5 Life Lessons Learned from Interior Design

Did you know that the principles of interior design could hold the key to changing your self-image and therefore your life? Well, it's what I discovered when I was designing my home. Think about it. Just as we thoughtfully curate our living spaces, we can intentionally design our lives to reflect our truest selves and support our personal growth, and that's what we're exploring in today's episode. I am sharing the five powerful life lessons I learned from interior design that can help you create a life as beautiful and authentic as a well-designed home. So let's dive in.

Welcome to the School of Self-Image, where personal development meets style. Here's your hostess, master life coach Tonya Leigh.

Hello my friends, and welcome to this episode of the podcast. I'm going to apologize ahead of time because it is a little chaotic in my house today. In fact, you may hear a little bit of jazz playing in the background because I turned it on to hopefully drown out the noise of the contractors who are still in my house working. We are moved in, but we are not complete. In fact, someone reached out to me on Instagram and she was saying, "I've been at my house for like four years and it still isn't quite complete." And I told her, I'm like, "You know, I think the idea of being done is a fallacy." There are always more things to do. But I needed to get this podcast recorded. I cannot wait until everyone is out of the house, so we're just going to go with it. Fingers crossed it won't get too loud. But I want to talk today about the interior design lessons that I have discovered really apply to our lives.

Because you might be wondering, what does choosing a sofa or planning a room layout have to do with self-image and my life? Well, I discovered a lot of parallels between designing a home and crafting our self-image, and I want to share those with you. I want you to think about it. When you walk into someone's home, you immediately start forming impressions about who they are. Think about the last time you visited someone for the first time and what did you think about them just based on their home alone? One of the things that I am always fascinated by is when I rent an Airbnb or any kind of rental property and I know nothing about the people that live there, but I can somewhat get an idea of who they are, what they value, what their priorities are, how they live their life, just based on their home alone. If it's a minimalist space, I might think that this is someone who values simplicity and clarity. If it's a home filled with travel souvenirs, I might think this person really loves experience and adventure.

In the same way the home of our self-image, the way we present ourselves to the world, the habits we cultivate, the goals we pursue tells a story about who we are. But here's where it gets really interesting to me. Just as when we intentionally design our living spaces, we can deliberately shape our self-image. And one powerful way to do this is by consciously creating your environment that reflects not just who we are now, but who we are becoming. I think back to when I first started designing my home. I remember standing on the lot. It was an empty lot and I was thinking about the type of floor plans and I was even thinking about the colors, and it was the beginning of me doing what I do for every single project in my life, in my business, and it's something that I've actually taken School of Self-Image members behind the scenes to actually see.

But I create a creative brief and it's a beautiful way of really going to the end as if it's already done and getting into the feeling of it, getting into the details of it, thinking about how you want to feel, thinking about what you want to think about it at the end. And if you've watched that behind the scenes, I tell you about some of the questions that I ask myself for this creative brief. And I think what I'm going to do for members is I'm going to show you my creative brief from my house. It's really, really fascinating. But standing on that empty lot, it was the beginning of me conceptualizing and visualizing my home, and I went to the future, and not just the future of the home, but I went to the future of me and my life, how I want to live my life, how I want to feel in my life.

And basically this house was just me reverse engineering that. A lot of times what we do is we look either to the past or to the present for what's possible, and what I teach in the School of Self-Image is looking for possibilities in the future. And then it's about forming your goals, your beliefs, even how you show up, your habits, your behaviors around that future vision that you have for yourself. And so I know it sounds crazy, you all, but the materials I chose, the colors I chose, how I laid out my house, all has a role in shaping self-image. So as I walked through each decision in my home building process and especially around the interior design, I found myself asking, does this choice align with who I'm becoming? Does it support the self-image I want to step into? And that's when it hit me when I was going through all of this later on in the process. We're all, in a sense, the interior designers of our own lives and our self-image.

