How to Get Unstuck

Do you ever feel like you're spinning your tires but going nowhere, or as if you are just stuck in one place and yet life is passing you by? If so, you're going to love today's episode, where we're going to talk about how to get unstuck, so let's dive in.

Welcome to the School of Self-Image, where personal development meets style. Here's your hostess, master life coach Tonya Leigh.

Hello, my friends, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to another episode of the podcast where we are going to talk about how to get unstuck. And the irony of this podcast is that I have been so stuck in trying to record it. In full transparency, I just recorded 15 minutes and I didn't like it, and so I deleted it and we are starting over. It couldn't be more perfect that this is happening, because I'm getting to work through it in real time and really think about why we as human beings get stuck and then what we can do to get unstuck. So if I look at just this episode of why I felt so stuck, a couple of things became very obvious to me, and I think it's something that you will be able to relate to. The first thing is that I did not give my brain clarity and direction around this episode.

Typically, when I sit down to record, I have bullets that I have laid out. I know exactly what I want to cover, and I did not do that for this episode. I thought I was going to get on here and I was going to wing it, and I was going to just let it come as it wanted to. And sometimes that works. I'm really good at going off script. I'm really good at ad-libbing, but my brain was like, "Wait, what are we talking about? What are the specific points that you want to cover?" And I did not provide my brain that direction or that clarity. Many of you may be feeling stuck in your life because you haven't figured out what you want. You don't know what you're trying to create. And the reason why the majority of you don't know is because you're afraid of the answer.

It's more comfortable and familiar to stay where you are than to admit what you really want and then go get it. This is exactly why within the School of Self-Image, as soon as you become a member, one of the first things that I ask you to do is to choose an extraordinary goal. Now, I watch what happens when I challenge women to do this. They want to be confused. They want to tell me they don't know what they want. They try to convince me that their desires aren't possible, and all that does is keep them stuck, and I coach them through it. And the moment they choose their extraordinary goal, now they know what they need to think, how they need to show up, the things that they need to do. But it's scary. Sometimes it's scary to admit what we truly want because deep down, we know we can't keep being the same person and expect to get it.

And that change is difficult. But if you want to get unstuck in your life, you must be willing to feel the discomfort of change. There is no other option. And when you realize that that discomfort is just being created by your own mind, and if you can learn to manage that, then you can handle the discomfort that comes with change. The other thing that I realized around this episode is that my perfectionism was sneaking in. If I were to go back and listen to the 15 minutes that I recorded, it wasn't bad. In fact, it was probably good, even without giving my brain direction, because I've talked about this topic feels like thousands of times. But my brain was telling me, "This isn't good enough. You don't know what you're talking about. Look at you. You're stuck right now. How dare you do a podcast on how to get unstuck?"

See how the brain can do crazy things? And so I deleted it, and that cost me time. And yet it was perfect because, again, I'm getting to work through this in real time with you. But perfectionism will not only steal your time, it will steal your life. How many times have you avoided putting your work in the world, putting yourself out there, saying something, because you were afraid of being imperfect? You were afraid of getting it wrong. How many times have you avoided making a decision because you're afraid it's not the perfect one? And so you sit around and you wait and wait, and you find out years have passed and you still haven't made that decision. If you want to get unstuck, just start making decisions and take the label of right or wrong out of it. What if there were only decisions? No right decision, no wrong decision, just a decision that you can make a new decision from.

I always tell members in the membership, I'm like, "Listen, the most important decision is not the first one in deciding what to do or not to do. It's the second one. It's the decision after the decision, deciding how you want to feel about your decision so that you can keep that momentum going." But a lot of us are afraid of making decisions in the first place, because we're so afraid of getting it wrong, and then we tell ourselves that we're stuck. No, the reality is you're not stuck. You're just not making decisions, because you're afraid. Be honest with yourself.

I'm not making a decision, because I'm afraid. Then we have to figure out, what are you afraid of? Are you afraid of failing? Are you afraid of succeeding? Are you afraid of the discomfort that you may feel? Are you afraid of what people will think? Because we need to get down to the root cause because once we identify that fear, we know what we're working with. So my fear around this episode, if I were to dig deep, which I'm doing right now in real time, is that it wasn't going to be good enough. Okay? So what? You won't like it. Okay, so what? Well, if you don't like it, then I may lose you as a listener. Okay? So what?

And then I'll be all alone over here talking by myself. See how the brain works? Versus to get unstuck, you tell the story of what you want. You speak your truth, and you accept that some people will like it and others won't, and that's okay. Right now, some of you may not be relating to this at all. You're like, "What are you talking about? I don't like this at all." But some of you will. Now, if you don't like it, you may choose to leave. You may say, "You know what? This girl's not a good fit for me." And that's okay. But trying to be liked and accepted by everyone will keep you stuck. And that's the fear for a lot of you. It's the reason why you're not going out there and sharing yourself with the world, your true self. You're trying to be so perfect.

But if I've learned anything, the world doesn't want the perfect version of you. They want the real you. The you that maybe says the word wrong sometimes, the you that fails, the you that succeeds, the you that wakes up with morning breath, and the you that looks amazing once you put your makeup on. We want all of you. And when you begin to embrace that, you don't have this fear of not being perfect and you're willing to be seen. But you have to be willing for people not to like you. I have been coaching women for over 15 years now, and I see how this desire to be perfect so that we can be accepted keeps so many of us stuck. And then you sit around and talk about how stuck you are. No, again, you're just afraid. Own that fear. Figure out what it is and address that, if you want to get unstuck.

