Choose Yourself

I choose myself.

When I say such things, I often get judgy, knee-jerk reactions from some people around me. 

Those reactions are sometimes accompanied by questions and comments like: 

Wow. Isn’t that a bit self-centered? Surely you don’t mean that. What about your family? Don’t you care about those less fortunate?

Of course, I care about those less fortunate, and I do my part to assist where I can. My family IS important to me, and I do see to their welfare to the best of my ability. 

So, what does “I choose myself” mean? 

In short, what it means is that I have my own back. 

I approve of and validate myself. 

I enjoy my own company. 

I take full responsibility for the way that I feel, think, and act. 

It means that I say no to what does not serve me. 

Choosing myself means setting healthy boundaries for myself and others, and it also means maintaining them. 

It means that I ask for what I want, I notice what I get, and I celebrate the “NOs” because I know that others have boundaries too, which is a gift to both of us. 

I also know that there is usually something better in store for me when the Universe says no. 

Start With Feeling Worthy Of Choosing Yourself

For many years I tried to avoid my own company. I would do an excellent job of it by overeating, overworking, shopping to distraction, or even picking up the phone and calling a friend. Yes, it’s great to connect with others, but I was doing it to escape the unhappy thoughts in my head. 

Ask yourself, “Do I enjoy my own company?” 

If the answer is no, it’s time to figure out why.

Consider the dialogue in your head. Are you hard on yourself? Do you talk to yourself the way you’d talk to your best friend, daughter, niece, or other loved one? 

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to hang out with someone who is mean to me all the time. 

Consider romantic relationships. When you’re newly into someone, you’re curious about that person. You are patient, kind, indulgent, and accepting. You want to spend as much time with them as you possibly can. 

What would it look like for you to give that kind of attention to yourself? How would you feel about yourself if you treated yourself with such positive regard?

You start to see things that you can’t see when you’re beating yourself up all the time. Life becomes magical.

What has to change for you to choose yourself? 

The Importance Of Choosing Yourself Despite What Others Think or Feel About it

Women are “supposed” to put the well-being, comfort, and happiness of others first. Most of us were taught by society and our parents to be selfless, giving, and caretaking. We were raised to always put others first. 

We were taught to be people pleasers. 

Here’s the thing, though. We can see to the welfare of our families and friends without relegating our own well-being to the backburner. 

Does that mean that others will always get what they want? No - not necessarily. And, what they want may not be what they need. More importantly, though, giving something that you’re not willing or able to give may place you in a position of compromising yourself. 

And, even if some folks feel dissatisfied with the way things turned out, at least you’ll have taken care of yourself and them by choosing yourself first. 

A “no” can be a soul gift and a celebration for them too. 

9 Things You Can Do To Choose Yourself

• Learn the art of saying “No” and then start practicing it. No, folks won’t like it very much (people never do when you say no or set a boundary), but those that matter won’t mind and, in fact, will understand and appreciate you for your straightforwardness.  
• Practice spending time alone with yourself and without distractions. Just BE. That might look like something as simple as a long hot bubble bath. Then again, it might look like a weekend escape to the countryside or a quiet beach. While you’re there, take time to meditate, reflect, journal, and think.  
• High-five yourself every chance you get. Mel Robbins just published a great book called The High Five Habit and it’s a beautiful, life-changing kind of read. It sounds silly, but give it a chance - you’ll be glad you did. 
• Choose time, freedom, and stress reduction over a paycheck. Quality of life is so much more important than money. If you’re spending two or three hours commuting to the office every day and putting in 40 or 50 hours a week, are you really having a good work-life balance? 
• Learn the art of the “Leisurely Hustle.” You’ll be amazed at how it changes your life. You’ll still get things done; you’ll just do it without a sweat. 
• Buy the bag. Get the gown. Shell out for those shoes. Now and then, treat yourself to something classic, of superior quality, and that you really really love. Do it just because you deserve it. 
• Grab your oxygen mask first. I’m using this as a metaphor for every situation in life when it comes to taking care of others: your kids, your partner, your loved ones. If you can’t breathe, you can’t take care of them. That means doing everything that you can to take care of yourself to give them your best. 
• Resist buying things you don’t really need to make other people happy or impressed, or whatever other emotion you imagine said purchase will get out of them. When you spend a ton of cash on entertaining or impressing others, you only end up putting yourself at a financial disadvantage. 
• Send yourself flowers or a lovely gift basket once in a while. Better yet, subscribe to a service that sends you surprise packages every month. It’s fun and uplifting for everyone to receive a gift. How great would it be if you were choosing yourself as the recipient each month? 

Choosing Yourself Is An Expression of Self-Love

Learning the art and science of choosing yourself will do wonders for your self-image. And, when you level up your self-image, the rest of your life follows suit.