Just as we curate our living spaces, we can curate the elements of our lives that shape how we see ourselves. This process of intentional curation isn't just limited to physical spaces, it really does extend to every aspect of our lives. Think about it. The books you read and the media you consume shape your mental environment, influencing your thoughts and your beliefs about yourself and your worldview, the people you surround yourself with, form our social environment affecting how you see yourself in relationship to others. The habits you cultivate and the routines you establish create a behavioral environment reinforcing or challenging our self-image daily. So by consciously designing these environments, we're not just passively accepting a self-image that may be working against what we deeply want in our lives. Instead, we are actively crafting it. We're creating a feedback loop where we intentionally design our environments, continually reinforcing and elevating our self-image, and that's what we're all about here at the school.

We believe that by deliberately shaping our external world, we can profoundly influence our internal landscape. We can design a life that not only reflects our best selves, but actively encourages us to grow into that best self. So today I want to explore five key interior design principles and see how they can guide us in crafting not just a beautiful living space, although that is a benefit, but also a self-image and a life that truly feels good to us and represent who we aspire to be. And who you aspire to be, here's my theory, it's who you truly are. Underneath all of the limiting beliefs, all of the social pressures, it's who you are at your essence. So these principles offer, I think, valuable insights into how we can shape our environment, both physical and metaphorical, to support our growth, our happiness, and our success.

As we dive into these lessons, I really want you to think about your own life and self-image and how you can apply these design concepts to create a life that's not just lived, but thoughtfully designed. How can you shape your environment to reinforce the self-image that you want to cultivate? How can you build a life that's as beautiful, functional, and uniquely you as a well-designed home? Remember, just as a well-designed home supports and enhances your daily life, a well-designed can elevate every aspect of your existence. It can inspire you to reach for higher goals, it can inspire you to treat yourself with kindness and love and to show up in the world as your best self. So here are five of actually many lessons that I learned about interior design, about designing a home. There's so many lessons, you all. I had a hard time picking my top five because I learned so much in this process, but let's go with the top five.

The first interior design lesson that you can apply to your life is to embrace contrast. I realized that in design, and even our style, embracing contrast is key to well thought out design. And this may mean pairing light and dark colors or mixing modern and vintage pieces, but when you apply it to your life and your self-image, it takes on a deeper meaning. Think about it. We often try to present only our best, brightest selves to the world. We curate our social media feeds to showcase only our success and our happiest moments, but true personal growth and I think a really healthy, authentic self-image comes from acknowledging and integrating all parts of ourselves. This is what psychologist Carl Jung called our shadow side, and we all have it, and a lot of us, if we're not mindful, we spend a big part of our lives trying to hide it. But I do believe what you suppress grows bigger. When you don't acknowledge and leave space for this darker side, so to speak, it causes problems in our lives.

It's what happens when we don't want to feel negative emotion. It's what happens when we don't acknowledge the things that maybe we're not good at. It's what happens when we try to only present our best selves to the world. And when I think about my home, I think my dining room represents this principle beautifully. It's darker and moodier than the rest of my house. In fact, it's painted black, it's Pharaoh and Ball off black. It is so rich and deep with very dramatic lighting, and it serves as a reminder that it's okay, even necessary, to embrace the full spectrum of who I am, including the parts that aren't always sunny and light. And just like how this dining room adds depth and interest to my home, that's what contrasts do to our personalities. They add this richness to our lives and our self-image. It's about creating space for all aspects of who we are.

For example, you might be known as the responsible one among your friends. Your self-image might be built around being reliable and organized, but maybe there's a part of you that craves spontaneity and adventure and you've suppressed that. Well, embracing the contrast can mean allowing yourself occasional impulsive of trips or trying out a thrilling new hobby. And by doing so, you're expanding your self-image, seeing yourself as someone who can be both responsible and spontaneous. You might even want to find a corner of your home that represents this part of your self. It could be a little table in the corner of your bedroom. It could be a shelf in your dining room. But it's important that we shape our environment to reflect back to us all parts of ourselves, the parts that we don't want to deny, that we don't want to hide because it's so exhausting.

