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FACT: You are the product of your conversations. Yet, do you spend time creating them . . . on purpose?
Said another way:
Tell me what you talk about and I can tell a lot about your life.
Do your conversations reflect the woman you want to be, your dreams and the legacy you want to leave?
Or, do you spend time talking about your past, your problems and all that’s wrong in your life?
That’s what we’re talking about today: how to raise your conversation vibration.
Recently, I’ve been reminded of how important it is to monitor and create our conversations on purpose.
For the past two years, my #1 focus has been on my daughter’s health.
Sarah became extremely sick with a mystery illness. Neither I nor the doctors could figure it out. All my years of working as a critical care nurse could not prepare me for the journey that we were about to embark on.
Night after night, I was staying up late (sometimes until 4 AM), searching for answers. I had flowcharts, spreadsheets, and sticky notes all around my office trying to find missing links to her health. Day and night, I was reading about, watching and discussing ozone treatments, genetics, detox protocols, and many other fascinating things but I found myself feeling empty and drained.
Fortunately, I was able to use the tools that I teach my clients to stay intentional and not have a complete breakdown.
I was sane, but something was missing.
I was in a conversational funk.
At home, I was talking about how to help Sarah get better.
With friends, we talked about our families.
My conversations with fellow business owners were few, and they mostly consisted of talking about the same things we talked about during our last conversations.
With my guy, Glenn, we talked about the day to day life stuff that most couples talk about — the dogs, kids, chores, and work — which isn’t bad but we both knew we could do better.
Not only had the conversations I was having with others become stagnant, but I noticed something else, and it was alarming. The internal conversations that I was having with myself had changed. I was so fixated on my daughter’s health that I wasn’t creating conversations of growth in my own mind. Day after day with Dr. Google isn’t good for a woman’s soul, not to mention Dr. Google is often full of doom and gloom.
I found that I was craving external and internal dialogue that offered inspiration, ideas, positivity, and joyful interaction.
So, about six months ago, I made a personal commitment:
I made a commitment to upgrade the quality of my conversations.
Well, the world works in mysterious ways, my friend.
A few days after making this commitment, a friend called me up and told me that I needed to be a part of this high-level entrepreneurial group of people from all over the world. The investment: 25K. I didn’t flinch. Deep down, I knew that this was such a small investment for what I would receive.
I also went to Europe for 6 weeks because, quite honestly, I needed a breakup with Doctor Google. And, travel does wonders for the heart. While it would have been much more economical to stay at home, I know that the investment in travel pays out in ways that can’t be measured monetarily.
These two life events gave me the opportunity to be in rooms (and in bucket list experiences out in the world!) where the conversations expanded beyond those I’d been having for the past two years.
Not to my surprise, when I finally arrived home after my European travels and spending days at a time in person with my new group of business friends, I found myself filled with inspiration, ideas, and excitement for life.
As the result, I have had so many personal and professional breakthroughs. In fact, I feel invincible. Yes, I am on fire. Bring it!
So what was it?
Reflecting back, I was able to pinpoint one distinct thing that was different:
The Importance of Measuring the Quality of your Conversations.
Take an inventory:
- What are you talking about?
- Who are you talking about these things with?
- And what are you talking about with yourself?
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “You are the sum of the five people you spend the most time around.”
I believe that you are actually the sum of the conversations you have with those people.
When I was intentionally gathering with these high vibrational people over the last 6 months,
- We discussed our visions, passions, obstacles, and solutions
- We vulnerably shared our struggles, yet there was no whining and complaining.
- There wasn’t gossip or criticism.
- We conversed about art, food, and ideas.
- We had a basic plan, but we let the conversations and experiences unfold organically.
High-quality conversations lead to high-quality thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.
What these past six months have taught me is this:
Now, I know what you may be thinking:
“But, Tonya, I don’t have those kinds of people in my life.”
I have been there, so I hear you loud and clear, but let’s not get stuck on where you are right now.
Here are 5 ways to raise your conversation vibration:
There are many ideas, but these are my favorite:
Are you surrounded by people who complain or who see the world through a negative filter?
These types of conversations do not serve women who are committed to their dreams and growth.
You have a choice to participate or not.
I have a friend who is always complaining about her weight. I finally told her that I refused to engage in the conversation. We could talk about other things: her dreams, philosophy, fashion, anything fun and uplifting. However, as a friend, I was not helping her by letting her entertain self-abusive talk about an issue that she doesn’t even have.
