Dream Fittings

I believe that there is a couture life waiting for each of us. A life that is custom made to fit for our souls. But it's going to require that you do one thing and probably do a lot of it. And it's what I call dream fittings. And it's what we're talking about in this episode.

So let's dive in. 

Welcome to the School of Self Image where personal development meets style. Here's your hostess, Master Life Coach Tonya Leigh..

Hello, my gorgeous friends. How are you doing? I'm so excited because I am getting ready to leave to go spend Labor Day weekend with my parents. And they are so excited. And I am equally just as excited. My mom is the cutest. You won't believe what she did. She knows that I love to play pickleball. And she went on Amazon and bought this whole setup for her driveway, basically turning it into a pickleball court. We are going to be playing pickleball literally in the middle of a cornfield because that's where she lives. It's in the middle of nowhere. But she always goes out of her way for her family. She has taken orders from everyone wanting to know what everybody wants to eat. 

Of course, everybody wants something different. I want her to make her famous potatoes that are delicious. It's potato and parsley and garlic. Yum. Sarah's wanting gluten free pasta salad. Fonz is wanting grits. It's like everybody puts in their order. And then my mom just makes it happen. And it brings her so much joy. And it makes me so happy to see my mom so happy. And so I am so excited just to have a whole weekend of literally doing nothing but spending quality time with the people that I love the most. It's going to be so much fun. 

You know, it really is the simple things. It's the moments like the ones I'm about to have that I think I'll look back on at the end of my life and say, God, I wish I would have had more of those. And so I don't want to live with regrets. And so I'm trying to have more of those moments and appreciate the beauty of the ordinary. Because when you really appreciate the ordinary, that's when it becomes extraordinary. A lot of times we think extraordinary is in the result. It's in the act. But really, it's about your experience of it. Life in and of itself is extraordinary. If you think about the sun rising every day and you don't even have to make it happen, it just does it on its own. That's extraordinary. And yet most people don't even think about the sun rising. They don't even appreciate it. They don't take it in. They don't savor it. And recently, I've just had this deep feeling of waking up to life in a whole new way. And I'm just so excited. I'm so excited about going to my parents this weekend. And do you know what else I'm excited about? 

The School of Self-Image membership. We are about to close the doors for enrollment. And we are currently welcoming in new members. And I'm just excited for them. Every time we have new women come into the group, I love how the rest of the community rallies around them. I appreciate the passion. I appreciate the honesty. I appreciate the transparency of where they are and also the excitement about where they're going. And I always look forward to helping each and every one of them create their after story, whatever that looks like for them. And so helping them get clear on what that is, helping them look at what is holding them back from it, looking at what they need to add into their lives to create it, and essentially helping them become the woman who can create what it is that they want. That's what we do within the membership. And so if you want to work on your self-image, which is the most important work you'll ever do, it's creating your entire life. And yet very few people spend time working on their identity, which is why so many people are struggling right now. It's why so many people feel stuck. 

It's why so many people sabotage themselves because they don't work on the number one thing that is determining the quality of their life. And that is their self-image. So my friend, if you know that this is the work that you really need to be doing, I would love to welcome you into the membership. You can go to schoolofselfimage.com forward slash join. You can read all about it. And there are two options. There is the option to join as a monthly member. You can come in, you can try it on, see how it feels. And then there's the option to join as an annual member. 

This is for the woman who knows that she's in, she's committed, she wants to give herself a year to dive into this work. And she also wants to get access to some exclusive bonuses such as the slim self-image and the wealthy woman. So you can choose either of the two options. Always choose the one that feels best to you. But again, I would love, love, love to see you in the membership. So again, schoolofselfimage.com forward slash join. Now, I am so excited about today's topic. For the longest time, I have loved the idea of a couture life and the way I like to describe a couture life is it's living at the highest level of quality and personalization. 

Most of us are living a ready to wear life. It's a life that has been designed for us. It is a life that we think we should be living. But I believe there is a couture life waiting for all of us. And so how do we figure out what that life is? And that's been a lot of my work over the last 15 years, figuring out what we want and then figuring out who we need to become in order to create it. And so I love this idea of trying on your dreams. I call it dream fittings. And it's a lot like going into a store and seeing something that you think, oh, wow, I really love how that looks on the mannequin. Let me try it on and see how it looks on me. Because we all know sometimes what looks good on the mannequin does not look good on us. But how do we know until we try it on? And this is what I see a lot of people doing. 

They will see a dream on someone else and automatically think, oh, I want that without ever trying it on to see, does it really fit me? So it's important to try on your dreams in real life because it allows you to test drive them to see if it's really right for you. Because often we have idealized visions of what we want based on what society has told us is success, based on what we see other people going for. But trying it in reality can reveal a whole new perspective. For example, someone may dream of being an actor, but they may find that through community theater experience that they don't really enjoy performing as much as they thought. You know, it happened to me when I was thinking about becoming a master sommelier. I thought it would be so much fun to work in the wine industry. 