Another example is that maybe you're typically very analytical in your work and your self-image is really tied to being logical and rational, but you might have a secret passion for abstract art or poetry. Integrating this contrast could involve setting aside some time for creative pursuits or allowing that artistic side to flourish alongside your logical strengths. And this expands your self-image to be both analytical and creative. You don't have to be one or the other. The key is to recognize that these contrasts aren't contradictions. They are complementary aspects of your whole self. By embracing them, you create a richer, more authentic life experience and a more complete self-image. So for this particular lesson, what I want you to think about is acknowledging and accepting all of your different moods and energies rather than always trying to be on, always trying to be positive, always trying to be happy. Also, create spaces in your home that really reflect the different aspects of your personality.

Allow yourself to pursue interests or hobbies that might seem at odds with your primary identity and then be open about your struggles as well as your successes both with yourself and others. When you embrace the contrast, you give yourself permission to be a whole human with all of the complexity that it entails, and that in turn really does create and foster a more authentic, confident, and multifaceted self-image. The second lesson that I discovered really relates to life is to create focal points. A focal point in a room might be a statement piece of furniture or a striking piece of art. It's that element that immediately draws your eye because remember, the eye must travel, and it sets the tone for the entire space. In life and self-image, it's about identifying and emphasizing your core strengths and unique gifts.

Think of your life as a room. What do you want people to notice first when they walk in? What aspect of yourself do you want to highlight? These are your focal points, that special sauce that makes you, you. During my home-building process, I put a lot of thought into the focal points of each room. In my living room, it's a beautiful, beloved marble fireplace. I was telling some of the members the other day, it is my favorite piece in the house. I love this marble fireplace, and every time I go into the room, that is where my eye goes. It reminds me of the warmth and the comfort I want my home to embody. And it's also just a very elegant old world piece that represents more of my classic nature, my classic soul style. But in the same way, we can create focal points in our lives that remind us of our core values and our strengths, our goals, and these focal points become the anchors for our self-image.

When we are facing decisions, when we are deciding what to really showcase and highlight, these anchors become your guide. They tell you what to come back to. They bring you back home to yourself. And I want to be clear, this isn't about bragging or showing off, it's about recognizing your innate talents and cultivating them. Maybe you're an excellent listener, a creative problem solver, or have a knack for bringing people together. These are your focal points, those special qualities that define your unique contribution to the world. If one of your strengths is empathy, you might create opportunities to use this gift more often. This can mean volunteering for a local organization or simply being more intentional about supporting friends and family through tough times. By doing so, you're reinforcing your self-image as a compassionate, supportive person. Or maybe your gift is creativity. Your focal point might be a passion project that really showcases your innovative thinking. This could become a centerpiece of your personal or professional life, drawing others to your unique perspective.

The more you engage with this project, the more you reinforce your self-image as a creative, original thinker. I want you to think about this. Just as a room typically has one main focal point, you don't need to excel at everything. I think this is a huge mistake in our culture. We try to be good at so many different things versus really focusing and harnessing on the things that we're naturally good at. In fact, as I was preparing for this episode, I was thinking back to moments in life where I've been what I call out of my sweet spot. It's that place in your life where you are really in your flow. You feel like life is just clicking in a way that feels almost effortless. And one of the things that I've noticed is because I'm not focused on my focal points, I am trying to be something that's very difficult for me to naturally be, I'm trying to do things that aren't my strength, and whenever I let go and I get back to my focal points, I get closer to my sweet spot.

So I want you to think about your life and self-image and identify your key strengths. And then it's a matter of you using those as focal points in your life. Finding ways to showcase these strengths in your work and in your home, and then create physical reminders of your core values and your living space or your workspace to remind you of what's really important to you, and then regularly engage in activities that allow you to really honor your core values and to develop and focus on your unique gifts. When you create clear focal points for yourself, you give shape and direction to your life, you create a strong sense of identity and purpose, and that just boosts your confidence and your self-image. So just as a well-chosen focal point can elevate an entire room, when you emphasize your core strengths and focus on your core values, you really do elevate your entire sense of self.

