Be Actions vs. Outcome Actions

Do you struggle with reaching your goals or consistency in the actions that you take? Listen, I get it. And it wasn't until I learned what I'm about to share with you in this podcast that things began to shift for me. I was able to be consistent and therefore achieve my goals. So today we're going to be talking about outcome actions versus be actions. Let's dive in.

Welcome to the School of Self-Image, where personal development meets style. Here's your hostess, Master Life Coach, Tonya Leigh.

Hello, my gorgeous friends. And a big shout out to Nancy. Nancy is the mom of my favorite waiter here in Charlotte at one of my favorite restaurants here in Charlotte called O-Ku. His name is Ryan. And when I first moved here, I went to O-ku. It's one of the first restaurants I went to actually. And we started talking and he learned about my podcast. And so when I went in the other day, he told me that his mom, Nancy, and her friends are now listening to the podcast. So I just want to say, hi Nancy, and thank you for raising such an incredible, incredible son.

I also want to say thank you to the hundreds and hundreds of people who have taken time out of their day to write a review for this podcast. My big goal, my extraordinary goal is to collect 5,000 after stories. I want to help 5,000 women create their after, and I want to document the process. And in a way, the reviews that are left on the podcast feel like afters to me because so many of you share how the podcast has impacted your life. And so I just wanted to say thank you so much. I understand that that time is precious, and so the fact that you took your precious time to leave a review means so much. And hey, listen, if you have benefited from this podcast, if you love it, if you look forward to it, I would really appreciate it if you would leave a review on iTunes. It means a lot.

So today we are going to dive into a concept of be actions versus outcome actions. This is a lot of the work that we do within the School of Self-Image. And I've never taught the concept in this way, but if you are in the membership, you know that we talk about taking action to create evidence for who you want to be. We create our extraordinary goal, which is the outcome that we want, but then we look at who do we need to become to achieve that goal, to achieve that outcome, and then we focus our daily practice on being that woman now. Outcomes are about what you get. Your being is about who you are. It's your identity. And the reason why the majority of people struggle in achieving their goals is because they are taking action for an outcome versus taking action for a new state of being.

Now, let me explain to you what I mean because this is so important. And I usually talk in either weight or money because these are the two areas that I have personally struggled at. And so I'm going to give you some examples of what this has looked like in my own life. So years ago when I struggled with my weight, I would take a lot of outcome action. I would go on the diet, I would try really hard to work out. And inevitably what would end up happening is I would sabotage myself. I would give up and I would go back to my old state of being. But in my mind at the time, I thought if I could just lose the weight, then I can be that person at the end. And this is why I struggled, because I needed to be that person now.

The same with money, and I know this affects a lot of people. It's like, "Okay, I'm going to pay down my debt. I'm going to make more money, I'm going to grow my wealth," whatever it is for you. "And when I finally do that, then I will feel abundant, then I will be a wealthy person." And so your identity is conflicting with what you want. And so you take a lot of action, but then all of a sudden you notice, "Ugh, I'm hitting upper limits. I'm overspending. I'm not putting myself out there so I can earn more" and you come back to your baseline identity.

So I want to give you all the hack to help you overcome this pattern that holds you back. And the hack is you need to take action to confirm a new state of being. So have the outcome that you want, state it. Look at it often. But every day your practice is to take be actions, actions to confirm a new state of being, because you can take an action to lose weight or you can take an action to confirm that you're a healthy person. Now, what happens if you're taking an action to lose weight and you're not seeing immediate results and you're not getting the outcome that you want fast enough? What inevitably happens? You say, "Why bother? This is too hard. It's not worth it."

On the flip side, however, if you are taking action to confirm, "This is who I am declaring myself to be. This is who I'm becoming," and you make that the focus of your actions, then you are changing your identity. And we know if you've listened to this podcast for any amount of time that you will always work to prove your identity true. You will always work to prove your self-image true. Let me give you an example from my personal life. One of the outcomes that I am currently working on is I want to have a very fit body. As I am approaching 50, I am having this deep desire to take better care of myself than I've ever, ever done. And some people would look at me and think, "Oh, well, you look fit." I just know I could be way fitter. So that is the outcome I want. I want to have a fit and healthy body.

Now, right now, I see myself as healthy, but I don't see myself as fit. So what a lot of people will do, they're like, "Okay, I want to have a fit body. I want to get toned." And so they head to the gym and they pump weights. But over time it becomes harder and harder to keep up the motivation. Motivation requires constant effort. And we can only effort our way so much until our subconscious kicks in and we go back to our identity. This is where be actions come in. Be actions are actions that you are taking to provide evidence for a new identity. So when I think about myself having a fit body, then who is she? How does she identify? What is her self-image? And she is a fit woman.

And so when I start to focus on, "I want to create small wins," a little bit of evidence every single day that I am a fit woman, the focus comes off of the outcome and onto my self-image. And the more I do that, I am confirming a completely new identity with every pushup that I do, with every sprint that I do, with every sit up that I do, and doing it for the purpose of providing evidence for a new identity. That is exactly what I'm doing. I am creating new neural pathways that says, "This is who you are."

And then what I know happens is that when you change your identity, you change your outcomes as a result, not the other way around. A lot of you all are trying to change your outcome to then have a new identity, but in my process, we do it the opposite. We focus on changing our identity so that the outcome literally becomes effortless. It becomes like brushing your teeth. It's just who you are and what you do.

I think about my man, Fonz. His identity is that of an athlete and he's in his 50s. But because that is his identity, he trains like an athlete. He goes out there on the court and plays basketball like an athlete. And he's constantly proving to himself, "This is who I am." And it doesn't require effort. He's not like, "Ugh, I got to go to the gym today and train. Ugh, I got to go play a game." It's not heart, it's just what he does because that is who he is.

So no matter what you want, whether you want to meet the love of your life, no matter if you want to grow your business, get healthy, become more organized, the goal is to decide on the person you need to be and then take your action to constantly prove to yourself, "This is who I'm becoming." And then the outcome will literally be effortless. And not only that, once you achieve the outcome, it won't be hard to sustain, which is why often happens. Like we reach a goal and then we're like, "Oh my God, how am I going to keep this up? This is too hard." And it's because you never changed your identity to match what you want.

And so focus on be actions. Yes, have those extraordinary goals. I love an extraordinary goal, but I love them because they inform who you need to become. They are a guide for your evolution. So once you decide, "This is what I want for myself and for my life," then you have to decide, "Who do I need to be to create that?" And then every day, focus your actions on being that person. Gather those small wins to provide evidence of "This is who I am" and you will amaze yourself with what you're able to accomplish.

Have a beautiful, beautiful week, my friends. I cannot wait to see you in the next episode. Cheers.

Hey, have you grabbed your free copy of the School of Self-Image Manifesto? If not, what in the world? Head over to schoolofselfimage.com/manifesto and get a copy that teaches you how to think and show up in the areas of mindset, style, and surroundings so that you can transform your self-image.