What Are Your Clothes Attracting?

Look down and check out what you're wearing right now and answer this one question, what is your outfit attracting? That's what we're talking about in today's episode, so let's dive in.

Welcome to the School of Self-Image, where personal development meets style. Here's your hostess, master life coach, Tonya Leigh.

Hello, my beautiful friends. Today I have some good news to report. For those of you who have been following my moving drama and you've been reaching out on Instagram and Facebook to see if I received my things, they arrived, and I am so grateful. For a moment, I thought I had been scammed. And it's so fascinating how the mind works and how people work because what happened is I was sharing with my community during one of our virtual cocktail parties that I had not received my things, and I was like, it's two weeks late and they keep putting us off. And so, one of my members sent me this Instagram story or live, whatever it's called, of this couple describing something similar happening to them and how it was a whole scam. And so, then I start digging into moving scams.

Seriously, you all. One night I was awakened by my crazy brain at 2:00 AM, and my brain thought it was a good idea to go on Reddit and just read all of the forums about people who have been scammed by movers. And that took up three hours of my life. So I can tell you about all the potential scenarios of what a moving scam looks like.

But through all of that, focusing on what I didn't want and taking on other people's stories, I was a little bit of a mess for a couple of days. I was like, oh my goodness, I've lost all my things. But then they finally arrived. And not only did they arrive, but they arrived in their completeness. We had three broken wine glasses and my vacuum cleaner got broken. Other than that, everything was there, everything was together. Everything was as it should be.

Fonz was the cutest during all of this because he's the one that arranged for these movers. So he was super nervous that we all were going to give him a hard time if our things didn't arrive. And he was right, we would have, but I felt so bad for him. He was pacing for a week. And on the day, when the movers came and he was here helping them, I've never seen someone so grateful. In fact, all day, he was like, "This is the best day ever." We went to dinner that night with my mom and he just said, "Nana, wasn't this the best day?" He was so excited.

Anyway, we have our things. We are getting settled into our town home. This is where we'll be living over the next year plus as they build our house. So we're trying to get settled in. I'm still feeling a little unsettled because we've had people here nonstop. My mom and my dad came, which they're super helpful, but then my COO just flew in for this week for us to get some work done because I was thinking when we scheduled this that I would've been in this town home for a couple weeks so I would be ready. Well, it turns out the universe had different plans, but all is well, my friends. I always say these are good problems to have and I'm so, so, so grateful.

I also want to say thank you to everyone who reached out last week after the episode that I did about my no shopping six month challenge. I had some of you share that you feel like you have a shopping addiction. Some of you told me that this is something that you've been thinking about doing for a long time and you finally got the push to do it. Some of you express that you have no interest in no shopping, but all of the messages I appreciated so much.

I had one person reach out on Instagram, I believe it was, or maybe it was Facebook, I can't remember. But they said, "Why don't you just tell people the truth, that you had a bad year in business and you can't afford to shop like you were doing?" And I laughed because that could not be further from the truth. We had our best year in business. And I'm at a time in my life where I can afford to shop more than I've ever shopped before. And yet this was the time that I decided that I wanted to stop, that I wanted to really assess the role of money, and shopping, and clothes in my life.

And that's what I see happen. I've seen it happen with my friends. I've seen it happen with celebrities. You start making more money and you spin out of control. You lose touch. You start stuffing your life with more and more things. And if you look at the cause of it, it's coming from scarcity. And listen, I'm no different than anyone else. If I did not monitor myself, I know that's what I would do. And that's exactly why I stopped. I was like, "Girl, you're going to be overwhelmed and burdened by things. And just because you can afford it, doesn't mean that you necessarily need to go and do it."

And here's what I want you all to know. At the end of the day, what we are all after is a feeling. And I know we think that things create feelings. If I could just have that dream car, if I could just have that dream house, if I could just have that dream wardrobe, then I would feel abundant, then I would feel happy, then I would feel confident. But listen, that's not necessarily true. I know a lot of people driving their dream cars, wearing their dream clothes, living in their dream mansions and they don't feel the way they want to feel. They're chasing it versus being it. There's a big difference.

And so, I wanted to stop and get into that feeling of abundance, let go of stuff that's holding me back and be intentional. And that's exactly why I decided to do a six month no shopping challenge. This is a lot of the work that we are going to be doing in my upcoming Style Experience. I don't know if you've heard, but I created a unique, one of a kind style. I don't even know if we should call it program because when I say experience, it really is an experience. And I did it because this is something that women have been asking me for a long time.