Now, let's talk about interior design lesson number three, functionality is essential. In interior design, this means ensuring that a space not only looks good, but it also serves its intended purpose efficiently. I call this elegant design because elegance simply means effective and simple. So when you apply this to your life and your self-image, it's about making choices that genuinely enhance your well-being and align with your goals rather than just doing what looks good on the surface or what you think people will accept. For example, when I was working with my designer on my kitchen, we were trying to figure out how the kitchen was going to work. In my kitchen, I don't have cabinets, I have drawers. And so I literally would stand in my kitchen and pretend that I had people around and I'm trying to cook. I really thought through the dishwasher and I open it, and how easy is it to put dishes away? So my kitchen is very functional, but it's also very beautiful.

I don't think it has to be one or the other. I am all about yes, and. How can you have both beauty that's beautiful to you and functionality? I also think about my pantry. I really debated if I wanted to put my pantry behind closed doors because this is where I have all of my appliances. They're out to be seen. And I decided that I wanted to have an open concept because I wanted to be able to quickly grab things. I didn't want to have to open a door to get to my flour or my mixer. I wanted it easily accessible. And so we decided to leave it open. There is actually a doorway you can see into my pantry from my living room and from my kitchen. But it's also beautiful. It's very well organized, the appliances are very tastefully displayed, and it really does create this homey feeling. It's not just a beautiful space, but it's a lived in. It's for cooking and memories, and I think it just contributes to the overall aesthetic of the kitchen.

And it really embodies the idea that functional doesn't have to mean purely utilitarian. It can be a feature that enhances both the usability of the space and the beauty as well. In the same way, when we're designing our lives and shaping our self-image, we need to prioritize our choices so that they're not just appealing on the surface, but they truly serve us in the long run and they become more beautiful aspects of who we are. For example, you might be tempted to take a high paying job because it sounds impressive and would boost your image as a successful professional, but if it requires a long commute and doesn't align with your values, it might not be a functional choice for you and your overall life satisfaction. A more functional choice might be a job that maybe pays a little less, but offers more fulfillment and better work-life balance. Over time, this choice could lead to a more genuine sense of success, a feeling of success that you have built based upon what you think is truly successful for you, your values and how you want to live your life, and I think that just always leads to a more confident self-image.

Functionality in life also means developing habits and systems that support your goals and the self-image you want to cultivate. If health is important to you and you want to see yourself as a fit, energetic person, functional choices might include meal prepping on Sundays or scheduling workout sessions like you would an important meeting. These habits might not seem glamorous at first, but just like my well-organized pantry, they can become beautiful aspects of your life and they'll help support the self-image you want to develop, showcasing your commitment and devotion to your values. It's about asking, does this actually serve me? Does it make my life better in a meaningful way? Does it align with my values and the person I want to become? Sometimes the most functional choice isn't the most impressive or exciting at first glance, but it's the one that will support your long-term happiness. So when you think about prioritizing functionality in your life, you need to regularly assess your commitments and activities to make sure that they're aligning with your values and goals.

You need to create systems and routines that support your desired self-image, even if they're not always exciting initially. Also, be willing to let go of things that look good on paper but don't actually serve you well. And then finally, prioritize choices that support your mental and emotional wellbeing, not just your external image, what other people will see. What matters is what you see and how you feel. Now let's talk about interior design lesson number four, and it's one that I'm still sitting with, and that is to embrace white space. So in design, white space, or they often call it negative space, is that empty area around objects, and it's so crucial to have so that you don't have visual clutter and you allow the eye to rest. And when I first walked into the house when everything was done and there was no furniture, nothing on the walls, it was nothing but white space, and I saw myself starting to get excited about all of the things that I could put on the walls.

