“The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best.”

― Epictetus

Let’s pretend that you have a beautiful table set - candles are burning in crystal, a bouquet of red roses adorns the center and six perfectly place settings are awaiting your guests.  Louis Armstrong is playing in the background and you, my darling, look fabulous sitting at the head of your table of excellence reserved for those who inspire, uplift, guide and challenge you to be your very best.

Who comes in and sits down? In working with countless women, I’ve noticed a common theme:  who sits around your metaphorical table will either fuel your desires or drain you dry.  If you are what you eat, then you are who you associate with. Personally, I’ve noticed the six types of people that can turn your table of excellence into une table de catastrophe!    If you spot these people coming in to take a seat, you may want to un-invite them to your life’s party. The Debby Downer We all have them.  Those people in our lives who are constantly complaining and looking for everything that’s wrong in life.  And, without fail, they find it in everything. The energy of the complainer is certain to take you from feeling like you can tackle the world to feeling like a victim of circumstance. Anyone can find something to complain about, but you should seek out those who can as easily find something to celebrate. Remove complainers ASAP. Mr. Right Narrow-minded.  Always has the answers. Stiff.  Unwilling to bulge. These are the bulls in your life, and in your fervent quest for ideas, brainstorming and possibility, these people will often shoot down your dream before you can get it off the ground. The Mr. Rights have to go so you can make room for the Mr. Possibility. The Schmoozer If there hasn’t been already, there will be a time in your life when you are in the flow and things are going grand.  Suddenly, you’ll notice a mass entry of the schmoozers who want to join in on your party.  They want your connections, your know-how, and your insider secrets. While I love connecting people to make dreams come true, I’ve had my share of schmoozers in my life who are in it to serve their own egos, to fuel their own desires, offering you very little in return. These aren’t friends; they are users.  The good news is that eventually, if you don’t un-invite them first, they will be on their merry way looking for the next person to schmooze.   If you can spot them beforehand, please show them the door. Let them watch your party from the window. The Raving Fan This person thinks your every idea, word and action is remarkable, even divine.  They think you can do no wrong and fall over themselves to tell you so. While unconditional accolades are nice, what you really need at your table is real honesty to help you grow and develop.  Offering praise is easy;  offering constructive feedback on how you can improve is often much more difficult, but necessary. Let your fans praise you, but not at your table of excellence.  You don’t need fans at your table; you need a true friend who loves you so much, she’s willing to offer you the truth. The Party Girl Woo-hoo...par-tay! I’ll admit that this girl is fun, and if you were throwing a big shindig, she’d probably get an invite, but at your table of excellence?  No! While I am the queen of a good time, and a few times a year, I proudly admit that I blow it out.  However, my best and most fun times are when I’m sitting around an intimate table having an open discussion about the things that really matter to me.  Plus, I care about how I feel when I wake up the next day. I want to be in optimal shape to create, grow, learn and fuel my desires. The party girl, on the other hand, is about one thing: having fun now at all costs.  The hangover?  She’ll deal with that tomorrow. Dear party girl, you are fun to watch, but just not at my table of excellence. Au Revoir!   The Zombie If you didn’t know better, you’d think this person is already celebrating the marijuana legalization in Colorado.  This person goes through life asleep at the wheel, wondering aimlessly from project to project, job to job and circumstance to circumstance. Fortunately, if this one’s at your table, you’re likely to not even notice, since he/she is off in la-la land daydreaming about her next big thing but never taking action.  If she lacks direction, how can offer you insight on your next steps? Although mild, mellow, and oftentimes harmless, you only have so much room at your table, so the zombie’s got to go! The Empty Table It’s likely that once you’ve removed these people, your table be empty with with no one around.  But, trust me, it’s better to have an empty table than one filled with the above. Don’t worry.  In my next post, I’ll let you in on who I’ve put around my table of excellence; those who inspire me to French Kiss Life! Until then, light your candles, put on your music and sit at the head of your table with confidence that the right people will show up!

I'm curious.  Do you have any of these people around your table now?  Are you ready to remove them or does it bring up fear?