The other reason why you may be feeling stuck is that you're fighting with where you are. Have you ever heard the phrase, what you resist, persist? That's what happens when you are stuck and you're trying so hard to not be stuck. It really is like just spinning your tires in the mud. And the more you try to get from where you are, the deeper those ruts become. And it feels impossible to get out from it. Because I know in the past, when I have felt stuck and I started talking about how stuck I felt, and I tried to change it, but the answers weren't coming, and I tried even harder, then I would start to feel anxious because I was feeling so stuck. And then I started to feel anxious about feeling anxious because I was so stuck. And it's just like layer upon layer.

And the analogy I love to use is with water-skiing. I don't know if you've ever been water-skiing, but when I used to ski and now I sometimes wakeboard, if you ever fall, it's crazy, the tendency to hang onto the rope, even though the boat is pulling you. And it's impossible, from a physics point of view, for you to get up because your hands out in front of you, your wakeboard or your skis are behind you. You cannot. And yet, this is what we do when we're stuck. We're trying to hang on to get unstuck. The way to get unstuck is to let go of the rope. Let go for a minute and just relax. Just be for a moment. What if this is just a natural part of life? I like to say when I'm feeling stuck, I'm like, no, this is just a slower period for you.

In nature, things slow down sometimes before they speed up. And even reframing it from I am stuck to I'm just in a slow period right now, just feels so much more liberating. And what you'll notice when you let go of the rope is that you are supported. You have a life jacket on. And then what you'll notice if you allow yourself to go to the next level is that you're floating in this beautiful lake with the sun around you. It's peaceful and the boat is coming back around with the rope to pick you up. But if you hang onto the rope, you will never get unstuck. And so earlier, when I felt so stuck with this episode, I let go of the rope. I got up, I went for a walk, I went upstairs, I turned on some music, I had a cup of tea. I took my brain off of the podcast, and then I came back with a new energy, a new excitement to record this.

But as long as I was sitting here saying, "God, I'm so stuck. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. It's not going to be good enough," I was just hanging onto the rope. So what if you just embraced where you are as a season in your life? What if you stopped telling it as the story of I am stuck, and instead, traded that story out for something that feels like letting go of the rope? I am supported right now. The answers will come. I don't need to rush it. Huh, wonder what I can be grateful for today? Maybe I need to go outside. What do I need right now in this moment? Because if you think about it, why do you want to get unstuck? Let's just take this episode for example. I wanted to get unstuck so that I could get it done, because I have quite a few other things to do today.

Okay? And? What am I really after? And the reason why we want anything is because we're after a feeling. What I wanted to feel was a sense of relief. And guess what? I didn't have to wait to record a podcast to feel that. Feelings are created by the thoughts in our head. And me sitting here talking about how stuck I'm feeling and how it's not going to be good enough, and I don't know what to say, that is taking me further and further away from what I really want, which is the feeling of relief. And so I began to ask myself, "How can I create that feeling now?" And I started to look around and look at how I'm supported. I started to look outside because the trees are starting to bud here in Charlotte, and it's so beautiful outside. And I just started to appreciate what's around me.

And then I was able to access thoughts like whatever you do is enough, Tonya, and you are going to say exactly what you're meant to say, and it's okay if some people don't like it. Hopefully, it will speak to some. But at the end of the day, your job, your role is to put your work in the world. I reminded myself that done is better than perfect. And the more dones you have, the more momentum you get. And all of a sudden, I started to feel so much relief, even before I recorded the podcast. And then I came here for you all, feeling great. Do you see how that works? So if you're feeling stuck, what feeling do you think you're going to have on the other side of being stuck? What is the feeling that you're after? And guess what? The secret to getting unstuck is to begin to feel that feeling or at least move closer to it from where you are.

And guess what? You don't have to do a thing in order to get there. That's what we often do, we're, "I've got to do something to get to that feeling, then I can feel unstuck." No. From right where you are, how can you begin to feel that emotion that you're after? And if you're going to do anything, do it in service of that emotion. Don't do it to try to get unstuck. Do it to feel joy, to feel confident, to feel relief. And from that place, from that place of feeling better, just watch out, because your next steps will be revealed to you. You'll be inspired. You will take steps from a better feeling place. And before you know it, you'll look around and realize you're not stuck. Have a beautiful week, my friends, and also, I almost forgot to mention, but the doors to the School of Self-Image are open right now, but we are closing soon.

So if you want to get unstuck, if you want to get clear, if you want to know what your next steps are, if you want support and tools and an amazing community, you're going to love this membership. You can head over to schoolofselfimage.com/join and I will see you inside. Take care. Cheers.

Hey, are you ready to transform your self-image but lack direction and support? If so, I'd like to invite you to join the School of Self-Image. This is an exclusive monthly membership where you'll create your own powerful before and after story. Through weekly classes and coaching, you'll learn powerful techniques on how to elevate the quality of your mindset, style, and surroundings, to change how you see yourself and create extraordinary results in your life. Head over to schoolofselfimage.com/join to learn more.