What is a High Value Woman (And How To Become One)

The Problem with Performing For Value

Do you know what's been driving me crazy lately? All this advice out there on how to be a high-value woman, because it usually goes something like this, dress this way. Say these three things, don't text back too soon so that you can land the man or get the job or attract the money. But here's the thing, when you are truly in your high-value energy, you're not doing it to get anything. You're not performing for some prize. You're not manipulating outcomes. Being high value isn't some tactic. It is a state of being. It's how you carry yourself, how you see yourself, and how you show up whether someone's watching or not. So today we're going to redefine what it really means to be a high-value woman and how to actually embody that energy. Because spoiler alert, it's not about the handbag, it's not about the man, it's not even about the job, it's about who you are when you stop chasing and you really start owning your worth. Welcome to the School of Self-Image, where our motto is simple. Elevate your self-image, elevate your life. I'm Tonya Leigh, your hostess, and I'll guide you to become the woman who doesn't just dream bigger. She lives bigger. Let's dive in.

Hi there, and welcome back to my channel. I'm Tonya Leigh, and today I am diving into a topic that is no stranger to the internet. If you go on YouTube, you see these videos everywhere and it's on how to be a high-value woman. And I'm going to be really honest with you right now. A lot of the stuff out there really rubs me the wrong way because it is so performative. It's full of tactics to appear high value instead of the high value. There's a big difference, my friends. So I want to set the record straight. I am not here to teach you how to get him to text you back faster. I'm here to teach you how to text yourself back faster, to keep your own word and to elevate your own life. This work is about the relationship between you and you. 

Redefining Value From Within

It is the most important relationship. It's the one that matters the most, and it's the one that we focus on around here at the School of Self-Image. So before we dive into what a high value woman is, let's clear up the word of what value actually means because it gets tossed around everywhere and usually I feel like in the wrong way. When you think of the word value, what comes to mind? Because most people, what they think of is what you bring to the table for other people. And yeah, that's a part of it, but if that's all you ever focus on, you're going to spend your life performing for approval. I know this to be true for my own experience of wanting to feel valuable. And so let me be a certain way. Let me show up a certain way. Let me get the accolades, let me get people to approve of me. But that just you down and it ends up making you feel low-value.

Three Layers of True Value

So I want to break it down into three parts of what it means to be high value. The first part is your intrinsic value. This is your birthright. You were born valuable, period. Yeah, you're just valuable. What if you believe that to be true? It's just who you are. You don't have to earn it, you don't have to perform for it. Just you being here if you think about it, is such a miracle. Think about all of the things that had to line up in order for you to be a human being. Right now walking this planet, it's miraculous. That alone makes you valuable. But the trap is when women are performing to be valuable, they're wearing certain things, trying to look valuable, trying to say the right things, but it's coming from a low-value state.

They don't see themselves that way. They haven't claimed the value first. And whenever you are performing for your own value, it just keeps you on this hamster wheel of life. So what if you just honored your intrinsic value? What if you just decided right now I am a valuable human being? Because when you do, it makes the next one so much easier. And you hear me talk about this so much on this channel because my whole work is around self-image. But how you see yourself does determine how you show up in rooms. It determines what treatment you allow of yourself. It determines what you will tolerate and what you don't. So when you perceive yourself as valuable, others are going to see you that way as well. And if they don't, you probably won't allow them into your world. They're not a match for how you see yourself.

And that brings me to the third part of value, being a high-value woman. And that is your lived value. Your lived value can't be faked. People will feel it without you even saying a word. It's how you live out to that statement of I am a valuable woman. And here's the thing, it's going to look different for all of us. I think there's this misconception that high-value women wear designer clothes and they're very hoity to hoity. Is that even a word? I think it is here in the south, it's a word. There is this misconception around being a high-value woman. And I've seen this so much in videos and other teachers talking about it. And women can start to think, oh, I have to dress a certain way. I have to speak a certain way. I have to look a certain way to be high value.

But let me tell you, I have been around many women wearing the best clothes who could articulate beautifully, and they still don't feel high value. It is an energy that you claim and then allow yourself to express it in your own unique way. You being high value might be wearing jeans and cowboy boots because that's what you love. That's what you value. Honor that we all have our own unique expression of our value. So don't get called up and it needs to look this way and I have to be this way. You're here to be uniquely you. And when you own your value, that is going to show up in a way that feels so aligned.

8 Ways to Embody High Value Energy

So I want to give you eight steps on how you can embody high-value energy. And the first one is the core. It's the foundation, and that's to have valuable thoughts about yourself. High-value women. Start with high-value thinking. Think about how you talk to yourself every day and ask yourself, is this how a high-value woman would speak about herself, would speak to herself? How often do you say things like, I don't have what it takes, or I'm too behind, or I can't figure this out, or they're not going to like me. Or what if this doesn't work out? That's not how a high-value woman thinks about herself. She thinks, you know what? It's an honor to be around me. I have so much to bring to the table. I have so much to give. I have so many unique ideas. I'm not behind. I'm exactly where I need to be. I am so excited about this next chapter of my life. So just pay attention and ask yourself throughout the day, is this how a high-value woman would think of herself?

The next step is to have what I call a red velvet rope around your life. You get to decide what you allow in and what you don't think of yourself as a VIP club. Would you allow people to talk to you in certain ways? Would you allow certain behaviors around you? Think about your environment, your surroundings should feel inspiring, not training even. Think about your habits, putting a red velvet rope up around how you show up for yourself. Choices that align with your future self, not sabotage her. Often when I'm talking about a red velvet rope policy, we immediately go to boundaries for other people. But I love to tell clients it's boundaries that you have with yourself. It's you deciding, wait, do I show up for myself like this? Do I speak to myself like this? Because having standards is what this is all about.

