Obstructive Thoughts

Have you ever wanted something, but because you couldn’t believe in it, because you couldn’t see it, you gave up? What I want you to know is it’s not because your dream wasn’t there. You just couldn’t see it because you had obstructive thoughts. And that’s what we’re talking about in today’s episode, so let’s dive in.

Welcome to the School of Self-Image, where personal development meets style. Here’s your hostess, master life coach Tonya Leigh.

Hello, gorgeous friend. Welcome back to another episode. I’m so excited to be recording this one. I’m just excited in general. We have a lot of fun things happening over here at the School of Self-Image.

In a couple of days, I am going to be kicking off the Business Image Mastermind three-day event here in Denver. The women are already flying in. And I will tell you, this group, their energy is off the charts. They are so much fun, all successful businesswomen, and we are going to come together to work on our business images. And I plan on rocking their world with what I have planned for them.

The other thing that is happening, in case you did not hear, is that we just opened the doors to the School of Self-Image membership. And if you’re not in this membership and you listen to this podcast, what in the world You must come join us.

I just received a message – I think it was last week. I’m terrible with time. But this lady reached out to me on Instagram, and she told me that she joined the membership eight months ago. And she said, “I literally do not recognize myself.” She was like, “I did not know it was possible for me to be this version of me that I’m being.”

And now, what she’s creating from that is so fun. She’s lost weight. And that wasn’t even her goal. But she also got a job promotion, she met a man. It’s like all of these things, back-to-back, have been happening for her. And I’m telling you all, that is the magic of changing, creating, rebirthing your self-image.

And next month, what we are going to be focused on within the membership, the whole theme of the month is how to show up as a queen, how to own the rooms that you enter, how to have a commanding presence, how to not let other people take you off of your throne, if you know what I’m talking about.

So, if you are not a member, I highly recommend that you join us and try it out for one month. If you hate it, you can leave. But I’ve never had anyone tell me that they hate it. In fact, women love it so much, the majority of our women stay for a year, if not longer. I have women in there who’ve been members of my membership for two years. So, let’s go. Just head to SchoolofSelfImage.com/join and I will see you inside.

Today, I want to talk with you about obstructive thoughts. One of the first things that I have women do when they join the membership is to create an extraordinary goal for the year. An extraordinary goal is a goal outside of the ordinary. It means something that is outside of what you are accustomed to allowing yourself to want and to go after.

So, an extraordinary goal is not something like to lose five pounds. That’s very ordinary. Your mind may fight with you a little with an ordinary goal, but not a lot. But the moment you decide to commit to an extraordinary goal, one of the things that you can expect are what I call obstructive thoughts.

For me recently, I have been working on my three-year vision for my company. And I’ve noticed my own obstructive thoughts. And the way I like to think about it is this. You are in a field and your vision is up ahead of you. But when you have obstructive thoughts, it’s like the weeds have grown so high, you can’t see the vision and therefore you cannot believe in it.

It’s there. It’s waiting for you. But all of these obstructive thoughts keep you from seeing what is possible. When this happens, what you must do is what I call a thought clearing. However, in order to be motivated and inspired to do a thought clearing, you have to believe in what’s ahead.

If you do not believe in the possibility of it, you will not want to put in the effort of doing a thought clearing. You’re going to tell me, “It’s too hard. It’s not worth it.” You’re just going to go back to where you came from.

But I want to encourage you all to be willing to do this work. So, what does it look like? Well, recently – and I’m refining my vision and I’m going to be sharing it with the Business Image Mastermind ladies as soon as it’s done – I created a bold promise for my company; something that we are going to achieve within the next three years.

And immediately, my brain said, “That’s not possible. That’s crazy. You don’t have the resources. You don't know how to make it happen. Who do you think you are?” These are all obstructive thoughts that keep me from seeing the vision, that keep me from seeing my bold promise coming true.

However, my work is to believe in that bold promise that I am making about my company and believing in that vision. And with that belief, with the energy of believing in it, it is going to give me the energy and the motivation to keep walking through that field and tearing down these obstructive thoughts and creating a clearing.

You clear out those thoughts and there you can see it, it’s right there and it’s so clear and you can feel it so grandly and greatly in your body that you just keep walking towards it, and it keeps moving closer to you.

And as you do this, it becomes more and more clear, the details, what it looks like, what it feels like. But the first thing you have to do is to decide on where you’re going, and then clear a path to get there.

And I will tell you all, the path is 95% mental. I’m going to repeat that. The path to your dreams is 95% mental. So, when you all are setting these goals for yourself and you’re going after something and you’re having all of these obstructive thoughts, you just deal with them one by one, the same way you would deal if you were walking down a path and, all of a sudden, there’s big weeds in front of you.