We must be clear in our expectations with others, especially when it comes to what we talk about.
2. Invest in creating a circle of like-minded people
Some people think I’m crazy to pay the kind of money I pay to join certain networks, but the ROI is immense. I’m instantly connected with incredible minds and hearts who are all investing in their own growth as individ
uals and entrepreneurs. Some of my dearest friends have come from paying a lot of money to be a part of the group, which has had a return that I can’t even put a price tag on. So, check your beliefs on this topic to see if they’re really serving you.
You may be one check away from finding the people who will help you elevate your entire life.
3. Uplevel your virtual conversations
I’ll admit that there’s nothing like face-to-face interaction, but if you’re struggling to find like-minded people, you are one group or virtual friend away. The internet is full of groups who enjoy discussing ideas, perspectives and solutions. Find them.
Now, I want to leave you with a few words of caution as you implement this idea
A. I am not a proponent of spending hours in front of the computer, so have some time frame rules in place for yourself. Sitting in front of your computer or cell phone or tablet is not sexy nor elegant.
B. Always check in with how you feel. When I started this wild health journey with my daughter, I joined several groups on Facebook to help me figure out the puzzle. At first, it felt supportive and informative, but after a few months,, I noticed I started to feel heavy and uninspired. People started to complain without offering solutions. It was a lot of doom and gloom. I started leaving groups and noticed how much lighter I felt. And, I’m always a better mama and nurse when I’m not caught up in fear and negativity.
C. Be responsible for the energy you bring to all situations, including virtual ones. It’s easy to sit behind our computers and complain or attack others, things we’d never do to another human face to face.
You can find new high vibrational friends via the internet — go out and find them!
When I first started on my own personal development journey, I was a single mom living in the Deep South. I didn’t know of anyone who was interested in evolving and growing. So, I turned to books and cassette tapes. When Sarah would go to sleep, I’d curl up with my virtual friends and have one-sided conversations where they inspired and educated me on being a better human being.
Some of my best friends, I’ve never even met, but they’re usually with me in the car. Hey Oprah! I’m talking about you. And, my friends from Radiolab. Brooke Castillo from The Life Coach School is a real friend that I don’t get to see in person often enough but she’s sometimes riding with me in my car. There’s Dave Asprey, a wonderful human who has been such a huge part of Sarah’s health journey. I had the honor to have lunch with him in person last month, but it felt like having lunch with an old friend because I’ve been listening to him for two years.
What’s your dream? Who is having conversations about it? Go out and find them via book, podcast, youtube, live events, etc.
Newsflash: you are not at the mercy of everyone else when it comes to what you talk about.
Instead of complaining, take responsibility for curating the conversation you’re craving.
In my home, we intentionally have a rule: complaining less and celebrate more. If Glenn or I have a problem, we sit down together and brainstorm solutions. And, at the end of the day, we talk about what went well and what we’re excited about.
If you’re in a room and the people are complaining, you can get up to leave or change the subject. If you’re feeling bored and uninspired, bring up topics you’re passionate about.
No matter what you desire, you must create new conversations to achieve it.
Instead of entertaining all the reasons why it won’t work….
…Surround yourself with people who will help you figure out how to make it work.
Instead of complaining about where you are…
…Curate conversations about a brighter future.
Instead of wasting your energy berating your weight and body…
…Rise above the familiar B.S. and talk about creating health and making self-care a priority.
Instead of talking non-stop about how broke you are…
…Create conversations around how blessed you are.
Instead of settling…
…Have conversations about evolving.
To Create Your Dream, up your Communication standards.
However, it’s in improving my conversation vibration that will be the vehicle to get me there.
Plus, my 90-year old self-wants to be intoxicated with conversation.
“Great conversation is the joy of living!” she tells me
So, right now, I’m making a pledge before you and God that I’m going to up my own standards around this one.
Think about your dream.
Imagine the kind of woman you will need to become to make it your reality.
Imagine what conversations needed to happen to get you there.
Start having those conversations …
I’d like to challenge you and the entire French Kiss Life Community to make a commitment to raise their conversation standards right alongside me.
Let’s become the kinds of women who elevate our lives and the lives of those around us by elevating the quality of our conversations.
Are you in?
The Self-Image Manifesto
You’re Invited To Live An Extraordinary Life!
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