And I took a pause and I thought about how this applies to life, how we often just fill our lives up with so many things that we don't have the space to rest. And I want my home to be a visual representation of my self-image, but also how I want my life to feel and how I want to live my life. And so I've been very intentional about not cluttering this place up even though there is a lot of white space. And sometimes I see a wall looking at me sort of like trying to tempt me into putting something on it, and I think, no, there's something so calming about having this negative space. It's about creating mental and emotional space and avoiding this constant trap of busyness and allowing room for growth and spontaneity. It's about avoiding the trap of constantly filling every moment with an activity which can lead to a self-image built on busyness rather than true fulfillment. And so when you think about how to apply this to life, this could mean scheduling regular do nothing time on your calendar.

In fact, on my calendar, I have big blocks of time every morning blocked out. I call it focus time. And that time is for me to focus on what I'm just being called to focus on. There's no agenda. There's nothing that needs to be produced during that time. It's a time for me to read. It's a time for me to sit down with a journal and really think about my life, think about my business. Sometimes I use that time for content creation. But there's nothing special that needs to be done during this time, and that is very intentional. If I'm not mindful, those spaces in my calendar could easily be filled up with things because there are a lot of demands. There are a lot of people wanting meetings, there are a lot of projects that need to be completed, and it's very tempting to fill those spaces with things that your brain will try to actually give to you it's urgent when in fact, if you want to be a designer of your life, you have to take back controls of your schedule.

You're going to have to let some things go. You're going to have to create white space in your life. Because what I have found is that this white space leads to increased creativity, it reduces my stress, and it just creates a healthier self-image. So for you, embracing white space could also mean decluttering your life, physically, digitally, and mentally. It might involve unsubscribing from unnecessary emails, it could be you saying no to commitments that don't truly matter to you or simply sitting in silence for a few minutes each day. When you do that, what you're doing is you're creating space for what truly matters to you. And in terms of your self-image, embracing white space means being comfortable with not always having to prove yourself or fill every moment with an achievement. It's about recognizing that your worth isn't determined by constant activity or accumulation, but by who you are at the core, your essence.

So to put this lesson into practice, I encourage you to regularly schedule some unstructured time in your calendar. It could be 10 minutes a day, it could be one day a week, a time where it's negative space. And listen, that can be very uncomfortable, especially if you're so used to being busy and always having something to do. And if you equate your worth with your productivity, this is very difficult, but it's also very necessary in order to have a harmonious life. Also practicing no to commitments that don't align with your values and your priorities. Create physical spaces in your home that are intentionally minimalist or clutter-free. That is telling your brain, we don't have to fill up every space. It is okay, it is safe, and it's actually extremely beautiful to have space in our lives where we can just be. And then finally, intentionally allow for periods of rest without feeling guilty or unproductive.

We have to re-energize, we have to fill our own tanks, so to speak. So make sure you are taking care of you, that you are resting as you are pursuing your goals, as you are growing your businesses, as you are climbing the ladder, make sure that rest is a part of your plan. Remember, just as white space and design allows important elements to stand out, creating space in your life allows priorities to shine through very clearly. It gives you room to breathe, to grow, and most importantly, I think this is the most important part, it allows you to connect with your authentic self. Now let's talk about life lesson number five that I learned from interior design, and this is going to be especially for all of you perfectionists, and that is don't be afraid of making mistakes. In interior design. This might mean experimenting with bold color choices or unconventional furniture arrangements or very abstract art. Not every choice will work out, but with each attempt, you learn something valuable about your style and your preferences.

During my process, I made a couple of choices that didn't quite work out as I had envisioned, one of them being these two pieces of artwork that I purchased to go behind the chests that sit beside my fireplace. So I have two alcoves and I bought these beautiful, old French oak chests that sit inside that alcove, and then I bought this artwork. And my vision was I wanted that white space, but I wanted texture because texture is so important in design and general. And so I found online these two abstract sort of like Wabi-Sabi design pieces of art, and they were beautiful online. And they arrived, and honestly, they looked just like it was presented online. But when I put them in the chest, I realized that the tone of white was just way off and it was not achieving the desired effect that I wanted. And that's okay. That is okay. I had a vision, it didn't quite work out the way I wanted it to. And the truth is they are both beautiful pieces of art, just the tone of white is not working with the white of the wall.

