Life is like a boomerang. Whatever you throw out there is coming back at you. So, when you throw a lot of value out into the world, guess what’s going to come back to you? A lot of value. And that’s what this episode is all about.
Bonjour, and welcome to The French Kiss Life Podcast, where personal development meets style. I’m Tonya Leigh, certified master life coach and the hostess of this party, where we explore how to live artfully and well. Each week, I’ll be sharing inspiring stories, practical tips, and timeless wisdom on how to elevate the quality of your everyday and celebrate along the way. Let’s dive into today’s episode.
Well hello, beautiful friends. Gosh, it feels like I have not connected with you all in forever. Now, I know you’ve been getting a podcast every Wednesday, but I batched about three or four episodes. And so, I haven’t recorded one in quite some time. So, it’s so fun for me to be back in my studio recording an episode for you today.
I went on vacation with my dear friend Brooke and her family and me and my family. We all went to Lake Tahoe and it was so fun and so relaxing. And I had a chance to do a lot of reflection and introspection and a lot of journaling. And one of the concepts that became super-clear to me is what I want to talk to you about today. And it’s the concept of increasing your value.
Now, this is very different than your worth. You don’t have to increase your worth because you’re already worthy. There’s nothing to increase there. ow, I know a lot of times, we can think we’re not worthy. We can think we’re not deserving. We can have all of these negative beliefs about ourselves that really take away from our self-worth.
But we’re all worthy because we’re human. We’re here for a reason. You don’t have to do anything to prove your worth. You don’t have to do anything to be worthy. You’re just worthy because you’re an incredible human being.
And there are things that you can do that will increase your value, meaning what you have to offer the world, what you have to offer rooms that you walk into, what you offer your family and your friends. And so, in this episode, I want to talk about the concept of increasing your value.
One of the things that I’ve realized is that I spent a good decade of my life focused on the wrong thing. My focus was on trying to fix myself. And I wish I would have known then what I know now, because what I know now is that if you can take your focus off of trying to fix yourself, because there’s nothing to fix, you’re not broken, you’re an incredible human being. But if you could take that energy and place it on increasing your value, your life would explode in the most incredible ways.
Things really turned around in my life when I finally stopped trying to lose weight, when I stopped trying to be better, when I stopped trying to fix myself and I really focused on being a more valuable human being. That’s when I went back to school. I went to Boston University and got a liberal arts degree. I went to sommelier school because I wanted to learn about the world of wine. I started to study French. I started to travel more. I started to do all of these things that gave me so much more value in terms of the skills that I had, the knowledge that I had, the wisdom that I had.
And as I have done that over and over and over, again and again in my life, I have only increased my value, which makes me have so much more value to offer the world. And it really is like a boomerang. If you put value into the world, it’s going to come back to you.
Right now, I am teaching a class on the wealthy woman in my membership community. And this is one of the concepts that I’m teaching them. If you want to make more money, you need to provide more value. And this can be value in your job. It can be value in your business. It can be value in your communities.
But life really is like a boomerang. When you put value out into the world, it comes back to you. If you walk into a room full of people asking yourself, like, what value can I add? How can I support this person? How can I support this group of people? What can I offer them that will be of service? That energy is going to come back to you.
And sometimes, we don’t know how it’s going to come back. And that’s none of our busines. But what I do know is that when you provide value to the world, that value will come back to you. It’s just the way the world works. When I was working as a nurse, there were many years where I had burnout and I was resisting my job and I was telling myself that I shouldn’t be in this job. And when I was in that energetic state, I wasn’t showing up and providing the best value that I could provide.
I was basically just showing up and getting through a shift. And when I decided to turn that around, when I decided that I was going to make the best of the life that I had, I started to show up at my job differently. Like, how can I be a better nurse? How can I serve more? How can I add more value to my clients and to the doctors and to my fellow nurses?
And when I did that, it was crazy what happened, you all. Like, doctors started to request me to be the nurse for their patients. I started to have family members request me to be the nurse to their families. I had my fellow coworkers that wanted to work on my shift. I got a promotion because I showed up and I added more value.
When I think about my business, one of the things that I’ve been doing for years is showing up every single week, whether it was through my old school newsletter, through my blog, now through my podcast. And what I’ve noticed is that the more consistent I am, and the more valuable I become, meaning I learn more, I grow more, and therefore I have more to share with you all, that value comes back to me.
And the return of value is not always in the form of money. Yes, I am making more money now. Every year, I’ve increased my revenue because every year I become more valuable, meaning I’m learning more, I’m growing more, and I’m sharing that with my community, I’m sharing it with my family and my friends.
