Elegant Success: What No One Talks About

What if the version of success that you've been chasing isn't actually yours? What if doing more, proving more, pushing harder isn't the path, just the programming? What if the real flex creates a life that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside? Well, in this episode, I'm sharing the truth that no one tells you about elegant success. The kind that's built on values, alignment, ease, and a self-image strong enough to hold it all. So let's dive in.

Welcome to the School of Self-Image, where personal development meets style. Here's your hostess, master life coach, Tonya Leigh.

Hello everyone. Welcome to this episode that I am recording on the most gorgeous Wednesday that I have experienced in a long time. It is perfection outside. I have taken almost all of my calls and meetings on my back porch today, and then I looked into my Asana and I was like, "Oh, time to go in and record an episode." So I am full of vitamin D, I am full of energy, and I am full of excitement for something I want to share with you. So a lot of the conversations that I've been having recently is around the uncertainty that the world is facing. I've been coaching members through this. I have been talking to friends who are calling me up and they're freaking out. They're spending a lot of time doom-scrolling, reading all of the headlines. And I have done a really good job of just managing my nervous system.

I feel like this is what life has been teaching me, especially in the past decade when Sarah was sick. I talked about that in last week's episode. I spent a lot of time just trying to regulate my fight or flight response and managing my internal world, and then COVID came around and I got extra practice. And so I've done this in depth for many, many years and it's allowed me to create results that I know would not have been possible had I not learned this skill. And so I'm going to be doing something that I've never done before, and that is I'm going to be hosting a two-hour workshop on a Saturday. I'm doing this because we've had a lot of requests for this. I know that many of you are working during the week, and unfortunately, you're not always able to attend my workshops when I'm doing them live during the middle of the day. And this is so needed right now. I wanted to make it as available to as many women as possible. It's called Unshakeable.

I'm going to teach you how to turn pressure into power. I'm going to teach you a five-step framework that you can begin to use immediately to create results when maybe your brain and your body are wanting to shut down. We are going to be talking about leading through uncertainty, because right now, more than ever, the world needs women to step up and lead. The last thing we need to be doing, ladies, is shutting down, shrinking, sitting at home, doom-scrolling, leaking our energy in a way that does not support us, does not support our communities, and certainly don't support the dreams that we have for ourselves. What I can promise you is this, when you join the workshop and you show up for these two hours, you are going to feel a shift, you are going to feel inspired, you are going to know your next steps, and you are going to feel yourself stepping into that leadership energy.

Because again, right now, we need women who are ready to rise and that is the intention of this workshop. So come and join us. We're going to have fun and we're going to shift our energy in big ways. And one other thing I almost forgot to mention is that when you join, you are going to get a bonus that I created just for workshop attendees. And it's based off of a practice that has really changed me over the last year. Two things that I've been doing a lot of. I've been walking a lot and I've been visualizing a lot. And part of my process is that I've created a library of walking visualizations, because there's something powerful about being in motion as you are visualizing, it's like you're activating that energy into your body. And so this particular visualization that I've created is called the Unshakeable Walking Visualization.

And I kid you not, it was about, I don't know, three weeks ago, I was having a really difficult day. I was definitely shaken. I was definitely not feeling aligned. And this is usually when my brain tells me to get to work and to figure out the problem and come up with solutions. But my body needed something different. I knew I needed to shift my energy before addressing the issue that I was facing. And so I just grabbed my headphones and I went on a 30-minute walk listening to this visualization. And I cannot tell you how powerful it was. It shifted my energy. Everything became so crystal clear, I knew exactly what I needed to do. I came back into my office. I had the conversations that needed to be had, and I could even feel the team's energy shift because I shifted my own.

And so when you join, you get access to that immediately. So again, go to schoolofselfimage.com/workshop and let's do this. Let's gather on a Saturday and learn how to become Unshakeable because, again, this is needed right now more than ever. Now, let's talk about today's topic, which is elegant success, what no one tells you. So before I dive into this, I have to tell you why I decided to do this episode. I was talking with a couple of ladies not too long ago, one of which has been following my work for many, many years and we were talking about success. Both of them are entrepreneurs. And I was just sharing with them in a very candid conversation my lessons, what I've learned, and mistakes that I've made. And after we finished this conversation like an hour and a half later, and they both said, "Gosh, I wish we would've recorded this, because I could imagine going back and listening to this again and again."

