Wanting What You Have

I've been thinking a lot about success and happiness lately. What is it? How do we achieve it? And I found this quote by Dale Carnegie, where he says, "Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get."

A lot of us are really good at going after what we want, but are you really good at wanting what you get? Are you good at wanting what you have? Because I believe that's where true joy and fulfillment lies, and that's what we're talking about in today's episode. So, let's dive in.

Welcome to the School of Self-Image, where personal development meets style. Here's your hostess, master life coach, Tonya Leigh.

Hello, my gorgeous friends. If you're listening to this the day it's released, it means you're listening to this the day before Thanksgiving. I am at my dear friend Brooke's house. Her family, my family, friends, we're all getting together. We're having like a Friendsgiving, and it's one of my favorite holidays.

I'm not sure what it is about Thanksgiving that I love so much. Maybe it's the Turkey, but I don't think that's it. Maybe it's the crisp air, the apple pie, the sweaters, the transition into winter. But I just enjoy this day, where we sit around, we feast, we watch football, and we give gratitude for our lives, and the people in our lives, and the things in our lives.

And while I would love to see gratitude be a lifestyle for all of us, not something that we wait until once a year to express, I do love having that day to remind us to stop and think about everything that we have, and how much we appreciate it. And so, today, I want to dedicate this episode to a concept that's really helped me to have more joy in my life. And that concept is wanting what you have.

In Sheryl Crow's song, Soak Up The Sun, she sings, "It's not having what you want. It's wanting what you've got." And I will tell you all, the more I have actively wanted what I already have, the happier I've become.

One of the common questions that I get is, "How do you reconcile wanting more, having all of these big goals, and being satisfied with what you have?" As if you have to choose between one or the other. You either have to choose to have big, big goals in order to be happy, or you have to choose to be happy with where you are right now. And my answer is that both can bring you so much happiness.

In fact, when you learn to be satisfied and want what you already have, it builds such a great foundation to want for more, because you're not wanting because you need it. You're not wanting out of desperation, and out of lack. You're wanting just because you want to grow. You want to see what's possible. You're wanting from that place of abundance.

So, I will always encourage you to want. I will encourage you to have desires. I will encourage you to be radically honest with what you want, and to want it unapologetically. And I will encourage you to go for it, even if you don't succeed. I know, in the striving for what we want, it will grow us in the most beautiful, beautiful ways.

The problem is when you depend on achieving that want in order to be happy. The issue is always placing your joy, and your happiness, and all of those good feelings in the future, once you've obtained a certain goal, or achievement. When you do this, you're just perpetually delaying feeling good. You're perpetually delaying feeling happy and joyful, because you always are throwing the bone that then you have to go and chase after. I'm all for throwing the bone, but having a good time as you're chasing it. Enjoying the journey.

And so, that brings me back to what I'm going to talk with you about today, and wanting what you have. I think it's an important part of the equation. As you are thinking about what you want, you also need to look around at what you already have that you want, and actively want it again. Actively appreciate it again.

I was thinking about my daughter. There was a time where I wanted her, where she did not exist yet, but I dreamt of her. And then, here she is. She came into this world. And then she got sick, and I remember wanting her to be well. And now she's almost back to herself. She still has a little healing to do. But I remember not too long ago, three or four years ago, just desperately just wanting her to be well. And so, I want to spend time really wanting that, and looking around, and seeing, oh, I already have it. It's such an amazing feeling.

I think about my man, Fonz. I didn't even know I wanted him until he came into my life, and I was like, "Oh, this is the kind of man I've wanted that I didn't even know I wanted." And so, now that I have him and he's in my life, I want to spend time wanting what I already have. Wanting him on purpose, and then looking over and being like, "Oh, I'm not wanting something that doesn't exist yet. I'm wanting something that actually does exist in my life right now."

I think about you all. I think about my clients. And there was a time where I dreamt of being surrounded by amazing, extraordinary women that I get to work with every single week. I remember thinking about how many members that I wanted in the membership, and wanting that. And now, it's a reality.

