

tonya's diary
what i'm thinking about
Raising my standards gives me a sense of pride, because as hard as it sometimes is, I know that I’m leaving something behind that no longer serves me. Forever.
There’s nothing like it.
I remember deciding that I was no longer a woman who craved sugar. It was different than the times before when I was a woman trying to resist sugar. Big difference.
I claimed a new standard, and therefore a new identity.
We think we need strategies and a game plan and all the things in place.
But really, all we need is —
To make a decision and mean it.
Every time we raise our standards represents a new beginning.
Welcome to The Sky High Issue (as in where your standards deserve to be.)
This week’s podcast is a tribute to sky high standards:
5 Standards to Upgrade Immediately

If you participated in The Worthy Woman workshop and decided to join us in School of Self-Image, know this: our work has just begun —
And I can promise you - the best is yet to come.
Let’s Go,
P.S. Did you skip The Worthy Woman challenge we just finished? Get on the waitlist for School of Self-Image right here, so you’re the first to know when we open the doors again!


The Thought Edit
A New Thought to Restyle Your Mind
When you raise a standard, it often requires conversations with loved ones about what behavior is no longer acceptable.
For example, when I first started working as a coach, I gave my phone number to private clients (I know, crazy, right?). I told them to call me if they had an urgent matter.
FYI: even thought it may feel like it, being upset that you overate is not urgent.
A few of my clients abused the courtesy, leading me to feel resentful and frustrated. But, because of my people pleasing tendencies, I didn’t say anything until …
A client called me at 2AM!
Enough!
Red velvet rope lifted.
I made it a policy in my business to not give out my personal number to clients. All coaching would be done during coaching hours that was scheduled. I had the conversation with my current clients at the time.
Here’s how the conversation went:
“I am no longer offering coaching on my personal phone. All coaching will be scheduled in advance, and we’ll meet on my office line. If you call my cell phone, I won’t answer. This new policy allows me to offer you my full attention and to honor my own needs. Please let me know of you have any questions.”
One person quit (the one that called me at 2AM). The other clients completely understood and even expressed their respect for this decision.
They were my ideal clients.
When you raise your standards, expect to implement boundaries with those you love, and expect some people to leave.
Are you willing to love yourself at the risk of disappointing others?
There are three parts to setting a boundary:

SOPHISTICATES
Ideas for Elevating from Our Members
Empowering Women
But not this new self! My standards are way higher than that.
Well, she contacted me, and we spoke for two hours!

My husband couldn’t believe I was helping a woman I had just met to apply for the same job that I wanted –
But I’m just so grateful that I have learned from Tonya that there’s no such thing as competition. I trust that if a job is mine, they’ll offer it to me. I love feeling confident in my own skin and trusting that the very best will happen to me if I keep being true to myself!”

A Taste of Style
Making the Everyday Extraordinary
Where do you need to raise your style standards?
Here are a few ideas:
“Does this represent the woman I’m becoming?”
P.S. Not a fan of truffle oil? Try Porcini mushroom oil or rosemary-infused olive oil. Delicious!

HAUTE HABITS
Habits for Creating the Impossible
Focus on What You’re Gaining
As you raise your standards, it’s natural to feel like you’re giving something up or leaving something behind.
You may feel sad or even go through a little mourning period.
Silly example: When I was 75 pounds over my natural weight, I loved to eat Cheetos. The salt. The crunch. The flavor! Cheetos comforted me through a painful divorce.
(The weight wasn’t really about the Cheetos. In fact, it’s never about the food. It was about the other stuff.)
When I decided to create a healthier version of myself, I knew the Cheetos had to go, and that made me sad.
But here’s this week’s Haute Habit:
Focus on what you’re gaining.
There is a whole world of salty, crunchy, tasty snacks that are nutritious and help me maintain my health, my sanity, and my fitness level. I look forward to all these delicious treats today, and I only think about Cheetos when I tell the stories from my past.
(So yes, it’s totally possible!)
As we turn our gaze away from the past and toward what we’re gaining, we realize that we’re actually missing out on a world of true pleasures. Let those faux pleasures go.

In the Bag
Tools for REinvention
A Little Light Reading for the Stylish at Heart
Style is something you can learn. You simply need to know the rules, so you can break them in true style.
The first rule of style is you must know who you are.
(FYI: this is why I love style so much. It’s the ultimate journey of self-discovery.)
Here’s one of my favorite books of all-time on the topic of discovering your personal style.


The Toast
Your Invitation to Connect & Celebrate
(That would be frustrating for me. So this tip is the antidote.)
If you’re currently in the process of elevating your style, one of the best ways to get more accomplished on a shopping trip is to bring a stylish friend along.
(Bonus points if the person is a real personal stylist by trade.)
Then, before you go, be sure to have a plan. Instead of roaming the stores randomly, make a list of the types of pieces you need in advance, like:
Have your stylish confidant give you feedback on your choices as you go, which will cut down on the decision-making time between purchases.
And be sure to have fun! After all, if we’re not having fun, what are we doing with our lives?
Here’s to sky high standards.
Love,

These getaways speak to peace of mind, wellness, and delighting your senses in unexpected ways, some of the best investments for living a more luxurious life.
Want to see more ways I invest to elevate my self-image?
Don’t miss this week’s brand new episode of the School of Self-Image podcast.
5 Investments That Changed My Self-Image
// TheEDIT
A weekly digital magazine by the School of Self-Image
IF YOU LIKE IT, SHARE IT