And then the lady that's been following my work for a while, she said, "Well, Tonya, maybe you could do a podcast on it." And so Maria, this one is for you, but it's not just for you. It's for all of you who are striving to create success in your life. And specifically if you're an entrepreneur, especially, I think you're going to find this episode extremely valuable. So let's start off with talking about what is elegant success? Because to me, success is very different than elegant success, because success can often be that hustle until you drop kind of energy. But elegant success is creating the life you desire without abandoning yourself in the process. And that's a big difference, because there have been seasons of my own success where I do feel like I abandoned myself, I abandoned my values, I abandoned my self-care working late hours.

And some people argue that that is required and there will be seasons where you may have more hustle. But it's also very important that even during those seasons that you are taking care of you, that you're checking in with yourself, that you ask yourself, "Am I on the right path? Am I heading in a direction that I am excited to go towards?" Because if not, you may find yourself having created a lot of success but not feeling fulfilled at all. And so to me, elegant success just feels aligned. It's intentional, and it feels more like you. It's walking into a room without needing to prove anything. It's building a business, a body of work, a legacy without burning yourself out or selling yourself out or wearing yourself out.

To me, it's about making decisions from your values, not your fear. It's about pursuing excellence, not perfection. There's a big difference. And it's trusting that rest, joy, and beauty aren't distractions they're part of the plan. And at the end of the day, elegant success for me is when your outer life reflects your inner peace, when you can hold ambition and your softness at the same time. And it's also when your definition of having it all is no longer shaped by someone else's checklist. And so in today's episode, I want to have a very truthful conversation about my experience and what no one really talks about, not from the curated highlight reel, not from the whole girl boss myth, but the real behind the scenes of elegant success. So the first lesson that I have learned is that it's going to feel messy before it feels elegant, and then it's going to feel messy again.

And I've been thinking a lot about why that is, because I do believe that we all have this idea that one day we will arrive, one day it will finally feel the way we envision that finally everything's going to click into place and there will be no problems. And I do think it's that myth that keeps us perpetually frustrated and feeling the lack of where we think we are supposed to be. And I have encountered so much peace by just accepting that it's going to feel elegant, and then it's going to feel messy again. And the reason being is that, number one, life is always changing. So if you think about just with a business, you've worked really hard, you have tried and filled at so many things, but you finally feel like, "You know what? I've got a business model that's working."

And you have clients and they are getting great results, and things are working really smooth for a while. And then guess what? Something happens in the world, customer behavior changes, maybe there are different factors in the world that impact your business. And so there you go, you're back in the messiness of it, trying to figure it out, trying to figure out what needs to change in the business, where you might need to pivot. And so even though you feel like you're aligned and you're doing everything right, the world can change and the world will change. And so you're going to be right back in the mess again. Then there are times where you decide to grow. You've created something that feels really beautiful and elegant, and you are being called towards your next level of growth. And anytime you are growing, it's going to feel messy. You're going to be in new territory.

I experienced this when I switched from French Kiss Life to School of Self-Image. I had really gotten my business to a very elegant point. During that season I wasn't working as much. I had really dialed in our offers and our launch schedule and things were working very smoothly and customers were happy, things were going really, really well. And then I decided it was time for a new chapter. I was feeling called to step into a new level. And so there you go, right back in the mess again. And so what no one talks about is that this is the nature of having a business. It's never going to stay elegant. It's never going be completely simple and refined, because changes are always happening. They're either happening outside of you that you need to adjust to or they're happening inside of you.

And hopefully everyone listening to this will have the courage to step into the mess over and over again, because that's where art is created, that is where new things are born, and it's where you get to evolve and expand to the next level. And so what if it's okay that it's a little messy, knowing that eventually you'll get it to a point of elegance, and then knowing eventually you'll be right back in the mess again? The mess isn't something to fear. I think it's a bigger fear the unwillingness to step into the mess, to allow it to be messy, because that tells me that you're not growing or you're not pivoting and that things will start to feel very stagnant. So that's the first one. The second one is your intuition is your most underused business tool and not just a business tool, it's your most underused life tool.

