tonya's diary

what i'm thinking about

Hello, beautiful!


You do know how stunning you are, right? Are you owning it? Are you rocking it? Are you embodying what makes you incredible?

While I love a good compliment, I can’t rely on them to make me feel beautiful. As women, we have to get into the habit of seeing ourselves as beautiful — mind, body, and soul.

Why? Because the world will reflect back to us how we feel about ourselves.

It’s the power of self-image.

This edition of The Edit is called The Knockout Issue. It’s for the women who desire to cultivate their own beauty, inside and out.

Step one, we need a beauty philosophy. Here’s mine:

Beauty is not only born. It is created - one thought, feeling, and action at a time.

So tell me. Do you think you’re beautiful?

Start with “Yes” and let’s go from there.


P.S. Before we dive into this week’s edition of The Edit, are you registered for The Worthy Woman - my 5-day challenge designed to support you in fully owning your value and claiming your worth?

We’re starting soon. RSVP here to save your seat and get the goodies I’ve prepared for you!

The Thought Edit

A New Thought to Restyle Your Mind

Create Your Own Definition of Beauty

Today, in my late 40’s, I feel more beautiful than ever. It’s because I’ve created my own definition of beauty - and I live by it.

Did you know that less than ten percent of women think they’re beautiful? It’s heartbreaking.

I think that’s because of a few things:

  1. They put their definition of beauty in the hands of the media and corporations.
  2. Their definition of beauty doesn’t include their own “look.”
  3. They focus on the things they don’t like about themselves and subconsciously create more of those things.

But here’s the secret: women who feel beautiful are more confident and enjoy their lives more!

So here’s a very important tip: Create your own definition of beauty.

Here are 3 steps to show you how:

01. Define it.

Define what beauty means to you - and make sure that your definition leaves room for YOU as you are today: your skin color, hair color, body shape, everything!

02. Look for your definition of beauty everywhere.

The law of attraction is always working, especially with our own beauty. Train yourself to see beauty everywhere - in yourself and others.

When you begin to acknowledge and appreciate your own beauty, it will begin to multiply.

03. Make decisions that enhance your beauty.

I love asking myself, “Will this add or detract from my beauty?” This question influences the types of foods I eat, the people I hang out with, the places I go, and how I spend my time.

Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder, so make sure your definition of beauty honors the total knockout woman you are.


Ideas for Elevating from Our Members

A World of Color
with Elena Overton

“I’m a new mom and recently went back to the office from parental leave. I really wanted to do something for myself that would help me feel more stylish and put together after a few months of living in sweatshirts and leggings.

I’ve also been working to overhaul my closet for the last year and wanted some help to know what looks best on me, as I edit my wardrobe.

So, I had my colors done at House of Colour! I am a Burnished Winter palette. It was pretty amazing how you could see the changes in the way your skin looks. And it was just fun! Would definitely recommend this to anyone who has a House of Colour nearby.

My work in SOSI has inspired me to take better care of myself and to take action on what I want my future self to be.”

A Taste of Style

Making the Everyday Extraordinary

Finding the Perfect Nude Lip

Style has essential building blocks, like color, shape, and texture. Finding your colors, like Elena did, is a great idea because - just as an artist knows how to tailor their color choices according to the canvas they’re working with – so too should you tailor your wardrobe color choices to complement your canvas:

  • Your skin tone
  • Body architecture
  • Style persona

To complement the colors in your wardrobe, I find it’s really helpful to have a solid option for a nude lip.

When you go with bold eye color, cheek color, or wardrobe color, a nude lip modernizes the look and keeps it all looking very chic.

As Lisa Eldridge says, “One person’s nude is another person’s white or brown or orange, so a bit of trial and error is required.”

Here’s a quick tutorial by Lisa on how to choose a nude lip that works for you:

Here’s my favorite nude lipstick. Remember, this color matches my skin tone. Be sure to find one that works well for you.


Habits for Creating the Impossible

Clean Up Your Beauty Products with Think Dirty

Beauty products contain a world of dangerous ingredients. I started discovering this several years ago when my daughter was sick with a mysterious illness, and I was searching for the cause, leaving no rock unturned. (It turned out to be black mold in her apartment but that’s a story for another day.)

In my research, I found the Think Dirty App, and it’s awesome! I use it to evaluate every product I plan to buy and to shop for greener, cleaner options.

They even cover personal and household products as well. Highly recommended.

In the Bag

Tools for REinvention

A Timeless Bootie for Fall

With fall finally here, it’s time to trade in summer heels for cold-weather shoes - and you know what that means!


One of my favorite pairs is the Stuart Weitzman 75 Stretch Bootie - chic, comfortable, timeless.

This pair of booties is an excellent addition to your capsule wardrobe. Wear it with your favorite pair of jeans or with a warm sweater dress.

The Toast

Your Invitation to Connect & Celebrate

Make Jealousy a Superpower

When it comes to beauty, I believe everyone is susceptible to feeling the occasional bout of jealousy. It’s a natural emotion.

However, it can be damaging to your self-image if you hold onto it and internalize it. According to research, jealousy is usually linked to self-image traits like low self-esteem, insecurity, and possessiveness.

As a master life coach, I simply see it as a SIGN that’s pointing you toward something you want.

There’s something “over there” that interests you. To make jealousy a superpower, transform it into appreciation.

(Remember, what you focus on grows. When you focus on what you LIKE, it grows. When you focus on what you DON’T LIKE, it grows.)

To shift from jealousy to appreciation, ask yourself these two questions:

  • What do I see over there that I admire?
  • Is there an opportunity to expand my definition of beauty?

Being jealous is a big beauty mistake in my book. It steals your joy and your own beauty because, in your head, you’re making someone else better than you.

You are perfect just the way you are. It’s up to us to practice believing in our own beauty and admiring the beauty in other women.

If you’ve internalized jealousy until now, don’t beat yourself up. After all, you’re human.

Want to learn a little more about my own beauty mistakes? Listen to this week’s podcast:

My Top 5 Beauty Mistakes

Have a great week, Beautiful!


P.S. Will I see you at SOSI Desert Live? Can’t wait!

It’s just a few more weeks until 200+ women will completely change their self-image forever.

There will be style, connection, and transformation – all in beautiful Scottsdale, AZ.

// TheEDIT

A weekly digital magazine by the School of Self-Image