My 2024 Gift to You

Happy, happy holidays my friends. I was thinking this morning, if I could walk up to your door and hand you a gift, what would that gift be? And that's exactly what I'm handing you in today's episode. This is my 2024 gift to you. So let's dive in.

Welcome to the School of Self-Image, where personal development meets style. Here's your hostess, master life coach, Tonya Leigh.

Hello, hello my dear friends. This episode is coming out on Christmas Day. Happy holidays, my friends. Merry Christmas. This morning I spent a lot of time journaling and it was after me walking to my coffee maker, which I love doing every morning. Does anybody else go to bed at night just excited about that first cup of coffee in the morning or am I the only one? I get so excited. But I was walking to my coffee maker and I just had this overwhelming sense of just abundance, just feeling so grateful, feeling so just in awe of my life.

And I thought to myself, "I want every woman to feel this. I want every woman to have this experience." And so I thought about if I could gift you anything, what would it be? I mean, it would be fun to think about being able to gift you all an amazing something, handbag, car, whatever you love. But we've had millions of downloads, and so that's not possible right now. Not to say it can't be possible in the future, but there's something even better than a physical gift. And it's a mindset shift. It's a state of being shift. And if I could give you anything this year, if I could walk up to your door, knock on it and give you a box and you open it, this year, I would want that gift to be an abundant self-image.

So much of my coaching revolves around scarcity. There seems to be this perpetual sense of not enoughness. In fact if you think about the things that you're struggling with right now, can you drill it down to scarcity? Maybe there's not enough time, there's not enough money. Maybe it's, "I don't have enough confidence, or there's not enough good men in the world." Oftentimes what we are challenged by and struggling with is not enoughness. That tends to be the root cause of a lot of our suffering. And I want to offer you that that is just a thought. What you focus on grows. So the more you focus on not enough, that's what you tend to see.

But an abundant self-image is that version of you who's always looking for where she's enough, where there's enough, and being excited about more to come. I look at this in practice. I look at this in my life. And this morning, this is what I was journaling about because I was looking around at where I am in my life right now, and I realized that I have gotten here by looking for the enoughness in the moments in my life where my brain tried to tell me that there wasn't enough.

But by refocusing and putting my energy into looking for opportunities, looking for enough in terms of time, looking for enough in terms of love has helped me to compound that into my reality, into my experience. And so that's what I want to offer you. I want this to be my 2024 gift to you, an abundant self-image.

Here's what I wrote in my journal this morning. I wrote, "An abundant self-image is the deep knowing that your worth is expansive, regenerative, and not dependent on external validation or accomplishments. It's recognizing that you are a wellspring rather than a finite resource." Then I broke it down. I wrote, "At your core, it's understanding that your value isn't a zero-sum game. It's recognizing that you're not stealing from others by claiming your spot in the world. It's knowing that your potential isn't limited by your past or current circumstances. It's believing that growth and self-acceptance can coexist."

In terms of your relationship to others, I wrote, "It's seeing yourself as adding to rather than taking from any space you enter. It's understanding that celebrating others doesn't diminish your light. It's knowing that asking for what you need doesn't deplete what's available for others. It's recognizing that your success creates possibility for others."

And then when it comes to our resources, it's viewing your energy, your time, and your talents as renewable rather than depleting. It's understanding that your self-worth generates more self-worth. It's seeing opportunities as abundant rather than scarce. It's believing that there's enough success, love and recognition for everyone. So that's a general overview of how I see an abundant self-image showing up in our lives.

But I started to think about, "What does this look like in practice?" And here's what I wrote. "In terms of your physical presence, it's you taking up space without shrinking or apologizing. It's you wearing clothes that feel good rather than waiting to deserve them. It's you moving through the world with ease rather than constant self-consciousness. It's showing up in photos rather than hiding from them."

Let's talk about our professional life. It's you sharing ideas and meetings with confidence without saying, "You know what? This might sound stupid, but..." How many of us do that? That comes from a lack of self-worth and a lack of confidence. It's you negotiating your compensation based on value, not fear. It's you accepting compliments with a simple thank you instead of deflecting. It's pursuing opportunities without needing to feel 100% qualified.