And what we often do is we just skip through this, and we start setting the new goal. And while I'm all for it, and I want to see us all expand and grow, whatever that looks like for us, what a shame it would be if I'm so busy trying to get new members that I fail to remember wanting the ones I already have, and really spending time appreciating and feeling that abundance of wanting something that I already have. And actively appreciating it, actively wanting it, actively creating that feeling of abundance.

Do I want to grow my business? Do I want to grow my membership? 100%. Just like I want you to want to grow your life. I want you to have your goals. But if we're always chasing the next thing, without stopping, and appreciating, and actively wanting what we've already created, what we already have, we're going to set ourselves up to fill this constant void. Nothing will ever be enough. Always be chasing more, and more, and more.

And I love the idea of us chasing more from a place of more. I love the idea of us wanting more from a place of already having so much. In fact, I think that sets us up to be able to better create and attract what it is that we want. Because like attracts like. When you're feeling abundant, you're going to attract abundance. When you're feeling more, you're going to be attracting more. Depends on what you're feeling more of, so be careful with that one.

However, what I want you all to understand, it's not that you have to choose between one or the other. You can have both. But I want you all to practice wanting what you already have, because that's the one that most people aren't doing. They're so busy wanting the next thing, and wanting what they don't have. They don't look around and say, "Wow, one time I dreamt of having this home, or this car, or this family, or to live in this place."

A few weeks ago, I walked into my closet, and I just stood there, astounded. I remember not being able to afford that many clothes. I remember having clothes that didn't really feel like me. I remember dreading walking into my closet. And now, my closet is a place that I love to go into. I love getting dressed.

And I find myself wanting more. My brain is trying to convince me that I'll be so happy when I get that pair of shoes. I can see my brain trying to convince me that I need to hurry up and buy that skirt, because it won't be available in the next month or two. And I can see how this can play out in our lives, always pushing us to delay our happiness, and to be happy when we've bought more things, and we've accomplished more goals.

But I want to spend time wanting what I already have in my closet. I want to spend time wearing and enjoying and maximizing my current resources. And it's not because I can't buy more, because I can. But I don't want to be that person who is always buying more, chasing a high, versus spending money intentionally on things that align with my vision of my future, and align with who I want to be.

And so, for this reason, I have decided I'm not buying any type of clothing for six months. That's a big feat for me, you all. And I'm so excited to spend time enjoying and wanting what I already have.

Now, I will be investing in my self-care. I will be investing in experiences. I will be investing in mentors, and all of that stuff that I usually invest in. But as it relates to my closet, I'm not buying anything for six months.

And this will allow me to really see what's in my closet that I really, really want, that I already have. And it will also allow me to see what's in my closet that maybe I don't want, that's taking up space, and that I'm ready to release and let go of. But I know, at the end of the six months, I'm going to feel abundant, because I'm going to spend time every single day, wanting what I already have in my closet.

I'm not going to allow my brain go to lack. I'm not going to allow my brain to be mismanaged, and to convince me that I would be happier if I had that pair of shoes. Because I know that's not true. Instead, I want to hold my shoes, and really talk to them. I know this sounds woo woo, but hear me out. And tell them, "I really appreciate that you're in my closet. I want to take good care of you." I want to have that kind of relationship with everything in my closet.

And as I said, there will be things that I pick up that I'm like, "You know what? We're no longer a good fit. Thank you for having served me. Thank you for having been a part of my life, and carried me through part of this chapter. It's time to let you go."

So, I know I'm going to have this feeling of abundance and appreciation. And the other thing that will also come out of this is a feeling of space. Because I'm not just jamming my life and my closet with more things, thinking that that's going to make me happy. But I'm very intentional, and taking time to appreciate and want what is already in my life.

What I've come to understand is that no matter what you have, there will always be more. And if you train your brain to think that more is going to make you happy, then you will delay experiencing the very thing that you want, which is to feel better. Think about it. The reason why we want anything is because of the feeling that we think having that thing will give us. And yet, so many of us just keep delaying that feeling, because we think that it's in the future, when we have more.

Now, I'm not going to sit here and say that it doesn't feel good to have more, and to achieve your goals. But it only feels good if you stop and appreciate it. It only feels great if you spend some time wanting what you have.

