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I ran into a friend recently who is going through a divorce. She confided in me that she wants to start dating again. She’s a smart, beautiful woman. I was full of excitement for her. Then she said the dreaded words that I hear far too often: I’m too old. She’s 55, for crissakes. With the life expectancy expected to reach well over 100 over the next decades, she could have another lifetime ahead of her.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I said, as I had these grand visions of her on hot, steamy, dates, dancing until the wee hours of the morning and her surprising herself around every corner.
I envisioned the best years of her life about to begin. She was envisioning something very different, a decline into misery.
She gets to decide. So do you.
“I just wish I could roll back the clock a few years so I could have a shot at a second chance,” she said.
I went on to tell her about my clients who are rocking out their lives in their 60s. I reminded her of Iris Apfel who, in my opinion, is one sexy, self possessed woman at a ripe age of 94.
Glenn, who was sitting beside me, couldn’t resist jumping into the conversation and gave his manly point of view.
“A guy wants a woman who owns herself. We don’t care about the stretch marks, C-section scars or a bit of extra padding. We just want a woman who feels good in her own body.”
Here’s the deal: those voices in her head are from a husband who told her she wasn’t good enough, the media saying that she needs six-pack abs to be good in the bedroom and years of her comparing herself to women half her age.
“You are not your thoughts,” Glenn chimed in.
I added, “Oh lady, the best is yet to come.”
I watched her face soften, her poise straighten and her whole body radiate.
She walked away with a lightness in her step, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t have a hot encounter later that evening.
The moral of this story:
Own yourself. And, NEVER use age as an excuse! {tweet it}
Now, let’s have a great discussion.
Who’s someone well over 50 that you admire and is rocking out her gorgeous life?
I’ll see you down below in the comments. (And, I’ll make sure my friend reads them.)
With Love,
Did you grab the FKL Manifesto?
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I am 60 years old, having the best years of my life! I am widowed 7 years, an RN and energy healer and just started a coaching business for single women over fifty who would like to start dating. I have twins in middle school and have been dating a wonderful man for 3 years who is an MD and an artist. I say hold your head high and enjoy your magnetism!
Trish (and fellow nurse ;), thank you for sharing your story. Truly inspiring.
Good Afternoon, I'm struggling with trying to date after I'm 36 with 2 young children daughter who is 9 and a son who is 4 I'm a full time single mom who's ex is a addict and a danger to my family, I am finding it extremely difficult to fit in to this age group of singles who leave a lot to be desired!!! Where are the single guys in their 30's who have things together? All I'm finding are married guys stepping out on thief wives, guys with no jobs looking for someone to take care of all their responsibilities and bad decisions, and play boys who only want a little physical interaction and no substance! It's very discouraging!!! Any encouragement out there? I spend most of my time with my kids and building my glass blasting business so The only guys I meet are online
I'm 52 but feel 33 most of the time. On bad days, then I age myself to a whopping 36. On the rate occasion that I do creep into my Forties, I remind myself of the time I was 29, feeling to old to return to college. One day friend of mine told me "You are not old! Whatever you decide to do you will still be getting older but wouldn't it be great to have that education you are craving at that age?" Thank heavens for her advice for I have had a career I love for 17 years and am stuck at the wonderful age of 33.
Firmly believe one is only as old as they think they are. And this 33 y/o can now afford financially, emotionally and mentally the wonderful life of opportunities!
"On bad days, I age myself to a whopping 36," best line ever. Today, I'm feeling 31.
Ten years ago, my marriage of 35 years ended. Not my choice. The thought of dating at 58 the farthest thing from my mind. Who would want to date me? I didn't know one single man in my circle. Two years later I met a man on line who tells me that I am the best thing that ever happened to him, who cherishes me, and loves me. The guy is not perfect, and neither am I. But we have lots of fun, we do things together and individually, and I appreciate the freedom of being my own person. The big thing is to be the best person you can be and be open to possibility. And when you stop putting all your energy into a relationship that has run its course, you can put it into enhancing yourself. Enjoy these days of maturity and independence!
