You are just one decision away from living a life of deep satisfaction and wellbeing. What is that decision you may wonder. Well, I call it the worthy decision, and it's what we're talking about in today's episode. So let's dive in.
Welcome to the School of Self-Image, where personal development meets style. Here's your hostess, master life coach, Tonya Leigh.
Hello, my beautiful friends. How are you feeling? I am literally on top of the world. I'm on the 27th floor of a hotel in New York City overlooking the Hudson River. And I've been working for the past few days, and it's been lovely because it's been raining here, and whenever it's raining outside, I don't feel as bad that I'm not out. So working on a lot of really great projects and doing a lot of fun stuff within the membership, and just feeling very, very blessed. When I checked into this hotel a few days ago, I had a moment of thinking about how I ended up here, and it was really a decision of seeing myself as worthy.
What does it mean to be worthy? It means having value. And the reality is every single human has value, and we all have different value that we bring to the world. Some people bring humor, some people bring delicious food, some people bring an design aesthetic, some people bring care, some people bring art. There's so many ways that we bring value to the world, but in order to bring value to the world, we have to recognize that we have value within ourselves. And one of the big things that I coach a lot of women around is being worthy, seeing their worth. And it really comes down to a decision. It's not something that you have to earn. It's not something that you have to prove. It simply comes down to deciding that you are, you are worthy, and with that decision, what comes from it is the value that you are here to offer the world.
Years ago when I first started my business, I was struggling with feeling worthy. I was struggling with feeling like an imposter, like a fraud. And at the time, there was a particular woman in my industry who was just killing it. She was doing so well. She was putting herself out there, she was filling events and selling her programs, and I was in awe of her. And I thought that she had something that I didn't have, and I needed to figure out what that was so that I could have it. But what I discovered after peeling back all of the layers and really looking at the truth is the only thing that she had that I didn't, was she had the decision that she was worthy to put herself out there, and to be open to receiving what the world had to offer her. That was the only difference between me and her.
And right now, I can tell you, when you look around and you're admiring people, the only difference between them and you is that they have decided that they're worthy enough to go out there, and put themselves out there, and to be open to what the universe has for them. That is the only difference. When you see yourself as worthy, when you see yourself as having nothing to prove and everything to give, that's when magic happens. So let me tell you what happens when you make what I call the worthy decision. When you just decide one day... And listen, you get to decide whatever you want to decide, and you get to believe whatever you want to believe, why would you not believe that you are worthy? There is no upside to believing that you're not, ever.
So when you make that worthy decision, here's what you're going to notice happens. First of all, your generosity changes. And what I mean by that, so often we give out of a sense of not being worthy. I'm going to let you all sit with that one for a minute. Many times we are giving because we don't feel worthy. So we think that in that giving, we will somehow prove to other people, "See, I'm a good person. I gave you something. I'm worthy now." You give to get when you feel unworthy. I'm going to give you something so I can get your validation, your approval, your praise, so that then I can feel worthy. If you had nothing to prove, what would you want to give? That's a really great question.
The other thing that you're going to notice happens when you make that worthy decision is that your spending changes. How many of us have bought things because we didn't feel worthy and we thought that that thing was going to provide some kind of validation, it was going to put us in a worthy group, we were going to be seen a certain way? One of the things that I've personally noticed as I have worked on this myself and I feel worthy, and I'm feeling abundant, is that I want to buy less of the things that I used to want to buy. Because I realized I was buying them to try to impress other people, but all that did was feed my story that I wasn't worthy. It backfired. It didn't help me prove my worth because I understood why I was doing it.
Now occasionally I may buy a designer purse, but if I really love it. But I thought if I ever got to where I am today that I'd be buying all the designer things and flaunting it around, because the truth was I was very insecure and I didn't feel worthy. But the opposite has happened. Just the other day I rocked this Zara dress. I was so proud of this dress and how little I paid for it. And I'm not really into fast fashion, but every once in a while I'll find a piece that I'm like, "Oh my God, this is really a great piece." And I loved that I didn't pay that much for it. Did it make me less worthy? No. Did it make me more worthy? No. Things can't make you worthy or make you less worthy. However, when you bring things into your life from a place of unworthiness, all that does is feed the story that you're not worthy. So when you make the worthy decision, your spending habits will change, and I'm going to bet that they're going to change to benefit you, to help you grow your wealth.