So, why not start that process now? Think about what you already have that at one point you wanted, and now it's yours. Maybe it's your health. Maybe it's your kids. Maybe it's your job. Maybe it's your friends. Maybe it's your house, your car. Maybe it's a skillset that you've learned. Maybe it's the amount of money that you have in your account. Take the time to look around your life, and notice what you have already that at one time you wanted.

I always think about my future self. She is my guide. Whatever she's doing and thinking, that's something that I need to practice doing and thinking in my life right now. And the one thing that I know about my future self, when I think about that version of me, and what I know to be true about her is that she has a lot of what she wants, and there's still some things that she wants that she doesn't have.

I don't create this idolized version of me that's perfect and has everything that she wants. The difference between me and her is that she's way more evolved than I am. She reacts differently. She's expanded more. She's allowed more into her life of what she wants. She's worked through a lot of her limiting beliefs, but inevitably she still has goals.

And so, she is also growing. The version of me that I can imagine, she has a version beyond her. Are you all with me? A version I can't even imagine yet, because she's so far from me. I can imagine this next version. But when I think about her, she still has things that she wants. She has goals, but she spends a lot of time wanting what she already has.

And that's why she doesn't feel lack. But instead, she feels a lot of abundance. Because she's always looking around at what's going well and right, and she's also looking around being like, "Holy moly. There was one time I wanted this, and now I have it. Let me appreciate it. Let me not take it for granted. Let me just soak in all of those good feelings of wanting what I already have."

And so, let's practice that. Again, spend some time looking around your life, and noticing what you have right now that at one time you wanted. And hey, listen, I would love for you to come and share it with me, so find me on Instagram, and let me know what came up for you in listening to this podcast.

If you are in the States, I hope you have a beautiful Thanksgiving. And for those of you elsewhere in the world, I hope you have a gorgeous, gorgeous day and week, and I cannot wait to see you in our next episode. Cheers.

Hey, have you grabbed your free copy of the School of Self-Image Manifesto? If not, what in the world? Head over to schoolofselfimage.com/manifesto, and get a copy that teaches you how to think and show up in the areas of mindset, style, and surroundings, so that you can transform your self-image.

I've been thinking a lot about success and happiness lately. What is it? How do we achieve it? And I found this quote by Dale Carnegie, where he says, "Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get."

A lot of us are really good at going after what we want, but are you really good at wanting what you get? Are you good at wanting what you have? Because I believe that's where true joy and fulfillment lies, and that's what we're talking about in today's episode. So, let's dive in.

Welcome to the School of Self-Image, where personal development meets style. Here's your hostess, master life coach, Tonya Leigh.

Hello, my gorgeous friends. If you're listening to this the day it's released, it means you're listening to this the day before Thanksgiving. I am at my dear friend Brooke's house. Her family, my family, friends, we're all getting together. We're having like a Friendsgiving, and it's one of my favorite holidays.

I'm not sure what it is about Thanksgiving that I love so much. Maybe it's the Turkey, but I don't think that's it. Maybe it's the crisp air, the apple pie, the sweaters, the transition into winter. But I just enjoy this day, where we sit around, we feast, we watch football, and we give gratitude for our lives, and the people in our lives, and the things in our lives.

 

And while I would love to see gratitude be a lifestyle for all of us, not something that we wait until once a year to express, I do love having that day to remind us to stop and think about everything that we have, and how much we appreciate it. And so, today, I want to dedicate this episode to a concept that's really helped me to have more joy in my life. And that concept is wanting what you have.

In Sheryl Crow's song, Soak Up The Sun, she sings, "It's not having what you want. It's wanting what you've got." And I will tell you all, the more I have actively wanted what I already have, the happier I've become.

One of the common questions that I get is, "How do you reconcile wanting more, having all of these big goals, and being satisfied with what you have?" As if you have to choose between one or the other. You either have to choose to have big, big goals in order to be happy, or you have to choose to be happy with where you are right now. And my answer is that both can bring you so much happiness.

In fact, when you learn to be satisfied and want what you already have, it builds such a great foundation to want for more, because you're not wanting because you need it. You're not wanting out of desperation, and out of lack. You're wanting just because you want to grow. You want to see what's possible. You're wanting from that place of abundance.

