Raising your standards will require that you raise your red velvet rope.

Your red velvet rope is the boundary that you have around your life about what is allowed or not.

When you raise a standard, it often requires conversations with loved ones about what behavior is no longer acceptable.

For example, when I first started working as a coach, I gave my phone number to private clients (I know, crazy, right?). I told them to call me if they had an urgent matter.

FYI: even thought it may feel like it, being upset that you overate is not urgent.

A few of my clients abused the courtesy, leading me to feel resentful and frustrated. But, because of my people pleasing tendencies, I didn’t say anything until …

A client called me at 2AM!

Enough!

Red velvet rope lifted.

I made it a policy in my business to not give out my personal number to clients. All coaching would be done during coaching hours that was scheduled. I had the conversation with my current clients at the time.

Here’s how the conversation went:

“I am no longer offering coaching on my personal phone. All coaching will be scheduled in advance, and we’ll meet on my office line. If you call my cell phone, I won’t answer. This new policy allows me to offer you my full attention and to honor my own needs. Please let me know of you have any questions.”

One person quit (the one that called me at 2AM). The other clients completely understood and even expressed their respect for this decision.

They were my ideal clients.

When you raise your standards, expect to implement boundaries with those you love, and expect some people to leave.

Are you willing to love yourself at the risk of disappointing others?

There are three parts to setting a boundary:

1. Clearly communicate a request without blame or judgment. This is what you are choosing for YOU.
2. Tell the person what you will do if the boundary is not respected. Important Note: This is not the time for empty threats. Offer a clear consequence or action you will definitely take if the boundary is not respected.
3. Express gratitude when the boundary is respected. Follow through on the consequence if the boundary is not respected.

This is a drama-free approach to setting and keeping boundaries, and as you raise your standards, you will have to have lots of these conversations, so be sure to earmark this email for future use.

My husband couldn’t believe I was helping a woman I had just met to apply for the same job that I wanted –

But I’m just so grateful that I have learned from Tonya that there’s no such thing as competition. I trust that if a job is mine, they’ll offer it to me. I love feeling confident in my own skin and trusting that the very best will happen to me if I keep being true to myself!”

Raising Your Style Standards

Style makes a statement. We know this but I find it’s an area where our standards can fall out of alignment with who we’re becoming.

Where do you need to raise your style standards?

Here are a few ideas:

• Letting go of outfits that no longer fit properly
• Throwing away broken items
• Tailoring a pair of pants that are just a few inches too long
• Upgrading your lingerie collection
• Refusing to wear “ugly clothes” around the house
• Investing in a beautiful coat for the winter season
• Choosing brands that align with your values

The best way to measure an outfit against your style standards is to ask yourself this question,

“Does this represent the woman I’m becoming?”

P.S. Not a fan of truffle oil? Try Porcini mushroom oil or rosemary-infused olive oil. Delicious!

Focus on What You’re Gaining

As you raise your standards, it’s natural to feel like you’re giving something up or leaving something behind.

You may feel sad or even go through a little mourning period.

Silly example: When I was 75 pounds over my natural weight, I loved to eat Cheetos. The salt. The crunch. The flavor! Cheetos comforted me through a painful divorce.

(The weight wasn’t really about the Cheetos. In fact, it’s never about the food. It was about the other stuff.)

When I decided to create a healthier version of myself, I knew the Cheetos had to go, and that made me sad.

But here’s this week’s Haute Habit:

Focus on what you’re gaining.

There is a whole world of salty, crunchy, tasty snacks that are nutritious and help me maintain my health, my sanity, and my fitness level. I look forward to all these delicious treats today, and I only think about Cheetos when I tell the stories from my past.

(So yes, it’s totally possible!)

As we turn our gaze away from the past and toward what we’re gaining, we realize that we’re actually missing out on a world of true pleasures. Let those faux pleasures go.