“To be happy with yourself in the present moment while maintaining a dream of your future is a grand recipe for manifestation,” by Joe Dispenza
Bonjour, and welcome to The French Kiss Life Podcast, where personal development meets style. I’m Tonya Leigh, certified master life coach and the hostess of this party, where we explore how to live artfully and well. Each week, I’ll be sharing inspiring stories, practical tips, and timeless wisdom on how to elevate the quality of your everyday and celebrate along the way. Let’s dive into today’s episode.
Well hello, my beautiful friends. How is your week going? My week has been amazing and uncomfortable and all of the things, which is a part of change. It’s a part of growing it’s a part of creating. And so, I’m just all in. I’m like, “Bring all of it. I’m here for it.”
But I will say this. I went to dinner recently with a good friend of mine and I was so excited to see the human faces again in person. And I thought to myself, “I never want to take this for granted again.” Because how often have we gone out to dinner and really just didn’t even think much of it, didn’t really appreciate it, it’s just something we do?
And now, it’s just something that I’m so thankful for. And I think this whole period has just been asking me to look at, what have you taken for granted? All of the things. What have you not really paid attention to? What have you not really shown your appreciation for?
And so, I’m just so grateful right now for all of it. But the episode that I’m going to share with you today, I actually recorded several weeks ago and, for those of you that listen to the podcast regularly, you know that I took a week off, just because of the events that were happening in the world and it felt like the right thing to do. And I just didn’t feel like it was the right time for this episode.
But then, I started to think, it’s actually a perfect episode for everything that’s happening in the world because I want to talk with you about living from your future. Because what we often do is that we just constantly think the same thoughts and feel the same ways and do the same things and nothing ever changes.
And I’ve been asking myself this question a lot recently, like, who do I want to be on the other side of this? Who do I want to be at the end of 2020? And that requires us being willing to live from our future and break up with parts of ourselves that are holding us back. And that is uncomfortable. But it’s where growth happens. It’s where creation happens.
And so, I feel like this episode is so beautiful right now because no matter what you want to create, who you want to become, what you want to do, it’s going to require that you learn how to live from the future version of yourself that’s already created that. So, I hope you enjoy this episode.
It is time for a Community Spotlight. This is the part of the show where I get to highlight one of you who has benefitted from the French Kiss Lifestyle. And today’s spotlight is on LeisurelyHustling. By the way, I love that name, you know. She left a five-star review on iTunes that says, Favorite Podcast Ever.
Here’s what she said, “Tonya Leigh and the whole French Kiss Life community is my most favorite place to hang out. I’m obsessed with the podcast and have been known to sometimes binge on them when I’m on long drives. I’ve learned to accept and love who I am. I’m not broken, and it’s okay to be unapologetically me. Recently, I dove deeper with her Dream Atelier course and it was a gamechanger. Give FKL and Tonya Leigh a try. You won’t be disappointed.”
Well, thank you, LeisurelyHustling. I appreciate it. It’s so interesting, I’m recording this on the day that we have the celebration call for the Dream Atelier. And I’m so excited to celebrate how much progress you all made in 30 days, which is what the Dream Atelier is all about. It’s so fun.
So, listen, where’s my review? What in the world? If you have not left us a review on iTunes, head over there right now and let me know what you’ve enjoyed from the French Kiss Lifestyle.
In today’s episode, I want to talk about one of my favorite topics. And that is living from your future. When I look back over the last 10 years, plus-10 years, at where I was over 10 years ago to where I am now, it is this concept that has brought me to this point; living from your future.
Because, up until that point, I was like so many of my clients. I was living based on the past. So, if you think about what you’ve created up until this point was based on your belief system and your thoughts and your state of being, which impacts how you show up in the world, it impacts what you do and what you don’t do.
And so, what most people do is they look around at what is right now, which is based off of past thinking, and they try to create from that place. And it’s so hard. Why? Because we always come back to what we think. We always come back to our belief systems. And so, we try to create from a belief system that is based in the past, which doesn’t allow you to create a new future.
And so, years ago, I remember asking the question, what would it feel like if I lived in France? Because that was actually my big dream, back in the day. And believe it or not, now, it is not a big dream. I love visiting France. I want to spend a lot of time there. But I no longer want to live there. But, back then, I thought I did.