So, I will always encourage you to want. I will encourage you to have desires. I will encourage you to be radically honest with what you want, and to want it unapologetically. And I will encourage you to go for it, even if you don't succeed. I know, in the striving for what we want, it will grow us in the most beautiful, beautiful ways.

The problem is when you depend on achieving that want in order to be happy. The issue is always placing your joy, and your happiness, and all of those good feelings in the future, once you've obtained a certain goal, or achievement. When you do this, you're just perpetually delaying feeling good. You're perpetually delaying feeling happy and joyful, because you always are throwing the bone that then you have to go and chase after. I'm all for throwing the bone, but having a good time as you're chasing it. Enjoying the journey.

And so, that brings me back to what I'm going to talk with you about today, and wanting what you have. I think it's an important part of the equation. As you are thinking about what you want, you also need to look around at what you already have that you want, and actively want it again. Actively appreciate it again.

I was thinking about my daughter. There was a time where I wanted her, where she did not exist yet, but I dreamt of her. And then, here she is. She came into this world. 

And then she got sick, and I remember wanting her to be well. And now she's almost back to herself. She still has a little healing to do. But I remember not too long ago, three or four years ago, just desperately just wanting her to be well. And so, I want to spend time really wanting that, and looking around, and seeing, oh, I already have it. It's such an amazing feeling.

I think about my man, Fonz. I didn't even know I wanted him until he came into my life, and I was like, "Oh, this is the kind of man I've wanted that I didn't even know I wanted." And so, now that I have him and he's in my life, I want to spend time wanting what I already have. Wanting him on purpose, and then looking over and being like, "Oh, I'm not wanting something that doesn't exist yet. I'm wanting something that actually does exist in my life right now."

I think about you all. I think about my clients. And there was a time where I dreamt of being surrounded by amazing, extraordinary women that I get to work with every single week. I remember thinking about how many members that I wanted in the membership, and wanting that. And now, it's a reality.

And what we often do is we just skip through this, and we start setting the new goal. And while I'm all for it, and I want to see us all expand and grow, whatever that looks like for us, what a shame it would be if I'm so busy trying to get new members that I fail to remember wanting the ones I already have, and really spending time appreciating and feeling that abundance of wanting something that I already have. And actively appreciating it, actively wanting it, actively creating that feeling of abundance.

Do I want to grow my business? Do I want to grow my membership? 100%. Just like I want you to want to grow your life. I want you to have your goals. But if we're always chasing the next thing, without stopping, and appreciating, and actively wanting what we've already created, what we already have, we're going to set ourselves up to fill this constant void. Nothing will ever be enough. Always be chasing more, and more, and more.

And I love the idea of us chasing more from a place of more. I love the idea of us wanting more from a place of already having so much. In fact, I think that sets us up to be able to better create and attract what it is that we want. Because like attracts like. When you're feeling abundant, you're going to attract abundance. When you're feeling more, you're going to be attracting more. Depends on what you're feeling more of, so be careful with that one.

However, what I want you all to understand, it's not that you have to choose between one or the other. You can have both. 

But I want you all to practice wanting what you already have, because that's the one that most people aren't doing. They're so busy wanting the next thing, and wanting what they don't have. They don't look around and say, "Wow, one time I dreamt of having this home, or this car, or this family, or to live in this place."

A few weeks ago, I walked into my closet, and I just stood there, astounded. I remember not being able to afford that many clothes. I remember having clothes that didn't really feel like me. I remember dreading walking into my closet. And now, my closet is a place that I love to go into. I love getting dressed.

And I find myself wanting more. My brain is trying to convince me that I'll be so happy when I get that pair of shoes. I can see my brain trying to convince me that I need to hurry up and buy that skirt, because it won't be available in the next month or two. And I can see how this can play out in our lives, always pushing us to delay our happiness, and to be happy when we've bought more things, and we've accomplished more goals.

But I want to spend time wanting what I already have in my closet. I want to spend time wearing and enjoying and maximizing my current resources. And it's not because I can't buy more, because I can. But I don't want to be that person who is always buying more, chasing a high, versus spending money intentionally on things that align with my vision of my future, and align with who I want to be.

