Maximizing Moments

Have you ever wondered why some moments feel magical while others slip by unnoticed and a blur of to-dos and distractions? The truth is, life doesn't need to be bigger to feel better. It needs to be more fully lived. When you learn how to truly maximize your moments, you unlock more joy, more clarity and confidence in your every day. So grab your coffee, take a breath, and let's dive in.

Welcome to the School of Self-Image, where personal development meets style. Here's your hostess, master life coach, Tonya Leigh.

Hello, hello, friends. Welcome to this episode. And let me just start out by saying I am so grateful and so happy to be recording this episode because it's about maximizing moments and it was inspired by a very scary event that happened to me last week.

Here's what happened. I was boarding a flight from Charlotte to Boston and it was raining. It wasn't raining terribly. I didn't think anything of it. I've taken off and much, much worse. And so we take off and we are about 20 minutes into our flight, so I'm going to guess maybe we were 15, 20,000 feet in the air when suddenly out of nowhere, this huge... It sounded like an explosion happens. And out of the corner of my eye, I see this flash of red light and then the plane shakes. And of course people were screaming. Now, I didn't scream because my body just shut down. I just became super, still super silent, and I grabbed Fonz's hand and I'm thinking, "This is it. This is it. We're going down. We are going down." Now, my daughter was with us, but she was three rows behind us. And so I turned to her to try to offer her some comfort, try to help her in some way, but the reality is there was nothing I could do, nothing I could do.

And so what ended up happening is the plane just kept ascending and every moment we stayed in the air, the happier I was for life itself. Now, about 30 minutes later, which felt like a lifetime, the pilot comes over the intercom and says, "Well, folks, in case you're wondering what happened, we got struck by lightning and one of our engines stalled, but we are back to 100% and we are on our way to Boston." And let me just tell you, hearing his voice and the calm in his voice and his assurance that we're still going to Boston just filled me with a feeling I don't even know how to describe. It was so full, so expansive.

Now, still, I'm a little nervous because my daughter is texting me on the plane. She was like, "Are we sure the electricity didn't go out on the wheels and we're able to land this thing?" So until we got on the ground, I still was a little bit nervous. My brain, of course, was taking me to the worst case scenario, all of us. However, when we landed, I told them, I'm like, "We right now are the happiest people in Boston." And I was so happy the entire weekend. I feel like I became more present to life.

And I already feel like I'm a woman who's full of gratitude. I practice staying present, but this was a presence that I haven't felt in a long, long time. I was noticing every little thing. I was noticing the birds as we were eating at a restaurant. I was noticing the drops of rain. I was noticing things that usually go unnoticed. And I realized I was maximizing my moment. I was maximizing every moment that I was in Boston. And I thought to myself, "Okay, God, if you try to get my attention through a bolt of lightning, it worked. You woke me up. You woke me up to what really, really matters," because in life, a lot of things can vie for our attention. And there are a lot of things that are important.

We all want to live beautiful lives. We all want to have the money to do the things that support our lives and to help other people. We want to have little luxuries that make every day a little more fun, a little bit more comfortable. For some of us, we want our businesses to grow. For some of us, we want to be able to have more time to spend with our families. Everybody's wants are different, but when you have moments like that, it really wakes you up to what you really, really value and what's most important, because let me tell you all what I wasn't thinking about when that lightning hit the plane, I was not thinking about the stock market and my 401k. I was not thinking about my house. I was not thinking about my business, which is interesting because my business is so important to me.

Now, I will tell you one afterthought that I had. After that happened was while we were still in the air, I was thinking, "Oh, my God, if that would've happened, what would've happened to my business? Who would've come in because me and Sarah were on the plane? Who would come in and just make sure all of my clients were okay?" So I did run that scenario, but the immediate one was just me thinking about my family, the people I'm closest to and my life itself. And I realized how we often take that for granted, how we just take it for granted that our family's going to be there, that our life is going to be here. And I realized literally in a flash how quickly it can go because it felt like that was about to be my fate.

Now, it may sound like I'm being dramatic, and I absolutely am because since then, I've become somewhat of an aviation expert, and I've discovered that a plane typically gets hit one to two times a year by lightning. So it's not uncommon and they're built for it. And I'm just sharing this as a little side note because maybe some of you all are afraid of flying and I do not want to scare you more. In fact, I told Fonz and Sarah, I was like, "This should make us feel more safe than ever to fly, knowing that a plane can handle a bolt of lightning and just keep on going, keep on trucking to its destination." But I will say, in that moment, I thought, "This is it," and it just woke me up.

And so I want to talk about how to maximize moments, how to make a moment feel full and expansive because, again, that's how I felt in Boston. I was so alive and it felt so good. And so let's start this conversation out by first talking about how we minimize our moments. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I've been comparing how I have really felt since Boston with how I was feeling before because I have brought this feeling back with me, you all. It was actually a gift now that I think about. It didn't feel like it in the moment. Again, I can't describe how scary this was, but I'm going to stop talking about that and talk about the topic of this episode.