And so, I asked the question, like, what would my life feel like if I lived in France? And I started to wake up every day practicing that emotion, practicing being that woman. And from that energy, what ended up happening is that I ended up spending a lot of time in France.
So, I thought about it. I felt it. I showed up with my scarves on every single day. And I ended up attracting that future into my life, even though I didn’t live in France. I would spend weeks there. And I still do. And I created that from living from my future.
Now, imagine if I was living from my past, back in the day. I would have been in my life thinking about how it wasn’t possible because I’d never done it before, how it was silly because you shouldn’t dream that big. And that state of mind and being would have kept me from being open to the possibility that I could spend more time in France.
I see this with my clients as well. They’ll come to me and they’ll say things like, “I want to lose weight,” or, “I want to make more money.” But what they do is they try to create those results from the past, which doesn’t work because what they end up doing is having a lot of incongruence.
They’re taking action, but they’re taking action from the past, meaning they’re thinking thoughts from the past and they’re feeling familiar emotions from the past, which is why taking the action is so hard, because it’s based in the past versus really stepping into the future and asking yourself, “What would it feel like for me to have this result? Who would I have to become to have this result? What would I be thinking if I had this result? And then, how would I be showing up? What actions would I be taking if I had this result?”
And then, coming from that place, it’s the difference between trying to run away from something versus being pulled toward something. It’s the difference in feeling like you’re trying to drag your past with you versus letting the past go and then walking towards your future without all of that baggage. And I’ll tell you, it’s difficult because the brain loves familiarity and the brain is so freaked out by change.
And I’m experiencing this all of the time in my life, especially right now because I’ve made some really big decisions about the company and the business. And I find myself looking behind me at the way things have been and thinking, “Okay, let me look at that and try to figure out how to get there,” which is completely the wrong way to go about it.
I just need to look at where I want to go and start walking in that direction. But, of course, having a very human brain, I’m looking around and thinking, “What will people think?” All of the stuff that I coach you all around, I’m telling you, I deal with it all of the time myself.
It’s like, “Oh my goodness, are people going to be upset with me? What are people going to think?” And I’m like, “Wait, but the version of me who is sitting in that future that I see myself in, the version of me that’s created what I’m so excited to create and it’s done and it’s amazing, she’s not looking around and asking for permission. She’s not looking around to try to see if people are going to like it or not. She just walked into that future by living from her future.”
I remember when I decided, many years ago in my business, that I wanted to make six figures. And I remember just the internal conflict. It was like this split within me. There was the split of how it had always been and everything I had been taught to believe about money and my capability at making money, versus being pulled towards this future where making six figures a year, as a life coach, is possible, right?
And I remember distinctly having this shift and knowing deep down that if I were ever going to make six figures in my business, then I had to be a six-figure a year business owner and practicing that on a daily basis. Which meant, when I had those limiting beliefs come up, when I had the fear come up, I had to remind myself, “No, we’re living from the future.”
The future you that’s already made six figures a year, she’s not worried about making six figures. She’s already there. She’s not worried about spending money on a handbag. Like, you can go buy yourself one beautiful handbag a year. She’s already there.
And really, learning the skill of thinking on purpose from your future, feeling the feelings that you think you’re going to have in the future, and therefore showing up and practicing the actions of your future was mind-blowing to me. And then, to see if you do this on a daily basis and just really hold true to it and have faith in it, how you will create that future for yourself.
I have so much evidence that this is how it works and I’ve seen it with my clients. It’s just how the world works. And yet, even knowing that, my brain wants to tell me, “But this time it’s going to be different. This is bigger, my friend.” That’s’ what the brain does.
The brain is like, “Oh no, it may have worked all those other times, but this time, it’s going to be different.” But it’s not. And I know it. I’m onto my brain. I’m like, “No, brain.” It’s just a different flavor. And me making it so big in my brain doesn’t serve me.
I’m like, “No, it’s the same thing. It always has been the same thing.” Living from your future doesn’t matter if you’re trying to make six figures a year, if you’re trying to reach a million women. It’s just digits. What is always consistent is if you really feel your future now, you draw it to you.
And so, when I’m thinking about my future, one of the questions that I love to ask is, “What decisions does that woman make?” Such a good question because I know some of you struggle with making decisions, right? You’re indecisive, which causes you to feel stuck. Then you make decisions, then you doubt your decisions, which keeps your stuck as well.