Getting dressed is something that we do every single day, and it's also helping to create our lives, believe it or not, and I'm going to talk about that in today's episode. I want us to think about what our clothes are attracting. But part of the process is slowing down long enough to consider what you already have, to consider who you're becoming, to ask yourself the deep questions to reveal the next evolution of you. And when you're constantly shopping and stuffing things into your closet, there's no space to really dream about, and think about, and decide on purpose how you show up in the world. And so, a lot of the work that I'm doing on myself personally is taking myself through this Style Experience and defining the next version of me. And I just knew that I needed space to do that. And part of the process is getting rid of a lot of stuff.

I spoke with some of the ladies in the Style Experience and they were sharing with me that they've been letting go of a lot of stuff too. Some of them have let go of 80% of their wardrobe. And so, you can see we have the part of the canvas that's now open for us to play and experiment and really get clear on that next version of ourselves and then to show up accordingly.

I am so excited about this program. It's unlike anything I've ever done before. We're going to be having virtual style days, along with coaching calls. We're going to have the style lounge where I'm giving feedback around style and sharing stylish inspiration. And so, if you have not checked this out, it's going to be a very high-end, luxurious experience, where you are going to elevate how you show up in the world, and you are going to discover your unique style and how to express that, not only in how you dress, but in how you carry yourself and what you choose. So come and join us at the Style Experience. You can go to schoolofselfimage.com/styleexperience and check out all of the details.

So today I have a question for you, what are your clothes attracting? And I want you to sit with that question for a moment and really think about it because everything is energy. Everything is attracting certain things to it. It's why certain people gather in certain places. There is an energy there that causes energy towards it. And the same goes for clothes. Your clothes have an energy that impacts how you see yourself. And so, on one level, those clothes are calling forth an action from you. And at the same time, it's attracting opportunities and people that are attracted to that energy. So at the end of the day, the clothes impact your energy. They impact how you see yourself, but also, it's impacting how other people see you.

Everything is energy, including your clothes. And the law of attraction says that like attracts like. So people are attracted to like people. Well-dressed people usually gravitate towards other well-dressed people. And people that aren't well-dressed will gravitate usually to those who aren't well-dressed. It's just how it works.

I remember when I first started to show up on purpose. I started with one black dress. I was known for mostly wearing scrubs, sweatpants, and khakis because I was overweight at the time. I was trying to hide my body and I knew I needed a change. So I invested in one black dress. And I remember putting that on and feeling better, feeling like there was a way out, so to speak. But I also remember wearing that dress around certain people and hearing comments like, "Well, who do you think you are, miss fancy pants?" Because I was no longer resonant with them in how I was showing up. They were used to the version of me that wore the sweatpants and the scrubs. And so, the moment I put effort in, we were no longer alike.

And I continued to dress up more, and more, and more until now I'm known as being someone who's often overdressed. And I've gone into many rooms where people aren't, and that's great. My big thing is just, are you dressing on purpose? Are you dressing in a way to attract the life you want? And so, the way you dress is going to be dependent on the life you want, but I want people to be purposeful. And I know that the life that I want requires that I show up for it. And so, I've noticed this really interesting thing happen. I've had a big impact on people's lives around me. I've noticed some friends, actually, they've started dressing up. They've started getting curious about their style. And it's impacted their lives in big ways.

But people who are successful, they know the power of this. And I want to share two interesting case studies around this, and you're going to see it doesn't necessarily mean that you're dressing up in designer clothing. In fact, I was so mesmerized by this last political campaign in November, the election. And this is not a political conversation, you all, so don't get all upset. This is not about politics, but it is about style and it is about noticing how you can use it for you.

So did you all see the Pennsylvania politician... What was his name? John Federman. He was running for one of the House... I think a House seat. And I was a little shocked to see how he dressed. I mean, he was wearing baggy gym shorts and a hooded sweatshirt. Never saw him in a suit. I personally didn't. But then it made sense to me. He was doing that on purpose. He was dressing like the people that he wanted to vote for him because people would look at him and say, "Oh, wow, he's like us. He's like me. I can trust him, so I'm going to vote for him." Now, I've never sat down and spoken with John Federman, but I think that maybe if I were to do so, that if we're being honest, he'd be like, yeah, that was very purposeful.