One of the ways that we minimize a moment is by focusing on fear and worry of the future. And more than ever, this is what I'm seeing. I'm seeing it in my clients. I'm seeing how my own brain wants to focus on things I can't control and worry about things. And in the moment, when I thought this was it, I was not thinking about the economy. I wasn't thinking about any of that. It really made me focus on what is most important in my life, and it's life itself. As long as I have my life, I have possibility. I have my family and my friends.

And so one of the ways that we minimize our moments is by focusing on things that we cannot control and letting our brains take over with scary, scary stories. Right now, if you go on any news network, I don't care which one you look at, it's a lot of fear. It's a lot of panic. And one side's panicking over something and the other side is panicking over something else. It's designed that way on purpose. And so if you want to maximize your moments, stop buying into the social construct that wants us to be in fear and panic all of the time. I want you to think about the things that make you feel constricted because when I think about maximizing, I picture expansion. I picture fullness. I picture this light that just comes from our soul. So anything that dims your light, anything that makes you feel constrictive, anything that feels heavy is the opposite of maximizing.

So how do we solve for this? And the best way to solve for focusing on things outside of your control and worrying about the future or regretting the past is deep presence, being fully here, being fully aware of what is going on around you. It's you being in this moment.

I was just coaching a client yesterday actually in the membership who's full of a lot of worry right now, and I invited her to do an exercise that I often do for myself. And it's coming back to this moment and just noticing, what is happening around you right now? Not what is happening in your brain, but just noticing what is taking place around you. So if we all do this right now, what do you notice? Well, I notice I'm in front of my two computer monitors. I notice that the walls are this white. I'm in my new studio, which is very cozy. I look out the window and it's a beautiful day. It's gorgeous. There is not a cloud in the sky. I notice my coffee cup. I notice that my phone is right here beside me. I mean, I could keep going on and on, but my body is relaxing. The more I just come back to this moment, to this moment right here, because when you are present, you'll realize you're okay, in this moment without all of the mental drama, you are okay.

When I was on that plane, I was present. I was looking around, I'm like, "Are we here? Are we still in the air? Where's my daughter? Oh, there she is. She's looking at me." I looked at Fonz. I was so present. And then my brain would get involved and it would start worrying again, but then it would come back and be like, "Oh, my gosh, we are still in the air. We're still here." So learn to be present.

One of the ways that we minimize moments too is by not being here. Just this morning, I've made a pledge to myself that I want to spend less time on my phone. And I've done a better and better job, but I still think there are opportunities to grow in this area. And so I go and make my cup of coffee and I sit down to play backgammon with Fonz because we always play a game or two in the morning before I get started with work. I'm playing with him and he picks up his phone to start texting someone, and I was like, "Babe, can you just be here with me? Is that an emergency? Can that wait?" And he put it away, and we were just with each other in that moment and it felt so beautiful. So often we minimize moments by multitasking and being on our phones, and it just takes us out of this moment, this moment. And so learn how to be present.

Another way that we minimize our moments is by focusing on lack, by focusing on what we don't have. And just notice how that feels in your body. That's how you'll know if you are maximizing or minimizing your moments. You will notice by how you feel. And so, again, if it feels constrictive, if it causes you to want to fold in on yourself, that's a sign that you're minimizing your life. You're minimizing moments. And so think about how often in your day you're focused on what you don't have, what you don't want. And what is the opposite of that? It is deep appreciation. It is deep gratitude.

And why this is so important is that in life, everything is energy. Everything is responding to your energy. And so many people want things to go in a certain direction, and yet their energy is going into the opposite direction. And so not only do you feel better when you are maximizing your moments, but you show up differently. You find different opportunities that are hanging out on that frequency. And so, again, when we were in Boston, I was so grateful for every little thing. I was so grateful for our Uber driver. I was so grateful for the food. That first meal that we had once we landed, I have never been so grateful. I was like, "Oh, my God, this is the best tasting meal. I am so happy right now."

Now, I want to honor that in life, there are going to be times when things aren't going our way, and there are times we're going to feel lack, we're going to feel constrictive, but I also want to honor that in those moments, if you pay attention, if you pay attention to what really matters most, you're going to notice that there are a lot of things that are going well for you. Pause and notice what's already good. It could be the scent in the air. It could be the color of your tea, the way the sunlight hits the floor. It could be the fact that you have your health. It could be your loved one sitting beside you, smiling. Train your brain to focus on what is going well and right, and whisper, thank you, not because everything is perfect, but because something is.

What I have noticed is that appreciation expands the moment. It roots you in richness even when life feels simple or strained. The practice of appreciation will change your life. So ask yourself this, what can I appreciate about this moment right now? And do this often because if you don't, just because of the way the brain is wired, it is going to constantly focus on what you're lacking or what it perceives you're lacking. It's going to focus on what it thinks is not going well and right. And that is where your energy is going to be going, and it's going to minimize your moments. It's going to cause you to collapse in on yourself. It's going to cause you to feel heavy and constricted.