And I want to be clear that your nervous system and your intuition are not the same. Your nervous system typically speaks in fear, and the other one speaks in wisdom and elegant success knows the difference. And if I could go back and talk to Tonya who was starting her business, I would sit down and I would hold her hands and I would say, "Listen, trust your gut. If something feels off, it's because it is. If something feels exciting, be willing to step into it. Even though you don't know where it's going to lead, you don't know how it's going to turn out. That feeling is there for a reason." In fact, the entire month of May in the School of Self-Image, we are focused on this. We are focused on our body compass, learning to listen to our bodies, being curious about where our body, our intuition is leading us and developing the awareness, number one, followed by the self-trust to go there or to not go there.

When I think about my biggest mistakes in business, I would say probably 90% of them was a result of me not listening to my intuition, trusting someone else more than myself. But also on the flip side, when I think about some of my greatest achievements, the ones that I'm most proud of, they are result of listening to that deep inner knowing. And so trust yourself, ladies, tune into your body. What is it telling you? And I'm not talking about the nervous system fear, I'm talking about that just quiet whisper that's always nudging you to go in this direction or to move away from something. That is there for a reason. In fact, let's do something right now. I want you to think about a decision that you're facing. Should I do this or that? Or should I go here or go there? Whatever it is.

And I want you to tune into your body, not your mind. The way I like to live my life is I like to let my body speak, and then I like to get my mind on board. But just tune into your body and weigh the different options that you're thinking about and just notice how your body responds. Your body is your greatest guide. And I think, again, I think it's the most underutilized tool, especially when it comes to business, but also when it comes to your life. The next thing that no one talks about with elegant success is that you're going to lose people, but you're going to find yourself. You cannot evolve and expect everyone to come with you. You cannot evolve and expect everyone to appreciate it or to be on board with it. And to me, elegance is learning to release with grace.

When you start living in integrity, when you start living according to your values, when you start tuning out the shoulds and the shouldn'ts, and you really just dial into yourself and you start making decisions from there, you're going to lose people. It's going to happen. And instead of fighting that, I want you to practice making peace with that, because the way I look at it, you have two choices. You can stay the same and keep all of the same people around you, or you can have the courage to follow what Martha Beck calls your North Star, and trust that the right people will come along with you and you're going to meet new people along the way. I think back to when I made the switch from French Kiss life to School of Self-Image back in 2020, there are women who were with me for many, many years who decided, "I don't like this version of Tonya. I'm not resonating with her anymore."

And that is okay, because guess what? I have attracted thousands of other women who do resonate with this version of me, who is aligned with who I am now and who I'm becoming. And as I evolve and as I grow and as I stay true to myself, there may be people right now who a year from now don't resonate with me. And what if that is all okay? What if it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with them or anything wrong with me? What if that is just the nature of life and the way energy works, and instead of trying to control the people and the world, you just stay focused on yourself. What you are here to share, who you are here to be, living your life based on your values and trusting that the universe is always going to support you. The universe will bring in more people who are aligned with this version of you and the people who aren't, you can learn to let them go with grace.

Okay, the next lesson that no one really talks about, but it's so important, is that you're going to feel lost right before you feel clear. I feel like so many of you are accustomed to looking at the outside, because of course you're not in someone's mind, you're not in their home, you're only seeing what they present to the world. And your perspective is, "Oh my God, they are so clear." But what if, what if the majority of those people are feeling as lost as you right now. In preparing for this podcast, I was thinking back to when I first started my business and I perpetually felt lost. In fact, one of my biggest thoughts that I had on a daily basis was I am so confused, which is why I feel like I'm so good at coaching people around that one thought because I had it on a daily basis.

And part of the confusion was just the unknown, just not knowing how it was going to work out. Also, the confusion of being in that awkward in between. It's that place between where you are and who you're becoming, and trying to navigate that and feeling the pull back to the old self while you're also feeling the pull towards the new self. But that lost feeling, the confusion, the second guessing, the who even am I anymore spiral, it's not a problem to fix. I want you to think of it as a portal, because clarity often doesn't arrive in a lightning bolt. It arrives after you've let go of what no longer fits. And that sense of being lost is often just your nervous system trying to adjust to the space between who you were and who you're becoming. The identity you've outgrown is starting to crumble and the new one hasn't fully formed yet.