That is until I created a wine program for a country club and I was having to be there later in the evenings. And Sarah was young and I wanted to be at home and I could see by trying on that dream, I realized, wow, this isn't a good fit. I don't want to be working late at night in restaurants. The idea of it seemed fun. And as soon as I tried it on, I was like, no, that's not it. 

Now here's the beautiful thing. When you try dreams on, there will be parts of that dream that you may love. And then there may be parts that you don't. This is what it looks like to piece together a couture life. So for example, when I think about becoming a sommelier, I love the idea of having that knowledge. The idea of having it as a pastime, not as an occupation. So when it comes to dream fittings, some of the things that can hold you back if you're not mindful is your fear of failure. Because sometimes when you try on a dream, it's not going to work out. It's going to fail. You're going to be like, no, I am not cut out for this. Also your lack of confidence in your abilities. It's really interesting, this concept of confidence, because a lot of times we think confidence comes from experience. And yes, the more we do things and we get better at doing them, we do build confidence in that area because our thoughts about our capabilities change. We are more confident in our confidence. 

But confidence is just believing in yourself. It's believing that no matter what's going to happen, you're going to be okay. And that you're going to learn and you're going to grow. And for every single one of us, there was a time when we had not done what we're doing. There is a first time for everything. And so if you wait for the experience to have confidence, you're never going to have confidence. But so many people don't go out there and try on a dream because they're so afraid that they don't have what it takes. Some people have financial constraints and they think that's the reason why they can't try on a dream. And I'm going to beg to differ that with creativity, you can figure out how to try on a dream, even if you have financial constraints. I have done it. I used to dream of staying in beautiful five-star hotels. And I couldn't afford it at the time. But do you know what I did? I went and sat my fanny in the lobby free. It didn't cost me a thing. I just tried on to get into the energy to fill it out. Do I love this? Do I like it? Is it what I think it's going to be? And it turns out it is. 

I love beautiful surroundings. I appreciate beautiful hotels. It's not for everyone, but it's something that I personally value. And the reason I know that is because I tried on the dream. I experienced it because believe it or not, not everybody loves fancy hotels, but they may think they're supposed to love it because they hear me talking about how I love it. And so they may go off chasing a dream that's not even their dream. It's not a part of their couture life. So you have to stay in touch with what turns you on and what feels true to you. And you can't do that by sitting around just being in your head thinking about it. You need to put yourself in real world situations so you can feel it out. We can also hold ourselves back because we get so comfortable in our current situation. I see this a lot. You can become stagnant and life can start to feel really mundane and you can start to feel restless. But you're like, geez, Tanya, it's really comfortable where I am. But no matter where you are in life, I always encourage you to have a dream fitting, something that you are curious about, something that you want to try on to see how it fits. You know, a dream is a good fit when trying it on brings you energy, passion and a sense of purpose to your life. And fitting dreams may still present challenges, but trying them feels intrinsically rewarding. 

When a dream fits, you'll find yourself wanting to keep growing and learning and experiencing more. And for me, I personally remember when I first started my coaching business, what, 15 years ago, long time ago, I was so excited. I could not wait to wake up every single day and get to work to serve, to create content, to tell people about what I was doing. Now, there was a lot of discomfort and continues to be along the way. But the dream still fits me beautifully today. I am living that dream and it energizes me most days. It gives me a sense of purpose and I'm constantly growing not only as a coach, but also as a business owner. Now, what about when a dream doesn't fit? What I know from experience is when you try it on, it's going to leave you feeling drained, frustrated, maybe disappointed. Now, to be clear, I'm not talking about the journey of realizing your dream. I'm just talking about the original fitting. 

Because when you decide that a dream fits and you're ready to go all in on it, you're going to have some frustrating days. You're probably going to have some disappointments because it's not going to happen overnight. You are definitely going to have some obstacles, probably some failures. There will be some days that you might feel drained. You may think, oh, it's because the dream doesn't fit. But I'm talking about when you first put it on and you visualize you living in that dream. You're already there. How does that feel? A great example for my own life is when I moved to Puerto Rico. I tried on the dream. I moved there and instantly I was like, no, I was disappointed. I was frustrated. I was drained. I'm like, this doesn't fit. And so I immediately moved. Now, some people may say, oh my God, honey is so flaky. She doesn't know what she wants. No, I'm just someone who's willing to get it wrong. I'm someone who's willing to fail. 