The other thing with maximizing moments is to maximize what you already have. This is such an important one because, again, we often focus on what we don't have instead of looking around at what we do have and learning to maximize it. I just finished teaching my six-month program called The Style Experience, and this showed up a lot. There was this tendency to want to go out and buy more clothes, and I encouraged all of the participants. I'm like, "Listen, let's not do that right now. Let's use what you already have. Let's maximize it."

We live in a culture where it's all about consuming, consuming, and it's never enough, and most of our consumption is built on lack. And notice, when you continue to consume on the energy of lack, how your life feels heavier, how it feels more constricted. Maybe you're going into debt, maybe you have so much stuff, your space literally feels cluttered. When you learn to take what you already have and maximize it, maximize it by appreciating it, being present with it, learning to use it, not save it for one day when or just buy it, and it just sits in your closet, you begin to experience the fullness of your own life.

This also reminds me of a post I just read from one of our members of the School of Self-Image who went through my Wealthy Woman course, and she talks about how she has had a 700% increase in her net worth. Now, when women start to think about money, a lot of times our brains go to lack and we start focusing on what we don't have and how we need to go out there and get more. But what she did, and it's part of what I teach in the Wealthy Woman, is focusing on what you already have and maximizing it.

One of the things that she did is she thought about her home and she did some renovations and put in some sweat equity and increased the value of her home significantly. She also realized that she had a insurance policy, a term insurance policy, that she could convert into a cash value policy with very little money each month, and it gave her $293,000 in cash value. That's an example of focusing and maximizing what you already have, getting creative, thinking outside of the box versus just sitting around and shrinking in this idea that you don't have what you need in this moment. One is going to lead to discoveries and results that will expand your life. The other one is going to lead to you feeling paralyzed and shutting down and creating more of what you don't want.

Maximizing what you already have in order to maximize your moments really fits into the philosophy that I have believed in and I've taught for years, which is blooming where you're planted. Now, yes, you can plant yourself somewhere else, but the best way to do that is to make here so full that you outgrow it, and then you decide from a place of love, from a place of excitement, from a place of possibility to go and plant yourself somewhere else.

Now, the final thing that I want to say about maximizing your moments, it's really about you planning and investing your time in what really matters. We minimize our moments. We minimize our lives by being reactive, by living by default, by picking up our phones and scrolling, even though that adds no value to our lives, by focusing on things that take away our energy, by letting ourselves just go through life like a robot, and then we wonder, why do I feel so unfulfilled? Why do I feel so heavy? Why do I feel like I can't get ahead? Well, are you planning and investing your time wisely? You really need to decide what do you value, number one. That's one of the first things that I have members do, and that's how we begin to plan out everything, what's important to you?

I realized when I was in Boston, one of the reasons why it felt so full is that I was so full of gratitude and I was so present, but I was also honoring my values, what's most important to me. That's where I was investing my time over that weekend, and I continue to do that in my day-to-day life, and it's why I feel like my life feels so full. And this is not fancy out of the ordinary things that I'm doing. It's just for me, am I taking the time to light candles? Am I taking time to take care of me? Am I taking the time to set the table? Because beauty is one of my core values. Am I taking the time to notice the beauty that's around me? When I do that, life feels maximized. It feels full.

Also, connection is very important to me. So am I, first of all, connecting with myself on a daily basis? Am I connecting with the people who really mean the most to me? And that's why I get so much fullness from spending time with Fonz and my parents and my daughter and my family and my closest friends. It's also why I love spending time in our community because I really love our community. I find it so fun to get in there and connect and to see what's going on and to see how I can support.

And then the other one for me is inspiration. And I do not get inspired by doom scrolling. I don't get inspired by the news, which is why I limit my time doing those things. I get inspired by good books. I get inspired by getting out and going for walks. I'm inspired by great conversations, learning new things, by traveling. And so that's where I want to invest my time. And when you begin to invest your time in what truly matters, you are going to start to feel so much more expansive, so much more full of light, so much more energetic. You're going to have a vibrancy about you and you will begin to maximize your moments.

So each morning, ask yourself, where do I want to invest my time today? Where will I invest my time that will have the biggest ROI on my life? And you need to make sure that you're investing in things that mean the most to you that you value because if you value family and yet you're spending little time with your family, you're going to feel like life is lacking that richness that you crave. If you value adventure and yet day after day you are going through the same motions, going to the same places, doing the same things, you're going to feel a split energy within you, and it's going to feel as if your life is being minimized. And so invest your time in what you truly value. Don't just spend it on things that don't have a ROI, but invest it in your future self and your values and your dreams and your peace.

I know a lot of us think that we need more time, but the reality is you don't need more time. You just need more aliveness in the time you already have. When you are appreciative of this moment, when you are present with it, when you are investing your time in the things that really matter and you're making the most of what you already have, you don't just live the moment, you elevate it.

Have a beautiful, beautiful week, my friends, and I will see you in next week's episode. And again, I'm just so grateful, I am so grateful to be here with you all.