The way I like to think about is it's like shedding an old skin before the new one feels safe. So if you're in that in-between right now, just pause. You're not broken, you're just in transition. You're probably shedding roles and routines and relationships and beliefs that no longer serve the woman you're becoming. And the doubt that you may be feeling, well, it's not failure, it's just feedback. It's just highlighting the thoughts and the beliefs that you need to face and work through so that you can step into that next level. And I also encourage you to stop declaring how confused or how lost you are. Now, I don't want you to deny the experience, but just notice every time you say to yourself, "I'm so lost, I don't even know where to begin. I'm so confused." You just keep perpetuating that state versus saying, "Oh, this is normal. This is part growth. This is part of the process."

And I will tell you that I have experienced more clarity just by showing up and taking action. Proving to myself, "This is who I'm becoming," doing things and seeing, "Does this work or doesn't it work?" I think it's Marie Forleo that says, "Clarity comes through action," and it's so true. When you take action, you're getting feedback. You're learning what works and what doesn't work, what serves you, what doesn't serve you. Does this feel good or do I feel like I'm off track? And you make those pivots and those adjustments along the way until you feel that sense of clarity. But feeling lost is not a problem. It's part of being a human. It's part of growth, especially I feel like it's actually a good sign. Because if you are feeling lost, what does that tell us? You're on an adventure.

As long as you're in the same place, being the same person you've always been in the same environments, you're probably not feeling lost. You know who you are right now, even though it might not be serving you. You know the landscape pretty well. It's only people that go out on an adventure that get lost. And so look at it as a beautiful thing, as an opportunity, because eventually you'll be comfortable in this new surrounding. You'll feel clear and hopefully, just hopefully you'll set off on a new adventure again and start feeling lost all over. That to me is a beautiful, beautiful life. Okay, let's talk about the next one. This is a big one, and I want you to really hear me. Success not built on your values will feel empty. Yes, you can achieve the goals, you can cross off every item on that vision board, you can have the house, you can have the revenue, you can have the recognition, and you can still wake up feeling disconnected.

Because here's the truth that nobody wants to admit. Success that's not rooted in your values will always just feel like a performance. You'll be doing all the right things, but for the wrong reasons, and you'll look successful, but you'll feel empty. Now, why is this? And I've been thinking about this for myself a lot, because I've recorded an episode a while back about how I was out of my sweet spot and I was creating a lot of success, but it didn't feel great. And I think that's the other misconception that no one talks about. Just because you're making more money or you've got the business and it seems to be going well, you can still feel like something feels off, something doesn't feel right.

And I definitely was in that place and I remember realizing that the reason why it felt so empty is because that I had been following shoulds. I had been allowing other people to influence me as to what I should want and shouldn't want. I started to trade my truth for someone else's checklist, and I was shaping my life around approval instead of alignment. And whenever you're doing that, it is going to feel very empty. Elegant success requires that you start by asking the hard but honest question, which is, what actually matters to me? What do I actually want? Not what's trendy, not what your mentor says you should want, not what your industry idol is doing, but you. 

What's important to you? And I remember when I felt like I was out of my sweet spot a couple years ago, two to three years back. I had to step away. I had to step away from some relationships. I had to step away from the noise. I was spending a lot less time online and spending a lot more time with myself and noticing what really fuels me.

What do I enjoy? What is really important to me? And noticing the things that I had given up, how I had let my essence go and I started to claim that again. And I started with every little choice of following what lights me up, making decisions based on what I value, saying no to things that didn't align. I started to feel connected again. I started to feel like I was living my truth. And I also think it's very normal for us to get off track. I think it's very normal for us to have periods and seasons in our lives where we do experience the contrast, because that's what allows us to get back into our sweet spot. You go off on an adventure and you realize, "Oh God, I don't like this one. This is not what I thought it was going to be like." And you feel a little lost, and then you start navigating back towards your North Star, and maybe it looks a little different than when you were there before, because you've grown.

