Quiet Power: The Secret of Women Who Hold Their Own

Have you ever met a woman who barely says a word yet somehow she commands the entire room? She doesn't demand attention, she simply owns it. She doesn't force respect. She naturally receives it. Well, what's her secret? It's not about being the loudest or the most dominant. It's about the power of presence, certainty and unshakable self-trust. Today we are uncovering the art of quiet power, how to hold your own influence without force and become a woman who is truly undeniable. Let's dive in.

Welcome to the School of Self-Image, where personal development meets style. Here's your hostess, master life coach, Tonya Leigh.

Hello, hello my beautiful friends. I am so excited about today's topic because I think some of you are going to be able to relate to what I'm about to share. I've been thinking a lot lately about leadership and what it really means to be powerful.

And I think about my own journey. For many years, people have translated my quietness, my softness, my more feminine energy as a weakness. I have had people in the industry, I've had women in the industry tell me that I should be more masculine, that I should be more dominant, and if I would just be more over the top, I could be more successful. And I know deep down inside, that's just not who I am. And yet, I understand the pressure to be different to fit other people's narrative. I understand the pressure to appear a certain way so that you can create better results. But I've come to understand that if you are trying to be something that your soul is not in with, if you are trying to be powerful in a way that doesn't feel true to you, there is going to be misalignment. And anytime you are misaligned, you lose your power.

So in today's episode, I am speaking to the women who are quiet and yet powerful. But perhaps you have been told that you need to be louder, that you need to be more dominant, that you need to be aggressive in order to be successful. And today I'm challenging you that all you need is that quiet confidence in yourself. I think about someone that we probably all have heard of and how she would present in audiences. She would walk out on the stage in front of thousands and take a deep breath and just stand there in silence. And for a few seconds, nothing would happen. There would be no words, no movement, just presence. But in those seconds, the audience shifted. People leaned in the air, became electric with anticipation. What was she going to say? And then Maya Angelou would begin to speak, softly, deliberately with words that carried more weight than any shouting ever could.

She understood something that most people miss. Power isn't about volume, it's about presence. And that's what we are talking about today, the secret to quiet power. And why is it that some women seem to command a room without ever raising their voice? Why do certain people without trying make others stop and listen? And more importantly, how can you cultivate this kind of power in your own life? So I want to start by talking about what is the essence of quiet power? Because most people assume that power looks like domination. It's loud voices, it's big personalities, it's taking up space, making sure everyone knows who's in charge. And while that's one kind of power, it's not the only kind. And I'm going to challenge us to consider that it's not even the most effective kind because I've been around these people, and a lot of their power comes from insecurity.

It's that part of them that says, I have to dominate others in order to be powerful, I have to win in order to be powerful. And it really makes us question, what is true power? What does it mean to be truly powerful? And the most powerful people I know, they want other people to feel powerful. They don't want to dominate to the point of making people feel lesser than them. Truly powerful people are so secure in themselves that they love and enjoy supporting and helping other people rise into their own power. And also truly powerful people don't allow other people to overpower them, but it doesn't mean that they have to get into a fighting match. It doesn't mean that they have to be aggressive and dominant. Now, there are rare cases where that might be true, where someone has just overstepped a boundary to the point that you have to get into another level of power in order to protect yourself. But I'm just talking about the power trips that people are playing every day. There is a power and quietness. There is a power to taking a step back and listening. There is a power to knowing who you are.

So let's talk about the essence of quiet power. It's not about being the loudest, it's about being the most certain. And in my case, many times it's just being the most certain in myself and my vision. Even when everyone around you is trying to put doubts into your mind and they're trying to tell you that things aren't going to work and their ideas are better, you can just sit there knowing that you know you. You can just sit there knowing that you have certainty in who you are and what you're capable of. You don't need to express it, you don't need to tell anyone about it, you just get to know there is power in that. Also, quiet power isn't about proving your worth, it's about knowing your worth. People that feel like they have to prove their worth, it's coming from insecurity. Their feeling of worthiness comes from outside of them, so they're always trying to prove it to other people. Versus when you know your worth, you don't have anything to prove. And finally, to me, quiet power isn't about demanding respect, it's about commanding it without force.

So what does that even look like? Well, to me, it looks like the woman who walks into her room and her presence is immediately noticed. And it's not because she's the loudest, but it's because she carries herself with a sense of certainty. To me, it's the leader in a meeting who speaks calmly, makes eye contact and waits for silence before she begins, rather than taking over and trying to get other people's attention. It's the woman who sets boundaries with grace, not aggression. She doesn't say things like, "You need to respect me." Instead, she simply expects it. And her actions reinforce that expectation. If someone disrespects her, she doesn't argue or over explain. She just removes herself and enforces her boundary with quiet certainty. It's the way she holds herself, her energy, her presence. She doesn't fidget. She doesn't apologize for taking up space. She moves through the world with this confidence that she belongs and because she believes it, so does everyone else. This is commanding respect without force, no shouting, no over-explaining, no proving, just an unshakable presence that makes people take notice.

