Okay, I need to ask you something. Let’s be honest. Do you see yourself as ordinary? Or do you feel like you’re living an ordinary life – meaning the usual, traditional, nothing ever really changes – and you want more? In fact, if you’re being really honest with yourself, you want to live an extraordinary life.
If so, I am hosting a workshop. It’s called 3 Days of Extraordinary. And I would love for you to attend. You can head over to frenchkisslife.com/3days and I will see you there.
Bonjour, and welcome to The French Kiss Life Podcast, where personal development meets style. I’m Tonya Leigh, certified master life coach and the hostess of this party, where we explore how to live artfully and well. Each week, I’ll be sharing inspiring stories, practical tips, and timeless wisdom on how to elevate the quality of your everyday and celebrate along the way. Let’s dive into today’s episode.
Hey, my friends. What is happening? I hope amazing things are happening for you. I’m having an amazing time. I’m in Aspen with my dearest friends and I have never laughed so hard in my life.
We are staying up at night playing games. We’ve had extraordinary dinners. And we all just love each other so much. It doesn’t even matter where you are, when you’re surrounded by people that you just love hanging out with, you have a good time. But then, being in Aspen, I will say, is a bonus. I love this town, especially in the summer.
We went on an 11-mile hike about three days ago, I think it was, over to Crested Butte. And it was such an incredible experience because I haven’t done a hike this strenuous in such a long time. And I watched my brain freak out the morning we got up to go and do it.
It was telling me things like, “You’re not in good enough shape to do this hike. It’s going to be too hard. What if you don’t make it?” Just drama. And I thought about how often that part of our brain steps up and decides to share its opinion whenever we go out to do incredible things in our lives.
But we all made it and it was so much fun. And I was so proud of myself. And I want you to have that same experience. I want you to be so proud of yourself. I want you to see what’s possible. I want you to grow and stretch yourself because, at the end of the day, it is the most incredible feeling.
I was talking with me girlfriend Brooke last night and we were sitting there and we were like, “Oh my god, we are living extraordinary lives.” And I thought about what it takes to live an extraordinary life. And I’ve broken it down to five things that I want to share with you today.
Because here’s the way I think about it. We have this one life. Why not make it extraordinary? Why not see what is possible? And yet, so many of us aren’t. I was telling her last night, when I was growing up, I was basically given three options. You become a nurse, a teacher, or a secretary.
And I chose nursing and I’m so glad I did. It taught me so much. And I love my nurses. Shoutout to all of my amazing nurses in the community. But looking back, I was settling. People told me what I should do and who I should be and I just followed suit, which led to a very ordinary life. And the truth is, I saw myself as just an ordinary woman. But I think we’re all extraordinary, when we choose to be. And it is a choice.
So, I want to share with you how you can live an extraordinary life, which is going to require that you be extraordinary. So, the first way to be extraordinary is to set extraordinary goals for yourself.
And what makes an extraordinary goal? It is a goal that, when you accomplish it, will change how you see yourself. Extraordinary goals stretch and grow you, and they require that you let go of the ordinary parts of yourself.
So, if you think about what extraordinary means, it means unusual and remarkable. It means outside of the ordinary. Because if you keep doing the same things day in and day out, you’re going to keep getting the same results. So, an extraordinary goal, in order to reach it, you’re going to have to stop doing those regular things. You’re going to have to stop showing up in the regular ways.
And that’s why I love goals so much. It’s not about the outcome, even though that’s amazing when you reach your goal. It’s who you have to become in the process.
For so many years, my goals were things like, lose 20 pounds, pay off debt. Now, those things are great. But they really didn’t stretch or grow me. I knew how to diet like the best of them. I knew how to put myself on a budget. It really didn’t stretch and grow me.
But the moment I was like, “This is the year I’m going to run a marathon…” guess what, that was a goal that changed how I saw myself. When I decided I was going to make $100,000, when for so many years I thought the money I could ever make was 50K, that goal stretched and grew me. When I decided that I wanted to reach one million women, that is a goal that continues to stretch and grow me. So, if you want to be extraordinary, set extraordinary goals for yourself.
The second way to be extraordinary is to create an extraordinary mindset. Our thoughts are so extremely powerful. And if you were to pay attention to what you think throughout the day, you would be amazed at how many of your thoughts are keeping you in an ordinary life.
I was talking to a friend of mine not too long ago and she started to talk about herself in a way that was very demeaning. And I asked her, I said, “Why would you ever choose to think of yourself in that way? How does it serve you on any level?”
And yet, so many of us are walking around telling ourselves we’re not good enough, we don’t have what it takes, we’re not smart enough, we’re not skinny enough, we’re not rich enough, everybody else is better than we are.
And when you allow your mind to go down those paths, you’re going down the path of ordinary. Because how can you do extraordinary things without extraordinary thinking?
And the truth is, it’s easy to think ordinary thoughts. It’s like our brain just goes there by default. We thought something for so long, we believe it to be true. And if we don’t manage our own minds, guess where our brain’s going to slip into; that default thinking.
