Mary Anne, a beautiful, vibrant 63 year old woman, was dying of breast cancer. I had the honor of being her nurse and by her side in the intensive care unit, where we'd spend hours talking about life, love, death and lipstick. Yes, lipstick.
Mary Anne loved putting color on her lips. When I’d walk into her room to start my shift, I’d often find her with her beautiful engraved mirror, lining her lips and putting on her lipstick du jour. One day, I overheard her son ask, “Mom, why are you putting on lipstick?”
“Son, I may be dying, but that doesn’t mean I have to look like hell while doing it. When I check out of this world and into my next, I want to look my best.”
Two days later, Mary Anne died.
When everyone had left her room, I went over to her bedside table. There it was. Chanel’s “Beige du Chanel.” That was her go-to color when the priest would come to visit. It only seemed appropriate for this occassion.
I took off the cap with the double C logo and put some fresh lipstick on Mary Anne’s pale lips, and I secretly thanked her for one of her life lessons: there’s power in a lipstick.
A good lipstick (or any act to increase your confidence) says to the Universe:
I care.
I embrace being a woman.
I have style.
I pay attention to details.
I welcome beauty and miracles into my life.
I use lipstick to help me create the feeling I'm after.
For example:
Tom Ford Scarlet Rouge: what I pull out of my purse when I want to feel like a femme fatale.
M.A.C. Angel: perfect for those days when I desire to feel like, well...an angel.
NARS Catfight: this is my go-to every day lipstick.
My friend, Jenny, joked about how I used lipstick to help me finish the Chicago Marathon: “When everyone else was pulling out energy goo from their fanny packs, Tonya was pulling out her lipstick.”
It’s true, and I swear, it helped me get through mile 18.
Putting on lipstick takes 10 seconds. Not a lot of time for the benefits it brings. There’s no excuse for not taking some time to look and feel your best. If Mary Anne, who was dying, can do it, so can you. It’s powerful. It will change the way you act in your world, and as a result, your world will become very different.
Now, I'm curious. What is your favorite way thing to do or put on to feel more confident? And, if you have a favorite lipstick, do share ;).
With Kisses,
Tonya
The Self-Image Manifesto
You’re Invited To Live An Extraordinary Life!
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Congratulations to a beautiful new design! I virtually toast you in champagne with this quote...
"I only drink champagne when I'm happy, and when I'm sad.
Sometimes I drink it when I'm alone.
When I have company I consider it obligatory.
I trifle with it if I'm not angry and drink it when I am.
Otherwise I never touch it.
Unless I'm thirsty." - Lilly Bollinger
Charlotte,
Thank you for stopping by with a "toast"! And, I absolutely adore this quote.
xoxo,
t
I LOVE your article. It's so TRUE! I don't have millions in the bank but everything I by or places I go to, I try to go to the nicest most luxurious looking places. And sometimes it's free to get in. I'd rather be rocking a designer purse than a cheap one because for one it will last me longer and two, it looks nicer. I completely agree with you on always looking like money. People treat you way better when you're well taken care of then if you were looking all scrubby all the time. And it is all about the quality of things not just material things. Positivity is the best! Thank you for writing this article.
Wonderful article! I just have one question. You mentioned something about a $500 initial investment. What exactly did you invest in? And I totally agree with you on the quality vs. quantity perspective. Thank you for writing this article, it was truly inspirational!
Semileir school aka Wine school.
Thank you for posting this article. At times, having three children I feel guilty if I purchase anything for me. Your quote, "You are not doing yourself or the world of favor by denying yourself of a luxurious life." I needed those words. I needed to hear that I deserve the best. Especially when I have worked hard to get where I am. Thank you and much love for you 🙂
I make a decent living; I'm not rich, but I'm not poor. My boyfriend and I both are "middle class" and live a comfortable life. However, many people think I am much wealthier than I am, and I believe I have found the key to daily luxury.
The key to a luxurious life is spending money on the things that are important to YOU... well, in this case, to me. (And it is different for everyone).
I spend more money on the things that are important to me.
My car is important to me, so I lease a new one every three years.
My clothes are important to me, so I dress professionally (both inside and outside of my work place).
My appearance is important to me, so I pay to get my hair done professionally, and I buy quality beauty products.
My accessories are important, so I spend money on the little things, which I believe contributes to an overall polished look.
