Style is knowing who you are, what to say, and not giving a damn.
I love sitting at a Parisian cafe and people watching taking special notes on a French woman’s style. One by one, they walk by, possessing their space with confidence and an ease that says to the world, I am who am I am, and I don’t give a flying hoot whether you like it or not! In France, creativity and femininity are celebrated. Art just doesn’t hang on the walls: how you live each day is a sign of your creativity .
While they all seem to have a certain beauty; they are all unique. One woman wears a pair of red stockings with a blue shorts and black leather bomber. Another one passes by wearing a long chiffon skirt and t-shirt followed by a lady in a man’s dress shirt accessorized with a tiny hot pink belt and combat boots.
French women seem to have perfected making themselves a unique piece of art, from how they dress and walk to how they eat and communicate. The world is their runway, which is why you’ll rarely see a French woman walking the streets in sweatpants and a t-shirt, unless, of course, that’s her style, and then she’ll most likely throw on some funky shoes, maybe a scarf, and work that look like no other.
Unfortunately, we live in a culture that advocates that we should look like everyone else, and even more devastating, being liked by everyone else. So, the moment a new trend hits the newsstand, we run to the nearest store to conform to the new mold, because God forbid we don’t fit in. To be unique and stand out from the crowd is social suicide. In France, the opposite is true. To not be unique and own who you are is tragique. And, if everyone likes you, you’re vanilla.
A French woman’s style says “I know who I am and work with what I have.”
French women do this so well. They don’t try to hide their flaws; they flaunt them. What many perceive as a defect, the French woman will see as an asset, something that sets her apart from the masses. This acceptance creates a confidence and sex appeal that perfection would never offer.
I was recently at an event in Aspen where many of the women felt like they were cut from the same mold — same white jeans, same hair style, same affect. It was if they had received a memo for this season’s hottest trends and were all following it to a T.
But, one woman stood out. She was rocking a beautiful flowing skirt and had her hair thrown up in a messy bun. It was obvious that she had no interest in being a trend follower. She was a trend setter by following her own style GPS system.
Giving yourself permission to be your own self-made piece of art requires courage and boldness.
After moving to a Colorado town where the dress code seems to be t-shirts, shorts and Vibrams, I’ve had a chance to practice this…a lot. So, I rock my favorite dresses and 3 inch wedges to the coffee shop, and when someone says, “Hey lady, you must not be from here,” I simply respond, “Oui, monsieur” and they look at me like I’m an alien.
After spending too many of my precious years conforming to expectations that were not my own, I’m no longer interested.
I don’t want to be a water downed version of me. I’m all in in my commitment to being the most artistic, creative and expressed version of me.
Of course, making your life art is about much more than how you dress. It’s about your passions, desires and how you connect with the world. It’s stating your opinion, regardless of what others think. It’s building a business that is a unique reflection of you and your gifts. It’s about showing up in the world the most expressed and joyful YOU!
However, what the world often sees first is how you dress, so start there and let that give you the courage to show up fully as yourself in all areas of your life.
Tomorrow, when you wake up, look at your closet with fresh eyes — from the perspective of living a creative and passionate life.
What outfit does that woman choose?
3 Days of Extraordinary
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Dear Tonya,
I loved this!! I have exhanged emails with you before and shared that my boyfriend of two years dumped me saying "You must weep everytime you look in the mirror." Shortly after that I was in the hospital in icu and almost died 3x in a week. I have been disabled ever since and fighting to lose weight. I have a narrowing in my trachea, the size of a soda straw, severe osteo arthritis, fibromyalgia and copd due to having had 10, yes 10 pulmonary embolisms. I also have a non-malignant tumor on my thyroid which is also where the stricture is located in my trachea.
Do you see my dilemna in trying to lose weight? I follow Weight Watchers fairly close but because of all my physical issues, I have no way to exercise. So I don't lose anything. And I weigh over 300 lbs.
I am so tired of being judged by my weight. And not being able to fit into the tight blue jeans and shirt. Wouldn't I love to though! I am seeing a therapsit because of depression and I came in last week wearing a bright yellow tee shirt with a parrot on the front. My arms, which I always try to hide because they are so big, were bare. But I had accesorized with a bold yellow necklace and large hoop earrings. My makeup was perfect; I had been practicing!
