Recently I asked someone how she was doing, and she said, "I'm at homeostasis. Balancing the good and the bad." She was joking, of course, but it got me thinking.
How can homeostasis possibly be satisfying?
Just being OK. Getting by. Making from day-to-day in a regular kind of way.
Ordinary. Very very far from extraordinary. I don't know about you, but extraordinary is where I want my life to be. I want my 90-year-old self to look back at my life and say, "What a ride. Well done, Darling!"
Existing in a Mediocre State
"We humans can get used to anything. It really is remarkable. The problem is that we often use this glorious ability of ours to stay stuck in mediocrity. Oh, the years we waste adapting to lousy marriages, soul-sucking jobs, being friends with people who are rude to waitresses." - Jen Sincero
When we live in a mediocre state, we are living in a mid-level comfort zone.
Many women are satisfied-ish with living like this.
After all, it takes little risk or creativity to pick a clear and easy path – usually, the defaults are shaped by the way we were raised – and follow it till the end because it's just the safest one.
Many women don't even realize that they are on an endless, straight, narrow road leading to nowhere. They just do their day-to-day, going through the motions. So they're not really hating life but not loving it either.
They look in the mirror and sigh with resignation – or worse, obsess a little more over how to fix their finances, body, career, relationships, marriage, children, home ... And when we're in this kind of mediocre state, we look around and feel – at best – bored and stuck. At worst, dissatisfied and maybe even a little depressed.
We are surviving but not thriving.
I can relate.
I was settled into the status quo for years, just trying my best to be a good wife, mother, and critical care nurse. As some may know, I struggled with my weight. I yo-yoed back and forth between, “OMG, I've got to lose these extra pounds” to “I’ve got to lose weight, but, hey … doesn't everyone?”
Of course, there were times when I got fed up. With my circumstances, myself and others – especially if I'd already tried to "fix" something so often that I'd lost count (and especially when it came to my weight).
I'd obsess over diets and sometimes lose the weight, only to gain it back. I'd fantasize about redecorating my house, traveling, living in Paris – being someone else.
I tried all the things. The self-help books, the diets, the therapy – and sometimes things got better for about a minute. But then, I'd find myself right back where I started.
Nothing ever really changed.
Things started to change for me when I figured out there was an alternative to the all-or-nothing approach.
I started to become the bold, audacious, worldly woman that I am today.
So what's a woman to do? How can we renounce mediocrity and start living the life of our dreams?
Here are a few ideas ...
Courageously Confront Mediocrity
Mediocrity is not a series of problems to be solved; it's a state of mind.
Confronting mediocrity is not about the belief that we need to change but the realization that we can. It means taking an honest look at the ideas we have about ourselves and coming to the realization that we are not broken; only our self-image is.
Meeting mediocrity head-on is facing up to – and letting go of – the negativity that infuses our self-image. Most of the time, it means breaking up with some of the most familiar parts of ourselves – a thing we absolutely must do because they are not serving us.
Facing and declining mediocrity is about realizing that we don't need to fix our lives; we need to start creating our lives.
Many of us get into a space where we feel stuck, but at the same time, we are in acceptance of being stuck. We figure it's just the way it is. Recognizing that we are accomplices to the mediocrity that surrounds us is the first step to rejecting it, escaping mediocrity, and being more.
At the end of the day, it comes down to the things you didn't do. The chances you didn't take. The procrastination you allowed yourself to indulge in. The stagnancy you refused to stir up, either out of fear or sheer energetic paralysis.
Once we've faced up to that part of us that allows mediocrity to blanket our lives, we can take the needed steps to take our lives from ordinary to extraordinary.
We can accomplish so many things when we start to understand that we are wonderful, capable, strong, divine, unique, and extraordinary - all we have to do is open ourselves up to the magic we have inside.
Here are a few ideas - pick just one that feels like it will serve you the most and commit to it, even if that commitment has a time limit.
In fact, when you're doing something new, it's often better to set a limit of a week, a month, or whatever keeps it feeling challenging and fun.
Do you feel like you have more than one thing you want to do? That's great!
And, I encourage you to pick just the biggest, most impactful one and do that. Then, move on to another later when you're ready.
Read for an hour every day – make it something positive and uplifting that will grow you. Not a self-help book about fixing something you think is broken – I'm talking about books that will lift you spiritually, personally, professionally, emotionally, and mentally.
A few great books that come quickly to mind are:
- Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert
- The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff
- Atomic Habits by James Clear
- The Book of Joy by the Dali Lama, Desmond Tutu, and Douglas Carlton Abrams
- Daring Greatly by Dr. Brené Brown
- Women Who Run With The Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola
- Everything is Firgeoutable by Marie Forleo
- Untamed by Glennon Doyle
- The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey
- The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
Join the School of Self-Image – When you invest in yourself by investing in a membership program like the School of Self-Image, you accomplish two things right away:
- Your actions shout to you that you're worthy of such a loving investment in yourself.
- You join a coaching collective filled with beautiful women just like you who are ready to go from ordinary to extraordinary by elevating their self-image.
Meditate – Create a daily practice of mindful mediation or – if you want to go even deeper – transcendental meditation. Meditating grants a sense of calm, peace, and balance that is beneficial for your emotional wellness and your overall health. Meditation can get you more peacefully throughout the day, make you more focused and productive, and even help with certain medical conditions.
Cleanse your body of toxins – Drink nothing but water (yep, that means letting go of coffee too!) and eat fresh, raw, organic fruits and vegetables for a set amount of time (your challenge, your calendar, your choice!)
Get Moving – Commit to doing 20 or 30 minutes of exercise every single day. It can be dancing in your living room, going for a walk or jog, or heading to the gym. Whatever gets your body moving and you actually enjoy doing.
Focus on behaviors you can change now, not tomorrow. Do something today that moves toward remarkable.
When we confront the internal messages that keep us living in a mediocre state and take action around our mindset, style, and surroundings, we can then show up powerfully, living our lives by design rather than by default.
Curious about what goes on in the School of Self-Image? Why not register for Live Like An Editor: The Workshop? At just $37 for non-members (SOSI Members have complimentary access), it’s the lowest cost workshop that I’ve ever done and it will give you an opportunity to dip your toe into the coaching collective and community, experience my work, and get clear on whether or not the School of Self-Image experience will serve you.
The Self-Image Manifesto
You’re Invited To Live An Extraordinary Life!
IF YOU LIKE IT, SHARE IT