But it also comes back in the most unexpected ways. It might be the value of a new friendship. It might be the value of someone sending me a gift or a company saying, “Hey, I love what you’re doing. I want to share our product with you to see if you like it.”
How it comes back to us is none of our business, but what I do know is that this is how the world works. When you put value into the world, it comes back. If you put negativity into the world, that’s going to come back to you as well. And so, be mindful of what you’re throwing out into the world because it is like a boomerang. It is going to come back and hit you in the face. I want amazing things to be hitting us in the face.
And the most beautiful thing of this process for me is the energy in which now I am increasing my value. I used to be someone who tried to increase my value because I didn’t think I was valuable enough. I didn’t think I was good enough. And so, I was constantly trying to learn more and be more and prove myself because I didn’t feel enough.
Now, it’s so different. I feel like the best way to increase your value is to understand that you are already a worthy and valuable human being and you just want to grow that because you can. Just because this is your one life and you want to give life all you’ve got. It’s a very different energy in which to create your life from.
So, I’ve been paying close attention to my life recently. Like, I’m a spy looking in on myself. And I’ve been paying attention to two things specifically; the things that I engage with that decreases my value, and the things that I do and engage with that increases my value. And I want you to be thinking about this.
I want you, from a place of non-judgment and compassion for yourself just to notice, what are the things I’m currently doing that doesn’t really add value to my life, that doesn’t make me a more valuable person, that doesn’t grow me? And then, what are the things that you do do that increases your value?
So, for me, the things that I’ve noticed that decreases my value are things like hanging out with negative people. There’s no upside to that for me. The only upside for me is that it gives me an opportunity to work on my own brain. Because here’s the thing, no one can make you negative. It’s always your thinking about that person that makes you negative. But I do notice that when I’m around negative people, I start thinking negative thoughts and I just join them.
And could I become a person who’s in a room full of negative people and be on top of the world? Yes. But honestly, it just takes too much effort. I’d rather be using that effort and that energy to be increasing my value in other ways.
Now, inevitably, because we’re human beings with fellow human beings, we’re going to find ourselves in situations or in groups of people that it doesn’t feel like a good match. And even us, if we’re honest with ourselves, sometimes we can be negative, right? But I really strive to put myself in rooms full of positive people, people that are doing incredible things, people that are grateful for their lives, people that are excited about their future, people that, when faced with challenges, they don’t become the victim, but they’re always being the heroine of their own story.
So, for me, I’ve just noticed, if I spend too much time around negative people, I start to feel like I’m not growing. And so, for that reason, I do my best to not put myself in those situations.
The other things that I’ve noticed that decreases my value are things like overconsuming low-value content. Now, this is going to look different for everyone. I cannot tell you what low-value content is for you. But I know for me, it is spending too much time on social media.
To me, it really doesn’t add value to my life. It doesn’t challenge me. It doesn’t grow me. Every once in a while, I’ll stumble upon an article and I’m like, “Oh, that’s interesting,” and I’ll click on it and I’ll read it and I’ll be like, “Whoa, that just blew my mind.” But honestly, that’s pretty rare that I have those moments when I’m on social media.
Now, I will say connecting with my community and hearing about your challenges and your struggles and hearing about your celebrations, those things do add value to my life because it gives me something to think about, like, how can I serve you better? What are things that I can learn that will help you with your challenges?
But outside of that, I’ve just personally found that too much time on social media adds very little value to my life. Also, low-value content in terms of TV. Now, I’m not going to sit over her eon a high horse and tell you all that I don’t love some guilty pleasure TV.
Like, I could binge on Sex and the City all day. There are certain things that I watch that most people would look at and be like, “I don’t know that that’s high-value.” But I monitor myself. I don’t allow myself to stay in that place. And I feel like all of this is about moderation.
We’re probably all going to be on social media to some extent. We’re all going to watch some things that maybe isn’t, like, Oscar-worthy. But you have to just be mindful of it. If you’re overconsuming it and you’re avoiding doing the things that will add value to your life, it’s just something to pay attention to.
Also, things that don’t add value to my life – and this is more of a state. And I’ve noticed that if I ever get into this state, that I start to feel low-energy and I start to feel like I’m not growing. And that state is monotony. Monotony of doing the same things over and over again, hanging out with the same people, going to the same places, exposing myself to the same things.
There’s nothing to challenge me, to grow me in the monotony. And so, I have to shake things up often because if I don’t then I know that I’m not growing. And if I’m not growing, then I’m not becoming more valuable. Meaning, I’m not learning new things that I can then share with the world.
And then, there are things around self-care that I’ve noticed don’t add value to my life, for example, crappy foods, sedentary lifestyle, those things do not make me stronger. They don’t make me more valuable. And so, it’s something for us just to pay attention to.