So glad you didn't listen to that doubt and are allowing yourself to have fun! With yourself and others.
Oh, my goodness! I am becoming SO militant about this! Since I retired, I've been listening to people, men *and* women, using "old age" as an excuse for a million things, and it enfuriates me. It's also taught me that "old age" really & truly is just a state of mind. We as a society, aided & abetted by the medical profession for reasons that elude me, have so successfully brainwashed everyone (of every age) into actually *believing* this crap that few of us ever question it.
But I think I'm finally starting to see the first blush of hope as more & more boomers hit their 60s, like me, & wonder what the hell's going on. And then decline to buy into the conventional wisdom. Apparently I'm not supposed to swear (yeah, right, like that's going to happen), wear bright lipstick, tight jeans, high heels, "too much" jewelry or eye makeup (define "too much"), wear bright colours, wear black, colour my hair, drive fast cars fast, have & enjoy good, rowdy sex, speak my mind firmly & with conviction, have strong opinions or any of 693 other things. Don't know who wrote that rule book, but they need to go back & try again. I'm not, by personality & nature, the kind of "old woman" who disappears quietly into beige & conventionality. I'm not easily ignored, side-lined or marginalized and you fuck with me at your peril. And don't call me "dear".
Janet, you are truly awesome
xxx
Well, you just got my standing ovation!
When I tell people I have children aged 30+, I have a think to myself that they can't be that old; I'm only in my 30s myself! In fact, I'm 58 and still enjoying life to the full. My husband says things like 'we are slowing down', but I don't want to slow down. I want to enjoy every minute and live life to the full, so I go hiking, I tend my garden, and do almost anything I turn my mind to.
One person who has been a real inspiration to me is Phyllis Sues, who started her own dress label company when she was 57 and started jumping out of aeroplanes in her 80s!! She does yoga and can still manage a full splits, even though she is now in her 90s!
I adore Phyllis Sues. Her agility, passion and perspective on life...INSPIRING!
I am 55, I weigh a bit more than I did at 25, I definitely have more wrinkles and I have just started dipping my toe into the dating waters, after the loss of my soulmate last year.
This is fun, older, wiser, I know what I want, I have my non-negotiables, I don't try to impress (obviously I make sure I look good and smell great, thank you France for perfume) but the words that come out of my mouth, are who I am. Funny, sexy and well worth wooing.
I don't stress the will he phone or won't he, if he does great, if not, there are actually some more nice fish in the sea. I may meet the perfect man for me, or I may not, but dating is so much fun, I will be doing it as long as I can walk, once I am in a wheelchair, it's a bit difficult to make a graceful exit .
Oh Cat, with your attitude, I bet you can make almost anything graceful! Happy Dating, and sending you lots of love.
Having just turned 50, I realize now more than ever that age is simply a number! I work at a college surrounded by 18-23 year olds and this is what I know - I may have more wrinkles, stretch marks (my badge of honor for having birthed two amazing daughters!),etc, but I also have more wisdom, energy, and style. I refuse to be defined by my age or any other nonsense. Life just got interesting for goodness sake!
Cheers to more wisdom, energy and style. All such beautiful and, dare I say, sexy qualities.
Love yourself; the rest falls into place from there.
If you have self-esteem then the feckwits of the parish (for whom having a hot blonde 22 year old girlfriend is all that matters) will trot on by.
Alternatively, ask yourself "What would Helen Mirren do?" - and DO IT.
That is the best question ever! WWHMD? Thanks Elaine.
The french treat aging better than anyone I've seen. They never let that be an excuse for how they live, dress or interact daily. Thanks for posting this message that many need a reminder about. And might I add how refreshing Glenn's comments were? So many times women have built up what they think men are thinking in their head and play that out repeatedly rather than accepting who they are and living their life in the moment and to the fullest.
Kathy, thank you! You always add such beautiful wisdom to the conversation!
Love, love, love it! I see age as a number, not a obstacle or a barrier to anything! I definitely think the best is yet to come, because we are creating ourselves, growing and evolving through every season of our lives! My icon is Diane Von Furstenberg who is more beautiful and creative now at 68, and only getting better! And, Patti Smith, the singer, poet, artist who feels that her best is just beginning!
