The Power of Big Decisions

One thing that I’ve discovered over the last few years is this: the bigger the decision, the bigger the result. And that’s what we’re talking about in today’s episode, The Power of Big Decisions. So let’s dive in.

Welcome to the School of Self-Image, where personal development meets style. Here’s your hostess, master life coach Tonya Leigh.

Hello, beautiful friends. I want to talk today about the power of big decisions. I’ve been making a lot of big decisions recently. And I’m discovering so much about myself in this process. And I’m also able to look back now at the big decisions that I made two years ago and see the effect of that process on my life.

So, the first thing that I want to say about decisions is that they’re important for us to make, big and small. There are so many of you that aren’t making new decisions or you’re not making any decision, which is a decision by default, and then you’re wondering why you feel so stuck. You’re wondering why you cannot get momentum going in your life.

And one of the things that I would highly encourage you to do is to practice making new decisions. Because, if you keep making the same decisions, you’re going to keep getting the same result. So, first, just practice making decisions.

And don’t put the pressure on you to make big decisions. Just decide to make decisions. And I know it’s hard because of our brains. And in coaching women around this for a long time, I’ve seen why it’s so hard, even in coaching myself, because I used to be very indecisive.

And it’s hard because we believe that there’s a right or wrong decision. And on top of that, we believe that our happiness is found in the decision. And so, because we want to be happy and we want to do the right thing, we end up not making any decision because our brain always keeps us in a state of chaos, of like, “Well, maybe that’s not the right one. Maybe that decision is not going to make you happy.”

And so, we’re frozen. We don’t make any decision. And the way I have healed this cycle in my own life is, number one, I decided long ago that there are no right or wrong decisions. They’re just a decision. And no matter what decision you make, you are going to learn from it.

Now, will that decision always help you create the result that you were hoping that it would create? Not always, but that’s life. You’re not always going to make a decision that leads you straight into the result. But I do think it’s on the path of you figuring out what the next step is.

And the other thing for me is I’ve learned where happiness and joy comes from. And it’s not found in a decision. It’s not found over there. It’s not found someplace in the future. It’s found within me by how I think. So, therefore, I know that no matter what decision I make, I can curate the feeling that I’m desiring.

So, I share all of that with you because it’s just important that you start making decisions. But on this episode, I want to talk specifically about the power of big decisions.

Now, if you have been listening to me for a while or you are in the membership, I often talk about the power of the tiny things, the tiny daily habits, the tiny little shifts that we make on a daily basis, the tiny decisions that we’re making, and how they do add up over time.

And I will say, the majority of my personal development journey has not been big shifts and big decisions. They’ve been the tiny ones that have had a compound effect. Over time, these little decisions have literally added up to change how I see myself.

But recently, I’ve been playing around with and practicing making big decisions. And now, I’m looking at the result of doing that over the last two years. So, I just want to add here that all decisions are good. They are teaching you something. They’re helping you move forward.

So, I don’t want you to listen to this and think, “Oh, I need to make big decisions.” But I do want this conversation to spark your own contemplation around, is there a big decision that you are being called to make? And me sharing what I’ve noticed about the big decisions.

So, little decisions are things like where to eat, what to wear today, and maybe you pick a new accessory. Maybe you switch it up a little bit. Maybe you eat something a little differently today or you decide to eat a little less today. Maybe it’s to invest in a program or a course.

These are all incredible decisions when you’re being intentional. And the little decisions don’t require that we feel a lot of discomfort because, if you think about it this way, it expands your self-image maybe a tiny bit. So, it might be a little awkward, a little uncomfortable, but it’s not going to overtake you emotionally.

Big decisions, however, require that you are willing to feel big emotions. So, what do I mean by that? Well, let’s first talk about, what are big decisions?

And maybe a big decision is quitting a job, leaving a relationship, moving to a new city or a new country, making a big investment. Maybe it’s you deciding to go into a room of people – I like to call these big energy rooms – that you’ve never been in that kind of energy before. And it’s so outside of your current self-image it is super uncomfortable. However, if you are willing to feel that kind of discomfort and keep moving through it, you are going to amaze yourself with what is possible.

The thing with big decisions is they demand more from you. You can’t just take a lot of action to live into a big decision. It’s going to require that you think and feel in such a new way.

An example of this is, if you say to yourself, “I have decided that I’m going to make $5000 extra this year,” it doesn’t require a lot more from you. You might be able to create a lot of action to create an extra $5000. But it’s not going to demand a new version of you. Versus if you decide, “This year, I’m going to make an extra $100,000 or $500,000 or an extra million this year…”

You can’t create that result from who you’re being now. You’re going to have to completely recreate yourself to achieve that result and to live out that decision.

I was thinking about some of the big decisions that I’ve made, that’s really changed me. And that’s the beauty of a big decision. It changes you more quickly than the little decisions over time. And listen, there is no hurry. There is no timetable on your growth.

