Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.
Love it or hate it, the French are very careful in choosing who they let in. Here’s an idea: You’ll move to Paris and become BFFs with your neighbors and throw parties which the entire arrondisement will attend. Think again. The French are very wary about newbies. They like their traditions and a close group of friends, which was cultivated years ago.
While this may not be the greatest thing (especially for someone with great aspirations of becoming a friend to Paris), I think there is something that we all can learn from this:
It’s what I call my “Red Velvet Rope Policy.”
A long time ago, I learned that who we surround ourselves with directly reflects who we are.
I want to be my absolute best. Thus, I want to surround myself with only the best.
So…
If someone has a toxic personality full of gossip, complaints, excuses, refusals, and a life that feels like a battlefield, that person won’t get past my velvet rope. If you do, you will be kindly removed.
Yet, I’ve been that person, the one letting everyone in and the one creating a negative space of my own.
One of the best gifts that I’ve received in life were dear friends who created boundaries, shielding themselves from my negativity. It made me think about who I was and how I was showing up in the world.
Becoming mindful of this required self-responsibility for all the negative energy that I spewed out over the years.
So where am I now?
I choose to surround myself with people who open me up to new worlds: the dreamers and doers; people who support and encourage; those who’ll dance under the moonlight on a Monday night, sip Champagne (or tea) while discussing life and love, be challenged by, spontaneously take trips around the world with; love with their hearts wide open; and create experiences that our 90-year-old selves will be proud of.
In being mindful of who I let cross my velvet rope, new energies, friendships and worlds have emerged.
If you want to change your life, first take inventory of who you surround yourself with.
I’m not asking you to shut off your world from new friends like the French do (please don’t). In fact, be open to new faces and souls that inspire and lift you up.
Treat your space lovingly, kindly, and like the sacred place that it is.
Create a Red Velvet Rope policy for your life: Only let the best in. (tweet it)
Do you have a red velvet rope up around your precious life energy? I’d love to hear in the comments below.
Lovingly,
Tonya
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When I was growing up my dad would tell me over and over again, "If the only people around are up to no good or just plain lost in life, then be a loner instead of becoming friends with them." He also reminded me that keeping bad company alone is enough to be guilty by association. The older I get the more true it is. One really does become like the 5 people they spent the most time with or interact with the most. Being careful is not about being classist or snobby but about not allowing downers into your life who are more than happy to pull you down with them. An old friend of mine used to say that the Greeks have a saying,"Show me who your friends are and I'll tell you what you are, even if I don't know you at all." Sometimes it's just that simple.
I totally agree with this. It may be difficult at first, but once done and the "energy vampires" removed, one can truly breathe much better. I have had to remove a couple of them from my life and, though I originally felt like I was being a wicked person, I was also allowing them to dictate my emotions. C'est fini! It is truly liberating and allows one to find more inspiring people to surround oneself with!
Tonya -
Once again you "nailed" it. No truer words were ever spoken or tweeted.....
Create a Red Velvet Rope policy for your life: Only let the best in. (tweet it)
It is necessary. It is a learned skill. I used to let people in that were not good for my life. Politely, I let them go.
“Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.” ~William Shakespeare
Yes, this is a wonderful way to say "setting boundaries." I love the implications of the Velvet Rope, as if the life it's protecting is glamorous.
I don't like drama in my life, I prefer peace in my relationships and keep drama for books and movies. I used to try to solve problems for my friends and I listened to endless crap, but the more I worked on my own issues and my life improved the less I wanted to be around people who didn't do the same.
Now I make sure I get paid for my advice and will tell a friend, if I really value her friendship, when I'd reached my limit of being able to sympathize with something she was going through. If she doesn't take any action, yet continues to complain about the same issue, I tell her I can't listen anymore. It's something we do for each other. It works 🙂
I love this advice and your comment too, Rheba. Where I struggle though is how to implement this when the most negative, energy sucking vampire in your life is your own mother. While I have had no problems setting boundaries with negative friends how does one institute a red velvet policy with a relative?
I love this post! My grandma and my daddy always said, "if you lie with dogs you'll get fleas". The older I become the more this saying is really true! I used to think I could pull them up into a better decision, joy or even having hope for their future, but in reality they just pulled me into their negative drama.