I do NOT spend money on the things that aren't important to me. Technology is not important to me.
I've used the same laptop since college.
I use a pay-as-you-go "dumb" phone that I rarely use.
I had an ancient, 19 inch TV until I moved in with my boyfriend and his giant flat screen (which I would never have spent money on).
The latest songs, movies, games, and gadgets are just not important to me.
I'd rather use my dumb phone and my old computer, while enjoying having dinner at fabulous restaurants with my boyfriend or lunching regularly with my best girlfriends.
I will forgo the latest iPhone in favor of indulging in my daily Starbucks venti latte.
Also, one can find quality items that are not expensive, if one looks in the correct places. And one must always know when to spend money on the cheap stuff (the baskets that organize your toiletries in your vanity), and when to indulge (the throw blanket that goes on your sofa in the living room).
However, I believe there are rules that ANYONE can follow which contribute to the luxurious life.
1. Practice good hygiene: shower regularly, use deodorant and perfume/cologne, and take care of your teeth, nails, and skin. Make an effort to do your hair/makeup prior to leaving the house.
2. Make sure your clothes are clean and ironed. No dirty, wrinkled pjs in public!
3. Use proper grammar while writing, texting, emailing, social networking, and speaking.
4. Read regularly, do the daily crossword in the paper, learn an instrument or new sport. Use your brain for something! Intelligence is always chic.
5. Don't cuss. Make it a habit to say "please" - "thank you" - "ma'am" - "sir" in your daily life (the more you practice it, the more natural it becomes).
6. Write "Thank You" cards, and send them the old-fashioned way (via snail mail), and always bring a gift for a host/hostess when invited to someone's home. Send sympathy cards when the unfortunate occasion arises.
7. Smile. Treat EVERYONE with respect; be it the person who serves you your morning coffee, the cashier at the supermarket, your neighbor, your boss, or the people you pass on the street. Treating others with dignity and respect reflects very well on someone.
8. Involve yourself in your community and in charity work. Doing so is not only great karma, but those who help others are automatically awarded an air of class and style!
I love love this post!!
Thanks Gaby!
I'm a florist in NYC and I would love to use your phrase "flowers are nature's Chanel" with an appropriate credit of course on my social media and/or website, if that's ok with you. Love the article! Ivona
This is such an honest post and I completely understand wanting to obtain luxury. It leads to freedom and a lack of worry so why not? Paris is full of luxury boutique hotels. It is great because you are bound to find one that is situated to wherever you choose. I always think that the accommodation should also be an experience.
Best post of this type that I've ever read. Just made me a subscriber. “You are not doing yourself or the world of favor by denying yourself of a luxurious life.” Love it.
I don't even know how I stopped up here, but I assumed this post was once good.
I do not know who you might be but definitely you are going to a well-known blogger in the
event you aren't already. Cheers!
For me this article is a must read. One doesn't have to be to super rich to live a luxurious lifestyle, i rather save money to buy high quality products; since i derive pure satisfaction from it, than to purchase cheap inferior products. I love this article, i want to share with my facebook friends but i do see any space for that?
Juliet, thanks so much! Quality over quantity. If you want to share (and I'd be super honored), there are some red, round social sharing buttons under the pink box below the article. You can tweet, email or FB!
Have a gorgeous day!
This is such a great post. I loved how you said you have to stop hanging with complaining people! That is a major part of changing your lifestyle. Quality over quantity is important too. I recently decided I'm not going to settle for less in relationships or lifestyle. I would rather save to splurge on what I want than buy something cheap. I'm taking a trip to Madrid to study Spanish over the Christmas break. As a teacher I have free time during breaks to travel and do things I want to do. Life is too short to settle for anything less than the best!
Don't settle...love it! Enjoy Madrid. On my list.
OMG I can identify with this. I also believe in getting out to nature to experience true luxury, of hanging out with positive people, of being grateful, of not spending in TK Maxx on crappy stuff but in saving up for the big things. I also walk in Saks and I'd like to think I look like I belong there. I walk admiring the beauty, not the brand, of luxury items. And... guess what! I am also going to the orientation for women at Duke’s School of Business this year!! What a coincidence. But, like you say, I also act like I don't deserve it, and I hesitated for so long before buying myself a Saint Laurent bag for 1500 Dollars earlier this year until I was forced by a friend to buy it! I wish I was less like that and embraced spending out on myself every now and again - because I am worth it.