So, I want you to be thinking about your daily life and what you are doing, who you’re hanging out with, what your routines are. And I just want you to ask yourself, are these high-value behaviors? Are these high-value routines? And if not, you’ve got to shake it up. Because if you started to focus on increasing your value and then sharing that with the world, it’s going to change your life.
So, now let me share with you some things that I’ve noticed do increase my value. And these are personal. It doesn’t mean that they will increase your value, although I think some of them will. But the point of this is for you to really start to think about, for yourself, what can you do to increase your value as a human?
So, the first one for me is studying and reading and learning. When I grow myself in terms of my knowledge, just by default, I have more knowledge to offer the world. So, I want you to be thinking about what are some things that you’re interested in? Or what are some things that you could learn about that would make you more valuable in the marketplace, that could make you more valuable in your home or in your communities. And start to carve out little moments in your day to learn these things and study these things. Because again, all they’re going to do is increase your value.
The other thing, for me, is travel and experiences. Every time I travel, I learn something new. I see the world in a new way. It shifts my perspective. I have new stories to tell. I have new insights that I didn’t have before. And this is me breaking up the monotony of life, which is why I think travel is one of the most incredible things that you can do.
Now, I know you may be thinking, “But Tonya, now is not the best time to be traveling.” But I want to challenge you that that may not be true. You don’t have to get on a plane and travel to new countries in order to put yourself into new environments and to have new experiences. Look for things that you can do within hours of where you live.
For me right now, I just heard about this incredible horse farm that’s about two and a half hours from where I live. And I’m thinking, what an incredible weekend that would be, to go up there with some girlfriends and just spend a weekend with horses.
I also just booked a table at this candlelight concert outdoors. It’s going to be Beethoven by candlelight at like 9pm in my city. And I’m going to invite some of my friends. But again, it’s a new experience that will expand my mind and help grow me and help add to my value.
Anytime you’re adding experiences and you’re shifting your perspective and learning new things, you’re increasing your value. So, what new experiences can you create in the life you have right now? And it could be you listening to a concert on YouTube. You could even do it from the privacy of your own home. But you’ve got to shake things up and grow yourself.
The other things that have increased my value as a human is definitely, by far, investing in coaching and programs. I will tell you, one of the best investments you will ever make is in investing in your own brain, investing in coaches and mentors that are going to challenge you to see yourself differently, that are going to challenge you when it comes to your own thinking.
It’s so funny, I don’t believe anything my clients say to me. I feel like that’s my job, right? If a client comes to me and they’re like, “Here’s all the reasons why I can’t do this,” I don’t believe them. I’m not going to fight for their limitations. I’m going to fight for their possibilities. And I will tell you, when you invest in a coach or a program that puts you in that energy and refuses to see you as anything less than extraordinary, it will grow you every single time.
The other thing that has increased my value is investing in learning new skills. Now, this is going to be different for all of us, depending on what you’re curious about, what you want to learn more about, what you’d love to be good at. But what are some skills that you are being called to learn that’s going to make you more valuable in your job, in your home, in your life?
You know, for me right now, I am learning about two things specifically. I’m increasing my skillset in business. I’m still learning how to be a better CEO, how to grow your team, how to lead a team. So, that’s one skillset that I’m learning that’s going to make me more valuable to my team.
But when it comes to my community, I’m sort of switching gears. You know, there are seasons for everything, right? And I’ve just been paying attention to a couple of things. One is what I’m being drawn to. Like, what excites me? What lights me up? What’s had the biggest impact in my life?
And I also pay attention to the things that I’m coaching my clients around and to the questions that I receive. And so, I’m deep-diving into the world of image and style right now. And this is a world that I’ve played in for such a long time. And I feel like, on a personal level, I have a strong sense of my own style and how I show up and the power of image and how it’s impacted my life.
But I want to increase my skillset so that I can be a better teacher to you all. It’s incredible what image can do for one. If you think about self-image, the way you see yourself, it’s creating your entire life. And so, that is something that I’m being drawn to really explore and to understand what creates a woman’s image and how she can elevate her image so that she can see herself as the extraordinary human that she is.
And so, that’s the season that I’m in. What season are you in? What are you being drawn to learn more about? What skills do you need to gain in order to be more valuable in your life?
And the way to think about this is, what do you want? What do you want to create in your life and what skillset do you need to have in order to create that? And then, make time for that in your everyday life, to get better at that thing that’s going to elevate the quality of your life and add value to your life.
The other thing that has definitely increased the value of my life is hanging out with other high-value people. Now, what I mean by that is a group of people who they’re constantly learning, they’re constantly growing, they constantly have more value to add to the conversation. This is the opposite of hanging out with a group of negative people.