I'm someone who is willing to experiment because I know that the best way to create a couture life is to try a lot of different things on. And a lot of you are so afraid of what other people are going to think. You're so afraid of being called flighty or flaky that you're not willing to experiment. But as I was telling members of the community yesterday, I did a call and I was like, listen, I have gone off from probably my couture life path many, many times. And that is the process. You get pulled towards something and then you get over there and you're like, oh, this isn't it. And then you come back. It's like playing hot and cold. You stay in touch with what feels exciting, energizing, joyful, liberating. And you constantly move towards that. And then you notice when you're off your path and things feel heavy and frustrating and just draining. And so all along, I've gone on and off the path. And you all have probably witnessed me do that. But the general trajectory has always been the same because something in me stays connected to that core. And so I go off, but I come back. And that's what it looks like to try on dreams. And I'm just willing to try on some ugly dreams that don't fit me. And sometimes part of the dream fits. This is what I find sometimes when I'm doing new programs. 

I'm willing to experiment. I know that I have something to offer. I know that it will be of great service. And so I put it together and I deliver it. And I feel good about parts of it. But other parts, I'm like, oh, that could be better. But I will not know that until I do it, until I tried on. And a lot of you are trying to get it perfect before ever trying it on. So no wonder you feel frustrated. No wonder you're in confusion. No wonder you feel like your life isn't moving that fast. Because in order to create a couture life, you have to be willing to put things on and try them on. And the quicker you do that and figure out what works and what doesn't work, the more momentum you're going to get in your life. So I hope you're seeing how important it is to get tangible experience to test out your dreams and goals. That's why we encourage our kids to go out there and maybe take a gap year or get an internship, try things on. And it's no different for us adults. So let me offer you some ideas, some examples of dream fittings that you may want to consider. Maybe you could spend a day shadowing someone in your dream career field to get a sense of what a typical workday is like. 

Maybe you could do a short term house swap with someone in your ideal neighborhood to get a feel for living there. Maybe you can test drive your dream car to see if it really lives up to your expectations. Maybe you can shop for an outfit that you would wear for a dream job interview to visualize yourself in that role. You can take a trip to a new city that you're thinking about moving to. That's what I did last year. And I hear a lot of you say, I want to move somewhere, but I don't know where. And so you're sitting around just hoping that the answer falls out of the sky and it's not. You're going to have to go out there and try it on. And so last year I knew that I wanted to buy a house and I'd actually put in an offer for house in Denver. And it was right when the frenzy of house buying was going on and I didn't get the house. Thankfully it was a blessing in disguise. And so after I didn't get the house, I was sitting around and I was thinking maybe Denver isn't the place. I know that for me, I was getting sick every winter with a bronchial infection and I feel better in humidity. And so just from a physical standpoint, I'm like, I think I need to move. I think I need to find a new environment. And so I was playing around with ideas and one weekend I thought, let me go try on Charlotte. 

I have been thinking about moving back to the South and being closer to my parents, but I knew I wanted a city. I wanted a place that had a big airport. And so it's important for you to think about these things. What are the must haves of where you want to live and then start to go try places on. And so I think it was like the next weekend I came to Charlotte, me and Fonz and we were just driving around and I was feeling it. I was feeling the city and I knew I'm like this fits. Now will it fit forever? I don't need to know that. A lot of you all are thinking so long term and you're making the dream so big. It's so overwhelming. You don't even try it. I was asking, does it fit my life right now? And it felt so good. So that weekend I bought some land and found a builder and our house should be done hopefully in the next six months. But it all started with a dream fitting. Another way that you can try on a dream is to volunteer for an organization that you may want to work for to try out the culture, see how it fits. 

Maybe you want to sit in on a class or lecture related to an area of studies that you're interested in. You may want to join a sports team or a club to see if you enjoy the sport. If you want to live abroad someday, you can maybe just go to that country for a week and see what is it like? Could I see myself living here long term? Do you dream of, I don't know, maybe performing live music? Well, you can go try and open mic night to get on stage and see how it feels. Do you think you would love living in a tiny home? Well go rent one on Airbnb and see what it's like to live in that small space. Do you think you'd want to work in fashion? We'll see if you can intern backstage at a fashion show. So think about something that maybe you've been dreaming about, that you've been curious about that keeps popping up for you because it's there because it wants to be explored. Now is it your for sure forever dream? I don't know. 

But the only way to know is to get a small dose of the real experience instead of just sitting around and imagining it. Testing your dreams out in little ways to see how they fit is the key to living a couture life. And so what is that dream that you want to try on? I would love, love, love to hear about it. So come and find me on Instagram at Tonya Lee and share your next dream fitting. Have a beautiful week my friends. And don't forget enrollment is open for the School of Self Image. So go to schoolofselfimage.com forward slash join and let's go. Let's do this. 

Hey, are you ready to transform your self image but lack direction and support? If so, I'd like to invite you to join the School of Self Image. This is an exclusive monthly membership where you'll create your own powerful before and after story. Through weekly classes and coaching, you'll learn powerful techniques on how to elevate the quality of your mindset, style and surroundings to change how you see yourself and create extraordinary results in your life. Head over to schoolofselfimage.com forward slash join to learn more. Go to schoolofselfimage.com/join to learn more.