Worth equals wealth. Meaning when you see yourself as worthy, first of all, you're going to put yourself out there more. You're going to go after things. You're not going to be so afraid of being rejected, because you know deep down that no matter what happens, you are worthy, you have value. And just by the nature of showing up in the world in that kind of powerful way, you are going to be more likely to create value and to grow wealth. But the other thing is that you're going to notice that how you spend your money changes, because a lot of the things that we purchase, and that we pay for, is because we're trying to prove our worth. We're trying to impress other people. Listen, and there is no shame in this, but right now, think about what are the things that you have bought recently that if you felt a hundred percent worthy, maybe you wouldn't buy.
So an example from my own life. I'm going to call myself out. I'm here in New York and we were going to this really fancy dinner last night, and I called an Uber, and I was looking at the options of the different types of cars. And there was a big price difference, significant. One was $30, and then the other one was $60. And for a moment I was like, "Let me get the black car." Now listen, there is nothing wrong with getting the black car. And for some people, they love the comfort, they love the big feeling of the big SUV. As long as you like your reason, go for it. And there have been times where I have chosen the black car, because I had a bunch of people with me and it just made sense.
But last night, I was tempted to get the black car, because I was imagining pulling up at this fancy-schmancy restaurant, and then I caught myself. I was like, "Really? I'm going to get the comfort, that's like $30, and I'm going to take that money, and I'm going to move it into my investment account." Which is one of my little hacks. Whenever I make a decision and that decision is creating a surplus of money, I immediately put that money into an investment account. So for me, it's like, "Okay, I can either pay an extra $30 to pull up in a black Uber, or I can just put that $30 in my account that's growing at a pretty decent interest rate right now." Doing that, it feels good, because I know I'm growing my wealth, and I'm growing it as a result of making a worthy decision.
Now, this is an interesting conversation, because sometimes you don't take the black Uber because you don't think you're worthy. So as you can see, this isn't about the act itself. It's not about the spending and what you're buying or not buying. It's about the energy behind that decision. It's about why you are doing what you're doing or not doing. Because there are some people, I would be like, "Listen, you go and order yourself that black Uber. You're worthy enough to ride in that beautiful car and to pull up in style." But for me, that wasn't the decision for me in that moment. Now, there will be moments where I decide to get the black Uber. See, you have to know thyself, and you have to understand why you're doing what you're doing, because that will reveal what is driving your decisions.
The other thing the worthy decision will impact, the worthy decision being deciding that you are worthy, is your relationships. So many of you are in relationships because you don't feel worthy. You are tolerating, you are people pleasing, you are being a doormat to other people because on some level you don't think you deserve better. And I'm telling you all, you are one decision away from changing that. When you see yourself as worthy, you stop the people pleasing, you allow people to be upset with you. You put up boundaries because you know that you are worth protecting, that the value you have is worth protecting, and so your relationships will change. There will be people that exit your life, but then there will be people who enter, who see themselves as worthy, and so they love to hang out with other people who feel worthy, because we always attract who we are.
The last thing that I have noticed changes when you make the worthy decision is what you want. So many of you are wanting things, because you think you're unworthy. Your wants and your desires are you trying to prove yourself, or you not believing you can have what you want and so you settle for less than what you want. One of the questions that I love to ask is, if you were a hundred percent worthy, and guess what, you are, and you had nothing to prove, what would you want? If you were a hundred percent worthy and you had nothing to prove what would you want? Pay attention to what lights you up. Pay attention to what you're curious about. Pay attention to your body and how you react to certain people, and certain places, and things that you see, because your body is always trying to lead you towards your North Star.
And oftentimes in our desire to feel worthy, and to get validation from others, and to prove ourselves, we end up going down paths that we never really wanted to go down. We end up wanting the wrong things, and so we get them, and we wonder why we're so unfulfilled. When you begin to get honest about what you really, really want, and then you're willing to go all in on whatever it takes to create that, that's how you build your self-worth. That's how you begin to really see yourself as the worthy human being that you are. And so I want to encourage everybody listening to make the worthy decision. The only difference between you and maybe someone else that you admire is they made this decision, and it's available to you as well.
What if today you decided, "I am worthy no matter what"? How would your life be different? How would you walk through the world differently? How would you dress? Where would you go? Who would you hang out with? How would you speak to yourself? How would you treat yourself? How would you spend your money? What would you want? Have a beautiful week, my friends. I'll talk to you in the next episode. Cheers.
Hey, have you grabbed your free copy of the School of Self-Image Manifesto? If not, what in the world? Head over to schoolofselfimage.com/manifesto and get a copy that teaches you how to think and show up in the areas of mindset, style, and surroundings, so that you can transform your self-image.