But I tell my clients all of the time, I’m like, “You’re being lazy with your brain.” You have to direct your thinking to who you want to be, what you want to create, out of the ordinary and into the extraordinary. And that’s one of the things that I’ve noticed that extraordinary people do. They manage their brains. They decide what they want to believe and they think on purpose. And you have that same ability. So, if you want to be extraordinary, you have to think like an extraordinary woman.
The third way to be extraordinary is to surround yourself with other extraordinary people. So, what makes a person extraordinary? Well, it’s the very things that we’re talking about right now.
When you surround yourself with people who are future-focused, they have big dreams for themselves, they have set big goals for themselves and they’re also emotionally mature, meaning they take full responsibility for themselves and their lives, they are encouraging, and they have unique experiences, all of a sudden, you’re around people that bring out the best in you, who refuse to see you settle, who challenge you to show up in your best ways. The people who call you out when they see you slipping back into the ordinary.
When you start to create a culture around you, a culture of extraordinary, guess what happens. You become extraordinary because we become the environments in which we place ourselves in. Which is why I’m very particular about the people in my inner circle. It’s why I’m very particular about the things that I watch, the books that I read.
Because I know that my environment is shaping me because the environments that I place myself in is impacting how I see myself and how I see the world. And so, you need to shape your surroundings on purpose. And one of the ways that you can do this is to place yourself in the company of extraordinary people.
The fourth way to be extraordinary is to have extraordinary experiences. Think of it this way. When you think of extraordinary people, are they just sitting at home watching the news all day, scrolling through Facebook, doing the same thing day after day after day? No.
Extraordinary people have extraordinary and interesting experiences. They’ll tell you about the time they hiked through Bhutan or maybe the sailing trip that they took, or the interesting class that they attended. And these experiences shape them.
So, if you want to be extraordinary, you have to break out of the ordinary routines that you have that aren’t growing you, that aren’t adding to your life’s story. So, go out there and create interesting experiences for yourself.
And the final way to be extraordinary is to show up in extraordinary ways. How do we do this? It’s in how we dress. It’s in how we carry ourselves. It’s in walking into a room and owning it. It’s being willing to be seen. It’s effective communication. It’s even the way you sign your name. It’s how you live your life. It is your style.
And when you start to pay attention to these five areas and you commit to upgrading them on a regular basis, you will look in the mirror and you’ll be like, “I’m an extraordinary woman.”
In fact, I was talking to my friend this morning over coffee and she was like, “Do you see yourself as extraordinary?” And I was like, “Absolutely.” She was like, “I do too.” And the reason being is we chose it. It’s not some special gift or gene that we were given.
We chose to be extraordinary by doing what I just shared with you, setting those goals for ourselves, the goals that grow us, that challenge us, that change how we see ourselves, by constantly upgrading our mindset, thinking extraordinary thoughts, placing ourselves in the company of extraordinary people, creating extraordinary experiences for ourselves, and then showing up in extraordinary ways.
That is how you become extraordinary. Because here’s the thing, you already are extraordinary. But maybe you just haven’t allowed yourself and given yourself permission to own it. But when you’re in my world, I’m going to require that you show yourself how extraordinary you are. And that really does mean breaking up with the ordinary parts of yourself; the same thinking, the same actions, the same clothes, hanging out with the same people all of the time.
You’re going to have to shake your world up to become extraordinary. And I can tell you, it’s one of the greatest things you will ever, ever do for yourself. Can you tell I’m passionate about this topic? Because I know what happens in a woman’s life when she really steps into her extraordinary self.
In fact, I am hosting a mini workshop called 3 Days of Extraordinary and I would love for you to attend, only if you’re ready to stop being ordinary. You can head over to frenchkisslife.com/3days and I’ll see you in the workshop.
It is time for a J’adore, the part of the show where I get to share something that I love with you. And do you know one of the ways to be extraordinary is to have extraordinary style; a style that expresses who you truly are, a style that showcases what you love, a style that says everything without you having to say a word.
So, today’s J’adore, I’m going to share with you one of my extraordinary style secrets. And that is hats. I love hats. I have boxes all over the top of my closet. I love wearing them in the summer, the fall, the winter, and the spring. Hats are one of those statement pieces that I think every woman needs.
So, I was in Aspen shopping a few days ago and I discovered my new favorite hat. And I wanted to share it with you. It’s by a company called Freya. And it’s just an incredible hat that you can pair with a pair of jeans or with a dress. It’s very versatile. And you probably know by now, I do love those versatile pieces that you can get a lot out of.
But this is such a quality well-made hat. In fact, I was wearing it yesterday in town and I had like four people come up to me and tell me how much they love this hat. So, I wanted to share it with you. So, you can head over to frenchkisslife.com/freya.
Have a beautiful week, everyone. And I will see you in the next episode.
If you enjoyed this episode and you want to dive even deeper into the French Kiss Lifestyle, let’s start with a makeover; a mindset makeover. You can download my free training, The Three Mindset Makeovers Every Woman Needs, by visiting frenchkisslife.com/mindset. Because, after all, mindset is the new black.