But I would've never known that had I not made that mistake. Now it's helped me to hone my preference, it's helped me to re-visualize that area, and I'm okay with those pieces for now. They're okay. Of course I'm going to probably replace them in the near future, but I'm all about the willingness to make mistakes because many times the way that we refine and find our way to our authentic style and to our truest self-expression is we have to try things on. We have to see how they feel. It's hard sometimes to do that intellectually. Now, you can somewhat. Had it been a place where I could actually go and see if I could borrow the artwork and bring it in, I could have seen very clearly it wasn't going to work out, but that wasn't one of those situations. And so you have to be willing to make mistakes in design and in life. This principle encourages us to view mistakes not as failures, but always as learning opportunities. Every wrong decision gives you information that can guide future choices and help you refine your true desires, your authentic self-image.

For instance, maybe you took a job that turns out to be a poor fit. Instead of seeing that as a failure and letting it negatively impact your self-image, view it as valuable data about what you don't want in your career. One of the things that I've seen with members of the School of self-image is that the more willing they are to maybe get it wrong or to make a mistake, the faster they grow and the faster they get back to their truth. I've seen women try new hobbies only to find out, "You know what? I don't really like that." But the only way for them to know was to actually go out and do it, to experiment and to experience it. But every time I see them do this, they figure out, what was it about that that I didn't like? And they use that as beautiful data to inform how they move forward. So instead of giving up and labeling yourself as untalented or not capable, you can see these things as a chance to practice perseverance and really hone in on what you really really want.

What I know to be true in this house as well as in life is if I would have let my fear of making mistakes lead my choices or my lack thereof, I wouldn't be sitting in this house right now. I would've slowed this process completely to a halt. I would've spent a lot of time second guessing myself, spending hours and hours and hours researching only to find myself indecisive. And I've seen over and over the more willing you are to make mistakes. And I'm not talking about just un-calculated risk, but really just calculated risk. The more willing you are to take those risks and the willingness to make a mistake, the faster you'll get to where you want to go. So when you put this into practice, it means viewing setbacks as opportunities for growth and learning and being willing to try new things even if you're not sure you're going to be good at them.

And also be careful on how you frame failures. You can frame them as a reason why you should quit and give up, or you can frame them as valuable experiences that contribute to your personal growth. Just as homes evolve over time through trial and error, so does our self-image. Every mistake is an opportunity to learn and grow and to become more authentically yourself. So as we wrap up this episode, I want you to remember that designing your life and shaping your self image, just like designing a home, is an ongoing process. As long as I'm in this home, I will be bringing things in, letting things go, switching up some things, and that's how it is in life. And these principles that I've talked about today, embracing contrast, creating focal points, prioritizing functionality, embracing white space, and not fearing mistakes. They're all tools in your life design toolkit. Use them to create a life and self-image that not only looks good on the surface, but feels deeply gratifying and authentically you.

Your life can be a beautiful, functional expression of your true self. You really are the interior designer of your life and your self-image. Think about that, interior, inside of you, and how you design your inner self is then expressed in the world. That's why I love coaching on the external because it's a feedback loop. Our inner and outer worlds are so connected, and so when you begin to design your interior life on purpose, it is going to impact how you show up and the choices you make in the outer world. And as you make those choices, it reflects back to you who you are and who you are becoming. So I want you to think about how you can apply these lessons to your life. Think about what aspects of your self-image might need a little redesign. And remember, small changes make a big difference over time. Have a beautiful, beautiful week, my friends, and I'll see you on the next episode. Cheers.

Hey, before you go, I want to ask you something. Do you ever feel like your style choices don't quite reflect who you truly are on the inside? If so, I would love to invite you to take the Soul Style quiz to help you align your fashion choices with your values and your personality and ultimately your soul. Are you curious what your soul style might be? Well, all you need to do is head over to schoolofselfimage.com forward slash style quiz and get ready to discover a look that is uniquely and authentically you.