And so, I love to put myself in rooms and around people who really are focused on growth and possibility and ideas. These are people that are celebrating the present and who are excited about the future, who are learning new things, who are exposing themselves to new ideas.
And whenever you do that, when you put yourself around these people, which inevitably is going to increase your value because they’re going to challenge you. They’re going to offer you a perception or an idea that maybe you had never considered before. So, who are you hanging out with, my friends?
The other thing that has increased my value, my sense of value and the value that I offer the world is investing in valuable things. Now, just like everything I’ve talked about, this is going to be dependent on what you value. But everything is energy.
And I’ve just found for me personally, when I invest in things that I value, I feel more valuable. I’m at a heightened energy. And so, for me, what this looks like is instead of going out and buying, you know, five handbags that are low-quality, investing in a quality beautiful handbag.
And here’s the thing. At the end of the day, it’s just material. It’s just a bag. But for me, it’s about how I feel when I’m carrying that bag, what I think about myself when I’m carrying the bag. It’s also about the story of that bag, where the inspiration came from for the designer who designed the bag. It’s an energetic vibe that that bag carries for me.
Now, it’s not going to carry that for everyone because we’re all so different. But I’ve just discovered for myself that when I invest in things that I value, it increases my personal value because of how I think about myself and how I feel, and therefore how I show up.
For some of you, that’s going to look different. For some of you, that might be investing in the best kitchenware. It might be investing in a trip. It might be investing in a piece of art. But are you investing in things that you value? Those things that when you look at, you just love? It’s investments that you don’t regret because you know that you purchased them because they are in alignment with your values. When you invest in things that you value, it actually increases your value.
And the final thing that I have noticed increases my value is investing in my self-care. It’s hard to be valuable when you’re not taking care of yourself. How can you put your best self out into the world when you’re not being your best self because you’re not taking care of yourself?
And so, for me, that comes down to the kind of foods that I eat, my routines and my rituals of how I take care of myself, exercising, getting enough sleep. When I do those things, they only increase my value, meaning they increase the energy in which I can show up in my life and the value which I can offer the world.
So, I want you to just pay attention in your everyday life to the activities and the behaviors that are decreasing your value and the ones that are increasing your value. And do more of those things that increase your value so that you can show up and offer that value to the world. Because remember, life really is like a boomerang. What you throw out there is coming back at you. I want you throwing your best self out into the world, knowing that the best is going to be coming back to you.
It is time for a J’adore, the part of the show where I get to share something that I love with you. Now, here’s a little warning about today’s J’adore. It’s a pretty serious one for my coffee lovers. Now, for those of you who have known me for a long time, you know that I am a coffee snob.
I will go to a city and search high and low for the best cup of coffee. I love whole beans that I grind. I have even shared with you on the podcast my favorite pour-over system. But my coffee game just got elevated to a whole new level.
So, I have to tell you the back story because it’s important. Because I was happy with my little pour-over system. But I had a friend who came to stay with me. She’s been here twice now. And she just got so sick and tired of my pour-over system She was like, “We are not doing this every morning.”
And so, when I came back from vacation, there was a gift for me. And it is my new coffee machine. And let me tell you, my mornings will never be the same. Seriously, best cup of coffee ever.
And I tell you that this is not for the faint of heart because this is a super-expensive system. But what I can tell you is that if you have a family or if you have visitors, I think it’s one of those worthy investments if you’re someone who is into coffee as much as I am.
Now that I’ve experienced it, I would buy it again and again just because it’s so good. I’ve had Nespresso machines. A Nespresso machine does not even compare to my Jura. That’s the name of it. It’s like a little coffee center. It’s like having a barista in my house.
It does a cappuccino. It does a flat white. It does a macchiato. It does just regular coffee. And you put the whole beans in there and it grinds them to perfection and the temperature is perfect. I’m so in love. My mornings will never be the same. I am for sure spoiled now when it comes to my coffee. I don’t even want to go out and get a coffee now because I don’t think I can find a coffee that’s as good as the one that my Jura makes.
So, if you’re a serious coffee lover – and I say that because you’ve got to be serious to make this investment, head over to frenchkisslife.com/jura and you can see the model that I have. She’s cute. She’s elegant. And I promise you, she makes the best cup of coffee. Have a great week, everyone, and I can’t want to see you in the next episode.
If you enjoyed this episode and you want to dive even deeper into the French Kiss Lifestyle, let’s start with a makeover; a mindset makeover. You can download my free training, The Three Mindset Makeovers Every Woman Needs, by visiting frenchkisslife.com/mindset. Because, after all, mindset is the new black.