Queen Energy

Are you being the queen of your life? Are you walking around embodying queen energy? If you are unsure, then today’s episode is for you, so let’s dive in.

Welcome to the School of Self-Image, where personal development meets style. Here’s your hostess, master life coach Tonya Leigh.

Hello, gorgeous friends. Welcome back to another episode. I am so excited about today’s topic. I have been, over the last 60 days, diving deep into what it means to be a queen, to embody queen energy.

And it led to me, first of all, creating an upcoming five-day workshop that I cannot wait to teach you all. If you have not joined us yet, what in the world Head to schoolofselfimage.com/royal, because it’s called the Royal Treatment.

I realized, in doing this work, that in order to be a queen and to show up as a queen in your life, you first have to treat yourself like a queen. I have spoken many times on this podcast about my own journey around my weight and my body image and how I lost over 70 pounds. But during this five-day workshop, I’m going to go even deeper and share the concepts that helped me to do that and keep the weight off for years.

But this isn’t just about weight loss. This is for any woman who feels like she is not treating herself well, treating herself exquisitely, who keeps putting everybody else’s needs above her own and who’s tired and burnt out and just can’t seem to get off the hamster wheel of her own life, and she knows deep down that she needs to treat herself better.

We’re going to be diving into how to think about yourself as a queen, how to talk like a queen, how to speak like a queen, how to eat and move and delight yourself like a queen.

But then, I started to think beyond that. Because in my life, I have gotten to a place where I truly treat myself like a queen; the way I eat, the way I take care of my skin, the way I speak to myself, the way I just delight in my life and delight in pleasures. I have definitely – I feel like I’ve mastered the treating myself in such a way.

But when I wrapped up the Royal Treatment and what I’m going to be teaching within that five-day workshop, I realized that there’s a whole other level that we, as women, need to step into. And that is showing up in the world like a queen.

First of all, you have to be able to treat yourself like a queen or it’s going to be impossible to show up in the world in that way. But this was really interesting to me because I realized, in my own life, while I was treating myself like a queen in terms of how I take care of myself, I wasn’t sowing up fully as one.

And everybody knows that works with me, I’m very transparent. I share my journey in hopes that it will inspire you to keep going. But even now, I sometimes notice when I’m not being a queen, where I’m afraid of someone’s judgment or I’m afraid of disappointing someone, or I abdicate my power. And it never feels good.

So, I’ve been doing a lot of work on this, you all. I’ve been going deep within my own self to look at where I’m limiting myself, where I’m not being a queen in my own life. And this work is powerful, let me tell you.

I have felt such a big shift in me, even over the past 30 days. Because what I decided was needed after the Royal Treatment is a whole month dedicated to cultivating and embodying our queen energy. So, the entire month of June within the School of Self-Image, this is what we’re going to be doing.

I have already created some powerful exercises and challenges that we are going to be focused on for 30 straight days, or 31. How many days are in June? I can’t remember. However, in this episode, I wanted to talk about what does it mean to be in that queen energy?

And I want you to think about it without me even sharing what I think it means. When you think of being a queen in your own life, what comes up for you? What do you see? How are you carrying yourself? What are you thinking about yourself? What are you no longer afraid of? How are you operating in your day-to-day life?

When I think of being in my queen energy, there are several things that come to mind. One is a willingness to be seen. You’re no longer hiding. You’re no longer carrying secrets that you’re afraid of people finding out. You are available to be seen fully in who you are.

And that requires that you embrace all of you. Not just the good parts, but especially the imperfect ones. I will tell you, there is such a freedom, even in me recording this episode for you, of sharing where I struggle. I no longer have to hide that from you. It’s like, “Hey, here I am having a human experience over here, being raw and real and just sharing with you where I am on my journey.”

The moment I do that, I get my power back. I’m not afraid of you catching me. I’m not afraid of you realizing, “Oh, Tonya’s human and she makes mistakes and she’s imperfect,” because I’ve already told you. I’ve already made peace with it.

And yet, I see so many women, especially, walking around afraid that people will discover that they’re human, which is really what’s happening. Because there’s no perfect person on this planet. We may try to hide those parts of ourselves, but it’s not fun to hide. It’s scary.

And so, a queen is always willing to be seen fully in who she is. And that means her light and her shadows. And I want you to really think about this; how your life would be different, how you would feel if you were no longer hiding.