And so, for this reason, I have decided I'm not buying any type of clothing for six months. That's a big feat for me, you all. And I'm so excited to spend time enjoying and wanting what I already have.

Now, I will be investing in my self-care. I will be investing in experiences. I will be investing in mentors, and all of that stuff that I usually invest in. But as it relates to my closet, I'm not buying anything for six months.

And this will allow me to really see what's in my closet that I really, really want, that I already have. And it will also allow me to see what's in my closet that maybe I don't want, that's taking up space, and that I'm ready to release and let go of. But I know, at the end of the six months, I'm going to feel abundant, because I'm going to spend time every single day, wanting what I already have in my closet.

I'm not going to allow my brain go to lack. I'm not going to allow my brain to be mismanaged, and to convince me that I would be happier if I had that pair of shoes. Because I know that's not true. Instead, I want to hold my shoes, and really talk to them. I know this sounds woo woo, but hear me out. And tell them, "I really appreciate that you're in my closet. I want to take good care of you." I want to have that kind of relationship with everything in my closet.

And as I said, there will be things that I pick up that I'm like, "You know what? We're no longer a good fit. Thank you for having served me. Thank you for having been a part of my life, and carried me through part of this chapter. It's time to let you go."

So, I know I'm going to have this feeling of abundance and appreciation. And the other thing that will also come out of this is a feeling of space. Because I'm not just jamming my life and my closet with more things, thinking that that's going to make me happy. But I'm very intentional, and taking time to appreciate and want what is already in my life.

What I've come to understand is that no matter what you have, there will always be more. And if you train your brain to think that more is going to make you happy, then you will delay experiencing the very thing that you want, which is to feel better. Think about it. The reason why we want anything is because of the feeling that we think having that thing will give us. And yet, so many of us just keep delaying that feeling, because we think that it's in the future, when we have more.

Now, I'm not going to sit here and say that it doesn't feel good to have more, and to achieve your goals. But it only feels good if you stop and appreciate it. It only feels great if you spend some time wanting what you have.

So, why not start that process now? Think about what you already have that at one point you wanted, and now it's yours. Maybe it's your health. Maybe it's your kids. Maybe it's your job. Maybe it's your friends. Maybe it's your house, your car. Maybe it's a skillset that you've learned. Maybe it's the amount of money that you have in your account. Take the time to look around your life, and notice what you have already that at one time you wanted.

I always think about my future self. She is my guide. Whatever she's doing and thinking, that's something that I need to practice doing and thinking in my life right now. And the one thing that I know about my future self, when I think about that version of me, and what I know to be true about her is that she has a lot of what she wants, and there's still some things that she wants that she doesn't have.

I don't create this idolized version of me that's perfect and has everything that she wants. The difference between me and her is that she's way more evolved than I am. She reacts differently. She's expanded more. She's allowed more into her life of what she wants. She's worked through a lot of her limiting beliefs, but inevitably she still has goals.

And so, she is also growing. The version of me that I can imagine, she has a version beyond her. Are you all with me? A version I can't even imagine yet, because she's so far from me. I can imagine this next version. 

But when I think about her, she still has things that she wants. She has goals, but she spends a lot of time wanting what she already has.

And that's why she doesn't feel lack. But instead, she feels a lot of abundance. Because she's always looking around at what's going well and right, and she's also looking around being like, "Holy moly. There was one time I wanted this, and now I have it. Let me appreciate it. Let me not take it for granted. Let me just soak in all of those good feelings of wanting what I already have."

And so, let's practice that. Again, spend some time looking around your life, and noticing what you have right now that at one time you wanted. And hey, listen, I would love for you to come and share it with me, so find me on Instagram, and let me know what came up for you in listening to this podcast.

If you are in the States, I hope you have a beautiful Thanksgiving. And for those of you elsewhere in the world, I hope you have a gorgeous, gorgeous day and week, and I cannot wait to see you in our next episode. Cheers.

Hey, have you grabbed your free copy of the School of Self-Image Manifesto? If not, what in the world? Head over to schoolofselfimage.com/manifesto, and get a copy that teaches you how to think and show up in the areas of mindset, style, and surroundings, so that you can transform your self-image.