And maybe they’re not weeds. Maybe they’ve become trees because you’ve been thinking them for so long and they’ve become such a big presence in your life because, after thinking about them for a long time and collecting a lot of evidence, they’ve just become bigger and bigger.

And you think they’re insurmountable. You think it’s just who you are. It has shaped your self-image. But in order to change your self-image, you’ve got to be willing to maybe chop down some trees. And that takes a little bit more time than taking care of some weeds. But is it worth it? 100%. Because the moment you chop down that one tree, guess what happens. You get stronger.

You become a better tree-chopper. So, when you approach the next obstructive thought, you know how to deal with it even better. And as you do this over and over with all of these obstructive thoughts that you have that keep you from seeing and realizing your dreams, you are clearing the path to your most extraordinary life.

As I was sharing with you all earlier, when I started to get clear on the business vision for the next three years, I had a lot of thoughts that came up. But it was different this time. And I wanted to share this with you because, as you do this work more and more, you get really good at it.

And when I say, “This work,” I’m talking about the mindset work that is required for you to create your version of success, whatever that looks like for you.

So, I used to spend a lot of time on a thought. And I’m so glad I did. I learned how to change my thinking. And that work that I did for a decade has served me so well. However, now it’s so different. I literally ask myself, “Does this thought create a clearing for my dream?” And if it does not, I just don’t give it attention. I just get to work. I take the next step. Or, I will offer my obstructive thought a clearing thought.

So, when I was thinking about my bold promise that I am making in my business, my first thought was, “That’s too big.” Has that ever happened to you? The moment you say your big dream, your extraordinary goal, your brain’s like, “That’s too big?” And I was like, “Yeah, it is. And that’s the point. And I’m going to show you what I’ve got.”

I sometimes speak to that other part of me like we’re in a competition. I’m like, ‘Yeah, it is big. And just watch me. I’m going to show you how to make this happen.”

Now, I don’t know how to make it happen yet. I won’t know until I’ve done it. However, I offered that obstructive thought a clearing thought that cleared the path towards my dream.

What I want you all to know is that you have the ability to steer your mind in the direction that you want it to go because you only ever observe what you are looking for. And so, these obstructive thoughts are you basically looking for what you don’t want. And when you look for it, you’re going to find it.

So, for example, if I allowed my brain to indulge in, “It’s going to be too big,” I would have looked for all of the reasons why it was going to be too big. So, what I did instead is I just acknowledge, “Yeah, it’s big. And I’m in.” I didn’t have any resistance towards the bigness because my brain couldn’t get to, “Oh, this is nothing. This is a piece of cake.” My brain wouldn’t believe that.

So, I just owned what my brain was saying without the resistance of, like, “Yeah, it’s going to be big. It is big. And we can do big things. And I have evidence of doing big things.” So, I do believe that.

You’ve probably heard me say many times on this podcast, if you’ve listened to it for a while, the quote by Rumi where he says, “What you seek is seeking you.” And so, your thoughts do determine what you see.

And so, obstructive thoughts are you looking for the wrong things, things that are in opposition to your dream, things that make it hard for you to see your vision. And that’s why you must do a thought clearing.

I love to ask myself throughout the day, “Does this thought align with what I’m creating?” And if it doesn’t, I just don’t want to spend time giving it much of my attention. I focus elsewhere. I focus on thoughts that give me power. I focus on thoughts that give me courage and strength and that feel good. And that is a choice. But it is also a training.

If you have not done this work, your brain just automatically wants to go to default over and over and over again. So, you have to keep steering it away from that and pointing in the direction that you want to go. You have to create your own thought clearing.

Whenever I set an extraordinary goal for myself, one of the first things that I like to do is to sit down and write all of the thoughts that I need to think in order to achieve that goal. I write them all down.

And here’s the really cool thing, you all. You get to think whatever you want to think. I know some of you all don’t believe me. You think, “No, Tonya, my brain just thinks on its own.” You have the ability to choose different thoughts. I talk about the thought store all of the time.

There is a thought store that you can walk into at any point, and you can trade those old dingy thoughts that you’ve been thinking for years for new and fresh and exciting thoughts. And so, of all the thoughts that I can think, what will I choose to think on purpose to help me achieve me dream, to create that clearing that I can walk through to realize my dreams?

Now, if you have never done thought work, I get it. It is not easy in the beginning because of those default patterns. It’s why I teach a concept called the thought ladder within the School of Self-Image. If you all are in the membership, go to March of 2021 and I think the class is called How to Edit Your Thoughts. And I teach you the process of literally how to believe something new.