Some of you are hiding by not putting your work out into the world because you’re afraid of what people will think and it will be judged. And it will be. But a queen isn’t afraid of that. She has her own back. She’s willing to put her work into the world and let it be judged because she knows that that’s what is required to be a queen.

But some of you are hiding behind clothes. I did this for years. I was afraid for people to see that I was overweight. And so, I would wear big, baggy clothes. And then, I ended up looking even more overweight than I was.

And it’s not like people couldn’t see me. I’m still right there in the big, baggy clothes. But we hide because we’re afraid. And in order to step into your queen energy, you have to understand, “What am I afraid of?” Because when you feel that fear, there’s no longer a reason to hide.

For some of you, the fear might be not being liked. It might be being judged, or people finding out that you’re not perfect, or being unloved. And until you discover what that fear is, and you face it, and you heal it, you will forever be unwilling to be seen fully. And therefore, you’ll be unable to embody that queen energy. So, that’s the first one; being willing to be seen fully is required to be a queen.

The second thing you must do in order to embody queen energy is you must know what you want. And here’s the big, “And…” you must know what you want, and you must want it unapologetically. You must know what lights you up, what turns you on.

You must know what your dreams and your goals and your desires are. Because at the end of the day, queens rule. And in order to rule, they need to have an understanding of their vision and where they’re going.

And I see this with so many of my clients. They’ll tell me, “I don’t know what I want.” And for those of you that work with me, you know that that’s not allowed. Because I believe we all know what we want, it’s within us. It’s not out there to be found. It’s within you, waiting to be uncovered.

But a lot of times, you’re afraid of uncovering it because the moment you admit to yourself what you want, it’s going to require that you change. It’s going to require that you let parts of yourself die that are keeping you from being able to create what you want. It’s uncomfortable knowing what you want when you realize that you can’t keep being who you’ve been if you want to create it.

And so, a lot of times, what I see happen is women will say, “Well, I just don’t know.” What they’re really saying is, “I’m afraid of knowing. Because if I really know what I want, I can’t keep living the way I’m living right now.”

And yet, the willingness to step into that mystery and to claim what you want and being willing to walk through the discomfort of creating that, who you become in that process is golden. And it requires that you’re in your queen energy to do so.

But then, there’s the other part of wanting it unapologetically. I’ve seen this so many times in my clients’ lives and in my own life, of finally figuring out what you want and then having want shame, dream shame.

Because we’ve been conditioned to believe that certain things are okay to want, and certain things are not okay to want. It’s okay to want to save the world. It’s noble. It helps everyone. It’s okay to want to be a mother and to have a family.

There are certain things that we’ve been conditioned to believe that it’s okay, it’s actually honored and celebrated. But then there are other things that we’ve been shamed for wanting, like making money, or maybe not wanting to have children, or maybe you want a closet full of designer clothes like me, or maybe you want to sell everything and drive around in an RV for a year.

Just notice how you judged the things that I just said. How do you judge the woman that wants a closet full of designer clothes versus the woman who wants to sell her closet full of designer clothes and drive around in an RV?

Maybe one you judged very harshly and the other one you celebrated. And that’s only because we’ve been conditioned to believe that it’s okay to want certain things and it’s not okay to want others.

As a queen, you must make peace with what you want and be willing for the world to judge it however they want to judge it. The only thing that matters is your opinion about what you want and why you want it and making sure you like your reason for wanting it.

So, for example, when I think about my desire for beautiful clothes, when I was a little girl, I was obsessed with Vogue magazine. I would actually run away from my mom in the grocery store and go hide on the magazine aisle and just devour Vogue.

Now, keep in mind, I grew up in a Pentecostal Holiness Church where there was no designer clothing to be found for many, many miles. I don’t know where this desire came from. But I was always just so enamored and fascinated with the world of fashion and style.

And I remember, when I finally came of age and I could go into a beautiful boutique and look at the clothes, I was just obsessed with the fabrics and the style and the colors and all things fashion. It was like a desire that was planted in me from a very early age, and who knows, maybe from birth.

Maybe we are handed our desires from birth. So, I always tell my clients, pay attention to what lit you up when you were a kid. Because chances are, there’s a lot of data within that. It’s trying to guide you. But if you’re judging it harshly and you’re not making peace with it, then you’re never allowing yourself to experience the expression of that desire.