I think about moments in my life where I have really felt this quiet power. And one of them was actually many, many years ago I was in a mastermind. I was so new to the business world, I was so new to entrepreneurship. I was so new to masterminding that I honestly didn't know what I was getting myself into. And what this mastermind entailed was actually a lot of deep personal work. I thought it was going to be more about business, but it ended up being a lot of psychology and overcoming limiting beliefs. But I do believe looking back, because I went into it without expectations, I went into it with such an open mind. I was so present and just so unapologetically me that I noticed that the people in the room were responding to that. Now, keep in mind, I wasn't the smartest. I wasn't the most successful. I wasn't the most over the top. I was actually very quiet. But there were certain exercises that we had to do, and I was just so enjoying learning more about myself and being in my power that I ended up influencing that group in ways that still shock me to this day.

I mean, one of the exercises that they had us do was we had to stand up and give a two-minute presentation. And at the end of everybody giving the presentation, if someone wanted you on their team, they would stand up for you. And there were probably about 50 of us in the room. And I remember just getting up and speaking from my heart of why I was there, my experience as a nurse and just not having any need for them to like me, not having any need to perform. I just shared from my heart, I was so present. And when the time came for people to stand up for me, almost every single one in that room stood up saying, I want you on my team. And I think back to that day, and that was a day that I was in that quiet power. I wasn't trying to dominate anyone. I wasn't trying to again get anyone to like me. I wasn't trying to get accolades. I was just present and really enjoying the moment. And looking back, I can now see it was people responding to that energy.

Now, anytime in my life I have tried to be that dominant, very masculine person, it's backfired on me because it was me acting out of character. It was me acting out of alignment. The way I move through the world, the way I am, the way my soul is, there are ways of me being that aren't part of my soul that I'm learning to work through, understand and expand my own self-image, but when I think about the core of me, like who I really am, I am that quiet power. I have no interest in dominating you. I have no interest in beating you. I have no interest in that. I want us all to win together. I want us all to rise together. I want us all to enjoy our lives together. And so anytime I have ever gotten into that more hierarchy of power, I guess you could call it, it just has felt inauthentic to me. It's not who I truly am.

Now, I do believe in life, and I've talked about this many times on the podcast, that you have to experience the contrast to figure out who you really are. You have to go out there and try things. You have to go out there and try to be dominant to realize, this isn't the way I move through the world. This doesn't feel like the truest to me. And yet I do again, understand the pressure, especially if you are a woman working in a man's world. If you are the only woman on the team, if you are in a male dominated industry, there is that pressure to be a way that doesn't feel true to you.

To give you an example of quiet power, I want you to imagine a high stakes boardroom. And there is this heated debate unfolding and you can hear the voices rising. Egos are clashing, opinions are being thrown around like darts. And amidst the chaos, there's this one woman who sits calmly at the table. She listens. Her expression is unreadable. She doesn't rush to speak, she doesn't fight for attention. She's not even uncomfortable. And then in a moment of silence, she leans forward and she says one sentence. And the entire energy of the room shifts. People turn towards her and they listen intently. The debate quietens, decisions are made and the meeting just moves forward with clarity. That my friend is the essence of quiet power. It's not about raising your voice to be heard, it's not about trying to overpower people, it's not about demanding attention, it's about you owning your presence. It's not the loudest in the room, but the most centered. Not the most demanding, but the one who just naturally receives respect.

So in preparing for this episode, I've been thinking a lot about what are the traits of the woman who possesses that quiet power? And it calls me to go back in history and think about the women who were able to create revolutions, but do it from a place of presence and not so much force. And the first person that came to mind was Rosa Parks. If you think about it, her quiet defiance sparked a revolution. She didn't need to raise her voice to create change. She didn't need to be aggressive to be powerful. Her strength lay in her unshakable presence, her certainty and her quiet refusal to be moved. Literally and figuratively. She simply said one word, "No." And to me that is the essence of quiet power, the ability to command respect, to stand firm and to influence without force.

And so what are the traits of the woman who possesses quiet power? And the first thing that comes to mind is that she knows who she is. She walks into a room, and because she has such great self-knowledge, she doesn't have to perform. She doesn't have to act a certain way. She doesn't have to get people to like her because she is very solid in who she is. And then the second thing that comes to mind is that she has self-trust. She doesn't second guess herself. She doesn't look for constant validation. She knows that she has her own back. She knows that she will do what she says she will do.