Interesting introduction to your concept of a luxurious life. I have always wanted it, but for 68 years never achieved the full understanding. I signed up for your newsletter, and I will see what happens once I take the action needed. You see I do believe that its "never too late".
Thank You
It is NEVER too late! Welcome Ernestine!
maybe it should be called a LUXURY STATE OF MIND despite the surroundings. Now if your mind can be eternally blessed for infinity, that is the real genuine luxury. Truth be told that God said that to us. We will have luxury, just around the corner, in your heart , your desires that will be fulfilled either here , there or everywhere. Your luxury is already here. Your soul, spirit and mind set. Keep obtaining and demanding luxury everywhere you go and in music and art and travel and all things demanding the highest favor and utmost concern of every detail in Life and Heaven. Make this a priority to bring luxury to every dark place , every putrid place, every distasteful habit that we need to fill every void with luxury. now i'm going to listen to TEARS FOR FEARS . " everybody wants to rule the world" 12 inch extended mix" on Youtube.
I will add to this meme. You can enjoy the finest in literature in film, all you need is a library card. And while everyone is bringing a packed lunch to work to save money. You pack a fabulous picnic lunch for your work break that's way better than what you can buy at the Subway sandwich shop.
Thanks for adding to the conversation Patricia! Such great examples.
Excess is really the only thing that exclusively defines a luxury car.
lovely, Great.....................:)
Tonya, you mentioned aligning yourself with people who support luxury. To me, luxury means having the best of something. Today I took my 16 year old son to a University of Michigan swim clinic. The coaches have worked with and trained Olympic medalists. There is no amount of money that can be equal to such an experience for my boy! Had I not joined FKL, I wouldn't have felt that we belonged amongst such people. You helped me to see otherwise.. thank you Tonya!!!
Terra, that is such an incredible example! And, those experiences are always around us if we're looking for them. Thank you for sharing and being a part of #FKL
This is a fabulous idea. I just love it. It is very informative and effective to live a luxurious life without a luxury budget. Great job!
Hi, do you allow guest posting on tonyaleigh.com ? 🙂 Please let me know on my email
Great suggestions, Tonya. The key is definitely taking the time to define luxury for your own self first, in your own style. My life has never been the Ms. Gotrocks type but I have had the good fortune to align myself with some of the most incredible people through jobs in catering and artistic endeavors from whence my passions grow. Not those who are struggling and striving to be at the top, but those who have made it to the very pinnacle and know it is not about more money. An occasional luxury as a treat will do much more for the soul than being overly demanding in luxury situations on a regular basis. Cheers!
One thing that is most important is to make a choice and understand the trade-off that comes with each choice. If you go out you have fun but you have less money. If you don’t you have more money but you’ll miss friends. When you start realizing that you have to pick one or the other, you’ll get out of that mentality of trying to have it both ways. Which just isn’t possible for most people that have to find a way to live within their means.
Excelente articulo, lo leí lo estudie y me di cuenta que estaba en lo correcto , un millón de gracias, lo certifico porque soy de Venezuela donde estamos en una muy difícil situación económica en general y aun así....si se puede! no podemos dejarnos hundir por la pobreza espiritual que acarrea a la pobreza materia....Dios te bendiga!
Yes I am living and learning gratitude
I know that this too shall pass and I am living A Blessed Life
The laws of Attraction are working in my life every day ..
Being able to be apart of the French Kiss community shows me this and Thank you for your wonderful
Luxurious and lovely lifestyle.
I Am Rich And Elegant.
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I work hard and frequently do computer consulting. I used to put off vacations because I didn't get paid time off. Eventually I just needed a break and started taking vacation. Just walking into a nice hotel with everything ready and having free time to be myself is amazing.
We also live near an arboretum, which is basically a giant park. On week nights the place is almost empty. Beautiful landscaping and nature. Sometimes I pretend it's my country estate! You can get a couple's membership for about $85.
That may not be your thing, but consider getting season tickets or a subscription to some kind of experience that feels decadent.
am new here. I am a modern lady but i want to know the benefits of being a part of this club. I look forward to more refinement come 2019. Expecting your answer Tonya