You're bringing in new you back to it. But I do feel like that is the process of elegant success, the process of identifying your values, what's really important to you, and just staying aware when you feel like you've strayed a little bit and coming right back. You don't have to make it mean that there's something wrong with you, that you're not good enough. No, guess what? You're human. And this is part of the human experience. Okay, the next lesson that I have learned that no one seems to want to talk about especially, I feel like it's actually a good sign because if you are feeling lost, what does that tell us? You're on an adventure. As long as you're in the same place, being the same person you've always been in the same environments, you're probably not feeling lost. You know who you are right now, even though it might not be serving you. You know the landscape pretty well. It's only people that go out on an adventure that get lost. And so look at it as a beautiful thing, as an opportunity, because eventually you'll be comfortable in this new surrounding. You'll feel clear and hopefully, just hopefully, you'll set off on a new adventure again and start feeling lost all over. That to me is a beautiful life.

Okay, let's talk about the next one. This is a big one and I want you to really hear me. Success not built on your values will feel empty. Yes, you can achieve the goals. You can cross off every item on that vision board. You can have the house, you can have the revenue, you can have the recognition, and you can still wake up feeling disconnected. Because here's the truth that nobody wants to admit, success that's not rooted in your values will always just feel like a performance. You'll be doing all the right things, but for the wrong reasons and you'll look successful, but you'll feel empty. Now, why is this, and I've been thinking about this for myself a lot because I've recorded an episode a while back about how I was out of my sweet spot and I was creating a lot of success, but it didn't feel great. And I think that's the other misconception that no one talks about. Just because you're making more money or you've got the business and it seems to be going well, you can still feel like something feels off, something doesn't feel right.

And I definitely was in that place. And I remember realizing that the reason why it felt so empty is because that I had been following shoulds. I had been allowing other people to influence me as to what I should want and shouldn't want. I started to trade my truth for someone else's checklist, and I was shaping my life around approval instead of alignment. And whenever you're doing that, it is going to feel very empty. Elegant success requires that you start by asking the hard but honest question, which is, what actually matters to me? What do I actually want? Not what's trendy, not what your mentor says you should want. Not what your industry idol is doing, but you. What's important to you?

And I remember when I felt like I was out of my sweet spot a couple years ago, two to three years back. I had to step away. I had to step away from some relationships. I had to step away from the noise. I was spending a lot less time online and spending a lot more time with myself and noticing what really fuels me, what do I enjoy? What is really important to me? And noticing the things that I had given up, how I had sort of let my essence go. And I started to claim that again. And I started with every little choice of following what lights me up, making decisions based on what I value, saying no to things that didn't align. I started to feel connected again. I started to feel like I was living my truth. And I also think it's very normal for us to get off track. I think it's very normal for us to have periods and seasons in our lives where we do experience the contrast because that's what allows us to get back into our sweet spot.

You go off on an adventure and you realize, "Oh God, I don't like this one. This is not what I thought it was going to be like." And you feel a little lost and then you start navigating back towards your North Star and maybe it looks a little different than when you were there before, because you've grown. You're bringing in new you back to it. But I do feel like that is the process of elegant success, the process of identifying your values, what's really important to you, and just staying aware when you feel like you've strayed a little bit and coming right back. You don't have to make it mean that there's something wrong with you, that you're not good enough. No, guess what? You're human. And this is part of the human experience.

Okay, the next lesson that I have learned that no one seems to want to talk about is that most things are a distraction, dressed up as an opportunity. Now, when I think about elegant success, it's saying no to a lot of things, to make space for what truly matters. My word of the year is essentialism and it's all about less but better. And as a seven on the Enneagram, as someone who loves adventure, loves trying new things, one of the disciplines that I've had to really practice but has had a big positive impact on my life is the understanding of what, again, is really important and tuning out the noise. Because let's be honest, most of the things that come our way, they aren't always aligned. They may be shiny, flattering, they might even be profitable, but most of the time it's just noise that's taken you away from your values and your vision. And that is expensive because every yes costs you something. It costs you your time, your energy, your presence, your peace.