So, just because I’m talking about big decisions, doesn’t mean you have to go out there and make one right now. But it’s something to think about. It’s something to be aware of. And so, for me, I left a long-term relationship back in 2020. That was a huge decision.

And for the first time in a long time, I was by myself, on my own. That was a whole new experience. I birthed a whole new me in that process. And some of you have been with me during all of that. And I’ve had many of you reach out to me and say, “You are changing so much.”

And it’s because I’m making big decisions that are requiring me to change. It’s like sink or swim. You make a big decision, you’re going to call forth a version of you that you do not even realize exists yet.

But when you have your own back and you know you’re not going to let yourself sink, you’re forced to do something that you’ve known how to do for years, and that’s swim.

So, with that decision to leave my long-term relationship, then I decided to move to a new city. That was a big decision. And I moved to a new city where I knew very few people. I didn’t really have a community here.

And then, the decision was, where do I live? And I know I’ve talked with my members about this. I may have mentioned it on the podcast before. But I had such a crazy self-image around money. Part of me, I knew I could earn money. I’ve been earning money since I was eight years old. I’ve been working. Work is something that I naturally do.

I have a work ethic instilled in me from my mom and my dad. And so, I knew I could earn money. And at the time, I was earning a lot of money. But my belief was, I can’t afford rent. Listen, you all, how crazy is that?

And so, I made a big decision to move into a penthouse where the rent was ridiculous, just to prove to myself that I could and to demand a new version of me, literally to change my self-image in a very quick way.

I was like, “I’ve got to pay rent, so what we got?” And so, I did that for a year. And it literally changed how I saw myself. I began to see myself as, not only am I woman that can afford rent; I can live in a penthouse.” It’s pretty cool.

And it was never about the penthouse. I enjoyed it. It’s beautiful. I don’t live in that penthouse now. But the lesson that I got from making that big decision was that the bigger the decision, the bigger you change your self-image. And that definitely happened for me.

I just invested in a day with one of my friends and mentors that was a big investment. And that big investment called forth a bigger version of me. Right now, I’m making a lot of big decisions in my company, and I am feeling all the feels, y’all.

But I love it. It’s why I do this work. Like, I signed up to feel the discomfort because I know that’s where the juiciness is. That’s where the gold is. That’s where the magic is, when you’re not afraid to feel it.

And here’s the thing. I was thinking about why big decisions are so powerful. And yes, they do change how we see ourselves more quickly. They help us to get bigger and faster results. They demand a new version of us. But one of the other benefits, I think is in life, there are going to be big events that happen that are outside of your control.

Things like – maybe it’s getting pregnant, and you weren’t expecting to. Maybe it’s losing a job. Maybe it’s something unexpected that’s big, that is going to bring up all these emotions. And if you’ve been practicing making big decisions and feeling those big emotions, you’re just going to be more prepared for those moments of your life.

Now, listen, you all. I am not implying that those moments will be easy. There will probably be moments in my life that will bring me to my knees. But I can’t help but to think that by practicing these big decisions and all of the fear and anxiety and worry and all of the big emotions that come with that are just going to help me be better prepared to handle those big things in life that happen that are outside of our control.

Other big decisions that have changed me when I invested in my first mastermind. I had spent more money on that than I had ever spent on a car. But I never really drove nice cars, so that’s not saying a lot. However, it was a huge decision for me. I took out a loan to be a part of that mastermind.

And that experience changed me in the biggest ways. I remember wanting to be a part of this entrepreneurial group. And I had no idea that it was an invite-only group. I just called the people up and said, “Hey, I want to come.” And so, they had to interview me. And I remember getting accepted and showing up for this experience.

And it was a big decision that I made to be in that room that has forever changed how I see myself. Keep in mind, I was in the room with the founder of Twitter. That was when Twitter first came out. I was in the room with the founder of Uber, like all of these tech guys.

And here I am, just starting my coaching business. At the time, it was called Just Be Living. And I’d probably made 20K at that point. But being in that energy, deciding to do it, even though I was so uncomfortable, I felt so out of place, that energy changed me. So, even the big decisions to put yourself in big-energy rooms, what could that look like for you?

And I have an idea if you want to try it out. SOSI Desert Live. We’re going to be having an event in Arizona in November. And it’s going to be a big-energy room and my whole goal is that you walk out of that room seeing yourself in a completely new way, which will then have such an impact on how you show up in the world and the results that you create.

If you’re interested in coming to that event, we only have a few tickets left. You can go to schoolofselfimage.com/desert and get your fanny in one of those seats. I did an event in Miami back in February and over half of the women in that room – way over half. I can’t remember exactly how many, but they’re coming back to this event in Scottsdale because it was so good. And we’re only going to make it better.

You’re going to be around the most incredible women and it’s not a workshop where you’re sitting in a florescent room, a fluorescent-lighted room, just taking notes all day. It’s an experience. It’s a revival. It’s a reawakening. It’s a party. It’s a celebration. It will be unlike any event you’ve ever attended. I can promise you that.