When it comes to desires, I’ve always had this belief. And no matter if you’re a religious person or not, we can just insert energy or God or whatever. But I felt like there was this bigger energy, God, who wants to experience life through all of us. And so, He gives us all of these unique desires. Which is why someone may be interested in a garden…

I think about my mom. She couldn’t care less about designer clothes. But she loves her yard. She loves her garden. It is a deep desire of hers. Whereas, someone like me is interested in other things. And I’ve always thought, that is because this bigger energy just wants to experience all of life through us. And so, He chooses each of us for different desires. And we’re over here arguing with them and we’re not making peace with them and we’re so worried about what other people are going to think about them, versus being the queen and knowing what you want and wanting it unapologetically.

So, what do you want? And what would need to happen for you to make peace with that? Because that is required if you want to be in your queen energy.

The other thing that I’ve noticed about queen energy is that a queen takes bold action. When she knows what she wants, she’s not going to sit around and wait for permission or for instructions or for approval.

She is going to go out there and take some action and probably fail a lot. But she’s committed and she’s full of grit and gumption. She’s not going to sit around complaining about her life and doing nothing about it. She’s not going to sit around and spin in all of the excuses as to why she can’t do it, why it’s too hard, how she doesn’t have enough money or enough time.

A queen does not have time for excuses or a pity party. Now, every once in a while, she might feel a little sorry for herself, but I can promise you this; she doesn’t stay there long. She takes bold action. And do you know what’s required for that? Courage.

And courage feels awful. Courage does not feel good. You have to feel the fear. You have to feel all of the discomfort that is going to be required of you in order to take the action necessary to create what it is that you want.

I think sometimes we imagine queens as sitting around in bubble baths sipping champagne just being in pure delight all of the time. I’ve never known a queen that lives in such a way.

In fact, if you look back through history and you study queens, they had to display a lot of courage. They had to stand up and say their truth. And that is never, ever comfortable. But it is required if you want to be a queen.

And that’s why we actually, within the membership, spent a whole month on emotional mastery because when you learn to feel your emotions and understand them versus running from them or eating them or overworking them, then that’s when the magic happens. When you’re not afraid to feel an emotion, you’re willing to take that bold action that is required for you to create what you want.

The final piece that I want to talk about in today’s episode as it relates to embodying your queen energy is that I’ve noticed that true queens, they support each other. They encourage others. They lift others up. And that is because they are not in competition.

They know who they are. They believe in who they are, and they see themselves as 100% worthy. And so, when they are taking care of themselves and treating themselves like a queen and they are creating their lives on purpose, they’re so filled up by their own love and their own support, they have so much more to give.

It’s actually the opposite of what most people think happens when you start to take care of yourself. Sometimes, people will say you’re being selfish, you shouldn’t get to want what you want and go after it. And all of that is such BS.

The more I allow myself to live my life fully, I have so much more to give. The more I allow myself to go after what I want, the more I’m encouraging other people to go after what they truly want.

And here’s the real big paradox. The more selfish I am, meaning the more I take care of myself, the better I can take care of everybody else. It’s like my selfishness allows me to become selfless, in that, “I’m whole I’m complete. So, now, let me think about you. Let me take care of you.”

But for so many years, I tried to do the opposite, “Let me take care of everybody else.” And there was little, if anything, left over for me. So, by being in that queen energy, you will be so much better able to lift others up, encourage them, and support them.

And you’ll notice something interesting. You will notice that you’re not putting people down. You’re probably not judging them as harshly. You are not thinking that you’re superior or better than. What you are seeing is that you are full and complete and whole.

And so, the competition and maybe the jealousy and the comparison that you used to have is no longer there. You are standing in your queen power, which allows you to empower others.

I wish I could share everything that I’ve been learning about really embodying queen energy. There are three other big areas that I see so many people struggle with. And I’m going to be teaching this within the School of Self-Image membership in the month of June. And we are going to be opening the doors really soon.

So, if you want to dive deeper into this work, I highly recommend that you start with the Royal Treatment because it all starts with how you treat you. This is the foundation of being a queen and showing up in the world as a queen.

So, if you want to learn how to treat yourself like a queen, come join us in this five-day workshop called the Royal Treatment, where you will learn how to love, respect, and treat yourself like a queen. Just head to schoolofselfimage.com/royal and I cannot wait to see you in the workshop, and I will see you in next week’s episode. Cheers.

Hey, have you grabbed your free copy of the School of Self-Image Manifesto? If not, what in the world? Head over to schoolofselfimage.com/manifesto and get a copy that teaches you how to think and show up in the areas of mindset, style, and surroundings so that you can transform your self-image.