Because when you believe something new, you create evidence for it. If you believe that you can lose 100 pounds, guess what you’ll do? You’ll lose 100 pounds. The brain is always working to prove you true. But the problem is, you’re thinking a lot of thoughts that you don’t want to prove true. And then you’re proving it true because that’s how the system works.

If you believe you’re going to make a million dollars and you create the clearing for it, guess what’s going to happen? You will make a million dollars. And then, it becomes part of your self-image, and you just keep recreating that same circumstance for yourself. And then you up it to two million, five million, and it’s just who you are. It’s just what you do.

I’ve experienced this in two areas of my life in a big way. One is around money, and the other one is around weight. So, around money, I used to have a self-image of a woman who made $75,000. And then, I practiced believing in $100,000. And I created thought clearings that allowed me to create that.

And then, I remembered it was half a million. I created thought clearings to help me see it and to realize it. And then, it was a million dollars. And as I did this, the whole time, what was happening is I was elevating my self-image. Like, this is just what we do. This is our new norm.

You will always work to prove yourself true. With my weight, the exact same thing happened. I was like, “Maybe I can get down to 175 pounds.” And then it was, “Maybe I can get down to 150.” And then, I was creating thought clearings, believing in it. But then, the ultimate was, “I believe I’m a woman who is healthy and at her happy weight.”

And as I believed in that, I created evidence for it. But it all required that I cleared out the obstructive thoughts that had me focusing on the result I didn’t want to create. Because the moment you start thinking about, “Well that’s going to be too hard. I’ve never been able to do it before, I’m not going to be able to keep the weight off. I love food too much…” all of those thoughts, they’re sneaky.

They seem so true, but they’re just thoughts that keep you doing the same thing that you don’t want to do. And that I show you know that you’re thinking an obstructive thought. It’s causing you to create a result that is in opposition of what you want. So, creating a thought clearing is about you not indulging in obstructive thoughts, not hanging on to them, not cuddling up with them like they’re a warm cashmere blanket. Because they’re not. They’re itchy wool.

And instead, it’s you thinking in alignment with what you want. If you want to find the love of your life, practice thinking thoughts like, “I am lovable. My love is out there waiting for me. He or she is as excited to meet me as I am them. He or she is on the way.”

If you want to start a business, you need to clear the path by thinking thoughts on purpose like, “I am going to be the best businesswoman. What I have is of value and is of service to the world. I have everything I need to create a successful business.” If you want to get into the best shape of your life, you need to clear the path by thinking thoughts like, “I am getting in the best shape of my life. It feels so good to feel good. I love having energy. I love taking care of my body. This is fun."

if you want to create wealth, you need to clear the path by thinking thoughts like, “I love money and money loves me. I am savvy with my money. I know how to take care of my money. I know how to grow my money. I spend my money on purpose. I enjoy my money. I am building wealth. I am a wealthy woman.” Which, by the way, is a course within the School of Self-Image when you join as an annual member if you’re wanting to work on your wealth.

But can you see the energy that is created by these thoughts? They create a clearing for your dreams. Now, what a lot of you do is you keep looking to the past. You’re like, “Well, Tonya, I’ve never been good with my money. I’ve never been able to get into shape. I still haven’t found the love of my life. I started a business once and it failed.” All that is, is obstructive thinking.

And who cares? I tell my clients that all the time when they want to talk about their past. I’m like, “Who cares about the past? Let’s talk about your future. Let’s talk about what’s going on right now. What are you enjoying now? What’s going well now? Tell me where you’re going.”

I have to keep redirecting their brain away from these obstructive thoughts. And it’s uncomfortable at first. It’s unusual. It’s unfamiliar. But eventually, as they start to create their own clearing, they realize it’s been within them all along.

They just weren’t looking for it. They didn’t chop down the trees. They didn’t create their clearing. But once they do, it’s a skill that you will use for the rest of your life.

So, what I want you to do, I want you to think about something you want, an extraordinary goal. And allow yourself to go big. If you want a big life, you need some big goals. Find that extraordinary goal that excites you and equally frightens you. And then, I just want you to write down, on a piece of paper, every thought you can think of that would create a clearing for you to achieve that goal.

And if you want to go deeper into this work, again, I would love to support you within the School of Self-Image. The doors will only be open for, I don’t know, a few more days, so head over to SchoolofSelfImage.com/join. And the one thing I can promise you is we’re going to create a clearing for your extraordinary goals.

Have a beautiful week, everyone. And I can’t wait to see you in next week’s episode. Cheers.

Hey, have you grabbed your free copy of the School of Self-Image Manifesto? If not, what in the world? Head over to schoolofselfimage.com/manifesto and get a copy that teaches you how to think and show up in the areas of mindset, style, and surroundings so that you can transform your self-image.