DVF is such an inspiring role model.
I'm 52 though I rarely feel it. In fact, when I turned 50 I started counting backwards for my birthdays because I just refuse to get OLD. I have things, like most of us, that I'd improve, but I don't sweat it. The difficulty I have with trying to date is finding men who are of like minds. They are the old ones, lol. Poor things. So, I travel on and focus on becoming.
Counting backwards...now THAT is genius.
My sister has a dear friend named Duran.
She was born in Ethiopia and has no idea how old she really is! In her tribe the day, month and year of ones birth is not recorded or deemed necessary.
How old is Duran? She has a hint of grey hair now but she would say
"Im age fabulous darling!"
Imagine living your life with no concept of your age??
Ooh...I'm going to use that line, "I'm age fabulous darling!" So good.
Tonya- I feel like this was written just for me! Exactly what I needed to hear, at exactly the right time.
Thank you so much!
Love,
Donna
You are always so welcome, my friend!
I have always felt that people's biological age has nothing to do with the numbers that accompany it just as it has nothing to do with character, maturity, personality and intelligence. Some are very "old" at 20 and some stay kids till 100.
The most difficult time of my life was from my late 30s to mid 40s, and then I felt I'm an old woman over 70 every single day. It had a big impact on my overall (low) energy levels, mood, and of course appearance. I looked the way I felt. And then things changed and friends who haven't seen me for long asked if I had a plastic surgery since my physical appearance changed so much. No, I didn't, but we look the way we feel and we feel the way we think, and our whole life and relationships will result from the inner look outside. Never the vice versa.
Mary, I absolutely love your perspective and couldn't agree more. Our inner world radiates into our outer one. Keep inspiring and loving life.
Hi Tonya,
I am 52 and very passionate about this topic. These are the best years of my life and I can not wait to see what the future holds.
It wasn't until in my late 40's and early 50's that I finally started to come into my own as an independent, vibrant, woman.
I struggled horribly in my 20's, through early 40's on many levels. I may have been 37 but I looked and acted like a defeated old woman working in a fast food restaurant even though I held a college degree. I was also obese at almost 300 lbs.
Now, I hold a MA in education and am a successful music teacher; wear a comfortable size 8;I am out in nature hiking and trail running most weekends, and am enjoying every blessing an opportunity in my life. I just completed my first 1/2 marathon in the mountains outside Ft. Collins CO after trail running for 8 months and am training for a full marathon to run next spring or summer.
I still have personal goals I am working towards and I know that life has its ups and downs but I plan to keep growing in wisdom, adventure and love as long as I live. 🙂 As long is there is breath in the body it is not too late to be all we are meant to become.
So inspiring Laura! And, I love your last statement, "As long is there is breath in the body it is not too late to be all we are meant to become." So, so true!
I just went through a divorce last year that was not my choice. After 18 years of marriage, he wanted out. Now I see that it was the best thing for me. I lost myself and my life's purpose to try to please him. Now I am 40, single, back in college, and falling in love with myself again. I have a new passion for life and truly believe that the next 40 years will be better than the last. Age is a number, it's not what defines you. I know full well some day I will find a man to love again but I now know that I will never again compromise who I am for someone else. Thanks for all your great advice, Tonya!
I always love hearing about Mimi Kirk. While I don't embrace her eating style(she's a raw foodie), I completely admire the passion with which she lives her life and her willingness to embrace adventure at age 78! http://youngonrawfood.com/about-me/
I'm 52, married to the love of my life, have 4 grown children and was in the best shape of my life until I recently was diagnosed for the 2nd time with breast cancer. SO....after having a double mastectomy and getting ready to start chemo, I have decided to take the best care EVER of myself this year, including spiritually and emotionally, and exercise again as soon as I'm able. When it's all done, I'll be rocking a cute short hairdo and be my sexy self again. I'll have to admit, I'm currently not feeling too sexy, but I'll be back. Life has setbacks, but AGE isn't one of them!! We must love ourselves so others can love us even more. XO