And I used to say yes out of guilt. I used to say yes a lot out of fear and ego or FOMO until I realized, not every open door is my door. Elegant success requires ruthless discernment. You have to know what season you're in, what your values are, what your goals are right now, not what sounded good three months ago. And along those lines, one of the biggest jobs that you have in creating elegant success is your ability to determine what is a real priority right now. Because there's going to be a lot of things competing for your attention. And if you're not mindful, you're going to end up getting caught up in busy stuff, stuff that doesn't really move the needle in your life. It looks like you're doing a lot, but at the end of the day you're like, "Gosh, what did I really do that made a difference? What did I really do that helped me get closer to my goals? What did I really do today that grew me as a human?"

And this is more important now than ever, because we have so much competing for our attention. It's why within the membership, one of the core practices is our curated day journal. And every day, we identify what are our top three priorities today, not what we think we should be doing, not what we are tempted to do, but what would really help us evolve? What would really help us reach our goal? What would help us step into that next level versions of ourselves? What I know to be true is that if you are trying to do everything at once, you're probably doing very little. If you're allowing yourself to be distracted by all of the things that you could be doing and your energy is scattered, you're probably not creating momentum in your life.

And I will tell you, as the owner of a business who has quite a few employees now, one of my main jobs as the founder, as the CEO, is determining priorities. That is where I spend a lot of my time and attention. Because again, I have run a business where I wasn't so good at that and I could see how the team was scattered and how we didn't really have a direction. And when I realized, you know what? If I want to have an elegant business, if I want to have an elegant life, it's going to require that I really get good at determining what is most important during the season of the business, during the season of my life and tuning out everything else because everything else is just a distraction.

Now, let's talk about the final one. And this one is a big one. It's one that I coach a lot around. It's one that I've definitely had my own real life experience with, and it's this. Wealth is a self-image issue, because your self-image sets the tone for what your nervous system can hold. And this took me years and a lot of lived experience to truly understand. Your ability not only to create wealth, but to hold wealth, has less to do with strategy and everything to do with your identity. Now hear me out. You'll only allow in what your self-image believes is normal and safe. So let's say that you are a woman listening to this right now and one of your goals is to grow your wealth, but you feel so unsafe with money. It's something that anytime the topic of money gets brought up, you start to feel nervous. You start to maybe get sweaty hands, you start to feel a little shaky.

That is a sign that your self-image isn't comfortable with wealth. And this is not just a mindset thing. That's what I want you to understand. It is a nervous system thing because your self-image, the way you see and speak to yourself, shapes how much your body can tolerate. If your identity says, "I have to hustle to earn," or, "It's not safe to have more," your nervous system will short-circuit when things start to get too good. And listen, you all, I've experienced this and I still do, because every level requires a more expansive nervous system. So as I grow, I encounter this all of the time, but the difference now is I'm onto myself. I can see me wanting to sabotage. But I do remember one specific example. We had had such a great month in the business, it was one of our best months ever, and we had another launch plan for the next month.

But I decided, you know what team, we all deserve to slow down right now. Let's just put the brakes on, let's take our foot off the gas and let's just coast for a minute. And now I can see it so clearly. It was me needing to allow my nervous system to be safe at this level. But not only that, I decided to take a vacation the next month, which was me spending money. So you can see how subconsciously, I was just creating that safety with a number that I felt comfortable with. Now from the outside, it looks great, like, oh my gosh, like Tonya's really resting and she is taking time off and she's not, go, go, go. And you have to understand when your decisions are driven from fear and when they're driven from desire.

Now, yeah, it was a great month off. I didn't take the whole month off, I only took a couple of weeks off, but I can see it so clearly now, that it was just me not being comfortable with this new level. So elegant success requires that you learn how to manage your own nervous system, which is why I am so excited to teach this upcoming workshop Unshakeable, because this is going to be a lot of what we talk about. So again, if you have not registered, just go to schoolofselfimage.com/workshop and let's talk about it. Let's dive in. Let's learn how to expand our nervous systems to have the capacity to hold our dreams and what we deeply desire. But along those same lines, as it comes to wealth and money and self-image and nervous system regulation, the other thing that no one talks about, is the complete mind warp of earning more while working less. And the discovery that what most of us have been raised to believe, that hard work, is what creates wealth.