But that’s one of those big decisions that I’ve seen people make that have changed them. And yet, the brain will try to talk you out of these big decisions. The brain is always going to decide to support your current self-image.

So, if your current self-image says things like, “I don’t have the resources. I don’t have the time. I’m not going to fit in. I don’t belong.” If you listen to that part of your brain and make decisions from that place, you’re going to keep reaffirming these beliefs that you have about yourself.

But when you make big decisions, you’re reaching from your future and you’re deciding as your future self.

I always ask myself, what would my future self decide right now? And then, that’s what I do. That is what I decide. And that decision helps me live into my future self.

Most people are making their decisions based on who they are right now. And so, therefore, they just keep reconfirming who they think they are right now. But think about the woman you’re becoming. Think about who you want to be, and what are the decisions that will help you get there faster?

The chances are, they’re going to be big. It’s going to require that you learn how to feel your emotions and not run from them. Because when you make a big decision, you’re going to immediately confront all of your BS in your head, all of the reasons why it’s not going to work, all of the reasons why it was the wrong decision. You’re going to have to work through all of that and feel the emotions that come from that. But on the other side of that is a whole new you.

The final thing that I want to say about decisions, big and small, is the most important decision is the decision after the decision. What I mean by that is a lot of times, we’ll make a decision. And the bigger the decision, the bigger your brain’s going to freak out.

So, you make a decision, and then you start to move in that direction, and then your brain gets involved and starts saying things like, “This is never going to work. You made a terrible decision. Let’s make a new decision because this one’s so uncomfortable.”

And you have to understand how the brain works. When it comes to your self-image, the brain wants to keep reaffirming who you’ve been practicing being for a long time. And so, if you listen to those thoughts, you’re just going to come back to who you think you are, to your current self-image.

And that’s why it’s so important, when you make a decision, the next decision is how you’re going to feel about it. So, whenever I make a decision, I decide how I’m going to feel about that decision, and then I focus on that.

An example is when I left nursing, I had been making tiny decisions all along that allowed me to get to a point where I felt confident enough to make the big decisions. So, what that looked like for me is I went and got my coaching certification. I was still working as a nurse, but then I cut back to part time, and, on the side, I was building my business.

And so, for some people, a big decision would be, as soon as they get their certification, they quit their job and they start their business, or their coaching business, whatever it is that you’re doing.

But for me, I wasn’t there yet. I wasn’t emotionally ready for that. And so, these little decisions led to a point where I was like, “Okay, are you ready, Tonya? Are you ready to leave nursing and start your own business full time?”

And the decision was yes. It was a big yes in my body, but that doesn’t mean my brain wasn’t freaking out. But I decided that I was going to have my own back and I was going to feel confident in my decision. I decided, which means literally to cut off. I cut off the option of spinning in doubt, spinning in confusion, spinning in worry.

I decided, this is what I’m doing, and I got my energy lined up behind me, even though the people around me thought I was crazy. My poor mother, she stressed about that decision way more than I did. I remember her saying, “I can’t believe you’re going to let this go.”

But you have to understand, number one, my mom had no idea what I was doing, and she grew up in an era where that’s what women did. You became a nurse, a teacher, or you worked at the bank, maybe a secretary.

And so, for me to leave a nursing career and bet on myself to go out there and start my own business freaked her out a little bit. But now, she’s so happy I did. But I had to believe in me. I had to have my own back. I had to decide how I wanted to feel about that decision.

So, no matter if you’re making decisions big or small, as soon as you make it, decide, “I’m going to feel confident. I’m going to feel good about this decision.” I’ve seen people do this in restaurants. They’ll order something and then they’ll be like, “Oh, gosh, I should have gotten the other, I should have gotten the chicken instead of the steak.”

They decide something, and then they make themselves miserable in the process. Whenever I order something in a restaurant, I’m like, that was the dish I was meant to have. I don’t sit around dillydallying around what choice I should have made. I made a choice now. I’m going to feel good about it. I’m going to go all in on that decision.

Doubting yourself, worrying about the decision that you made, second guessing yourself only slows you down. It doesn’t allow you to line up your energy behind the decision. Decide and then go all in. And the bigger the decision you make, the more you’re going to have to do this. But let me tell you, you’re going to blow your own mind with what’s possible.

So, I’m curious. Is there a big decision that you’re being called to make in your life? Come find me on Instagram. Let me know. Because I’m over here cheering you on. I know you can swim. You may not know that yet because you’ve never given yourself that experience through making a big decision.

But I believe in it for you, so borrow my beliefs and show yourself what you’ve got. Have a gorgeous week, everybody. I’ll see you in next week’s episode. Cheers.

Hey, have you grabbed your free copy of the School of Self-Image Manifesto? If not, what in the world? Head over to schoolofselfimage.com/manifesto and get a copy that teaches you how to think and show up in the areas of mindset, style, and surroundings so that you can transform your self-image.