirms what you believe to be true about yourself. Because if you really believe, oh my God, I'm really good at what I do, I love what I do, that one comment may come in, it may sting a little bit, but you're going to be like, you know what? I know who I am. I know that's a reflection of them, not me.

I know the kind of work I do, the kind of job that I do. The reticular activating system is basically serving you up what you tell it to look for. You need to ask yourself, what are you looking for? Are you looking for the reasons why it won't work out for you? Are you looking for the reasons why you're behind? Are you looking for the reasons why you're too old? Are you looking for the reasons why you'll never have enough? Because if that's what you are subconsciously looking for, guess what? The reticular activating system's going to be just panning for at all times so it can deliver it to you. But the moment you begin to see yourself as abundant, as joyful, as confident, you practice that over and over. All of a sudden you're going to be looking for different evidence in the outside world, which is always available to you, but you'll begin to see it to collect more evidence for how you're choosing to see yourself.

Let Go of the Rope and Redefine Your Identity

That is the power of self-image. And here's the most exciting part. Your self-image is not fixed. Your identity is not fixed. It is something that you always get to choose to shape, to become. It's always available to you to become someone new, but as long as you hang on to who you've been, you're going to keep repeating who you've been. You've got to be willing to let go. I call it letting go of the rope. The analogy I love to use with my coaching clients, I don't know if you've ever water skied, but if you have, you will appreciate this. But I remember when I was first learning to water ski and I would remember falling, the boats pulling me along and I fall and I hang onto the rope. Now, it is impossible for me to somehow defy physics and pop back out of the water.

It's not going to happen. And so I remember just taking on water feeling like it was suffocating, and the moment I let go of the rope, I was just floating because I was supported. I had a life jacket on. It was actually very peaceful. But when we hang onto these ideas about ourselves that we're not good enough, that we don't have what it takes, that we're not smart enough, pretty enough, whatever it is, it's you hanging onto the rope and dragging yourself trying to get up. You can't reach your goals that way. Self-image work requires that you let go of the rope so that you can float and then ask yourself on purpose, who do I want to be? Not what I want to do. Who do I want to be? And then let your actions come from that. The results will follow. That's just how it works.

But this work is about starting at the being level. That's the most important part, because who you're being is determining your entire life. So yeah, your self-image isn't fixed. You could change it starting today. And if you've been struggling to reach your goals, if you feel dissatisfied in your life, this is the missing piece.

Closing

So here's what I want to leave you with. I want to pose to you the 2:00 AM question that was posed to me. Who do you want to be? And really allow yourself to think about that question. Allow yourself to dream and imagine. Don't look to the past for this answer. That's not where we're going. We're looking into the future. Think about the images that light you up. Maybe it's what you dreamt of being as a child that you have somehow forgotten. Allow yourself to really dream and be courageous enough to answer the question and then to live it out.

Now, if you want to know more about the School of self-image and what we stand for, I have put a link right down below, or you can go to schoolofselfimage.com/manifesto and grab this document that I created that really shows you how to elevate different areas of your life as it relates to your self-image. Have a beautiful, beautiful week, and I'll see you in next week's episode. Cheers.

Hey, are you ready to transform your self-image but lack direction and support? If so, I'd like to invite you to join the School of Self-Image. This is an exclusive monthly membership where you'll create your own powerful before and after story. Through weekly classes and coaching, you'll learn powerful techniques on how to elevate the quality of your mindset, style of surroundings, to change how you see yourself and create extraordinary results in your life. Head over to schoolofselfimage.com/join to learn more.