And then there's relationships. To me, an abundant self-image sets boundaries without excessive explanation or guilt. It's sharing achievements without minimizing them. How often do we do that? We don't want to make people uncomfortable, but we're so excited for what we've accomplished and we want to share out of a place of just excitement. We want to share out of a place of, "Hey, maybe this will inspire you." But so often we hold back because we're so afraid of what other people will think. "They'll think that I'm arrogant. They'll think that I'm better than."

Now if that's why you're sharing, probably you shouldn't. But if you're sharing from a place of, "I am just so proud of myself. And maybe just maybe by me sharing this, it'll inspire someone else." That's a very different energy. It's you allowing others to care for you without you feeling like you are being a burden. How often does someone offer to help you? And deep down you know you want it, you know that you need it. And even if you allow this person to do it, you may feel guilt. You may feel this sense of, "I'm being a burden to this person."

But when you have an abundant self-image, when you see enoughness in the world, you also see other people through that lens. You see them through the lens of, "You know what? They have enough to offer me," and the enoughness just grows. It's also you being genuinely happy for other people's success without feeling diminished or envious. Now, I always say that envy is just revealing to you that something you may want for yourself. But I will tell you, even way back in the day where I wasn't as successful as I am now, I was always so happy for the people around me who were successful. When my closest friends have been killing it and I'm back here just chugging along, I have genuinely been so stoked for them because I know that their success doesn't take away from mine.

I can look at them and look at it through the lens of, "You know what? They're paving the way. They're showing me what's possible. To me, they are proving the enoughness that I am wanting, that I am looking for." And so I challenge you when you see another woman being successful, celebrate her, cheer her on. I am such a believer that life is like a boomerang. What you throw out, comes back to you. So when you throw out genuine celebration, genuine happiness, genuine support, that's going to come back to you in the most unexpected ways. But it does work that way.

It's also you expressing needs directly instead of hoping others will guess them. How often do we get so irritated with our partners? You're like, "Oh, I really just wish that they would read my mind and do what I need them to do." No to me, an abundant self-image is you having the understanding of what you need and articulating that in a way that others then understand it and then they get to choose whether they comply or not. But to me, that's an abundant self-image. It's not setting yourself up for disappointment, it's not holding unspoken expectations and then them not being met and you being further frustrated.

Now, in terms of our inner experience, the daily practice of an abundant self-image looks something like this. Treating yourself with the same grace that you extend to the friends that you love the most. I always say treat yourself like your own best friend. It's you viewing your mistakes as data points rather than character flaws.

Listen, we are all going to make mistakes, every single one of us. It's part of life, it's part of learning. But all too often I see women making mistakes and they make it mean something about them. Something's wrong with them versus them viewing it as, "Oh wait, this is just how life goes. This is how I learn." It's also you holding multiple truths. This is something we talk a lot about in the School of Self-Image because a lot of women come into the membership thinking that they're broken and that's why they're there.

And the first thing I clear up for them is like, "Wait, wait, wait. You're not broken. That thought is broken, but you at your core, you're enough, and you're here because you want to grow, you want to become even more." And so holding multiple truths of I am enough and I want to grow, to me is what it feels like to have an abundant self-image. It's also you feeling secure even when receiving criticism.

We had a leadership team meeting at my house, I don't know, last month I think it was. And one of the things that we had to do is go around and share one positive, one strength of each person and then one weakness of each person. And to my surprise, I think this is just a reflection of how much growth I've had because that kind of situation years ago would have had me drink tequila at 12:00 because I'd be so afraid of what someone was going to say about me. But I was actually excited and I was more excited to hear about the weaknesses because I know that I'm enough. Yes, I'm a human, I have weaknesses, many of them I'm aware of, but maybe there are some that I'm not. And so by them being revealed to me, it just means to me that, "Oh my gosh, this is an opportunity to grow, to become even better, to become even more of who I know I can be."