Another great example is Barbara Cochran, who built a big real estate empire in New York. She admits that one of the best investments that she ever made was in a $360 coat. And for her, at the time, it was a huge investment because she was broke and she had just accepted a $1,000 loan to start her own real estate company. But she rented out her first apartment and she got the commission from that rental, and it was a $360 check. And so, she ran over to Bergdorf Goodman and she bought a new coat. And she said, "I bought the fanciest damn coat, brown and white herringbone with real pearl buttons, three-quarter length with fur, real fur, not big fur. And I wore that coat for the next three years." That coat allowed her to dress the part of a successful business woman and to project confidence in the real estate industry. And she says, "It was one of the smartest things I could have ever done with my money because in it, I felt powerful." And because like attracts like, powerful people wanted to work with her. She attracted powerful opportunities. And she ended up building an incredible real estate portfolio. And I don't know what her net worth is today, but what I do know is that it started with a $360 coat.

So when you think about what your clothes are attracting, I want you to think about, not only the kinds of people and opportunities that your clothes may be attracting, but more importantly, what are your clothes attracting from you? There's a term called enclosed cognition, and basically, it's a psychological phenomena that looks at the effects of clothing on your mental and emotional processes. And they've done studies, one being that they put students in a lab coat and compared their grades with students who weren't in a lab coat, and the students in the lab coat scored higher on the test. And it's because the association of a lab coat symbolizes intelligence, power, confidence, and how that impacts how you think. And I know this to be true in my own life.

I remember, I'll never forget this day, where I was coaching a client and she was talking about how she was showing up in her life and how she wasn't getting dressed and how she was just feeling like a bum. And this was before video calls. This is when we were talking on the phone. And I remember looking down at myself, you all, and thinking, "How am I going to coach this woman through this?" Because I was just as bad as she was. I was still in my PJs. It was later on in the day. And it was in that moment, I was like, never again. I felt out of a congruence. I felt out of alignment. I was like, I want to show up as the most professional version of me. I want to show up as a woman who owns a million-dollar company, and she's not sitting around with bad breath, knotted hair, and in her PJs at 2:00 PM. She's up. She cares about herself. She cares about her clients enough that she gets dressed. She treats them with respect by respecting herself. And I made it a habit.

From that day on, you will not see me working, looking a mess. I get up, I get dressed. I present my best self, not only to my clients, but to the universe and to myself. And seeing myself that way allows me to produce better work. I'm more productive because I'm treating myself seriously. It impacts how I see myself.

I was recently on a podcast with my friend Stacey Boehman. She has a great podcast called Make Money as a Life Coach. And she brought me on to talk about the effective style in our lives. And she was sharing about, when she needs to write copy for a sales page or for her programs, she will get dressed up to the nines because the energy that she feels can be felt in her words because everything's energy, you all. It's all connected.

So when I'm dressed up and I'm feeling my best, that energy can be felt on the coaching calls that I have. It can be felt, as Stacey demonstrated, in the words that you use. And so, it matters. Style matters because it's attracting things into your life, and it's also repelling things. When I'm dressed a certain way, I will repel people and they're probably people that I don't want in my life. Equally, when I'm dressed a certain way, I'm attracting people. We just want to make sure that we're doing that on purpose. We need to dress in a way that calls forth the behaviors that we want to have, and also attracts the people and the opportunities that we want to have.

For example, if I want to work out, I know if I'm in my workout clothes, those clothes are going to signal to my brain, "Hey, this is what I expect. Let's go. So much easier to work out when you're ready." Equally, when I am dressed in a beautiful dress and a pair of great heels, I'm also saying to the universe, bring me all the luxury. Bring me all the goodness. Bring me all the abundance.

And so, what are your clothes attracting? I want you to think about that version of you in the future, the version of you that has what you deeply, deeply desire. And notice how she's dressing. What is her style? How does she carry herself? How does she do her hair? How does she think about grooming? How does she think about getting dressed? What does her outfit look like? And start aligning with her now because your clothes are attracting people and opportunities into your life. Dress for your dreams, my friends, and attract those dreams to you. Pull them to you, magnetize them to you.

And if you are overwhelmed by style, if you don't even know where to start, if you're feeling uninspired, come join us in the Style Experience. Go to schoolofselfimage.com/styleexperience, and I cannot wait to see you inside. Have a gorgeous week, my friends, and I will see you on the next episode. Cheers.

Hey, have you grabbed your free copy of the School of Self-Image Manifesto? If not, what in the world? Head over to schoolofselfimage.com/manifesto and get a copy that teaches you how to think and show up in the areas of mindset, style, and surroundings so that you can transform your self-image.