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Today I’m featuring another “Ask Tonya” post!
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Below is a summary of the Q&A.

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QUESTION: I love your podcast. I devour them on the way to work. I started following you on Instagram as well. I love everything you say, but when I see you I always think, “Well, It’s easy for her.” I know this kind of thinking is holding me back. HELP! – Vanessa

ANSWER: It is tempting to look at someone else’s life from the outside and think that they have it all together and never struggle with anything, but you never know what is going on inside. I am confident and established in who I am, but deciding who I wanted to be and enduring the changes it took to get there were hard and uncomfortable. Women are not broken, so spending time and effort on trying to “fix” yourself is counterproductive and will not allow you the space you need to create the new you or your new endeavor. The best part of reaching a goal is who you have to become to reach it.

QUESTION: There is so much I want to do — buy a home, travel more, start a business. I have so many ideas that it’s overwhelming. I don’t know where to start. What advice do you have for me? – Sharon

ANSWER: Just pick one thing and get started. You could spend days, weeks, months, and years analyzing what you should do, but this is precious time that you could be actually out there doing it! By cutting out the distractions – your other ideas – you can truly focus on your primary goal and build the momentum you need to make progress, and this might allow you to start checking other ideas off your list as well.

QUESTION: How do you get over the fear of getting started on something new?  – Joanie

ANSWER: Fearlessness does not exist – you will feel the fear throughout the process and the accompanying discomfort and emotions. It is important to learn to embrace the discomfort and become encouraged by it, knowing that you are onto something.

QUESTION: I’m feeling stuck, like frozen in my mind and afraid to do the things I say I want to do or know that I need to do in order to reach other goals. I’d love to see more content on how to break out of that mindset. – Kanisha

ANSWER: Be honest with yourself and answer these questions: Are you thinking the same things over and over again? What are you afraid of that could be holding you back? What is the worst thing that can happen if you fail? By changing your mindset to be more hopeful and confident, your outlook on your goals will change as well. And by thinking logically about what could happen if you fail, you will probably find that the consequence isn’t bad enough to keep you from trying.

QUESTION: Tonya, I love your style. I desperately want to dress more glamorously, but I have this fear of what others will think. Do you ever worry about being too dressed up or trying to fit in? – Janet

ANSWER: First of all, thank you! As for your desire to dress more glamorous, Just do it! Here’s what I’ve discovered: people are going to judge you no matter what. It’s what people do. Wouldn’t you rather be judged for being who you want to be? Above all, your relationship with yourself is more important than what others think about you. Focus on cultivating that by honoring what you desire and feeling good about yourself. Plus, fitting in is so boring. Feel the freedom that comes with being your true self and embrace the discomfort of change as an encouragement to keep going.

JOIN THE CHIC CONVERSATION: Did you like this Dear Tonya episode? What coaching was most helpful to you and how will you apply it into your life?

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