This isn't about snobbery. It's about having high standards for yourself, how you treat yourself and how you allow others to treat you. The third thing that you can begin to do that will help you to embody high-value energy is to keep your word to yourself. Think about it. A high-value woman trust herself. She knows that when she says she's going to do something, she's actually going to follow through. And if you've been in this pattern of breaking trust with yourself, I always just recommend start with the small things. If you say you're going to go for a walk today, go for a 20-minute walk. If you say you're going to journal, pick up your journal and do it. Show yourself that you matter enough to follow through on the things that are going to make your life better, that are going to help you elevate your self-image.

Practice keeping your word to yourself because that's what a high-value woman does. The fourth thing is to prioritize your well-being. Value shows up in how you treat your body, your mind, and your spirit. So choosing rest over staying up all night and watching Netflix, booking the doctor's appointment that you've been putting off, making time for joyful movement instead of punishing workouts, when you care for your wellbeing, you signal to yourself, I'm worth the effort. And as a high-value woman, you know that you are. So it's time you start showing up for that. The fifth way to embody high-value energy is to dress to impress yourself, not others. This is a huge one because high-value style isn't about labels, it's about alignment. This is about you wearing colors that light you up, even if they're not in style or not even in your color palette.

It's you putting on perfume for a day at home with yourself because it just makes you feel so luxe. It's used choosing quality pieces that you have had your eye on instead of chasing trends for validation. The goal here is that when you pass the mirror, you smile. The sixth way for you to embody high-value energy. This one's so important. It's for you to learn how to master your emotional life because a high-value woman doesn't get tossed around by every mood or every trigger. She learns to understand her emotional life and to deal with her triggers so that she can show up intentionally and in her power. So what does this look like day to day? Well, maybe it's taken a pause before responding to that snarky comment on Instagram. Maybe it's choosing curiosity over being defensive in a tough conversation. Maybe it's practicing emotional regulation tools and different tools work for different people, but maybe it's breath work.

Maybe it's journaling. Maybe it's movement. Mastery does not mean that you don't feel, it just means that you don't let feelings run the show. Number seven, and this one is so big and it's probably something you don't do enough, and that is celebrate yourself. Stop waiting for others to validate you and tell you how amazing you are. You get to be your own hype woman. This is something that I've gotten really good at doing. I toast myself for every little milestone. Even if no one else notices, I even toast my failures. I'm like, girl, I am so proud of you for trying. I'm so proud of you for doing something that most people won't even attempt to do. But this is where a lot of women sabotage themselves. They're not looking for their own value. And every day, every single day, you have wins. Now, if you haven't been looking for them, you may think, oh no, I don't.

I really don't have any wins today. And I'm here to tell you, if you are a living, breathing woman, you've got some wins today. And sometimes the win is just, I got up and I got dressed. It's been a rough week. But are you celebrating that? Are you saying, wow, I'm really proud of you on your hardest of days, you got up and you got dressed. You need to treat yourself to the life that you want. All of the things that you're wanting other people to do for you, start doing them for yourself. You want some flowers? Go buy yourself some. I do it every single week. If you want people to say, oh my God, you're doing such a great job, tell yourself that. Cut out the middleman and begin to self-celebrate because it says, you know what? I see my own brilliance.

I see my own value, and I'm not going to wait on the world to give that to me. I'm going to give it to myself. And when you're in that energy, I promise you, you're going to show up in the room so much more powerful and in your value. Finally, invest in your own growth. When you see yourself as valuable, you want to invest in it. And that's going to look different for all of us. It might be investing in your health. It might be investing in your personal growth. It might be investing in your style. It might be investing in your home. You get to decide what investment you need during this season in your life. But what I know is that a high-value woman, she never stops evolving, and she's always creating from a place of value. She's not creating from a place of I'm not good enough.

She's looking at herself as I am enough, I am valuable. And from that place, what do I need next? What is the next level for me? Because she's always creating, creation is in her DNA, she never stops growing. She never stops evolving. And so investing in yourself is a way for you to tell yourself, I'm valuable. I am valuable enough to invest in. Maybe that looks like reading one book a month that stretches your perspective. Maybe it's taking classes that inspire you, whether it's in the arts or cooking or whatever you're interested in. But when you expand your mind, you expand your life.

Your Self-Image Is The Root 

So those are the eight steps to embody high value energy because at the end of the day, being a high value woman really comes down to one thing, how you see yourself, your self-image. And that's why I created The Self-Image Method.

It is my signature course where I walk you through the exact four-step process to upgrade how you see yourself, so that you naturally embody that high-value energy in every area of your life. Inside, you're going to learn how to assess where you are, define who you're becoming, edit out the contradictions and refine your self-image until it matches the woman you want to be. And here's the best part, you don't have to fake it until you make it. This method rewires how you think, how you feel, and how you show up. So being high value, it stops being something that you're chasing and just becomes who you are. So if this episode lit something within you and you know are ready to stop performing and finally start embodying your high-value self, come and join me inside The Self-Image Method for the first time it's available outside of the membership. And you can get started today. Just go to schoolofselfimage.com/method because at the end of the day, you don't get what you want. You get who you are, and The Self-Image Method is how you become her. Thanks for tuning in this week, and I cannot wait to see you in next week's episode. Cheers.