Realizing that that, isn't always true. Now, I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I have not worked hard and that I still don't work hard. I absolutely do. But effort doesn't always equal outcome. I'm going to repeat that. Effort doesn't always equal outcome, because some of the seasons of my business of where I've worked the hardest, where I am pulling like 50, 60 hour weeks, have been some of my lowest performing months in my business. And then there are months when I have worked very little and I've taken more time off that we have absolutely crushed it. And for those of us who were raised with the belief that hard work is the answer, that you have to hustle your way to success, when you start to experience the opposite of that, it is a self-image crisis. If your identity has been built around the belief that hard work equals outcomes or that success only comes through sacrifice, then ease will feel threatening and you'll start to think, "Did I really earn this? Is the other shoe about to drop? Will people still respect me if I'm not constantly on?"

And this is the self-image crisis that I'm talking about. It's that gap between the woman you used to be and the one you're becoming. It's a nervous system response. Your body actually associates hustle with safety and validation. So when you start to slow down and things actually may start to get better, your system screams, "This is too good. This can't be right." And here's what I want you to know. This is normal and it's a sign that you are doing it right. It's your identity elevating. So how do you feel safe making more by doing less? Well, you first of all acknowledge the discomfort without it making it mean that something's wrong. You don't have to fix anything. Just remind yourself of this is what expansion feels like.

And then track the evidence. Write down the moments where ease worked, where rest brought you clarity, where letting things go created more. Teach your brain and your self-image that this is safe. And then you need to rewire your narrative. You need to replace the old story of success of I must struggle to prove my worth with something that's more powerful. Something like my success expands in proportion to how supported and centered I feel. And then stay in the energy. Don't rush to fill the space. Don't sabotage with busy work. Let ease become your new baseline. And then as I said earlier, I love to visualize. It's been one of those tools that has really helped me to reshape and expand my own self-image. And so visualize this elevated identity, the you that holds wealth, attention, impact with grace. Meet her, embody her, let her lead, because here's the truth, elegant success will change your identity more than failure ever did, because it asks you to stop proving and start receiving.

And once your self-image catches up to your new reality, that's when ease becomes not just possible, but natural. So here's what I hope you all take away from this. Elegant success isn't about doing more. It's about becoming more of who you really are. It's messy, then refined, and then messy again. It will challenge everything you were taught about effort and worth and what it means to be successful. It's going to ask you to say no to the noise, to trust your intuition when logic screams otherwise. It's going to ask you to rest before you're exhausted, to hold more without hustling harder, and to let go of people and patterns and plans that no longer align. Elegant success doesn't always look impressive from the outside, but it feels like integrity, on the inside. It feels like waking up and knowing you're not chasing anymore, you're choosing.

It feels like enoughness, not just in your bank account, but in your bones, in your cells. So, if you're in the middle of redefining what success means to you, if things feel messy or uncertain or slower than you'd like, if you're noticing that the old way doesn't fit you anymore, but the new way still feels unfamiliar, just know this. That's not failure. That's the space where elegance is actually born. So keep going, keep refining, keep coming home to you because to me that is elegant success, feeling at home with yourself, feeling at home and the life that you've built, and even feeling at home in the mess, because we're all humans and it's going to be messy sometimes. And if you want to take this work deeper, come join us for Unshakeable. You can go to Schoolofselfimage.com/workshop and I will see you on May 17th. Have a beautiful week, my friends, and I'll see you in the next episode. Cheers.

Hey, before you go, let me ask you a question. When was the last time you felt truly grounded? Not because everything around you was calm, but because you were. If you are tired of anxiety, the noise, the emotional whiplash of trying to stay steady in a world that's constantly pulling you in every direction, I want to invite you to something different. Unshakeable is more than a workshop. It's a reset, a reclamation, a reminder of the woman you've always been beneath the noise.

If you're ready to stop letting the outside world shake your inner world, if you are craving clarity, confidence, and emotional freedom, if you are ready to anchor into a deeper kind of strength, the kind no one can take from you, then Unshakeable is your next step. Join me, not to hustle harder or fix yourself, but to rise in a new way, to be rooted, to feel radiant, to feel resilient, not in spite of the chaos, but because of who you choose to be within it. You can go to schoolofselfimage.com/workshop, and I look forward to seeing you on May 17th.