Because everything is energy, so the moment you doubt your decision, you don’t have your energy behind it. It’s like you don’t have your own back. But when I’m thinking about my future and living from my future, one of the questions that I love to ask myself is, “Let’s decide from that place.”
A great example of this is I recently made a big hire in our company. And I remember when I was thinking about the decision, there was the part of my brain that naturally was freaking out because it’s a big investment. And that part of my brain, if I were to allow it to run my business, it would not be good, my friends because she loves to be anxious. She loves to worry. She loves to focus on the worst-case scenario.
And I know that about that part of my brain. But that part of my brain is locked up in the past and is so freaked out by the future. But then there’s the other part that lives in the future. And that part knows it’s all okay. that part knows that I have to be willing to make the big decisions in order to create what I want.
I mean, if you think about it, if you want a big audacious and beautiful life, you’ve got to be willing to make big and audacious and beautiful decisions. And so, I just decided, I’m like, “The future me definitely invests in this. It’s like a no-brainer. She’s like, done.”
And so, I did. And then I decided I’m going to feel amazing about it. I didn’t doubt my decision. I didn’t second guess it. I didn’t sit around regretting it. I just decided and said, “We’re going to make this work. I’m going all in on the decision.”
And to me, that’s what it feels like to live from your future. It’s such a fun creative process versus reacting to what is and living from your past. Because if you keep thinking the same thoughts and feeling the same ways and doing the same things based on your past, you’re just going to keep recreating your past.
So, to create that future that you want, you’re going to have to live from that place, meaning be the woman who is living that future now. And I will say this, as fun as it is – and just to hear me talk about it, you’re probably thinking, “Oh yeah, this is great. I love this idea.”
But in acting it, in practicing it, I will tell you, it’s super uncomfortable because you’re going to have to make some very uncomfortable decisions. Plus, the brain doesn’t like change. But in order to create that future, you’re going to have to change the way you think, change the way you show up, change the decisions that you’re making.
But here’s the thing. It’s just a feeling; a feeling we can manage. That’s what I always tell myself. I’m like, “I can manage a feeling.” Do you know, what I can’t manage is regret. I mean, I could manage it, but it’s just not a feeling that I want to manage.
I want to know that I have lived my life as boldly and audaciously as possible. And so, in order to do that I’m going to have to experience the discomfort of living from the future versus the familiarity of living from the past. We get to choose. And what I know is that, if you want to create something you don’t yet have, it’s going to require that you live from that future place.
And that future place is uncertain. It’s the mystery of life. But when you’re willing to step into that place, to me, that’s where all of the magic happens. That’s where all of the miracles take place.
And so, for you, I want you to think about, what is something that you want to create in your life? And just pick one thing. Maybe it’s making more money. Maybe it is growing your business. Maybe it is losing weight for good. Maybe it’s being with the love of your life. Maybe it’s living in a certain city.
It doesn’t matter. Just pick one thing and give yourself the beautiful experience of going into the future and visualizing yourself being in that result, whatever it is. And I want you to just notice who you are being in that future. Like, when you imagine you having that result and your visualizing you living in that result, what do you see? What are you wearing? How are you thinking? Who are you having out with? What kind of conversations are you having? What decisions are you making? What do you believe in that future that you don’t believe right now?
And, most importantly, how are you feeling? Because it’s the feeling that we’re always after. And then, the work is to come back to the now and to practice living from that place versus looking around behind you and trying to drag that along with you, which is what a lot of us do, myself included.
And I know I’m doing it because it feels heavy, because I’m trying to carry something that doesn’t belong in that future. And that is how you live from your future. You think like her. You feel like her. You dress like her. You eat like her. You show up like her. You go to the places that she would be going to. You make decisions like her.
And if you do that over time, you end up attracting that future into your life because, to attract something, you must be a match for it. You will always, always come back to what you believe about yourself and what you believe about the world.
So, practice believing in that future. Practice being that future version of you in the life you have right now. Live from your future, my friends.
If you enjoyed this episode and you want to dive even deeper into the French Kiss Lifestyle, let’s start with a makeover; a mindset makeover. You can download my free training, The Three Mindset Makeovers Every Woman Needs, by visiting frenchkisslife.com/mindset. Because, after all, mindset is the new black.