And because of that, when you trust someone, think about it, when you trust someone, you can relax around them. You know that they've got you. You know that they are who they say they are, that they're going to do what they say they're going to do. And so when I think about when we have a trusting relationship with ourselves, we can relax more in life because we know we've got us. And that is one of the traits that I have noticed with the women who possess quiet power. The other thing that I've noticed is that they have a level of emotional mastery. They don't get rattled easily. They might feel emotions deeply, but they don't react to their emotions. This is one of the key things that I look for in leaders. Who are you when your emotions are heightened? Who are you when you are experiencing a lot of overwhelm, a lot of pressure, a lot of stress? How do you react to that? Because quiet power has this ability to feel those emotions, to understand them, to process them, and then to respond with intention, not reaction.

The other trait that women with quiet power possess is magnetic presence. Have you ever met someone that doesn't talk that much, but when they do, everyone listens? That's quiet power. It's not about being reserved. I think there's a difference in not speaking up because you are self-conscious or you are worried about what people will think. And there's also the difference in speaking up a lot because you are trying to impress and you're trying to prove something. But the woman who has quiet power, she just has the ability to sit amongst those that are talking and not feel like she needs to say anything unless it needs to be said. Unless she is ready to speak about something that feels necessary to her. And she's very intentional with this. And there's something magnetic about a woman who's in that energy that's just so in who she is, who's so present, who has nothing to prove and everything to give that is magnetic.

And that is one of the qualities that I've seen of those women who have quiet power. The other trait that I have noticed is that she has unshakable boundaries. This woman does not need to over explain herself. She's very clear on what is a no in her world, and she puts up what I call a red velvet rope. And if you step over that rope with a behavior that is unacceptable to her, she will call you out and she'll most likely do it with a lot of kindness. She doesn't get dramatic about her boundaries, but she's unapologetic with them.

And the other thing when it comes to boundaries is that she doesn't apologize for existing. She doesn't apologize for what her needs are. And the reason is that she doesn't need people to like her. Because when you really know who you are and you like who you are, and you have that level of self-trust, and you have that level of emotional mastery, and when you're just going through the world being committed to your values and your goals, there's something about that that you can release the need for people to like you. And that allows you to set those boundaries knowing that some people will be upset, and that's okay. She doesn't try to control their behaviors. She doesn't try to control their reactions. She simply knows when a no is a no, and she will let you know.

And then the final thing that a woman with quiet power possesses is the ability to have grace under pressure. Whether it's a high stakes meeting, a personal conflict or an unexpected challenge, she doesn't crumble. She holds herself together. And I want you to think about this. One of the things that I noticed when I was working as a critical care nurse is that when we were in crisis mode, when we had a code blue and we were having to resuscitate someone, it was that calm, stable energy in the room that we needed the most. And I noticed that even when I was first starting nursing and I was first starting in critical care and I was still getting my footing in this whole new world, I craved being around those people who had a sense of stability in the chaos. Those were the people that I loved working with. I knew they were the people I was going to learn from the most. They were going to teach that skill. And so by being around them, watching how they responded, watching how they were thinking about things, it taught me a very important skill, the ability to maintain grace under pressure.

And it's one of the things that I actually pride myself on today. There are many things that I am currently working on in my life, but this one is one that I have excelled in. The ability, when there's so much chaos, when the world seems to be burning, for me to find my center and my grounding and the certainty in who I am. Now, for any of y'all listening, thinking, "Well, that must be nice." I just want to say this. This is not who I've always been. I remember, especially in my 20s, falling apart at the least little thing, not knowing how to manage my emotional life, not really knowing who I was, being afraid of the future and just collapsing under pressure. This is a skill that I learned. And quite honestly, I cannot imagine living this life without the tools that I teach.

I can't imagine, especially in this day and age when there's so much coming at us, there's so much drama, there's so much division, there's so much hatred in the world. There's just so much negativity that is always presenting itself. And then you add on top of that things not going the way you expected, things not working out, things sort of falling apart. This is a skill that I feel like every woman should learn because without the skill, I'm going to tell you, life is going to be a lot harder.

And it's so interesting to me that this is the one thing that women will put on the back burner. They'll be like, "I can't do this right now. I don't have the time." I'm like, I can't imagine not having the time for this because it ends up costing you so much time. If you think about the energy that you spend worrying, obsessing, fearing, living in anxiety and how that slows you down. It's like wearing a heavy weighted vest through life. But when you learn these skills, you can begin to lighten your load. And when you lighten your load, you can begin to move through the world with that quiet power. That power that is certain and who you are. That power that allows you literally to move mountains without a lot of force and a lot of effort. It's that kind of power that makes you unshakable when the world's trying to shake you to bits.

So anytime I'm thinking about these types of concepts, it really does come back to self-image. How do you need to see yourself in order to possess this quiet power? Because however we imagine ourselves to be, so it is, right? However, we see ourselves determines how we think, how we feel, how we show up in the world. And what often happens is we're waiting for the world to be different in order for us to be different. But that's not how this works.