My therapist said she barely recognized me. She commented that the last six months I had always worn clothes that covered everything and were black. I told her that I had decided, whether a man ever wanted me in my condition again, I was going to stop trying to hide all that was impossible to hide and enjoy pretty colors again, and statement jewelry and go back to being MY version of a diva, which before I became ill everyone said I was.
So your ideas today just thrilled me and I had to share that with you! I love reading your stories and I look forward to reading more. You have an important message to share and there are so many of us who need it. Thank you for blessing my day!
BTW, where are you living in Colorado? I live in Colorado Springs.
Light and Love!
Ricki
HI RICKI,
Thanks SO much for sharing your story. I am inspired by your willingness to be vulnerable and real. SO beautiful. And congrats for taking the time to look your best, regardless of your weight. That is a very chic thing to do! Keep that up, and you'll start seeing improvements in how you feel about yourself. Don't hide from the world. Walk proud and tall, my love!
Oh...I'm in Durango!
xoxo,
Tonya
Thank you for sharing your story! I'm new to this site & haven't figured out where it posts the date that comments were posted, so I am sorry I don't know how old your post is! But I am wondering how you are doing now? Have you found a new man, someone who is kinder than the last one? I hope you're doing well!
~Tanya
Are you serious? Instead of complimenting, they tell you you're doing it wrong? Lol!
At one time I lived in a small town like that, and sad to say! I caved. I was 18 at the time so I'm not judging myself too harshly. By the end of that one year I was in shorts and T's 🙁 Stay strong 🙂
On another note, I adore your style, from your writing, to website, to - of course - your energy. thank you, Tonya.
Tonya, great article. Loved it so much I read it out loud to my 14 year old who is surrounded by "vanilla". It's these words of complete clarity about who you are that gives our girls the courage to be themselves. Thank you. Xxxooo
My SIL asked me what I was going to wear to an event we were both going to attend this past weekend - and I said - "a dress. I'll pick one that feels right that day, but I know it'll be a dress." her response - "You always wear dresses...and you always look so cute...I have this new sundress that I have been dying to wear."
But...she showed up in capri pants and a sweater. I looked at her and said - "where's the dress?" Her reply - "I didn't want to be overdressed and everyone else here is wearing pants...so..."
I took a long swallow of my pinot noir and smiled...as I was inwardly thinking - that's a shame...because now you just blend in. I received so many compliments that night - and was in my element. Love the feeling I get from being authentic me.
Wow! I just discovered your site through your interview with Amy Pearson, and I am devouring it. I've known for a while now that my brunette, casual, West Coast, yoga-pant-24-7 self could use a bit of frisky lingerie and femininity.
BUT, what I really didn't expect was, how good your blog would make me feel about the style that I already have - as a passionate reader, iconoclast, unique fashion plate (when I do get out of those yoga pants), and yes, brunette! I feel as if I've been yearning to find my inner blonde, so how remarkable to find the blog of a blonde looking to find her inner brunette 🙂
(all I mean by that is that I think of lingerie, lipstick, luxury as 'blonde' qualities and reading widely, sophistication, and natural beauty as 'brunette' qualities - but if that doesn't resonate, no offense is intended!! i think that what i really mean to say here is that the full expression of femininity in our lives is all about being a fleshy seductress and a brainy siren, a librarian and a babe - basically, embodying the archetypes of both the blonde and the brunette - even if we can only have one hair color at a time 🙂
I found you via Sarah Jenks, and I'm so glad I did. I LOVE this post, both as a size 12 woman and as a wardrobe stylist in San Francisco. This is what I strive for, both with myself and my clients. Find your inner voice, and express it through your clothing and accessory choices. We do NOT need to all look alike. I am so happy to read your article!! 🙂
We spent 3 weeks in France last summer, and I cannot agree more with your observations. There's something magical and delightful about the attention to detail and the expressiveness in fashion, food, and architecture. It appears effortless, and it's not very expensive. Of course, it is possible to spend a lot of money on fashion (or food). But the average Parisian is not rich. Interesting fashion can be had in markets and small boutiques. We bought fabulous jewelry in a Sunday market in Uzes (in the south) from a young artisan, which draws compliments constantly.