They cover my body, from my upper thighs to my mid stomach.
I spent years trying to hide them, dreading summer, turning down pool party invitations, and showing as little skin as possible.
When I finally came out and started to wear swimsuits, I chose the skirted versions, or I’d spend the day in a cover-up.
Most of us have felt this way about an aspect of our appearance at some point. Maybe it’s our weight, our hair, or our wrinkles. I once had a client who was self-conscious about her toes.
In a society with such rigid beauty standards, especially for women, it’s hard not to fixate on our perceived imperfections.
But here is the thing I’ve learned. The most DRAMATIC glow-ups come not from altering our physical appearance but from altering our thoughts.
These are so ugly.
These make me less desirable.
Everyone is going to notice them.
I did A LOT of work on my thoughts about my stretch marks (which I talk about in-depth in today’s podcast) and have found absolute freedom on the other side.
As soon as I accepted them, I started to feel confident and beautiful in my skin.
Now I’m the first person to throw on a bikini and head into the sun. I love and appreciate my body like never before.
Welcome to The Skin Issue of The Edit, all about accepting and ultimately LOVING the skin we are in, “flaws” and all.
The irony is that something that used to consume my mind is something I barely notice any longer, and I swear that my stretch marks have actually lightened and decreased as a result.
Hmm … this acceptance thing might be the secret.
Love,
Embracing a Physical Quality You Don’t Like
Have you heard of a thought ladder?
It’s a concept I teach within the School of Self-Image about how to believe something new.
Because when you believe something new about yourself, you shift your self-image and create evidence for it, as in, if you believe you’re a woman who will make a million dollars, you will become a woman who actually makes a million dollars.
Of course, going from NOT believing something to believing it is a process. If you try to force it, your mind will only rebel, which is where the thought ladder comes into play.
The thought ladder guides you, rung by rung, from one thought to the next, allowing you to move at your own pace toward your goal-belief.
Let’s say you want to use a thought ladder to lose 50 pounds. Here are some examples of thoughts that might get you there:
Losing 50 pounds is impossible.
Losing 50 pounds is possible for some people.
I’m learning how to become a woman who can release 50 pounds and live at her ideal weight.
I am making progress toward living at my ideal weight.
I’ve released 50 pounds and maintaining my ideal weight is easy.
You might be thinking, “Well, how long do I stay on these different levels of the ladder?” It doesn’t matter. What matters is being purposeful with your thinking. So if you need to hang out on the first rung for a week or a month, then go ahead.
1% change over time creates HUGE results in your life.
I challenge you to give this exercise a try. Choose one quality you wish to change your thoughts about and start climbing!
Discovering a New Kind of Joy
with Victoria King
“I have struggled with my weight my entire life (I’m 65 years old). I felt tired all of the time, I didn’t care about myself, and I was filled with self-doubt. I was addicted to sugar and never went a day without eating it (and not in moderation). I hated the way I looked. I was 40lbs overweight for years and eventually, it caught up to me and my health suffered.
With Tonya’s teaching I have learned to find joy in life instead of food. I have the identity of a woman who takes exquisite care of herself.
I left NYC after 35 years and moved to Delaware Beach. I have lost 45 lbs (my high-school weight) and remarried (at 62 years old!). I retired, married a lovely man, and have a gorgeous beach house we built together. My life is very full and only getting better. I feel amazing!”
Set Your Inner Charm Free
There is something awe-inspiring about a woman who LOVES her body. She delights in her curves and dances with abandon. She is sensual, confident, and free.
Her self-love is the magic ingredient for what I call her charmed life.
Join us for SOSI South in New Orleans, where I’ll be showing you how to create your charmed life.
Stop resisting and fighting with life, and create magic instead.
How to Overcome Appearance Obstacles
In this week’s podcast, I dive deep into my own journey from hiding my skin to loving it. This has been one of the breakthroughs I am most proud of in my life. Don’t miss it!
// TheEDIT
A weekly digital magazine by the School of Self-Image
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