And so when I think about quiet power, it's a woman who sees herself as a woman of value. She doesn't seek permission to be respected, adored, or successful, she simply assumes it. She walks into a room with the inner belief of, I belong here. I am enough exactly as I am. I don't chase whether it's people, opportunities or approval. I attract. Now, I want you to imagine that type of woman walking into a room and just notice what you see. She is the kind of woman that draws the opportunities that are right for her to her because she believes in her own value, and so others naturally do too. You show up in a certain way and you tell people what to think of you.

The other thing is she identifies as a calm, grounded, and unshakable woman. She literally sees herself as a woman who moves through life with grace, not force. She doesn't need to prove herself. Her energy speaks before she does. She doesn't need to react to everything, she chooses her battles wisely. She doesn't let other people's chaos shake her. Her peace is her power. Her identity is centered in composure. And if you see yourself that way, whenever life is coming at you, you'll respond differently versus seeing yourself as a mess or someone who's out of control. And that's often what we do. We look at what has been and we tell ourselves, well, this is who I have been, so I just keep perpetuating what has been versus knowing that in any moment you get to re-decide. You get to decide right now, I am a composed woman. And then you get to practice out that decision.

She also dresses and moves with intentionality. Her style and her presence reflect her self-image. She chooses clothing that aligns with her essence, not to impress other people, but to express who she is. She moves with poise and deliberation. She's not rushed and fidgeting and nervous energy. She just is intentional in how she moves through the world. She also speaks with precision and purpose. She doesn't waste words, but when she speaks, people listen. And then she also sees herself as a woman sets the standard. She does not wait for people to respect her, to value her, or to treat her well, she sets the tone by how she carries herself. So if she's not treated with respect, guess what? She removes herself. If a situation isn't aligned with her standards, she doesn't justify, she just simply chooses better. If she encounters resistance or doubt, she doesn't argue, she lets her actions speak. She sees herself as the kind of woman who inspires without effort, not by pushing, but by embodying. So how do you step into this kind of self-image?

Well, I want you to think about this question. How would you dress, walk, and speak if you fully believed in your power? And then I want you to think about how you respond in conversations if you trusted that your presence alone was enough? That's such a good one. So things are heated and you're just sitting there being present. How would you respond. If you didn't need to win an argument? If you didn't need to over explain. If you didn't need to justify, maybe you wouldn't say much at all, or maybe what would come out of that would be your truth. And then what would you stop doing if you truly saw yourself as magnetic, powerful and unshakable? Spend some time with those questions. See what comes from it. And then the work is to embody that energy to practice the energy of quiet power. Because at the end of the day, quiet power is about certainty. It's about presence and it's energy. It's about knowing who you are and never feeling the need to prove it. And here's the best part, you don't have to be born with it. You can cultivate it. It is a skill that you can learn every day with small shifts in your words in your mindset in your energy, you can start to embody the kind of woman who holds her own.

So here's my challenge for you this week. I want you to practice your quiet power, and here's some little things that you can do to step into it. Number one, practice speaking less, but saying more through your energy. And the way to do that is through being present by noticing how you're carrying yourself and the energy that comes from you just knowing wherever you are in that moment, you belong there.

Also, take a pause before responding. We've become so uncomfortable with silence, but silence is a beautiful space for things to settle, for people to ponder, for people just to be without having to fill space with unnecessary jargon. And so it's okay to pause. It's even okay to say, "You know what? I need to think about that before I respond." That's okay. Also, practice holding your space without shrinking or over-explaining. When you walk into a room, you walk in like you own that place. Take up space. Don't shrink for other people's comfort. And then also, you don't have to over-explain yourself. You don't have to apologize for everything. When an apology is warranted, yes, but 99% of the time we are apologizing for things that we don't even have fault in. It's just a habit that we have cultivated.

Finally, this is an important one, you all. A woman with quiet power doesn't waste time talking about what she's going to do. She just does it. She doesn't seek permission. She doesn't over-explain. She doesn't wait for the perfect moment. She simply takes action. You won't hear her say, "I'm working on it," because she's already in motion. She won't argue about what's possible. She'll just go out and prove it. She doesn't try to convince others of her worth, she lets her results speak for themselves. So while others are still talking and planning and doubting, she's already making things happen. Because at the end of the day, quiet power isn't just about how you carry yourself, it's about what you do. And the most powerful women, they don't announce the moves that they're making, they just move. And then see what happens. And when you do, you'll start to notice something. People will listen, not because you demanded it, because your presence is undeniable.

And that my friend is the power of a woman who holds her own. So until next time, stay powerful. Have a beautiful week, my friends and I will see you on the next episode. Cheers.