And so how often do you avoid criticism because of insecurity? And what is the result of that in your life? And this is why when you feel like you are enough and you know that deep in your core, you can take criticism. You're like, "Okay, good to know. Thank you, I appreciate it." I also see the inner experience of an abundant self-image as trusting your intuition alongside external input because we all have this amazing gift of intuition. It is speaking to us all day every day. But all too often we put our lives in other people's hands by, "Tell me what I should do? What do you think?" And while that can be very valuable data, we always need to run it through our own self to see how it feels for us. Because we all have different value systems. We all have different desires of what we want for our lives. And so even though it may be the best advice, it may not be the best advice for you.

And then when it comes to decision-making, it's you choosing based on what lights you up rather than what you think you should do. Should comes from lack, it comes from scarcity. Choosing based on what lights you up, that's such an abundant energy. Can you feel it even as I'm talking about it? There is an expansiveness to that where the other one, it just feels heavy and it keeps you small. It's also taking risk without needing guaranteed success. This is a big one. I find so many women will come to me and they're like, "I really want to do this, but I want to know that it's going to work out." And I'm like, "There is no guarantee to that." But when you feel enough, you also know that you're enough to handle disappointment and potential failures along the way. And it's also you saying no without needing to manufacture an excuse. No is enough.

And then when we think about finances, because often when I say the word abundant, people's brains immediately go to how much money are we talking about? And I just want to say that there are people out there with a lot of money who don't feel abundant. I've also noticed in my own life, the more scarcity I felt, the more money I would spend and the more I would create the external expression of what I was feeling inside. And so I always love to think about abundance as an internal experience that then becomes a reflection in the outside world.

But if we want to talk about money specifically, I see abundance as you saving money as self-care rather than from scarcity. There's a different energy of like, "I need to save, I need to hoard because you just never know." Versus, "I need to save because I want to take care of my future self."

It's also you being willing to walk away from opportunities that don't align. I've done this on several occasions and I have left a lot of money on the table when people were coming to me saying, "You should really consider doing this. This is making a lot of money in the coaching industry." And it just didn't feel right for me. It didn't feel aligned with the vision that I have for the School of Self-Image. It didn't feel aligned for my own value system. And so even though maybe I left a lot of money on the table, I get to go to bed at night feeling really good about myself, feeling abundant in the truest sense of the word. To me, it's also about investing in your personal growth without needing to justify every penny. And that's going to look different for all of us. But there is something to be said for the woman who sees herself as valuable enough to invest in, whatever that looks like for her.

It's also making major purchases without needing to over explain or apologize. You get to make them just because you want to. And as long as you like your reason for what you are purchasing, that's all that matters.

In terms of income, it's viewing wealth as a tool for impact rather than a measure of worth. So often we place people's worth alongside how much money they make. I think that's so crazy to me. I have friends who are on all spectrums of the income skill and they're all equally worthy in my eyes. They're all beautiful humans who just have different values. They have different ways that they want to live their lives, but they're all equally beautiful and loving and fun. But how often do we look at someone and we equate their worth with how much money they make or how much money they have.

It's also you seeing other people's financial success as proof of what's possible. And it's also believing that there's always more money to be made, always. They keep printing it off every single day. And yet we feel so much scarcity around it, like someone getting, it's taking away from us, but there's always money out there available to be made.

In terms of spending to me, an abundant mindset is fine quality items without feeling guilty. It's spending on our health and our well-being as a priority, not a luxury. It's treating financial planning as an act of self-care. It's being generous without depleting yourself. And what I mean by that is oftentimes, especially around this time of year, we overspend out of guilt. We overspend out of a sense of obligation. It's not genuine because we know at the end of the month when we get that credit card bill, we're not going to like how it feels, but we're doing it for the wrong reasons.

And so it's finding your balance of how can I be generous in a way that feels really good to me? At the end of the day, an abundant self-image is a woman who sees herself as enough, who sees the world as having enough and who shows up in that state of enoughness. And if I could give you anything this year, it would be for you to step into the self-image over the next 365 days and just watch what happens to your life. Watch how excited you are. Watch how many opportunities start to come your way. Notice how you begin to think about money differently. Notice how you show up in rooms. Notice how there is always enough and notice how you are enough as you are right now. I hope you all have a beautiful, beautiful holiday. Happy New Year, and I cannot wait to see you in 2025. Take care everyone. Cheers.